August 21, 2019

my Scarlet O'Hara twist on things and what is left behind

When asked how I handled dropping Ed off at college, I told my friend that I am focused on what happens next and keeping busy with the daily tasks that lie in wait for me.  Tuesday is orientation for Reg and Curly at junior high complete with laptop pickup, supply drop off, and school pictures.  We will have 3 tots that I babysit for in tow.  

Translation:  I am pulling a Scarlet O’Hara here.  Not familiar with her coping mechanisms?  ‘I will think about that tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day.’  Call it avoidance, if you will.  That is how I am dealing at the moment.  Maybe I will fall apart later. 

Back when Lad first went away to school, it was an adjustment.  He had been pushing the envelope and testing us on the regular in high school though.  College was a welcome change.  

Lad turned 21 this summer.  Lad:  'Treat me like I am 21!'  Coach and I:  'Act like you are 21.'  Nuff said?    Already since he flew back to New York Monday, we have had multiple phone conversations and there were no doors slammed or harsh words exchanged in the process.  21 year olds should not live at home.  

I know Ed will come home for visits, but I also know that it will never be the same.  He will only be a visitor not someone living under our roof.  He will be focused on seeing friends.  To prepare us, he was singly focused on his social life all summer.  ‘So and so leaves tomorrow.  We are all going over there tonight.’  Me:  'You will see these peeps again and you HAVE been seeing them all summer.'  He was hardly home -always racing off to caddy, to workout, or to see friends.  Meanwhile I whiled away the hours leading up to the day he would leave for college by ordering things on Amazon or interrupting school supply shopping with Curly to grab toiletries for him at Target.
And I am left with this . . .
Tank's sense of humor.
  He sent this text as I drove
home.  Ed does
 not cook and he is not one
 with nature, so
 I was like, 'huh?'  then the
followup text came. 
Wonder if I should start bracing
 myself now for
 the absence of Tank's sense of
humor when he
goes away in 2 years.  

Lad may have left a trail around the house and we would wake up unsure of where he slept the night before:  the basement couch, Coach's family room recliner, his own bed, or maybe he never came home, but I will miss his sense of humor and the stories surrounding the encounters he had with golfers while he caddied.  

I will miss conversing with Ed, because we used to talk and joke about things like school or his sports teams or my babysitting or whatever was happening.  My concerns became his concerns and he was a good guy to have around when I was stressed about something.  

Meanwhile I am left with:  Mini, who likes to talk to me, and Curly, who has a velcro attachment to me, so I have that going for me.  Tank has a few more years to eat entire packages of things and leave his belongings EVERYWHERE before he goes away to college.  He is a one-word responder when asked about usual things like school and team practices and friends.  If Reg is not careful he is going to inhale a basketball while he is living and breathing all things basketball, and I may struggle to remove said basketball from his airway.  A switch was recently flipped from 'good-kid' to ‘teenage-kid’ in Reg and he now has an answer for most everything and a sneer for everything else, so my jaw is often clenched.  

At least the two college kids left their room in a TOTAL state of disarray so I can busy myself fixing that up as a distraction from my 'where the Hell did everyone go?' feeling, which was so thoughtful of them. 


Kari said...

Man, you and I are very similar. I actually look forward to the fumigating/deskunking/cleaning of Anna's room after she goes back. I like to think it helps with the healing process or it just helps with my OCD. So it's a win-win.

Also, I can't think about when she turns 21 yet nor can I think about her not really coming back home again. Let me live in my Scarlett O'Hara bliss......;)

Ernie said...

I have got to get in there and clean that room, but there are always more pressing things going on. I have a bridal shower on Saturday and if the sun shines even a bit on Sunday - I will be napping outside. It has been an exhausting couple of weeks and these boys going back to school is only the tip of the ice burg.

Dara @ Not In Jersey said...

Wow, college kids! I have one in high school, one in middle, and one in elementary right now.

Ernie said...

College shows up fast, but there is enough teenage nonsense and unsolicited college mail that arrives in your life leading up to college that you can kind of believe it is time. (I had one who gravitated towards more nonsense than the other - so I felt ready for one to head off and the other not so much).

Marie Smith said...

I remember the feeling when our daughter left for university every year. Mixed feelings come to mind.

Ernie said...

Mixed for sure. There were times over the summer when I was thinking: 'time to go!' and others when I thought, 'What will I do when you are not around?'

Busy Bee Suz said...

Mixed feelings. You want them to grow up and spread their wings, but you also want them to be there and need you. But, when they are away, things are much cleaner. :) Yeah, that's kind of a deal breaker girls are messy and one could be considered a slob and I'm a neat freak. So, it's nice that our house is always clean. You have a few more years before that joy hits you. In the meantime, absorb all the love and velcro you can.

Ernie said...

I am not a neat freak, but I have my standards. I cannot imagine a house that is not constantly in need of a good cleaning. And yes, I will continue to enjoy the velcro. Curly is already concerned about when she goes away to college. I assured her by then, she will be ready. I took her to a water park yesterday with her friends, because they had plans a few weeks ago that got rained out. Another girl had organized the rained out event. Curly was so disappointed that I told her if it worked, I would try to make it happen another day. It worked. She had a blast, and I lost track of how many times she thanked me and hugged me for taking a day to go hang out at the water park.

Busy Bee Suz said...

That is so darn sweet. You have some special kiddos.

Ernie said...

It helps that Curly is not yet a teen- she still likes me. Hee hee- just kidding. A few others still like me especially when I bake. :)

M.L. James said...

My daughter has moved and has been gone a few years now. Still, every once in a while she'll visit and stay the night! It's amazing how quickly I can tell my daughter's home just by the trail of jewelry, shoes, clothes, and toiletries that pop up here, there and everywhere! It used to drive me mad! Now I just put up with it for the day or (if I'm lucky) two and am proud that she still feels comfortable enough to know this is sanctuary! Mona