I'm drafting this on Friday afternoon. The weekend looks insanely busy, so getting a head start. FYI: I'm planning to start posting Monday and Thursdays vs Wednesday to give me a tad more time between posts. Will that work for you?
Reg and Curly play games at 11 ands 1:15 Saturday at opposite ends of our world. Like an hour fifteen minute trek from one to the other.
Saturday evening we have plans to take the whole gang out to dinner before three return to college.
Sunday we have tickets to see a b-ball game at Ed's college. We'll be dropping him off at the same time for (drum roll) his last college semester. I'll miss him as he is very helpful and good to me, but happily mom's weekend is mid-Feb.
We have to leave at 5:40 am to get to the game. When we bought the tickets, it didn't dawn on me that we'd be leaving SO early. As in, YEAH THAT DAY WORKS, but I didn't note the time the game started/time zone, etc. When I learned of our early depart time the other day, I suggested we stay in a hotel. Ed has a house there, so he and a few boys could bunk at his house. Lad has decided to skip it to be home with Finn (there was some family drama this week, getting to that in a bit, but that cropped up after Lad decided he didn't want to go to the game). If we got a hotel, we'd only need one room.
Coach (on the possible hotel): NO. YOU ONLY HAVE TO GET UP LIKE AN HOUR EALIER THAN NORMAL. SHOWER THE NIGHT BEFORE.
Me: HAVE YOU MET MY HAIR?
First off, I've been sleeping till almost 7 lately, gloriously. Secondly, I cannot wake up and walk out the door (we can't all be Mini), so waking up an hour early isn't really accurate. My hair requires attention, or a hat and I'm not really interested in wearing a hat all day. I'm also not interested in driving almost 8 hours round trip in one day, obviously.
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I know what you're thinking - this is downsizing what you normally do? |
PASTA: Thursday night I hosted both the boy and girl varsity basketball teams for a pasta party. This was the 3rd and final party that I've hosted in as many weeks - including two Christmas family parties back in Dec. I'm a social person. I love to host. I enjoy preparing food for an army, but I am HAPPY TO SIT DOWN AGAIN. My body ached so much after the high school kids had been served and we heard them playing nerf guns in the basement.
I refrained from making my standard 10 trays. I made 7. Maybe 7.5. Still, we had about 3 trays leftover (OK, maybe a bit more than that, but I gifted some to the mom who co-hosted with me). I've been dropping meals off at my folks' house regularly, so they got a supply. Also, Ed is happy to take a tray back to school with him.
DRAMA: When I collapsed on the couch post-pasta duties, Tank, Ed, Mini, and I started talking Ireland trip logistics - mostly Airbnb reservations. Ed and Mini are flying over to visit Tank (who is studying in Limerick) over their spring break. I bought their flights for them for Christmas.
Remember, last year I wanted to take the whole fam to see Ed in Buda and call that Christmas done? Enter covid, and we decided against it. I thought gifting Ireland tix would be great this year - a few less people to shop for.
Lad wasn't factored into the equation for a variety of reasons. He doesn't contribute to rent or food (work in progress), so he wasn't slated to get more than one or two small gifts from us. Also, he uses all of the hot water to bathe his dog on occasion and his apology is: I TOOK A COLD SHOWER, TOO.
Wait, what now? You CAUSED the hot water shortage.
Unfortunately, Lad also isn't easy to get along with. Remember when he didn't talk to Ed for a few months after Ed shared that Lad admitted to having some mental health issues? Ed was concerned, and we told Lad that his brother choosing to share that info was out of love. Lad was ticked and lashed out at Ed. Nothing new. We all put up with his nonsense and it's really unacceptable. See above: work in progress.
*My goal for 2023? To require Lad to be more accountable.
Boy oh boy, it makes me cry, because I REALLY want us to be the big happy family of my dreams. I beg the other kids to give Lad some space as he's working through things, but damaged relationships cannot be fixed or put aside to invite someone on a trip when no one is sure how he will treat the people on the trip.
Looking back, I wish we'd pulled Lad aside to give him a head's up that the Ireland trip was happening. I feel lousy about that, but between covid and hosting and everything - I fell into the mode where I check something off of my list and then move on to the next thing. We didn't make a big show of giving a few kids flights to Ireland.
When Reg pointed out that Ed didn't have many gifts on Christmas, Ed reminded him that it was because he was going to Ireland. Lad looked at me and asked if he was going to Ireland. I told him he could do whatever he wanted, since he has a job.
While we discussed the Airbnb situation Thursday night, Lad got upset, saying that he feels excluded, and that how could I not have been more sensitive to the exclusion thing given my family history.
Me: IT MUST HURT AND I'M SORRY. I WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT. (understatement) YOU ALSO SPENT MONTHS NOT TALKING TO YOUR BROTHER. YOU CAN GO TO IRELAND. YOU WORK. (we were watching college b-ball) BUT YOU ARE ALSO SITTING HERE INTENTIONALLY ROOTING AGAINST ED'S TEAM, AND YOU DO THAT TO EVERYONE WHO HAS A COLLEGE TEAM - YOU CHOOSE ASS-HOLE-ISH BEHAVIOR AND THEN YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE INVITED TO TRAVEL WITH THEM. (totally different situation than what I deal with with my siblings. I do not choose ass-hole-ish behavior, in case that wasn't clear).
After Lad stormed off, I told Coach that I wished he'd have spoken up and said something. Lad tends to get in my face about things and Coach is usually not home. Then Coach has time to gather his thoughts and say all the right things. Even Coach admitted that I handled it well. Still, hop in and use your voice ANY DANG TIME.
We both feel awful, because we can put ourselves in his shoes and we hate that he feels left out. Truly, awful. At the same time, he refuses to own his behavior and we can't skip doing things and travelling just because it might be hard for him to accept when he isn't included. The next morning I pointed out to him that while he admitted to needing to talk to someone for over a year, he chose not to. That directly impacts his relationships.
A long post to say, this sucks.
*update: Coach talked to Lad Friday night while I was at Reg's away game and they went to Curly's home game. Coach got through to him with a little: hey when I sense people are upset with me, I stop and take a look at how I've been acting.
I am grateful that at least he listens to one of us.
*****
It's Sat. night, just got back from our family dinner (that Lad said he wouldn't attend, but then came around. Grateful for that). More on the dinner later, because I have strong feeling about the dinner. It's way past my 'getting up at 5 am' bedtime. I still have so many Christmas stories to share. Some humorous doozies, unlike this here post of suckiness.
Are you a thrown-on-a-hat type, if you are attending an event? Can I get an amen on the hotel stay vs the early rising? (OK, Nicole - we know YOU could get up early. hee hee). Do you feel like some pasta now?
*we found out at dinner that Curly didn't know we were road tripping tomorrow. I feel like we almost had our own mini version of Home Alone.
Me to Curly: MAYBE COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM ONCE IN A WHILE.