March 4, 2019

TOP 10 things that make me go 'Hmm' at the health club

There are things one should avoid in a health club.  I decided to list some of the things I find offensive, especially after the latest club member started attending one of my favorite classes and leaving the rest of us disgusted (I saved this biggest offense for last, see #10)!

1.  Air quality:  If you opt to ingest large amounts of garlic . . . I suggest you don't sweat it out on a tread mill next to another exerciser.  Sending heavy duty garlic aroma into the air is bothersome.

2.  Locker room:  I know it is acceptable to be naked in the locker room.  If you like to lounge around in your birthday suit, remember not everyone wants to see you in all of your glory while you apply your makeup.  Some tasks are better handled WHILE CLOTHED.  Try to avoid leaning over the counter and letting it all hang out while you dry your hair.  Whether or not you are comfortable in your own skin, or if you have extra skin, or if you are a perfect 10 - consider that not everyone wants to see your tattoos, your choice in thong underwear, your piercings, your artistic bikini wax - get dressed in a timely manner, for the love of God!

3.  Sounds:  I once had an instructor who used to openly mock this woman, who always perched front and center during class.  I loved that he mocked her, but I was always puzzled as to why she did not choose to curb her sound issues once he had outed her.  I wanted to scream, 'he's laughing at you - not with you.'.  She was a shush-er.  She let out loud shushing sounds while we worked out.  Like LOUD!  This was a cardio class, not a yoga class.  Weird.

4.  Phone:  This goes back to treadmill use, but can really be applied to any equipment or the locker room.  Keep your phone conversations to yourself - save it for the drive home.  No one wants to hear your inside scoop or drama while working out.

5.  Excess sweat:  In the classes that I attend, we occasionally do stations.  If you tend to sweat in overdrive, wipe your sweat off the mat before you rotate to the next station, or better yet - carry a towel to each station.  Basic manners.

6.  Equipment hog:  In some of my classes, we grab a mat and a few sets of weights or bands, etc.  The crowded classes get, well -  crowded.  Don't be a weight hog.  There are people who grab 3 or 4 sets of weights, when a light and a heavy set are all that are required.  Other people show up to the class a few minutes later and there are insufficient weights to choose from.  I have learned to be early to these crowded classes, but it still bugs me to see people grab stuff that they aren't going to need.

7.  Attire:  There is a young woman - and I emphasize YOUNG - who attends some of my classes.  She prefers to dress scantily while working out.  She has a very large chest, and she's not afraid to practically fall out of her clothes while bouncing around.  There are plenty of woman in my class who are my age who have hardly any body fat.  They could bare their six-pack abs if they wore cut off shirts, but they don't.  Because, why would they???  She sometimes bypasses the shirt and exercises in her sports bra.

8.  Gimmicks:  My health club now offers heart monitors.  Members can wear them and check out their heart rates on a huge TV where the heart rates are posted.  They pay a hefty fee for this.  I don't get it.  I know when my heart rate is going up without the aid of a monitor.  If I am working out hard, I sweat.  I huff and puff.  I know when a class is kicking my butt.  It doesn't bother me that these people find this tool helpful.  Really.  I feel a little like the scene in Bridesmaids when the main character is hiding behind a tree to watch a workout class that she didn't pay for, so she can imitate the moves on her own.  I may not be paying for a heart rate monitor, but if I am doing the same exercises as those wearing the monitor I can figure out that I am raising my heart rate too!

I know, it is a little blurry. 
I tend to give myself some

 distance when snapping
 a photo of a guy's crotch. 
9.  Track awareness:  I run on the track- sometimes 45 laps.  In that time people sometimes cross the track and are completely oblivious to the runners.  They block my path as they look at the heart monitors, or converse, etc.  Be aware people!  I do not run at a high speed, so usually they have time to get out of my way by the time they realize it.

Also blurry.  Your'e welcome. 
This week most
 of the regulars in this
class let out a little
 moan when he showed up
 dressed like this AGAIN!
 Like look around you - NO ONE
10.  You are wearing underwear!:  This infraction is the true inspiration for this list.  A new guy just started attending my Tuesday morning class wearing those underwear legging things that basketball players wear UNDER their uniform shorts.  He participates (jumping rope, doing lunges) with said pants - leaving his private area on full display.  There is stitching around the pee pee pouch that outlines his family jewels.  He is confused to think that this is outerwear.  It is downright offensive.  This morning, I pretended to be on my phone so that I could take a few photos of Mr. Pee Pee Pouch.  I think it is the club's responsibility to tell this guy that he needs to wear a pair of shorts!  But, since I am not shy . .  if they don't I might


Beth (A Moms Life) said...

He must be very proud of his package!!! I would hate to have to look (or pretend I'm not) at that all through a class. Also, the naked in the locker room would annoy me the most I think. I don't want to see anyone naked. No one! I would have to keep my head down and get the heck out of there.

Ernie said...

It never ceases to amaze me how clueless people are - in and out of the health club! I am really hoping that someone tells him to put some shorts on SOON!