things I've chewed: Finnegan's diary

This one really hurt.

Before Christmas, Reg rolled out his muscle near his knee using my grandmother's antique wooden rolling pin. We now own a Styrofoam roll for rolling of muscles. Hello, your father is a PT - request equipment please and leave my grandmother's rolling pin in the cabinet. 

The rolling pin is was something I treasure. Reg should've put it away, but he left it on the family room floor. Lad was keeping very strange hours at the time, so he fell asleep on the couch after we all went to bed. Finn was not allowed in the family room, but Lad regularly let him off of his leash when we weren't around. Poor Finn was so confused by the inconsistent rules. Lad fell asleep on the couch in the wee hours of the night, Finn chewed up the rolling pin. Grandma had taken SUCH good care of it. I still kept it in the cloth holder that she used. 

With the once-pristine holder.

When it was time to make Christmas cookies, I couldn't find the rolling pin. I remembered seeing it somewhere strange. It was sticking out of Lad's mudroom locker. I grabbed the handle, pulled it out, and doubled over  when I saw that half of it was chewed up.

This teether - gnawed on by
a different set of teeth.

Lad had tucked it in his locker and pretended nothing happened. When confronted, he said he intended to just get some wood putty or sand it down or something. Sure. That'll work. Anyone want some uneven Christmas cookies? Or can I perhaps interest you in a pastry with dog teeth markings baked right in?

I'm down a lego horse.

In April, Finn wanted something on the kitchen table, so he jumped up and pawed at it while no one was home. He was on his leash tied to the back door, but he could reach one corner of the table. I had my kitchen table custom made in '17. He scratched the shit out of it. I'm sure the top can be resealed or something - still I DON'T OWN A DOG.

There are countless items that Finnegan has damaged. Poor Miss Piggy. I kick myself for this one. I made Curly clean out her closet. That darling Muppet with a crush on Kermit was on her closet floor. 

Curly danced in Orlando back when she was around 8. Our pastor gave the four youngest kids, who I was taking with me to the competition, money to spend on a souvenir. Curly picked Piggy. She was old enough to take good care of it. When she cleaned her closet, I told her to put it in the basement in a big bin of stuffed toys. If only I'd have left her on the closet floor. 

All dressed up and no where
to go (looking like a disaster).

Lad often slept in the basement - on the couch, with Finn sleeping in his cage, kennel? See, I don't even know dog lingo. But we figured out that Lad often let Finn wander freely while he was watching TV or snoozing. I stumbled upon poor mauled Miss Piggy. Her hair torn, her eyes misaligned. It was not pretty. 

Unrelated, but where
 there is Piggy,
 Kermit should not
 be far behind. 

Reg's shoe. Countless toys from my daycare. Finnegan chewed all the vegetables and flowers that go to my garden. They don't make that anymore and I wanted to save it for my grandkids. I managed to find a slightly used one online and had Lad go buy it for me.  Now I have that one tucked away in the corner of my bedroom, as one does. The wooden frame of our French sliding glass door. The list goes on and on. 

Plastic vegetables - what
 every dog's diet needs. 

Lad brought Finn here the night of Lad's bday. Finnegan was OUT OF HIS MIND excited to see us. Well, me. I do feel bad that he's living in an apartment, but I'm sure Lad pops home often since it is just across the street from his work.

What the garden looks like - this one was
missing it's vegetables. A new, slightly used
version is in the corner of my room.

On a recent visit to see Uncle Mick, I bumped into my sister, Ann. 

Ann:  I didn't know Lad was moving out. Where? Why? When did that happen? What's he doing with the dog? Well, he can't keep his dog in an apartment.  Ernie, that's not right. 

Really? Hey, Ann. Do ya think there's a reason you didn't know that Lad is moving out? Do you ever have a regular conversation without spouting off about what should and shouldn't be? When was the last time you just called up to, oh- I don't know, chat? I know why I don't call her, see the above - exhibit A. Exhibit A. 

* Of course we now know that Lad did not move into an apartment. He bought a house. Yep. A house. We have no idea where. He did mention that he cut a hole in the screen so his TWO dogs could run in and out. Not.my.problem. 

Pet owners - most upsetting thing your pet has destroyed? Anyone else have a sister/friend/neighbor who says THE DARNDEST THINGS? 

I got sidetracked, but I have a few of my favorite Mini stories to share soon. Stay tuned.