but first, sad news: Coach and I went to a Catholic high school with a huge family with many extensions and connections. All the cousins attended our same high school. Everyone knew them. Most of us had a least one cousin in our graduating class. They were an impressive bunch. Coach's parents still live in that same area and have been friends with one of the families forever. Coach's younger brother, 'Mark' is best friends with one of them, 'Jake'. Late on the 4th of July, my SIL, Mark's wife, sent out a group text to all of Coach's sibs/in-laws. I doubled over when I read the text.
Jake's younger brother was driving a boat on July 4th in Lake Michigan. It was pulling a tube. Kids fell off the tube and looked like they were struggling. He jumped in and was under for about a minute. He drowned. All the kids were pulled safely into the boat. He was 43 years old. I believe his 3 kids are roughly 7, 5, and 3.
It's such a shock. I didn't know him, but we all know various members of this man's family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
Shortly after Lad moved most of his stuff out, Tank was doing yard work for us. Praise the lord. He isn't working for the landscaping people this summer, just caddying, and I think he misses the landscape stuff. Our poor, mostly-ignored yard was in need of some attention. One day Tank couldn't find the pruning sheers. They're huge.
Coach: HOW COME I FEEL LIKE I SAW THEM UNDER LAD'S DRESSER?
He texted Lad. Lad left work to come over. He produced an enormous pair of pruning sheers. They looked like the missing pair, but Coach realized that they weren't his. In the meantime, I'd scolded Lad. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THEY WERE LOOKING FOR THOSE?
I attended the next zoom with Lad. Coach was at work. The doc had finally gotten Lad's ADD paperwork. She asked him stuff about how he was feeling? How were his relationships? Any anxiety? His response was all fine and dandy, other than being disorganized and he was ready for that RX.
Well, I have a different perspective than Lad. I saw behaviors during his move out that reminded me of the dark days of the pandemic when he was coming unglued. Back then, his anxiety ramped up and he left home for 5 months - opting to blame Coach and I for everything wrong with life. Now he'd come home to move things out and was upset that I'd washed some of his clothes - he'd preferred that I wash a different pile.
People, there were so many piles and I was trying to be helpful. Laundry is one of Lad's challenges. He claimed the pile that I'd lead with was already clean. Really? It was JAMMED into a small container that once housed toys. No way was it ready to be worn. Regardless, he pounded around in the laundry room until I thought the washer and dryer were gonna come through the ceiling. Then he erupted at Mini- someone he tends to take things out on when he's struggling.
But he claimed to the doc that his relationships were fine. Hmm.
He'd admitted to me the week prior when he stopped home to grab stuff that he was lonely living in the apartment. Oh, my heart. Funny how the months of frustration can melt away. Other moms assured me, this was just an adjustment.
But STILL, lonely?
I took that opportunity to point out to him that a condo community of young people might be a better fit. This apartment living might be a good test run, before he buys anything, to see what it is that he likes or doesn't like. He's dead set on a yard. My fear is a house will be isolating.
Anyway, when I was zooming with the ADD doc, Lad told her that since the move he'd dealt with some hostility from us. He described the mistaken identity of his pruning sheers.
|Part of what was left after|
he sort of moved out.
Hang on now - do we even need to talk about how strange it is that Lad owned a pruning sheers that he kept under his dresser? I believe he used it to cut up branches to insert into aquariums.
I piped up and gave the doctor some context, not because I wanted to embarrass Lad, but because I wanted her to know the truth. Lad struggles. A lot. I explained that over the last 4 or 5 months, I've gone into that disaster of a room and unearthed probably 80 mismatched socks. Not just Lad's socks. My socks. Curly's. Reg's. Coach's. This explains why I have mountains of socks that I cannot find matches for. This also explains why we had every reason to believe that he'd snatched the pruning sheers from the garage and forgotten to put them back. He's taken other people's shoes, chargers, etc. It's standard operating procedure.
|One sock collection I gathered.|
Lad became combative. Over zoom. He shouted at me saying that he was doing this for me. I repeated over and over again, YOU SHOULD DO THIS FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR US. He told the doctor, I KNOW HOW MY BRAIN WORKS. The doctor, who I'd filled in via email with the background on what we've dealt with, asked Lad if he wanted her to ask me to leave the zoom.
I was fine hopping off the zoom. A few days later, I texted Lad to say hi. His birthday was coming, I asked what meal he wanted me to make for him. I then texted him a whole thing about how we just want the best for him. Lad texted back as if nothing had happened. Asked me when he could pick up his prescription. I was like NO IDEA. ASK YOUR DOCTOR.
*editing to add: Lad showed up to our house on July 4th with ANOTHER dog. A dalmation puppy? Seriously? I've been struggling with the fact that he gets fired up
about something like he did on the zoom call, but then glosses over it. Refuses to address it. Jokes around when at home, why? So we don't try to solve anything?
Lad's dopamine fallout.
Finn and Ronan.
Right or wrong, this struck me today and when I came home from the grocery store and he was parked in my driveway at 9:45 pm and I couldn't park to bring my $400 load of food in and he was just inside eating our food, I got upset.
I snapped at him and told him it was time to address shit. Time to see a therapist. Get to the bottom of things. I mean why the FUCK is he buying another dog? So, he's texted several angry texts. Stating that I need help, not him, that he won't take the meds anymore, etc. etc. etc. Maybe my DON'T PARK THERE AGAIN - PARK IN THE STREET, etc. was ill timed, but I just can't pretend everything is on the up and up. So, this sucks.
|I managed to sort all of these, plus|
a ton of sport socks. These were
the work related type that I was texting
the kids to see if anyone
wanted to claim a pair, or 5.
Back to previously written post ending: Sadly, Coach believes that someone snatched the real pruning sheers out of the garage. Our garage door hadn't gone done consistently since 2016 when it got pulled off the track by GW because the red handle-on-a-string dangling from the garage door opener got caught in the van door.
The good news is that I grew tired of pushing the button to make the door go down, hearing a loud popping noise, watching the door go part way down before going back up . . . so I announced THAT'S IT. WE NEED TO CALL SOMEONE. We called a guy.
Coach had a patient tell him of a guy he trusted. A guy who didn't try to sell him a whole new everything. That guy came out and it was only like $237 to fit the door with some kind of brace. No more popping noise. No more hoping the door would go down. No more hitting the button multiple times, waiting or leaving it up hoping someone else would be home soon.
Ever lived with a sock thief? Weirdest thing you keep in your bedroom- garden tools? Ever been politely kicked off a zoom?
Suggestions for what to do next in terms of Lad? I'm pretty exhausted and I'm pretty exhausted that Coach says nothing. I'm always the bad guy. I also am home majority of the time and run a daycare from home and dealt with dog issues and Lad's messes for TOO LONG.