Not my favorite wedding.
A 'kid', 'Matt', who worked for Coach for years (starting as an aid in high school and still worked one weekend a month up until a few years ago) got married mid March. We had never met his fiance, but he was happy so we were happy. This kid, now in his 30's, literally grew up right before our eyes. He hit a rough patch as a teen and Coach had a very positive influence on him. He really looks up to Coach. Back in the day, we often hosted Coach's work parties at our house. Our kids were crazy about Matt. He used to get our kids all riled up, wrestle with them, tease them, etc.
I was rambling on about what I was gonna wear to the wedding, but I've decided to save that for another time, as that tale feels like its own post. Get excited. It's another Mini story, plus a glimpse into Ed's longtime girlfriend.
Anyway, the wedding mass was in a church in a northern suburb. The invitations and the save the date had all arrived with a clear sports theme.
Um, OK. She's a gym teacher and he's a gym rat. He's actually a really big guy and my kids grew up calling the groom 'Big ____", as in Big + his first name. Everyone called him that, not just my kids.
They'd created their own logo and it was on everything. She likes donuts and he likes pizza or burgers, maybe. So the logo was the first letter of their soon to be last name and some sport balls and icons of their favorite foods.
The mass booklets for the wedding carried on the theme with the logo front and center. I found it a little irreverent, as did Coach. Their wasn't an 'introductory rite' or 'liturgy of the word'. Instead it was an inning, or half time, etc. Each part of the mass was assigned a sport themed title.
On the altar, as they were about to say their vows, the bride thought she was gonna hold the microphone, but the priest made it clear he was gonna hold it for her. She leaned into the microphone, "Sorry, it's my first time." Then she spun around to see if her bridesmaids were laughing. It felt a little 'off'. I'm sure plenty of people have a ceremony that includes a lot of playfulness and such, but this was a mass in a church and it didn't seem as though they were taking ANY PART OF IT SERIOUSLY. It was their day, so whatever. It was just a little distracting and it felt sort of flippant.
I got my hair cut the next morning and my hairdresser said she was taking a break from doing hair and makeup at weddings for a similar reason. She feels like everything was for show and the people getting married were putting on a production not making a committment.
The appetizers at the reception: all food one would eat at a sporting event, like nacho chips and cheese. Gluten abounded. At first when I picked up my table place assignment I was blown away that they had 54 tables. Then I realized that we were assigned to sit at table 54 because it was a famous Bears' football players number. Cute. The center pieces were empty popcorn containers and miniature balls.
All the food was brought in, prepared off site. It was freakishly cold for the end of March. Like it was in the 30's. They propped a door open down a hall behind our table and I was a popsicle.
The dinner was a buffet of all game day foods. This was not a place for a person who was STARVING, but needed to avoid gluten. There was pizza, sliders, nachos, nuggets, fries, and Italian Beef. I literally could only eat Italian Beef. I hoped no one dipped their bun in the beef to soak up the juices before I put a few pieces of meat on my plate.
I was hungry as one is after not having eaten anything since lunch. I can tell you that my amoretto stone sours were going right to my head. So, when the bride's sister got up to give a toast and she ended with: "to the happy couple, I think you guys are a homerun" - I threw my napkin on my table and leaned towards a few of our friends at the table and was like SERIOUSLY? THIS IS TOO MUCH. I might've slurred my words, a tad.
The dessert table didn 't include a single chocolate covered strawberry. There were donuts though.
In the middle of dancing, the couple went upstairs and instead of tossing a bouquet - they threw t-shirts, just like cheerleaders do at a basketball game. Guess who caught one? Yep. I sure did. I tried to give it to a 10 year old, but he didn't want it.
|Oops - I just realized I never added the photo|
- I drafted this post while in a hotel in Ohio
and needed to didn't have a photo of my
prize winning t-shirt in my google photos.
The t-shirt says: I SURVIVED THE "NAME OF COUPLE" WEDDING. I told Coach I was gonna write under it in sharpie. BARELY.
The food bit was just so surprising. It's the year 2023. How did the caterer not suggest a tossed salad to avoid having anyone feel as thought they were gonna strike out? See what I did there? It's catchy. I guess.
Wedding odditties aside, we are so happy for Big Matt. He deserves all the happiness life has to offer and he seems to have met his soulmate.
Anyone else attend an odd wedding? Ever go home from a wedding hangry?