March 1, 2021

hot or not, a hilarious tale

I used to get together with Amy, a woman I once worked with. Amy had a few kids the same ages as my kids. We didn't live in the same town, but we met at the zoo or she brought her two cuties over to hang at my house. Those were the days:  laughing about our old work experiences and watching our little people interact.

One day, perhaps in 2003, Amy called me and told me that her sister-in-law had joined our pool.

Me: Oh, what does she look like? I'll have to say hi.

Amy: She's got a couple of really scrawny little girls. The legs of their bathing suits hang open because they're so skinny.

Me: Oh, funny. I'll keep my eyes peeled for her and her malnourished offspring. I'll offer them a cheeseburger. 

The next time we talked, I told Amy that I still hadn't met her sister-in-law and her in-need-of-a-pediasure-intervention kiddos. 

Amy: Well, she definitely knows you. She said you're really pregnant, but you still look thin, and you have a hot husband. She also said you're always chasing your little boys around the pool deck.

Me: Wow! I don't feel thin. 

Later, I told Coach someone at the pool thought he was hot. The two of us could barely fit through the door anymore - our egos were so inflated. We acquired a new walk, more of a strut. Never mess with a pregnant woman with a cocky strut. 

The next time I spoke to Amy, I asked her if her sister-in-law had curly hair. 

Amy:  Oh, she said she saw you over the weekend. She cannot believe how good you look in a bikini while pregnant.

Me:  (PAUSE) . . . Oh. . . .  Shit. (insert sound of air deflating from an oversized ego). She has me confused with another mom, Lisa, who DOES look great in a bikini while pregnant. NOT me. And I guess her husband could be considered hot. Poor Coach. (I'm still partial to Coach). Lisa has two boys Lad's age and Ed's age, so she is essentially another pregnant mom chasing a couple of boys.

I avoided mirrors for days.

I shared with Coach our case of mistaken identity. We looked at ourselves in a new light:  round and not bikini-worthy, and good-looking but not sizzling. 

Drum roll, please:  The bikini-clad mom, Lisa, 

was pregnant with Mandy. (YES - THAT MANDY, click here to read my last post if you don't know who Mandy is). I was pregnant with Mini wearing a hot-pink, one-piece that looked like a dress:  FULL COVERAGE while chasing Lad, Ed, and Tank around the pool deck, to be sure that no one drowned.

Back then, Lisa and I knew each other to say hello. Years later, when our boys were on a swim team together (at yet another pool), we became a little more familiar with one another. Then another year or so later, we started to hang out at the pool. She and I got to know each other. She really is great fun. I enjoyed our daily gab fests at the pool as we watched Mandy and Mini play. They were sweet enough to include Curly. 

I was definitely not as hip as Lisa, but once I get talking . . . my lack of coolness is barely noticeable . . . at least that's my illusion (realistic or otherwise). During the summer when we bonded so much, she used to tell me that she thought I was either the most calm, incredibly organized person she'd ever met, or a very good alcoholic. 

(I just googled her 'saying', because I thought it might be a universal saying. I thought it would pop up and I could check to see if I was quoting it/her correctly. But alas, it's apparently not a legit saying. My google search produced info about where I can attend an A.A. meeting. Let's just accept that I got her quote close and not necessarily exact. Since I drink one Mike's Hard Lemonade a few times a year, I will not take the internet up on their initiation to attend an A.A. meeting.)

That summer of 2015- about 11 years after the fact, I told her one of my favorite stories. "So, Lisa YEARS ago someone confused me for you, hot husband and all." She almost fell off of her reclined pool lounge chair as she died laughing at my description of how deflated I felt - despite being as big as a freaking watermelon. 

After hanging out at the pool so much with Lisa and saving lounge chairs for each other and inviting kids back to each other's houses after they were done at the pool, the next summer, Lisa's family didn't rejoin the pool. I missed having a buddy to chat with. (If you think I started saving a lounge chair for Mary Ann, you'd be wrong).

(this video is unrelated, but Reg is wearing his bathing suit, so maybe we were on our way to the pool. These two used to sleigh me, but I was careful not to let them know that I found them hysterical - or they'd think nothing of climbing everything in their path. After I videoed this, I went back in the house and doubled over. If you are a good detective, you will probably make out their REAL, ACTUAL names).

I sort of anticipated that Mandy and Mini wouldn't be friends once they reunited at high school based on Lad and Ed's description of Mandy's brothers and their social elite-ness in high school.

Lisa IS really thin. Always dressed to the nines. Looks fabulous. 

TM (the twin's mom) died laughing at my story- shedding real tears, because of course she has seen Lisa show up to teacher conferences in boots up past her knees with spike heels like she might go clubbing after her stop off at the school. Funny, no one ever mistakes me for a mom about to hit the club scene.

Honestly if tennis allowed spectators, I'd have been excited to see Lisa in the bleachers when Mandy played this season. I'm confident we'd pick up right where we left off, as we have when we bump into each other occasionally at school functions over the years. She looks like she can still rock a bikini. (Not sure if she'd still consider me a very good alcoholic seeing as I rarely drink - but I rarely drank back then too). I would bet I could still make her laugh till she fell off her beach chair. If that's all I got going for me, I'm OK with it.

Anyone with a case of mistaken identity? Or did you know someone as a youngster who was too cool to hang with you once you hit high school? Do tell. 


Nicole MacPherson said...

That's too funny! A bit of a roller coaster :)

Kari said...

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THAT VIDEO OF YOUR KIDS. Mostly because I just came from Suz's butterfly feeding post.

I don't remember too much from high school because I moved eight hours away from mine, so I didn't have to run into people while wearing a bathing suit.
(thank GOD)

Suz said...

How can you possibly tell your kids they're naughty while taking a video at the same time? Was this for evidence in case child protective services were called in? : "See, I told them NOT to climb on the van!" LOL. They are so cute though.

I'm picturing you both with your egos inflated for a few days....too cute and funny. But you DO both look great-so there's that. I've never been called hot either, so there's that. Well, aside from my HOT husband. :)
This was so fun to read and imagine as it was all going down.
Lisa sounds like a hoot, but also one of those people you'd love to hate because it appears she's got her shit (and body) together.

Suzanne said...

Ah, man! That case of mistaken identity is too funny!

Kara said...

This was so funny! I love it.

Everyone needs a Lisa friend. She's the one you can totally call in a pinch and she'll bring you an outfit and an emergency margarita.

Ernie said...

Nicole- yes, it was funny. Afterwards I was like OF COURSE IT WAS LISA. Funny how that didn't dawn on me even though I knew she was also pregnant and at the pool. I just let myself be 'that skinny pregnant lady.'

Ernie said...

Kari- Yes Suz's gentle butterfly posts are tranquil, as my early parenting posts are controlled (or not) chaos.

Ernie said...

Suz- you raise a good question. How could I video while scolding? I think videoing the kids always signaled fun and I did not want them to think I was entertained. Either that or I did not want Coach to look back and wonder what kind of zoo I was running. Curly with those sunglasses always killed me. She looked like Flo from Mel's diner.

Believing we were 'all that' for a few weeks when we headed to the pool was very out of our norm. Fun while it lasted. I remember distinctly feeling bad telling Coach no one but me, the not so skinny pregnant chick, thought he was hot.

This story always makes me laugh.

Ernie said...

Suzanne- I remember feeling so silly to have believed someone thought he and I were poster people for good looks.

Ernie said...

Kara- The best was when it all came full circle and I got to tell Lisa the story.

She would definitely be the one to call to ask wardrobe advice in a pinch. AND you are the one I would call while in AZ and the heater at the pool breaks. Shoulda gotten your number before we left. We fly home at 7:45 pm tonight. The weather has been amazing.

Beth Cotell said...

This story is hilarious! But on the plus side - you no longer had to worry about some woman thinking your husband was hot. That can only bring problems! :)

Ernie said...

Beth- Now that is an angle I had not considered. Yes, this was one of those funny mix ups thst we still laugh about. Only got better once I knew Lisa. The mistaken identity was fun while it lasted.

Bibliomama said...

Omg, that is a really funny story! I have a friend who was waiting for a blind date once and the guy got to the restaurant and approached a younger, prettier (my friend said) woman and said "Donna?" and the woman said "yes", but was confused as hell because she wasn't waiting for a blind date. My friend Donna said the guy was bad at covering his disappointment when he met the real her. Pretty sure I've had nightmares like this. Oh wait, I do have one! When I met the Department head for my master's degree he was going on about how impressed he was by my transcript, but then he mentioned the Greek and Latin and I was like 'um, hold up bro, not me", so that was embarrassing.

Ernie said...

Ali - Oh, poor Donna. I'd say bullet dodged, but still OUCH. It was such a funny coincidence. It still floors me that I didn't put 2 and 2 together before the 'SHE SAID YOU LOOK GREAT IN A BIKINI' line. Of course there was a pregnant woman who was crazy thin and pregnant. My friend who reads my blog called me after she read this to say she figured out who I was talking about despite my code names and she said 'LISA'S HUSBAND IS NOT HOT. NO WAY.' We had a good chuckle about that.

Oh, the mistaken spectacular transcript story. So funny.