hot or not, a hilarious tale

I used to get together with Amy, a woman I once worked with. Amy had a few kids the same ages as my kids. We didn't live in the same town, but we met at the zoo or she brought her two cuties over to hang at my house. Those were the days:  laughing about our old work experiences and watching our little people interact.

One day, perhaps in 2003, Amy called me and told me that her sister-in-law had joined our pool.

Me: Oh, what does she look like? I'll have to say hi.

Amy: She's got a couple of really scrawny little girls. The legs of their bathing suits hang open because they're so skinny.

Me: Oh, funny. I'll keep my eyes peeled for her and her malnourished offspring. I'll offer them a cheeseburger. 

The next time we talked, I told Amy that I still hadn't met her sister-in-law and her in-need-of-a-pediasure-intervention kiddos. 

Amy: Well, she definitely knows you. She said you're really pregnant, but you still look thin, and you have a hot husband. She also said you're always chasing your little boys around the pool deck.

Me: Wow! I don't feel thin. 

Later, I told Coach someone at the pool thought he was hot. The two of us could barely fit through the door anymore - our egos were so inflated. We acquired a new walk, more of a strut. Never mess with a pregnant woman with a cocky strut. 

The next time I spoke to Amy, I asked her if her sister-in-law had curly hair. 

Amy:  Oh, she said she saw you over the weekend. She cannot believe how good you look in a bikini while pregnant.

Me:  (PAUSE) . . . Oh. . . .  Shit. (insert sound of air deflating from an oversized ego). She has me confused with another mom, Lisa, who DOES look great in a bikini while pregnant. NOT me. And I guess her husband could be considered hot. Poor Coach. (I'm still partial to Coach). Lisa has two boys Lad's age and Ed's age, so she is essentially another pregnant mom chasing a couple of boys.

I avoided mirrors for days.

I shared with Coach our case of mistaken identity. We looked at ourselves in a new light:  round and not bikini-worthy, and good-looking but not sizzling. 

Drum roll, please:  The bikini-clad mom, Lisa, 

was pregnant with Mandy. (YES - THAT MANDY, click here to read my last post if you don't know who Mandy is). I was pregnant with Mini wearing a hot-pink, one-piece that looked like a dress:  FULL COVERAGE while chasing Lad, Ed, and Tank around the pool deck, to be sure that no one drowned.

Back then, Lisa and I knew each other to say hello. Years later, when our boys were on a swim team together (at yet another pool), we became a little more familiar with one another. Then another year or so later, we started to hang out at the pool. She and I got to know each other. She really is great fun. I enjoyed our daily gab fests at the pool as we watched Mandy and Mini play. They were sweet enough to include Curly. 

I was definitely not as hip as Lisa, but once I get talking . . . my lack of coolness is barely noticeable . . . at least that's my illusion (realistic or otherwise). During the summer when we bonded so much, she used to tell me that she thought I was either the most calm, incredibly organized person she'd ever met, or a very good alcoholic. 

(I just googled her 'saying', because I thought it might be a universal saying. I thought it would pop up and I could check to see if I was quoting it/her correctly. But alas, it's apparently not a legit saying. My google search produced info about where I can attend an A.A. meeting. Let's just accept that I got her quote close and not necessarily exact. Since I drink one Mike's Hard Lemonade a few times a year, I will not take the internet up on their initiation to attend an A.A. meeting.)

That summer of 2015- about 11 years after the fact, I told her one of my favorite stories. "So, Lisa YEARS ago someone confused me for you, hot husband and all." She almost fell off of her reclined pool lounge chair as she died laughing at my description of how deflated I felt - despite being as big as a freaking watermelon. 

After hanging out at the pool so much with Lisa and saving lounge chairs for each other and inviting kids back to each other's houses after they were done at the pool, the next summer, Lisa's family didn't rejoin the pool. I missed having a buddy to chat with. (If you think I started saving a lounge chair for Mary Ann, you'd be wrong).

(this video is unrelated, but Reg is wearing his bathing suit, so maybe we were on our way to the pool. These two used to sleigh me, but I was careful not to let them know that I found them hysterical - or they'd think nothing of climbing everything in their path. After I videoed this, I went back in the house and doubled over. If you are a good detective, you will probably make out their REAL, ACTUAL names).

I sort of anticipated that Mandy and Mini wouldn't be friends once they reunited at high school based on Lad and Ed's description of Mandy's brothers and their social elite-ness in high school.

Lisa IS really thin. Always dressed to the nines. Looks fabulous. 

TM (the twin's mom) died laughing at my story- shedding real tears, because of course she has seen Lisa show up to teacher conferences in boots up past her knees with spike heels like she might go clubbing after her stop off at the school. Funny, no one ever mistakes me for a mom about to hit the club scene.

Honestly if tennis allowed spectators, I'd have been excited to see Lisa in the bleachers when Mandy played this season. I'm confident we'd pick up right where we left off, as we have when we bump into each other occasionally at school functions over the years. She looks like she can still rock a bikini. (Not sure if she'd still consider me a very good alcoholic seeing as I rarely drink - but I rarely drank back then too). I would bet I could still make her laugh till she fell off her beach chair. If that's all I got going for me, I'm OK with it.

Anyone with a case of mistaken identity? Or did you know someone as a youngster who was too cool to hang with you once you hit high school? Do tell.