when "Are you using that empty cart?" is hysterical

Ah, welcome to my blog:  the grocery edition. (I almost spelled that 'addition' - just so you know before we get started . . . I'm struggling with the time change and I'm not on my A game.) 

So long as we are talking about my goofs . . . I did realize today that I spelled International Women's Day  in the singular in my last post. I imagine all of you shaking your heads tsk-ing:  SILLY GIRL, THINKING IT'S ALL ABOUT HER, THAT SHE'S THE 'WOMAN' AND THE REST OF US ARE CHOP LIVER. Not the case, I was still intoxicated by fresh zoo air, well it smells more like animal shits, but you get the idea . . . and I wasn't being detail oriented. Back to the grocery theme . . .   

Why on earth, I wondered a month or so ago, would my local grocery store decide to REMODEL THE STORE DURING A PANDEMIC? The floor was torn up, and the shelves were moved around and the bread was NO WHERE NEAR where they usually stock loaves of bread. Nothing was where it belonged and I was completely discombobulated. 

Isn't this the time when we're trying to spend as little time as possible in a grocery store? But, alas, I'm held captive wandering  aimlessly trying to GUESS where everything is. Seeing as no one in this town spends more on food, they should've called me first. 

This is where I felt
like Chicken Little.
THE SKY IS FALLING!

I did notice just before the reno that the building was suffering - but the work did nothing to enhance the structure. I mean no one showed me the plans or anything, but I don't think a new roof was part of it. While I was shopping in December, a sizeable chunk of the ceiling fell and almost hit a fellow shopper. I managed not to lose my focus and accidentally switch carts with anyone and send them home with my frozen hashbrowns. I spent a good deal of time feeling alarmed and wondering if we should all evacuate. 

Meanwhile a manager
is thinking of the
 flow of traffic and the aesthesis
and deciding to redo the interior.

On one of my where-the-hell-is-everything grocery trips, I stopped and asked a man stocking shelves where I could find black beans. He needed me to repeat it. Again. And again. I moved my mask down so he could read my lips - from a distance. He motioned into the aisle we were standing in. "Oh, they're right down there." . . . how handy?

Um, they weren't. He must've thought I said green beans. It was so awkward because I was searching high and low and he was still stocking shelves a few feet from me. I thought maybe NOW is when he'll turn around and help me find the cans I was looking for or redirect me. Never.happened. 

I so badly wanted to holler:  HEARING AID FOR THE KIND EMPLOYEE IN AISLE 4, PLEASE. 

My kids have fallen hard for the lime flavored Greek yogurt made by Dannon Light and Fit. It's a new flavor. My store isn't great at stocking any flavors consistently, new flavors - forget it. On the way home from basketball practice with Curly last month, she told me that she thought we had no frosting. She had baked a cake before practice and wanted to frost it. I told her I'd stop and she could run in and get some. Then I was like:  OH, HELL. I'LL PARK AND WE CAN SEE IF THEY HAVE LIME YOGURT IN YET. Then she told me that we were out of feminine products. Well, now we were on a mission. There were purchases that needed to be made and I wanted to get home. 

We memorized the 4 things on the list, because by now I'd added chicken. Pads, lime yogurt, frosting, chicken. Say it ten times fast. Better yet, try to go into the store and only buy those items. I'm here to tell you that's impossible. 

We bravely waved off the cart, because we're dumb strong, able-bodied people. We first hit the jackpot with lime yogurt. I stacked a butt load of them into Curly's arms and she held on to them with the help of her chin. Then we grabbed pads, more than one package. Why not, only 4 items? Then we got to the chicken. I've been having a hard time finding my individually wrapped chicken breasts. They were in stock. Hooray. Oh, wait. No cart. 

Curly was next to my elbow balancing lime treats. I wanted to grab as many chicken bags as possible. That's when I saw the hard of hearing stocker. He was talking to another employee and he was leaning on an empty cart. They were maybe 30 feet away from me. All of a sudden Curly whispers in my ear.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ASK THAT GUY FOR HIS EMPTY CART!

Well, I didn't just laugh - I cackled. The throw-your-head-back-and-let-it-out kind of cackle. Curly begged me to stop, but she was laughing too. 

She was like, YOU WERE GOING TO WEREN'T YOU. I KNEW IT. 

Yes, I was about to holler to my buddy 'HEY IF YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT CART, WE COULD USE ONE. 

Not that he would've heard me.

We weren't in the clear yet. We still needed frosting. I sent Curly to get a cart with her arms loaded with yogurt and I grabbed as much chicken as I could and told her to meet me in aisle 6 by the frosting. We tossed our pads, lime yogurt, chicken, and frosting in the cart. We were still laughing hysterically. It struck me so funny that my kid knew EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Of course then we stocked up on applesauce. Why not, we had a handy cart now? And a few other things that I was super relieved to have thought of while still in the store. Mini recently shared that one of her friends learned that we eat a ton of applesauce most nights after dinner - hey, it's a crowd pleaser and I legit do offer them a ton to eat but they always want something else. Enter applesauce. Anyway, Mini's friend found it to be the strangest and most entertaining information EVER. 

Do you have a weird item the fam likes to eat EVERY night? Have you juggled a silly amount of groceries after thinking you didn't need a cart? Has your grocery store decided to renovate during a pandemic? 

I have a gut-busting blue tooth story to tell you, unless it was one of those 'guess you had to be there things' and you weren't there, so who knows? Plus I think I should share the Lulu story on Wednesday since it's St. Pat's day and all and she's a wanna-be, over-achiever Irish dancing mom.