October 26, 2020

passport search, speakers on the hood, little brother drivers, Lord-have-mercy overload

Last week (Aug '19) on the caddy appreciation day, the 0lder boys golfed the course - a rare treat.  Remember in 'Caddy Shack' when the caddies get to use the club's pool for a short time and someone drops a Baby Ruth candy bar in the pool and they all think someone pooped in the pool?  Oh, how we love that movie!  

After the golf, there was a dinner honoring the caddies and they received prizes.  (2020 edit, this dinner is just for the caddies.  When we were kids, my folks attended the caddy banquet with my brothers.  I do feel like the parents jump through lots of hoops and I wish we were included).  According to the kids, a group of hilarious golfers heckled the very sarcastic caddy master, Tom, who was serving as the emcee.  

The hecklers kept yelling out that they couldn't hear the caddy master, he needed to speak louder.  They followed that up with loads of loving statements, like:  'We love you caddy master!  You're doing a great job!'  Each time they interrupted him he had to try to stop from laughing so he could get thru his statement.  
I believe we took this to demonstrate Tank's need for a haircut.

The kids came home with a bunch of prizes.  I think this year two of my kids scored an Alexa and all 5 of them got Bluetooth speakers - some received more than one speaker and some of the speakers work underwater.  I am now confident that if we ever feel so obliged, we could easily blow the windows out of Mary Ann's house across the street.  Just saying.  

After most of them arrived home, Ed was on the phone with Lad.  

Ed:  What shorts Lad?  Where did you put them? (turns to me and whispers:)  He can't find his ID and he went to a bar with some of the golfers.  
As if they've never eaten before.  This is where babysitting as a teen has its perks over caddying - food always on hand.  Well, I did babysit for a few families as a teen who did NOT keep a well stocked fridge.

I helped him search the dirty laundry for a bit, and then Ed explained that he was looking for Lad's passport, not his drivers license.

Lad told Coach and I a few days before that he needed to renew his drivers license.  Coach was like, 'Oh you might be able to do that online.'  After the search for the passport ordeal, Lad admitted to me that he lost his license and needed to go to the DMV to replace it.   

Me:  How have you been driving?  

Lad:  I had my passport, Mom.  It's an ID. (emphasis on my name, because I am 'like a dumb-ass').   


Correct me if I am wrong, but who is the dumb-ass in this scenario?

I went to bed early that night, because sometimes that is just easier.  I found out later that Tank was the one that drove to the bar to give Lad his license passport.  Reg spilled the beans and admitted that Tank was also the one that drove the rest of them home from the course after the caddy dinner - prior to the searching thru pockets for the allusive passport.  

Why are we suddenly inviting Tank to drive whenever possible?  (2020 me:  This is weeks or maybe even days after Tank FINALLY got his license).

Besides searching all over for Lad's passport, Ed was out of sorts over a misplaced speaker.  Did he leave it in the banquet room?  Did he leave it on the roof of the car?  Me standing in the kitchen in my nightgown, 'Huh?'  Then I went to bed.

The next day when I drove to the course to drop off Reg, he pointed to the ditch, 'Keep an eye out for the missing speaker.  Ed left one speaker on the hood of the car and when we realized it Tank pulled over and we grabbed it, but then we couldn't find the other bigger speaker so Tank circled back and forth a few times so we could look for it.'  

**Just what a new driver should be doing, u-turns in the dark, seeking a speaker or two.

Ed was unsure if they had left this really big new in-the-box speaker on the front hood of the car.  Apparently they found out later that the GM of the course found the speaker unharmed in the box on the side of the road.  He returned it to Ed the next day.  Good to know that the GM of the course recognizes my brood as the picture of responsibility.  

I was still stuck on Tank driving home, AND driving back and forth several times looking for a speaker.  Can a new driver keep his eyes on the road AND search for a speaker?  Hmm.

Reg further spilled the beans when I said I had no idea why Tank was driving them home unless Ed was drinking beer.  Reg:  'No not beer, just vodka.'   

Me:  Oh, swell.  Yes, Ed is 18 and when confronted Ed swore he just had one beer.  Me:  STILL!!!  Later, Reg confided in me that Ed tried to beat him up -translation he shoved him - for being a snitch, so the education of the 13 year old continues.

Summer.  Caddies.  My house in a constant state of upheaval.  Caddy shirts and belts and hats and towels mislaid EVERYWHERE.  Passports subbing for  licenses.  My 16 year old driving to a bar with a passport for his 21 yr old brother.  My 13 year old thinking his brother is 'only' drinking vodka.  Lord have mercy.  

2020 thoughts: Curly can technically train to be a caddy next summer as a 13 year old.  Um, she's hesitant.  Mini didn't train until she was 14, so Curly could wait an additional year.  Does anyone want to cast a vote as to whether or not Curly should caddy?  She will be an excellent babysitter, but caddying pays better and she could try for the Evans Scholarship.  She could also teach Irish dancing private lessons and make a KILLING, but I do hope that she quits Irish dancing when she starts high school (she's in 7th now), so teaching private lessons would not be a summer job option.  


Anonymous said...

Our county has crossed into numbers that will warrant full lockdown within the next 10 days if cases don't decline. So take this in that context.

If she was my kid here, it wouldn't even be a question because the answer would be a full and firm "no" if the training was happening any time within the next 3 months. If it was further out, I would say wait and see, make up your mind when it's closer. So far, waiting and seeing for us has resulted in "no" when we got closer to things...but there may come a day when we start saying "yes."

I don't think that time is happening soon, though. Not with the way people are rejecting even the most basic of precautions.

Ernie said...

Anonymous - caddy training happens in the spring, and she would most likely not be ready for a few years, so it isn't really an issue relating to the pandemic. This was more or less a thought about how fun it might be to have another caddy in our midst. Not sure she will get on board with it as she prefers to dance and she is a fabulous sitter, but thanks for commenting.

Kari said...

The Baby Ruth in the pool is one of the best scenes in the movie!

I am glad they let girls be caddy's now. I feel like they might not have let that happen when we were teenagers? Women are everywhere now and that makes me quite happy. Not sure how their brothers feel about that but.....;)

Suz said...

If I were in your position, my head would explode. For real. I'm going to start working on your Mother Of The Year award this week. Do you like silver or gold?

Please share a video of the day that you hook up all 47 of your Bluetooth speakers for Maryann. What song do you plan on playing? Babyshark? the Chicken dance? :)

Curly and the caddying thing. I'd leave it up to her. Money is good. but perhaps she's more of a natural nurturer like you; think of all your good memories and connections as a teenager.

Ernie said...

Kari - I think you meant: one of the best scenes in ANY movie, ever. Right? Wink wink.

I don't think girls could caddy back in our day - I wouldn't have survived it. Besides, I like to tan and I think the golfers would have struggled with me constantly rolling the sleeves of my shirt up to catch some rays. I think it would've lead to me being all: here, hold your dang bag yourself.

Ernie said...

Suz - This comment made me chuckle so loud that Mini from her e-learning/homework position in the dining room called to me in the study: WHAT? as in what's so funny. (my kids always take note of when I laugh because I am usually in barking mode: clean this up, who ate that, if I trip on your coat one more time).

You are NOT kidding with the 47 speakers, lucky guess? Oh, Babyshark might be just the thing. Something more risky would rock her I'm-more-Christian-than-everyone world though.

I will definitely not force her to caddy, but just think of the tips she would get for sporting that mop of hers? She could hide a golf ball or 12 in there. Plus I think the girls have a better chance at the Evan's scholarship - hello, full ride. But you are right, she is probably more on pace to be the World's best babysitter.

Her friend was over a few weeks ago and was trying to help with the twin babies. Curly was all: What are you doing? That's not how you burp a baby. You have to stabilize her body - see, she's rocking all over the place. Oh my gosh what are you doing? (insert Curly cackling and her friend shrugging). So funny. It's in her blood people!

Nicole MacPherson said...

As for Curly, I'd probably leave it up to her. What does she want to do? Sounds like she's already a great babysitter!

Ernie said...

Nicole- yes that makes sense. Hard not to hope for another caddy and thus a fun caddy dynasty.

Ally Bean said...

If nothing else there's always waiting tables! If it weren't for doing that I wouldn't have had: 1) money for college; & 2) the overwhelming desire to finish college so that I might get a job that didn't involve waiting tables. Just saying, the lousier the early work experiences, the better higher education looks.

Ernie said...

Ally - great point. I can so relate, thanks to my job at Burger King for most of my high school career. Coach's two sisters waitressed at the same place, one was overwhelmed and the other one was in her element so she used to take the other sister's tables sometimes to alleviate her stress. So funny, because their personalities today totally reflect that. I think you can either handle that job, or you feel swallowed by it.