passport search, speakers on the hood, little brother drivers, Lord-have-mercy overload

Last week (Aug '19) on the caddy appreciation day, the 0lder boys golfed the course - a rare treat.  Remember in 'Caddy Shack' when the caddies get to use the club's pool for a short time and someone drops a Baby Ruth candy bar in the pool and they all think someone pooped in the pool?  Oh, how we love that movie!  

After the golf, there was a dinner honoring the caddies and they received prizes.  (2020 edit, this dinner is just for the caddies.  When we were kids, my folks attended the caddy banquet with my brothers.  I do feel like the parents jump through lots of hoops and I wish we were included).  According to the kids, a group of hilarious golfers heckled the very sarcastic caddy master, Tom, who was serving as the emcee.  

The hecklers kept yelling out that they couldn't hear the caddy master, he needed to speak louder.  They followed that up with loads of loving statements, like:  'We love you caddy master!  You're doing a great job!'  Each time they interrupted him he had to try to stop from laughing so he could get thru his statement.  

I believe we took this to demonstrate Tank's need for a haircut.

The kids came home with a bunch of prizes.  I think this year two of my kids scored an Alexa and all 5 of them got Bluetooth speakers - some received more than one speaker and some of the speakers work underwater.  I am now confident that if we ever feel so obliged, we could easily blow the windows out of Mary Ann's house across the street.  Just saying.  

After most of them arrived home, Ed was on the phone with Lad.  

Ed:  What shorts Lad?  Where did you put them? (turns to me and whispers:)  He can't find his ID and he went to a bar with some of the golfers.  

As if they've never eaten before.  This is where babysitting as a teen has its perks over caddying - food always on hand.  Well, I did babysit for a few families as a teen who did NOT keep a well stocked fridge.

I helped him search the dirty laundry for a bit, and then Ed explained that he was looking for Lad's passport, not his drivers license.

Lad told Coach and I a few days before that he needed to renew his drivers license.  Coach was like, 'Oh you might be able to do that online.'  After the search for the passport ordeal, Lad admitted to me that he lost his license and needed to go to the DMV to replace it.   

Me:  How have you been driving?  

Lad:  I had my passport, Mom.  It's an ID. (emphasis on my name, because I am 'like a dumb-ass').   

Me:  Yes, an ID - NOT A DRIVERS LICENSE.  

Correct me if I am wrong, but who is the dumb-ass in this scenario?

I went to bed early that night, because sometimes that is just easier.  I found out later that Tank was the one that drove to the bar to give Lad his license passport.  Reg spilled the beans and admitted that Tank was also the one that drove the rest of them home from the course after the caddy dinner - prior to the searching thru pockets for the allusive passport.  

Why are we suddenly inviting Tank to drive whenever possible?  (2020 me:  This is weeks or maybe even days after Tank FINALLY got his license).

Besides searching all over for Lad's passport, Ed was out of sorts over a misplaced speaker.  Did he leave it in the banquet room?  Did he leave it on the roof of the car?  Me standing in the kitchen in my nightgown, 'Huh?'  Then I went to bed.

The next day when I drove to the course to drop off Reg, he pointed to the ditch, 'Keep an eye out for the missing speaker.  Ed left one speaker on the hood of the car and when we realized it Tank pulled over and we grabbed it, but then we couldn't find the other bigger speaker so Tank circled back and forth a few times so we could look for it.'  

**Just what a new driver should be doing, u-turns in the dark, seeking a speaker or two.

Ed was unsure if they had left this really big new in-the-box speaker on the front hood of the car.  Apparently they found out later that the GM of the course found the speaker unharmed in the box on the side of the road.  He returned it to Ed the next day.  Good to know that the GM of the course recognizes my brood as the picture of responsibility.  

I was still stuck on Tank driving home, AND driving back and forth several times looking for a speaker.  Can a new driver keep his eyes on the road AND search for a speaker?  Hmm.

Reg further spilled the beans when I said I had no idea why Tank was driving them home unless Ed was drinking beer.  Reg:  'No not beer, just vodka.'   

Me:  Oh, swell.  Yes, Ed is 18 and when confronted Ed swore he just had one beer.  Me:  STILL!!!  Later, Reg confided in me that Ed tried to beat him up -translation he shoved him - for being a snitch, so the education of the 13 year old continues.

Summer.  Caddies.  My house in a constant state of upheaval.  Caddy shirts and belts and hats and towels mislaid EVERYWHERE.  Passports subbing for  licenses.  My 16 year old driving to a bar with a passport for his 21 yr old brother.  My 13 year old thinking his brother is 'only' drinking vodka.  Lord have mercy.  

2020 thoughts: Curly can technically train to be a caddy next summer as a 13 year old.  Um, she's hesitant.  Mini didn't train until she was 14, so Curly could wait an additional year.  Does anyone want to cast a vote as to whether or not Curly should caddy?  She will be an excellent babysitter, but caddying pays better and she could try for the Evans Scholarship.  She could also teach Irish dancing private lessons and make a KILLING, but I do hope that she quits Irish dancing when she starts high school (she's in 7th now), so teaching private lessons would not be a summer job option.