October 21, 2020

my own Caddy Shack rewrite: a caddy mom's perspective

Welcome to shark caddy week. You've heard of shark week with those low-budget, so-dumb-they're funny movies? Well, I have a stockpile of caddy stories that I hope are more entertaining than your standard shark shit. It's my hope that at the end of these true tales you'll vote for a new installment of Caddy Shack because more happens in one summer for a caddy than it does to a beach goer who may or may not fear a tornado that suddenly rains sharks. Get your popcorn.

I was trying to go back to sleep this morning.  ‘Trying’ operative word.  My stupid elbow was hurting.  (2020 version of myself is cringing remembering the tennis elbow pain of last year).  I don’t know what I do when I sleep but apparently it involves break dancing or handstands or something that tennis elbow sufferers should avoid.  

While I struggled to sleep, I drafted this post in my mind.  Not all that easy without a keyboard.  I was still in bed trying to lay perfectly still, so as not to piss off the elbow that plays tennis when the owner of the elbow doesn't play tennis.

I woke up at 5:20, dragged Reg out of his top bunk, drove him to the caddy shack so he was there by 5:45 am.  As in, before 6:00 am.  I did the same routine yesterday, and I admit that I find it very unpleasant.  Yesterday it was Mini and Reg, but Mini went with Coach to Milwaukee yesterday after he and I met for dinner part way to Milwaukee so she wasn’t here this morning.  

Coach is taking a class in Milwaukee, and Mini is hanging out with a Milwaukee cousin.  My sister, Marie, texted me photos of the breakfast and lunch that Mini and cousin ate out today.  As in both meals eaten at a restaurant.  Pretty sure Mini will not be returning home.  Like, ever.  Who could blame her?  

I can imagine that phone call:  ‘Come on, you know how fun it is to get out of bed before 5:30 am to caddy?  Eating out is totally overrated.  I make great meals and eating leftovers a few times a week is boss.  Your room needs to be cleaned and Monday morning is the everyone-take-a-turn-to-clean-part-of-the-bathroom day, so lots to look forward to.  How soon will you be coming home?’

The painful elbow was only part of the need-more-sleep-but-can’t-fall-asleep issue that I experienced yesterday.  The other slight disruption:  Tank was shouting because he couldn't find his caddy shirt.  

Translation to those who exist in a non-caddy world:  my older caddies don't have to get to the course at ungodly hours.  They often go an hour or two later than the newbies.  Seniority has its privileges.  

My preference is that they go quietly though.  Tank -  hollering that Eddie wore his shirt, leaving him without one is IRRITATING at 6:45 am - or really ANYTIME of day.

Guess what sentence I often utter, and is often ignored? 
 ‘Get your shit together the night before!’  

I wrote names in caddy shirts and across caddy towels a few months ago to avoid this kind of situation.  Well that worked well.
This is Ed in Oct 2019.  I think he was home for break, which was just a weekend, but enough time to squeeze in a loop or two.

My newbie caddies didn't even get a loop (not enough golfers playing for the number of caddies) yesterday, so my early crawl out of bed  was all for naught.  After I drove them, I slept 35 additional, glorious minutes before Tank woke me to drive him to his legit landscaping gig.  Then I slept another 45 minutes before my alarm went off to workout. 

This morning, I wasn’t planning to attend a workout class.  I just wanted to get some z’s.  Last night I drove half way to Milwaukee to meet Coach for dinner at his brothers house.  I had Reg, Min, and Curly with me (then Mini left with Coach to head to cousin's house - confused?  Me too).  I fought sleep as I drove home late, so not terribly surprised when I woke up and realized that I left the garage door open all night.  

Ironically just last night, my sister-in-law and I traded funny/scary stories about police ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night after seeing a garage door up.  

So, I was surprised when the garage door was up, but I was also KINDA surprised/ticked off when I noticed that the teenage car was NOT on the driveway.  

Lad.  Never came home.  Well, that was uncool.  

I had an inkling that he hadn’t come home, because as I stood in the kitchen getting Reg ready to go to the golf course, I noticed that Lad’s shoes weren’t tossed around the kitchen.  There was also an absence of weird food left out or sprinkled across the island or dripped on the floor or whatever. 

‘No mess?  Bet Lad never came home.’ I grumbled to my half-asleep-self.  This is the thought process the mother of an almost 21 year old will have from time to time.  Guessing I'm not alone there. 

My 2020 self is realizing how much better life is with 4 of 5 caddies now licensed to drive. Still, it's not as if we had enough cars for each of them to get to the caddy shack when they wished.  There was often a late night 'who's-on-first' conversation to figure all that out.  Late night conversations NEVER lead to misunderstandings (wink, wink, eyeroll, dramatic head shake), so we had that going for us LIKE ALL SUMMER.  Obviously.  

Anyone have a memory of a summer job that required you to be up at an ungodly hour?  I worked at Burger King and I was so reliable that I had my own key and was trusted to open the store.  Well, that is a story for another day, but I was often awake at 5:30 am back in those days.  Ick.


ccr in MA said...

Your mention of having the key to open at Burger King reminds me of the days when I had the key to open the mall bookstore where I worked. Usually the stores all opened at 10, but one time the anchor store had a sale and opened at 9. My mother and I went to the sale, and then she was coming with me to get a book, so as we were checking out, I said to mom, "Ready to go to the bookstore?" And the cashier helpfully said, "Oh, they aren't opening early, they're not open yet!" I felt very important to tell her that no, I knew that, because I was opening!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am NOT a morning person.
I can't believe you can get up, drive, come back home, and sleep for a bit more. You really MUST be exhausted.
I would be the crabbiest Mom on the planet.
I also recall the "get your shit together" the night before talk and no one ever believed that this fable actually would help in the morning. Go figure!

You were the opener at Burger King? Which is funny, because WHO EATS BK FOR BREAKFAST? And for my adult life; WHO EATS BK EVER?

Kara said...

I moved in with my boyfriend the summer after my junior year of college. He was a cook, and decided to take a second job during the summer. The only time left in his day was breakfast shift. Thursday-Sunday, he got up at 4 AM to be at work by 5 AM. On holiday weekends, he sometimes needed to be at work at 4 AM. I'm not a very sound sleeper, and our apartment was tiny. I'd get woken up by his ungodly loud alarm every morning. Sometimes he'd fall asleep in the shower, and I'd wake up, realize the water was running still at 4:45 and have to yell at him to wake up in the shower. It's a miracle I didn't kill him. But we got through it and got married a couple of years later. The breakfast shift ended after that summer, and he didn't work breakfasts again until 2010, but at least then he didn't need to be up until 5:30 AM, which was basically the time I got up anyways (and the house is bigger than our tiny apartment was). Now he works from home and I get the chance to wake him up at 5:30 AM. Payback time!

Ally Bean said...

My part-time jobs in college had late afternoon or nighttime hours. I never had to get up at the crack of dawn for them. I think that was probably for the best. As an adult I can pull it together in the morning if I have to, but back then it would not have been a good thing.

Eli said...

I used to wake up at 4:30 to open at Starbucks. I'm so glad that is in the past!

Ernie said...

ccr - Yes, holding the key to a place is very powerful!

Ernie said...

Suz - yes, I can at times go back to sleep after an early wake up. Honestly Coach probably drove the caddies early more often than I did. He requires less sleep than I do, and yes - crabby is my middle name when I do not get that extra sleep. I am not a morning person AT ALL, but I do get up ungodly early to workout a few days a week. I always hope for a short snooze on the couch middle of the day . . . in fact, I feel a nap coming on as I type.

Burger King's breakfast, gosh - now that you mention it, I don't even know what we served. Oh, I think we made french toast sticks. The bomb. Must've done breakfast sandwiches. I don't eat fast food at all now. Yuck.

Ernie said...

Kara - Coach gets up really early - like 4:30ish three days a week for work. I rarely hear him and I cringe when I am awake at that time and witness him getting ready for work because I feel like it is still night-night time.

I can fall asleep in a lot of places, but the shower? I don't think I could pull that off. Maybe because my dad always freaked out about the water bill.

Ernie said...

Ally - As a long time babysitter in high school and college - I definitely preferred the late sitting jobs vs the crack of dawn variety. I am not all that pleasant in the morning. Every time I book a crazy early flight I think 'no big deal,' then the morning of I wonder WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Ernie said...

Eli - I can see where Starbucks and not enjoying an early alarm wake up call would be an occupational hazard.

Gigi said...

My original, true authentic self was never an early bird but more of a night owl. Due to getting up early for years and years to get into the office things have shifted slightly. But I still require at least 8 hours (but prefer 9) which means I go to sleep ridiculously early now.

I have a touch of tennis elbow and have discovered that if I sleep with the brace (like this one when I feel it starting to act up that usually wards off a full flare up.

Ernie said...

Gigi - I ditto your original night owl sentiments. Working out early or just getting up before the gang to accomplish something is my adult-setting. Sometimes being an adult sucks. Who knew we had THIS much in common - I have always required more sleep than most. I prefer 9 hours. So rare, but I embrace the power nap.

Thanks for the link. I think I have something like that somewhere. It hasn't bothered me in awhile, but as I age the gloves seem to be off with my regular companion of pain.