June 2, 2019

wait, I think I am old

My grandfather died when he was 97 or 98.  I was due to deliver my first baby about 4 weeks later (ended up being 6 weeks because Lad would not budge!).  My grandpa was quite a character. He survived the depression. Drank a small-ish glass of whiskey each day after running it quickly under the tap, which really only added a drop of water.  Back in his day, he had smoked a pack of lucky strikes a day. He claimed grandma’s cooking and his whiskey were secrets of his longevity.

Back when I was a college student and beyond, I used to call him and ask him the same thing:  ‘So grandpa, how are you doing?’ He always responded the same way, ‘Pretty good for an ole guy.’ He cracked himself up.  

So now suddenly I feel old.  Why? Well let me tell you before I struggle to think of the reasons I have gathered in my mind.  Get it, issue number 1- sometimes I simply cannot think of a word. Tip of my tongue and then it is gone.  I sit at my keyboard and think; what’s the word for (such and such). It often comes to me when I have typed a few sentences later, but sometimes I ask whatever kid is around.  ‘What’s the word for . . . . ‘. They give me a weird look.

OK, really, here is my list:

  1. I have managed to hang on to this pair for
    awhile now, but prior to that I was losing
    them and breaking them all the damn time.
      I hate being dependent on them.  Boo.
    Cheaters.  They suck, bad.  I hate taking my glasses on and off.  I got eyeglasses in 4th grade and have wanted to be free of contacts and glasses ever since.  Since I am a self-proclaimed old person, that is a long fricking time. I have the contact lenses thing down, and NOW I have to deal with glasses on top of my contacts?  No thanks. The minute I put my glasses down, I realize I need them again to read a recipe. To see my GPS, I have begun to drive with them perched on the end of my nose.  (thankfully I drive too fast to have fellow drivers consider me a grandma driver).
  2. The enamel on my teeth is wearing away.  Um, holy horrors. This is a nightmare. Can you say cold sensitivity?  Sweet sensitivity? Air sensitivity? All of the above suck, because I love to eat! I recently ate some popcorn and I thought I had a kernel stuck in between my teeth.  I worked on it all night. I adore those little floss sticks and I would not stop picking at my teeth. No improvement. I had Coach and Mini take a peek.  Mini was horrified when she told me that she saw ‘staining’ on my teeth. I don’t drink coffee., I looked myself. It is missing enamel along the gum line.  I do not have a corn kernel in there, I have worn down my enamel. I think by brushing too hard. It is the left side of my mouth, I am a lefty. I do most things in life quickly, and I suspect that brushing fast and furious is to blame for this sad but true sign of my old age.
  3. You should see me get up and down off the floor to change diapers.  I workout every day, but my hips have been complaining more and more lately.  My back is a train wreck with piercing sciatica pain. I have horrible tennis elbow and I don't even play tennis. My kids already imitate my slow and gradual straightening up process when I get up from a seated position.  
  4. My scalp got so sunburned in Florida on spring break because I didn’t wear my baseball hat one of the days.  My stupid hair is so thin. It has a lot to do with celiac disease and the years it went undiagnosed (could not think of the word ‘undiagnosed’ - see? Who struggles with that word?  It is so basic!). I wasn’t absorbing my nutrients and my hair suffered. It’s never coming back folks. Imagine the great look I will be sporting as my sunburn peels. ‘Hey old lady, there are big white flakes in your hair?  Maybe push your goofy glasses up a little higher on your nose so you can see it for yourself.’


Gigi said...

The readers make me SO insane that I'm seriously considering just switching back to regular glasses! But, I'd probably need to put the contacts in just to apply makeup, take them out and wear the glasses - almost as annoying as the glasses on/off thing. *sigh* As my mother in law says, "They aren't the Golden Years; they are the Rusty Years!" She ain't wrong.

Cheryl said...

One consolation? You are not alone...there are millions of us! lol.

I was blessed with excellent eyesight, until I hit my mid 40's and cheaters entered my life. Now I am in my 60's and should wear bifocals. I refuse. I cannot walk down the stairs with the damn things on. So, I wear cheaters for close up and squint for distance. Works so far!

Perfect teeth I had as well. But, I was an ass and smoked from 20-50. (I thought I was soooo cool!) The teeth were still great but my gums? Not so much. I ended up losing several teeth and now sport a partial plate. What a dumb ass.

If I ever get a chance to live my life over, there will be no smoking and I will exercise every day of my life. No carbs will cross my lips either.

See? You are not alone! :)

Kari said...

It's like this post is me. As I sit here with elbow problems, migraines, hot flashes.....the list goes on. Why did our parents not tell us how hard it is to get old? Or at least our moms. Menopause is worse than childbirth and pregnancy put together.

Also, I love your grandpa without ever meeting him. I do believe the whiskey is part of the reason he lived so long.

Maybe we need to start day drinking.

Wendy said...

Oh, I really hated having to wear reading glasses over my contacts! My eyesight is really bad (-8.5 in each eye) but now I wear multifocal contacts (mine are Acuvue for Prebyopia) and they are amazing!! No more reading glasses -- seriously, it's like having young eyes again. :)

Kristi said...

Have you tried a Collagen supplement? I started adding Collagen to my afternoon coffee/tea and it has helped my nails and hair immensely!!! Also, "talc free" baby powder is zinc oxide - put it on your head and it's sunscreen :)

Ernie said...

I have not looked into other options yet. I know my sis in law does something with contact lenses - like wears two different strengths. Yuck. Why doesn't my mother in law have anything cute to say? Ever. And I must apologize - I had no idea that my font had been reduced to microscopic when I added the numbers - is is superscript? It looked like that when I looked at this post on my phone. Looks normal on desktop. How annoying - especially for people who already need readers!

Ernie said...

Safety in numbers, I guess. I get dizzy switching back and forth from glasses on and then off. What am I turning into? When I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror wearing my cheaters, I go 'Yikes: old lady alert!'

Ernie said...

I might lose my job babysitting if I start day drinking, but don't think I haven't spied a Mike's Hard in the fridge and licked my lips a little.

My big question is why did no one ever mention that metabolism bites after 40? Huh? That should be someone's damn mission in life - warn all the youngsters to enjoy carbs before 40 - and then run from them.

My grandpa was one of the greats.

Yes I would take pregnancy over not being able to see shit.

Ernie said...

See, I don't know anything about multifocal contacts. Sounds like it would make me nauseated. It took me four years to be able to insert a contact lens - toss in some kind of funky instructions like 'look down to see writing, look cross eyed to see far, etc' and I think I will relapse.

Ernie said...

Since when was Collagen not only for Hollywood stars to get injected into their lips? What rock have I been living under? I need all the tips I can get. Obviously. This reminds me of when i started using makeup. My mom was sort of opposed - even though I was in high school. She never showed me anything. Nada. Weird?