My grandfather died when he was 97 or 98. I was due to deliver my first baby about 4 weeks later (ended up being 6 weeks because Lad would not budge!). My grandpa was quite a character. He survived the depression. Drank a small-ish glass of whiskey each day after running it quickly under the tap, which really only added a drop of water. Back in his day, he had smoked a pack of lucky strikes a day. He claimed grandma’s cooking and his whiskey were secrets of his longevity.
Back when I was a college student and beyond, I used to call him and ask him the same thing: ‘So grandpa, how are you doing?’ He always responded the same way, ‘Pretty good for an ole guy.’ He cracked himself up.
So now suddenly I feel old. Why? Well let me tell you before I struggle to think of the reasons I have gathered in my mind. Get it, issue number 1- sometimes I simply cannot think of a word. Tip of my tongue and then it is gone. I sit at my keyboard and think; what’s the word for (such and such). It often comes to me when I have typed a few sentences later, but sometimes I ask whatever kid is around. ‘What’s the word for . . . . ‘. They give me a weird look.
OK, really, here is my list:
I have managed to hang on to this pair for
awhile now, but prior to that I was losing
them and breaking them all the damn time.
I hate being dependent on them. Boo.
- The enamel on my teeth is wearing away. Um, holy horrors. This is a nightmare. Can you say cold sensitivity? Sweet sensitivity? Air sensitivity? All of the above suck, because I love to eat! I recently ate some popcorn and I thought I had a kernel stuck in between my teeth. I worked on it all night. I adore those little floss sticks and I would not stop picking at my teeth. No improvement. I had Coach and Mini take a peek. Mini was horrified when she told me that she saw ‘staining’ on my teeth. I don’t drink coffee., I looked myself. It is missing enamel along the gum line. I do not have a corn kernel in there, I have worn down my enamel. I think by brushing too hard. It is the left side of my mouth, I am a lefty. I do most things in life quickly, and I suspect that brushing fast and furious is to blame for this sad but true sign of my old age.
- You should see me get up and down off the floor to change diapers. I workout every day, but my hips have been complaining more and more lately. My back is a train wreck with piercing sciatica pain. I have horrible tennis elbow and I don't even play tennis. My kids already imitate my slow and gradual straightening up process when I get up from a seated position.
- My scalp got so sunburned in Florida on spring break because I didn’t wear my baseball hat one of the days. My stupid hair is so thin. It has a lot to do with celiac disease and the years it went undiagnosed (could not think of the word ‘undiagnosed’ - see? Who struggles with that word? It is so basic!). I wasn’t absorbing my nutrients and my hair suffered. It’s never coming back folks. Imagine the great look I will be sporting as my sunburn peels. ‘Hey old lady, there are big white flakes in your hair? Maybe push your goofy glasses up a little higher on your nose so you can see it for yourself.’