First off, thank you all for your support, enthusiasm, prayers, and interest in our adoption saga. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to know that you are all in my (our) corner.
*****
Our weekend in Omaha visiting Reg . . . was good. It's early for a freshman to organize recently-met friends to say, go to dinner. Reg tried, but the group he hangs out with the most made reservations and didn't have space for us, despite initially telling him (he asked after their plans were in motion) that we could join them. Reg also hangs out with a group of locals. Their parents see them plenty, I guess - so they weren't interested in doing a dinner.
Creighton (ranked 18) vs Louisville (ranked 4)
volleyball game. A high point of the weekend.
We really came close to winning, but alas.
Down in the dumps since we got home - a few thoughts:
1. I feel like we were on autopilot when deciding to visit Creighton, and the timing might've been off. When we visited Tank at this time, the families we met we never saw again. They weren't his 'people'. I feel rotten for thinking this, but I sort of wish we'd opted to tailgate at Notre Dame (not bothered going into the game) - a shorter trip - long day, but not an overnight, and it's Mini's senior year -only so many games left. It's hard not to want to hang out with people you already know and enjoy. I was excited and hopeful to make those connections at Creighton, but it didn't happen (and maybe if it had, it would've ended up like Tank - not seeing them again because groups are in a state of flux this early on).
2. Maybe too soon for Reg to organize his group/recognize which group he's part of, and I fear that since he doesn't always read social cues well, maybe he bugged them too much, texting kids to watch the ND game with us in the lobby of a dorm after their dinner. We watched the game, ready to serve my 7 layer taco dip and my cookies. The dinner-out group didn't stop by. We met a few of the local guys because they live in the dorm, and they enjoyed my cookies.
3. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic thinking it'll be several years before we can really go out of town solo and chill, because this weekend had a lot of moving parts and wasn't terribly relaxing due to stuff at home. (I've got a post drafted about how things went on the home front while we were away. Not bad - just complicated.)
4. Bonus crud-feeling culprit: Did you see that ND game? C'mon. Poor Mini. Her senior year and the season is essentially over. On the bright side - maybe we'll get some cheap tickets if folks give up and don't wanna bother attending. 
this was a Mediterranean chicken
dinner served on quinoa. So tasty.
We did have fun, damn it:
Friday we took Reg to dinner (ditto on Saturday), andthen we went to a volleyball game, which was exciting. We won the first set and the other sets were so close. They were out of tickets, (students get in regardless) but a season ticket holder had extra tickets she wasn't using so they gave them to us. Amazing seats. I spotted a woman whose daughter is a friend of Tank's, and she just moved downtown Chicago. I recognized a player on Louisville's team, who played against Curly last year. Starting as a freshman at the #4 volleyball program in the nation? Crazy.
Saturday afternoon we crashed Tank's former fraternity's backyard party. Reg can't rush till second semester, but the guys welcomed us with open arms because we were Tank-affiliated. These guys know Reg, inviting him to parties, etc. I got to chat with Mrs. H - I'll share a small world story about her in my next post. 
Backyard fraternity party.
It was 92 degrees, but this
year it was at a house with shade.
The last three years
there was zero shade.
We also took Reg to the bookstore and bought him merch. While I hoped to meet freshmen parents, it didn't happen - but I'm confident that with a little more time Reg will click with a good group. He seems very happy. He's managing the basketball team, and getting in a groove with his classes.
Anyone else ever suffer from FOMO? Or as adults, is that supposed to be a non-issue? Anyone else watch the ND game? I'd never attended a college volleyball game - anyone else in that same boat?
We are very different people. I don't go to family weekends for my kids' colleges, I'd never expect to make friends even if I did, and wanting to go out to dinner with other people stresses me out. It seems like you had a good time regardless. College volleyball- nope, never have seen a game- nor tailgating. I'm not sports oriented, so I'd only go to a game if I had a kid playing or some major social obligation.
ReplyDeleteI think FOMO can be real, but as an adult we're supposed be rational about it. Given the stress leading up to the adoption and life in general, I can see how you might have pinned a lot of great expectations on this weekend away. Be kind to yourself!
Mbmom11 - Be kind to yourself - ah, I will try. I gather that we ARE very different people. I am social. I love to be social and Coach laughs at me when I follow daycare moms out to their cars to finish a conversation. There isn’t a heck of a lot of social opportunities back home, so when we go some place else and there is potential for social-ness . . . I am all in.
DeleteWell... the main thing I took from this is that Reg seems happy! I can see how you came away from the whole thing with a "flat" feeling though. I think that's the problem with Family Weekends- the expectations can be high. The funny thing is... the weekend I'm going to visit my son is Family Weekend, and I'm kind of mad about that! I just want to see him, and not be annoyed with a ton of traffic and people around. I'll meet his roommates, but that's probably about it. I would have picked a different weekend if I could have. Ha... you can see how anti-social I am!
ReplyDeleteHope your "Eight is Enough" family is doing well!
Jenny - Yes, he's enjoying college. We never doubted this would be the case. We've had loads of texts and phone calls from him and he has lots of upbeat things to share, aside from one class he sort of struggled with - but after spending an hour and a half at the airport after the adoption, he spent the time digging in and he thinks he's getting it. I don't really think I had high expectations, but I started to wonder (after girls' camp was cancelled, and after I saw on FB that loads of parents weren't even going) if this was the best time to go. Then I missed seeing the parents that I have so much fun with at ND. Sigh. It's fine. We never sign up to do the family weekend 'stuff'. I know that some people are not geared to spend time with other people. Coach is social, but not as social as me. He's usually happy to bow out of something sooner than I am.
DeleteHa, eight is enough fam is doing OK, but reentry is tough for me and I think that contributed to my mood yesterday when I drafted this post.
I have to echo the first comment here. I read this and all I could think is that it sounded exhausting. Don't you ever just want a weekend at home to do nothing except read and catch up on blogs? I go to a live sporting event maaaaaybe once every three or four years and it's exhausting for me. Even watch parties (maybe once or twice year) remind me that some people take sports a lot more seriously than I do and the sports gambling side of things makes me sad. ANYWAY. It obviously works for you or you would change it. But I got tired just reading it! (No FOMO here. I never regret time on the couch with my cat.)
ReplyDeleteEngie - Hee hee. Remember that I'm home all.day.long - babysitting for small people who cannot converse with me. I have no work relationships or work friends, so when I get a chance to get out and meet up with people, I'm all in. This sporting event was so enjoyable for me, because my kids weren't playing in it. I get more stressed out when I watch my offspring compete. I'd also never been to a college volleyball game. It was so much fun. I do like to chill. I love to flop on the couch at the end of the day to watch something - but I almost never do that. If I do, then I have to have a basket of laundry at my feet to sort so I feel productive. Oh, and I do not like sports gambling at all. I have never bet on anything and I've never been to Vegas. That stuff makes me uncomfortable. Part of the enjoyment of the weekend for me is that we drove there and back and Coach drives more than I do, so I can blog or read or sleep, or all of the above. Also, there was loads of down time during our visit. Reg went to play basketball Saturday and we signed up for zero college family day events. We didn't meet up with him Saturday until like 12:30. After the fraternity party, we went back to the hotel and snoozed.
DeleteSame here as Engie and mbmom11. I never, ever sought connections with my kids' friends parents. EVER. Jared and Sam's lives were their lives, and our lives were ours. I felt that the separation was healthy and helped them be independent. Plus it gave us time to do our own thing. I'm not one for a crowd scene all the time. Like Engie, I really look forward to time at home to relax, have some quiet, and do my own thing. How are you not exhausted and frazzled all the time? When do you recharge? HOW DO YOU DO IT?
ReplyDeleteNance - Trust me, our kids' lives are separate from ours, but I have become good friends with some of my kids' friends' parents. We have lots in common and they are wonderful people. Maybe you have more friends that are local. Coach and I do not have much of a social life locally. I've tried. He and I were just counting the many other couples or families that we've invited over for a drink on the deck, or appetizers, or dinner out. We don't get much in the way of reciprocating. I know people who are part of a big group of friends, but we aren't. We had loads of friends when the kids were young, and we knew most of them through our kids' grade school. When we pulled them out of Catholic school, we stopped getting invited to things. Sort of our of sight out of mind. Coach's sister and her husband are two of our fav people to spend time with, but they live near O'Hare and we are 35 minutes away (on the expressway) when there isn't traffic, but there's always traffic. I'd say I recharged after this weekend on the drive there and back. Time in the car with just Coach (esp when he drove most of the way), was relaxing. We didn't sign up to do any of the guided tours or the campus events. The volleyball game was a last minute thing and we enjoyed it, but didn't stay for all of the sets. I babysit four days a week and I am ready to chat with adults. I like to get caught up with other parents in the stands at the kids' volleyball games. I guess my other time to recharge is nap time, but I'm starting a meal or laundry or if I'm lucky - writing. ;)
DeleteMy parents never came to a parents weekend! I am not sure if they even went for my oldest brother so I think it was something they just plain opted out of. When I was in a sorority they could come to our big formal event in the spring and would chat with other parents, but they only socialized with them at those events and didn't form a friendship beyond that. But I feel like my parents were too busy running their business and keeping things running at home that they had no interest in making friends. All that said, I am glad that you had a good time with Reg and that he's happy at Creighton. That's most important!!
ReplyDeleteLisa - My parents came to ND football games and I was across the street. We didn't have parent weekends each year, but we did have senior dad's and junior mom's. I don't think my folks became really good friends with any of my college friends' parents, but I don't think they ever really crossed paths. I think running a business and showing up to campus would be a lot to juggle.
DeleteReg is very social and we knew he'd be really content to be at college. He's loving the food. Funny - all of our kids are always shocked that their friends/classmates complain about the cafeteria food. Our kids are not terribly picky - or maybe it's because I'm not exactly a gourmet. He had an issue early on with comp sci, but after hanging at the airport after the adoption I think he studied there long enough that he figured it out. I hope so. the memory stuff is something we're not sure about - has it improved?
I don't know if the college I attended had parent's weekends. I was only 36 miles away and often went home on the weekends anyway. My parents did come to campus many times though for various band concerts and football/basketball games when I was in the marching or pep bands. (I'd guess 95+% of the sporting events I've been to in my life have been due to participation in marching/pep/alumni band).
ReplyDeleteI've never been to a Volleyball game at any level. I'm surprised the game was sold out - I didn't think volleyball would be popular enough a sport.
Didn't watch the ND game or any other. In fact, I went grocery shopping in a different town and took back roads home to be sure I missed the traffic related from the local college football game!
Probably have FOMO, I have described myself as the "Queen of Imposter Syndrome" more than once.
Jenny in WV - The ND band has a huge following and so many parents look for game tickets so they can see their kid perform. That sounds so fun to me. It sounds like it worked out that you were so close to home so they could see you play. Volleyball is pretty popular - esp at a D1 school. It was so much more intense than being at a high school game. the next time they play, I believe the game is at a huge arena. This one was held in a small-ish gym. I don't blame you for driving around to avoid college game day traffic. I have no trouble missing the Bears' game to get my groceries.
DeleteIt does sound like a slightly disappointing weekend. No doubt the stress of home was weighing on you a bit. I’m sure Reg will find his peeps. It’s still early.
ReplyDeletePat - It was a little disappointing. I might have read into things, but if the other kids in his group had dinner plans and they knew we hoped to join, well - why not make an effort after dinner, you know? He did say that these kids all live on the same floor in a different dorm, so maybe they feel a bit more connected because of that. I'm not worried about him making friends, but as I told him before we left - be sure the friends you meet appreciate you for who you are. He's a great kid, but that doesn't mean he needs to connect with 'the cool kids', if that makes sense. It is still early and once he joins the fraternity that I think he'll join - he'll have another group of kids to hang with.
DeleteNext weekend is Parent's Weekend at my daughter's school. We won't be going. She might even come home to get off campus for the weekend. There are a lot of local kids at her school, so I know some of the parents in passing, and that's about the extent of the interaction I have with them.
ReplyDeleteI've been to a couple of college hockey games and that's about it for college sports. I don't like football in person. I don't even watch college football on TV.
Kara - Escaping campus during a parent's weekend when you live nearby sounds like a decent plan. I've never been to a college hockey game and I've been to a few Blackhawk's games. I'm not really that into football - I enjoy basketball much more. Plus the head injuries - yikes.
DeleteUgh I was AT that ND game - the stadium was electric but in the end it just was not enough! Glad you got a visit in with your son! And I have never seen a college volleyball game! Other than football and basketball, I have mainly been to field hockey, lacrosse and rugby because those were the sports my kiddos played.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - You were there. Ugh. I can only imagine how charged the stadium was. I felt so bad for the kid who bobbled the ball for the kicker. The camera kept showing his face. I was like, Enough. We get it. But there were plenty of other mistakes. I also thought the targeting call was crap. Fun fact, I played club lacrosse in college. I had almost no idea what I was doing, but it was super fun.
DeleteIt sounds like Reg is finding his people-that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteFOMO has never been a problem for me. I'm glad to be out of the loop. 💜
Kari - He seems to have a few different groups that he's connected with, but it was a bummer when he didn't get included in their dinner reservation and then they didn't make the effort to meet up afterwards. What? Might not be his people then, which is fine, but hope that becomes clear to him one way or another so he can move on if he needs to. I might be reading into it too much as the mom.
DeleteI love that you guys are such joiners! College VB is SO FUN-- it's my favorite after women's hockey. Women's hockey at UW is amazing because the team is incredible and also the facility is so so so cool-- it's really small and you are RIGHT THERE next to the ice, and then the level of play is just unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteSarah - Ha - I love doing all the things. There was a soccer game Sat night and we didn't go to that but we almost did. My kid was more interested in watching the ND game. The volleyball game was fast paced and so exciting. I love all the fun stuff the students do to get hyped. There was a video of a little ground hog (?) and he'd sing a really high pitched thing and then the fans would imitate it. It went on and on, with the varmit doing short bursts, students copying, etc. Hilarious.
DeleteI'm sorry that your weekend was disappointing. Your feelings are valid! I can feel the hurt of not being included in the dinner reservations, and of being there alone with seven layer dip and cookies. You're very understanding about it though, and you went on to have some fun moments - so bravo for you!
ReplyDeleteMichelle - Thank you for that, I appreciate it. I think we were just so busy planning to attend and we were operating on autopilot, it never occurred to me to say Hey, what if we come a different weekend. 100% Reg would've been fine with it. Not knowing any of these people, I had no idea whether or not hanging out in the lobby of a dorm would interest them. It was fine. I'm over it. I was bummed to miss hanging out with some of my dear mom friends who were in town for the game at ND that weekend.
DeleteAnyone else ever suffer from FOMO? Nope. I cannot imagine my mother ever coming to visit me on parent's weekend so maybe I come by my lack of concern naturally. But I'm sorry you ended up feeling sidelined.
ReplyDeleteAnyone else watch the ND game? Nope, we're OSU fans here.
Ally - It was a tough case of not being able to be in two places at once. Looking back, we probably could've asked Reg if he minded if we came another weekend that worked well for Tank and then Tank could've tagged along, etc. I'm sure Reg wouldn't have cared. Sometimes I'm too busy planning the stuff that I let autopilot take over. It's fine.
DeleteOSU fans? Well, that does make sense. I hope we can still be friends. ;)
I can honestly say I've never had FOMO in my life, nor do I think it will happen. HA. I'm such a homebody these days.
ReplyDeleteI've not seen a college volleyball game, nor did I see anything with Notre Dame this year.
I hope Reg finds his group and his groove. I love that he's managing the basketball team---I mean, that seems to be in with a great group already!
Suz - I don't usually have FOMO, but dang - it's hard to not be in two places at once. I'd never seen college volleyball either and I didn't know that the team stands (like the ones who aren't playing) over in the corner the whole time. Interesting.
DeleteReg seems really happy. He can rush fraternity next semester and I think that will sort of define who he hangs with, but you are right - the basketball manager job has already introduced him to a lot of kids.