I drafted this before our mind-blowing busiest-in-a-longtime weekend. I'll describe soon. I finally replied to comments here and I'm off to comment on your blogs - I've read them while in motion thanks to the speechify app. Shout out to Michelle for mentioning it. Life changing.
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On the home front while we were in Omaha last weekend: Curly thought she was supposed to bring Kay to my folks' house early Sat morning. Huh? In reality, she had to drop her at our good friend's house on her way to volleyball practice. Good friend would drop Kay at her cross country meet. I verbally went over the plan with Curly, Rae, and Kay. Curly is very overwhelmed right now with academics, and volleyball, and college/b-ball recruiting - so my guess is she was only half listening. I also wrote it all out and hung it on the fridge.
Coach (to me at 7:30 am Saturday in our Omaha hotel): What's the code to your parents' garage?
Me: *(mumbled four numbers, half asleep . . . because I was in a hotel, enjoying a bed to myself while Coach slept in the other bed and I COULD'VE slept till noon if I wanted) . . . then I sat bolt upright . . .
WHY? WHO NEEDS TO GET INTO NANA'S HOUSE?
Coach: Curly does.
Me: (wide awake now) WHAT? NO!!!
Fortunately, she'd gotten the garage door up but Nana's interior door was deadbolted. Coach told me she was crying - fearful she'd be late for volleyball, and I worried Kay was making life difficult for her. Bad timing for the two of them to have simultaneous brain farts.
Then - a thunder storm. Good Friend needed to know if the meet was cancelled. It was delayed. More texts back and forth to Good Friend, to the coworker who was Kay's ride home, and to the c.c. coach. Hours later, Coach stared at his phone forever, anxious that coworker who was picking up Kay from the meet hadn't yet found her.
I finally lost my marbles. STOP! SHE WILL FIND HER AND IF SHE CAN'T SHE HAS THE C.C. COACH'S NUMBER. SHE OFFERED TO HELP. WE ARE GONNA THROW MONEY AT HER. I'LL BAKE HER A SHIT TON OF STUFF. I CANNOT LISTEN ANOTHER MINUTE TO WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE HAPPENING AT HOME.
Imagine if I hadn't slept in a separate bed and had a fairly decent amount of sleep? Yikes.
A little later there were texts with the mom whose house Kay was going to in the afternoon. I let her know she'd be late, and she wondered if she could have Curly's number in case the pick up spot was different later on . . . and so on.
Like I said, NOT RELAXING.
Please enjoy this video. Reg appears as the main dude in the leather jacket early on. It's a lip synch competition between freshman from different dorms or RSP groups (orientation groups). Happened orientation weekend. Needless to say, our fam was blown away when he shared the video. They came in 2nd. Maybe he should focus on something besides b-ball.
All I can say is: Wait for it.
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Remember when I was hitting friends up for babysitting help last weekend, and I texted Good Friend:
"If only I had sisters."
Neither of my sisters have acknowledged the adoption. I assume they discussed this and opted to stand together . . . in solidarity? Not a card, a phone call, a text, or a dumb 'like' on my very rare FB post.
I think you all know that our adoption journey has not been easy. Never thought it would be, but I also never could have imagined how hard it would be. Ultimately, it's all good and I do believe as we keep slogging along it will only become more rewarding, but support from other people is . . . well, I'm not sure where I'd be without it. Note, Coach's sibs have showered us with support and love, as have many friends. Both my brothers reached out to say congrats on the adoption.
Like I said, If only I had sisters. Sisters who weren't judgie, who spoke to me and not at me, who listen, who have a sense of humor. If you have one of those - or maybe more than one, I'm jelly. I do have good girlfriends, and I have you, faithful readers. So thanks.
Ever been in a lip synch competition? Ever had someone get confused with specific directions that led to almost waking up your elderly folks? Does your life follow the 'friends are the family you choose?' plan?
Oh, the pain of being the logistics coordinator and then no one listens!!! I so empathize with you. Glad it worked out - despite everyone not paying any attention. Or doubting the schedule .
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to sons college graduation many states away, I had put some careful plans together, and then the school still called me about something that my daughter and husband ( who were home) were supposed to deal with. I couldn't leave town for 2 days without crap happening ( even when I had organized stuff). Sigh.
I do not have friends, only sisters. My closer mom friends have all drifted apart as our kids grew, and I depend on my sisters for support. No one lives close, so it's all verbal/written. And the rare visit/gift/chat. I'm glad you do have good friends and connections ( and random strangers on the internet! 😉) to support you through thiss epic adoption journey.
mbmom11 - It is crazy when no one listens to the logistics manager. I can only imagine that you've been in a similar situation. I still have to share our girls' overnight in Lake Geneva - um, there was a logistics mess up back home that was plain silliness. I've drifted from many of the mom friends I had back when the kids were young, but I'm so grateful for the ones that I'm still close with.
DeleteUm...THE SPLITS????? My body is sore just looking at it, but also that looks like so much fun! Those are really fun years of life to be young and agile and experiencing the joys of college life.
ReplyDeleteFamilies are complicated, mine included. I've never been super close to any of my siblings, though I'm also a lot younger. Family estrangements or difficult personality dynamics are so hard and sad and I can only imagine how much you wish you had them in your corner helping and supporting :( I would say that I know that in a pinch I could turn to any of my siblings for help but also that for almost everything I turn to my friends, first!
Elisabeth - I know! We could not believe it. He told Coach afterwards that his hamstring hurt. I bet. I can't believe that was it. He seems to really be enjoying himself. He has a random roommate who is really shy and Reg has taken him under his wing and the roomie told Reg that he could never have imagined having so much fun. How sweet is that?
DeleteFamilies are complicated and that makes me nuts as a mom to eight kids. I so want my crew to stay connected. Fingers crossed. I feel similarly - my siblings would do anything to help me, or at least my brothers would, but I'd turn to friends first.
Your sisters are missing out.
ReplyDeleteDid you have any idea that Reg could do that??? Woah! How fun!
Colleen - I guess it's because I know them, and I know that they hold themselves up as 'family people', etc. I think knowing the truth is the mind blowing thing to me. Also, I don't have a relationship with them, but how do you not make some sort of effort to send a text or something? - like it seems like the most basic thing. And we were raised by the same people.
DeleteI did not have any idea that Reg could do that. I know he's athletic, but what on earth. So funny. He's really enjoying college. Worth the wait. ;)
Family relationships are sometimes difficult. I know mine are, and my husband is estranged from his family now for more than 30 years. Just because people are related to you doesn't mean they are good for you. It's hard to come to terms with that, but it's true.
ReplyDeleteNance - Just because people are related to you doesn't mean they are good for you. ~ Very true. My stomach hurts at the thought of our own kids not being good to each other in their adult lives. I cannot imagine.
DeleteI know you want connection with your sisters, and that’s completely understandable. At the same time, you have so many amazing friends and family on Coach’s side. Maybe it’s worth asking yourself what you truly need from them, and if they aren’t able to give it, does it really take away from the love and support you already have around you?
ReplyDeleteKari - Oh, um, no - I don't want connection with my sisters. That ship has sailed. That are judgmental and close minded and unpleasant in general. I just find it difficult to fathom how they don't make any effort to say something or to send the girls a card to say 'Welcome to the family'. Both of my sisters carry on as though they are 'family first' types. I find their lack of effort to do the most basic thing staggering.
DeleteReg was FANTASTIC. HE CAN DO A SPLIT? WHAT?
ReplyDeleteI've never done anything like that, unless you count an impromptu dance session or me doing some standup late night in a group setting. No splits involved!
The logistics would overwhelm me too. I mean, you have so many moving parts with the kids at home. You have to rely on others and sometimes people get confused, forget, etc....Curly, I'm looking at you. Poor thing---she sounds like she's got her hands full too.
It is a pity that your sisters have not acknowledged the girls and your adoption. They are losing out, not you, but still that stings.
Lucky for me, all my family are supportive and open. I mean, I don't have as many as you, but still. And that goes for our friends; they are the absolute best, and I do consider them family.
Suz - My thoughts exactly. Who knew? He could do the splits? C'mon.
DeleteIt was so simple when they were going to be at camp. And now the camp is rescheduled for a weekend when Coach was maybe gonna take them to his brother's house while he attended a course. Ugh. There are a lot of moving parts and I thought I explained the plan so well. Plus I wrote it out. Next time I'll draw a picture. Well, there probably won't be a next time. We just need to stay home. Clearly.
My sisters are so silly. They cannot manage the most basic pleasantry. At least they have each other. I like to think Coach and I are doing something right, because our offspring are super supportive of each other and of us. I hope that holds - no drifting and bitchiness when they do their adulting, damn it. Their mom said so. I have friends that are like family. They mean the world to me.
I'm so happy to know that the Speechify app was helpful for you!
ReplyDeleteThat video was so fun! Wow, Reg can do the splits! The kids all looked like they were having a blast.
I don't have sisters, but I luckily have two sisters-in-law who are wonderful. I wish your sisters could be more supportive.
Michelle - I am always the last to know stuff, but this has been so helpful. I do prefer to listen to an audio book but if it isn't available, I can snap photos of some of the pages and listen to parts of the book.
DeleteWasn't that video so funny? Who knew Reg could do the splits? Having a great SIL is a really wonderful gift. I'm pretty tight with my SILs on Coach's side too. I wish a few of them lived closer. I wish my sisters could act like normal people . . . occasionally. Too much to ask? ;)
Great lip synch video, wow! My sisters are 6 and 8 years older than I am and growing up we basically lived different lives. When they were in their 20's and thought they knew it all, I was a teenager and thought I knew it all. But as we got older we became very close. I'm sorry you don't have that. This really breaks my heart. I will begin to pray about this: for softened hearts, a desire for reconciliation, and for understanding.
ReplyDeleteCindy - I'm laughing at your sisters thinking they knew everything in their 20s and you thinking the same thing in your teens. Isn't that the truth? I'm glad you all ended up coming together. That's great. I know people who have amazing bonds and relationships with their sisters and it always sounds so lovely. My sisters aren't the kind of people I would choose to hang out with. I think since we're family though, they could at least show basic level decency.
DeleteThat video is so cool, it looks like they are having lots of fun. I'm so sorry you're sisters are difficult. I get along pretty well with my sisters. We met on Saturday at a wine bar to discuss our weekend away and spent about four hours there drinking, snacking and catching up. It is good to have that. My brother is more difficult (I'm pretty sure his wife doesn't like me).
ReplyDeleteMelissa - The video is so much fun. We about died when we saw him do the splits. What on earth? I know so many people who have wonderful relationships with their sisters. My parents played favorites and failed to put the kibosh on mean-spirited behavior. It's so strange, but the five of us really had different standards to live by. One really big thing that I think impacted our relationship is that Ann got a divorce. My folks tip toed around her after that, which set the tone for everyone in the family. Ann was suddenly allowed to be horrible to siblings (namely me) because everyone felt sorry for her. It has led to lots of issues. I am not about to tip toe around anyone. I tell someone if they are mistreating me that they cannot do that. I'm an outlier, and the better for it - except that I am often feeling sister-less, because Ann continues to be unpleasant and it's gone on for so long that no one knows how to put a stop to it. It's a horrible habit. *sigh*
DeleteI love my siblings dearly, but we don’t talk often. I know any one of them would be there for me, but it’s not a talk weekly/monthly relationship. I dream of that, but I don’t make it happen, so I’m part of the problem. I’m sorry your relationship with your sisters is so complicated, it would really hurt if something bit like adoption happened without full enthusiastic support.
ReplyDeleteJulie - I understand that. I am sure my siblings would be there if I needed them, but my sisters would bash me afterwards to one another. So, I don't bother asking. I do think the issues stem from Ann going through a divorce when Curly was an infant - almost 18 years ago. My parents felt sorry for her and it was rotten,but I didn't cause it. Ann has never really liked me. I talk with my hands, I'm not one to worry about appearances. I don't speak with a customer service voice. So we were expected to tip toe around her after the divorce, but it has gotten out of hand. Now she's mean to people and it's too hard to do anything about it now. I was always perfectly comfortable telling her that I didn't approve of how she mistreated me. That wasn't supposed to happen. shame on me. Ha. It's just a bad situation that was tolerated for far too long. Our parents did what they thought was right, but dang - it was messed up.
DeleteThat video is amazing! And the splts - wow! I am fortunate to have close relationships with all of my siblings. It really is too bad about your sisters; they are the ones losing out here.
ReplyDeletePat - The video is so funny. We were blown away. When he went into the splits we were like WHAT?! It's top bad about my sisters. It's really unfortunate. We didn't grow up close. Ann never liked me, because I'm not like her (timid, agreeable to people's faces but then talk about how ridiculous they are behind their back). When she got divorced, my parents felt bad for her and we were all expected to tip toe around her 'poor Ann'. Well that wasn't the best way to handle things. That was like 18 years ago and I wasn't on board with the tip toe dance, so here we are. I speak my mind when someone is awful to me, I'm gonna call them out on it. And awful to my children - which she was when they were young. It's really messed up.
DeleteNo siblings here. My experience is that friends have to be my family. I do find sibling relationships interesting. Yours rank right up there for being complicated. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteAlly - I think friends as family is the way to go often. then you choose who you spend your time with. My family relationships are complicated. Basically we weren't all held accountable for our behavior and that has played out in various unhealthy ways. Ann was allowed to be a beast after her divorce when we were expected to feel sorry for her instead of urge her to get the help she probably could've benefited from. It's a mess.
DeleteI have some sibling drama too, and I gotta say, I am trying my best to make sure my kids always have each other. I think growing up and knowing that the sibling bond might not always be there as really really influenced the way I parent my kids.
ReplyDeleteSarah - Same! I have done whatever I can to parent my kids with as much consistency as possible. Holding them accountable for their actions is a big thing in my book. Ann was never held accountable. She held everyone hostage in our family and then when she got divorced we were all expected to feel sorry for her and my folks insisted we all tip toe around her. I don't play that way. She was awful to me and to my children. There's no excuse. I didn't cause the divorce. I'll forgive someone, but not someone who refuses to try to mend things. She did not care about who she hurt. No thanks.
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