I have a post ready, but I'm bumping it. I feel like writing and venting will help me land in a more jovial mood. Here's hoping.
My not-funny slump that I'm trying to dig myself out of:
* Reg needs his epilepsy meds bumped up AGAIN. He seems to be OK with one dose and then he gets more and more deja vous moments (his term for the mini seizures) and we increase. We really thought this current dose was the answer. He's been good since mid-October, but alas - he's struggling again, having deja vous more and more frequently. He can drive again Feb. 1st so long as he doesn't have another major seizure, please God - let him be able to drive. These little ones are indicators of a bigger storm, which is why we need to keep them at bay.
Reg got knocked to the floor mid-shot in a game Sat night. He had deja vous and went to the line a little dazed - which spectators would not realize. He uncharacteristically missed both free throws.
He did play well, but his standards are CRAZY high. He's very hard on himself and it's exhausting. When he hit a 3-pt. shot my dad yelled out: THAT'S MY GRANDSON.
The fact that my parents have had me pick them up and take them to some of Curly and Reg's home games has been very sweet.
Anyway - the new dosage is as high as it goes. What if he needs more? He'll need to add another medication. Dang, that sucks.
* Lad showered his dog this morning and as a result, there was no hot water for me. Trust me, it's rare that we run out of hot water even when all 8 of us are home. In other words, he used A SHIT TON of hot water to bathe his pet. I pointed out to him afterwards that this was unacceptable.
In order to live here, he must see a therapist. This is a recent requirement. I thought he was blowing off the therapist because he was at the dog park, but the appointment was pushed back an hour. He was upset that I was hounding him/requiring a screen-shot of the appointment change as evidence.
I reminded him that this situation isn't one that his father and I created. He made choices that caused us to lose trust in him. Now we are living with the aftermath.
Let's just say he didn't take any of this very well and I ended up calling Coach insisting that he drop his patients and come home to discuss things with Lad, who conveniently left by the time Coach arrived. They spoke via phone at least.
Also, two of Lad's pet exotic frogs died, and I kid you not- I was accused of not being sympathetic enough. How is this my life?
I'm a prisoner in my own home, and it just so happens to also be the place where I work. It also happens to be a place where my offspring, struggling with mental health or not, fail to pitch in and regularly leave their crap everywhere. Coach suggests we update the kitchen clean up list. I say this runs much deeper than kitchen help.
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(keep scrolling to see all of them)
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| I should own this. |
I wanted to see if I could find a towel for my sisters that they'd find funny. I didn't succeed in that, because most of the towels are geared towards people who can laugh at themselves.
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| SO FUNNY! |
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| Maybe this one would work for my sisters? |
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| I want this on a t-shirt for our next block party. |
25 comments:
First of all, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Things sound so challenging with Lad. And the worries about Reg and his epilepsy...well, this is all very hard and a lot to deal with.
On a lighter note, I spit out my coffee looking at The Cure. All of those towels are so cute and funny!
I don't have any funny towels! That trail mix one got me chuckling the most, so true. I'm glad you can find humor through the challenges of life - since I know you are a faithful Catholic, might Lad benefit from spiritual direction or at least Confession in addition to the therapy? Or maybe he's not open to that right now. I know when I feel myself getting overly anxious or angrier than normal, confession is a great release and receiving those graces make me feel so much more peaceful. Anyway, prayers for Lad and Reg and YOU :)
I'm getting a case of deja vu just from your description of the confrontation and conflict with Lad. Been there. I remember feeling so much at a loss, avoiding going home TO MY OWN HOME after work. I truly can empathize. Let me just say that, at one point, I came home to a door that had been eaten by a golden retriever, dogshit everywhere, and I had to bathe the dog, then deep clean the entire first floor of the house.
I understand.
On another note, I have one funny towel. It says "Wine takes the bitch right out of me."
Nicole - Thank you. I thought about allowing myself a good cry yesterday, but I didn't want to get all stuffed up and have difficulty sleeping. I didn't sleep well anyway. I get my allergy shots today, so I will sleep like the dead tonight. It's fine. Everything is fine, just a tad heavy at the moment. Insisting on therapy is progress. It's just that this has gone on for so long and when he rears up after EVERYTHING we've put up with - including approx 25 tanks full of frogs and a dog, well - it's frustrating.
I have that t-shirt in my cart, because I think I need to own it. I'm leaning towards the long sleeve version.
Colleen - Those towels and t-shirts cracked me up. I really do need to focus my efforts on actual shopping and I doubt my teen godsons would appreciate a tea towel.
I wish urging Lad to lean on his faith more would be the solution here. That'd be amazing. He's open to very little and unfortunately, mental illness doesn't improve with a focus on faith. I, for one, feel better when I pray and ask God to intervene and to allow me to remember that I can't control everything, but I'm not suffering from mental illness. I believe Lad has anxiety and probably depression. He's developed some unhealthy behavoirs to cope with all of it rather than just see a therapist. He's not on drugs or drinking heavily, which is a relief. He is an adult so insisting that he get help has taken years. We live in fear of pushing him away at the price of our own happiness and comfort. It's a big mess, quite honestly. We are trying to be patient and we hope that our prayers are answered and that he gets the help he so desperately needs.
Thank you for the prayers.
Nance - Nice tie-in with the deja vous terminology there. ;) I'm sorry though, that you're familiar with these types of struggles. We go with the flow for long stretches here, and then there are days that things crop up and I cannot brush everything under the rug. He likes to remind us that he's 24, but we aren't supposed to reverse that on him and point out that HE'S 24 AND NOT PAYING FOR HIS PHONE OR ANY OF HIS LIVING EXPENSES AND THEN USING ALL, A.L.L., OF THE HOT WATER. It's exhausting.
Your towel is very funny. See, I'd love to give that to my sisters - but, alas. They must shop for their own towels, apparently.
I would not be sympathetic to the death of two frogs. Sorry, not sorry.
I have a towel that says "Who are these children and why do I need to feed them?" One of my kids got it for me for Christmas a few years ago. It really sums up the dinner situation at our house on nights when we don't have a meal box. I'd bet the Three Wise Women would be OK for your sisters.
My oldest kid is home from college, and she decided to repaint her room. She picked a nice deep green. But it's not a project I was expecting, and because it's cold, she's got her windows wide open while the heat cranks in the house.
Very tough times indeed. As to Lad, the tough love may ned to get tougher, having been there. And that will be even tougher on you. And yet .. "Despite God being on our side, I eventually learned the Almighty does his best work through trained professionals. "
Kara - Yep, I had to hear about how the therapist WAS sympathetic and I wanted to ask WAS THE THERAPIST TRYING TO SET UP A PACK AND PLAY IN YOUR BEDROOM 30 MINUTES LATE FOR NAP TIME? WHILE HOLDING A 1 YEAR OLD WHO SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE WANDER OUT OF THE ROOM AND FALL DOWN THE STAIRS? Hmm, I thought not.
That is a funny towel. I saw one that read: FLOOR MODEL, or something along the lines of this-oven-isn't-used. Good stuff.
Yowza - I think I would argue that this is not the time of year to paint a room, but that's just me.
Kate - I say Amen to that. I want to shank him for waiting YEARS to seek help. He's told us off and on over the years that he's ready to see someone, but then he doesn't. Tough love is in order. The first part is to set more specific boundaries. I need to get Coach on board with that. Sorry that you've been down a similar path. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Ernie, I am so sorry that you are at the nexus of all this worry right now. The medication balancing act is SO hard and I'm so sorry you are in the middle of it. I hope Reg's doctor figures out a good solution and that he is able to drive. And everything with Lad -- what a challenging time. You and Coach are being such stalwart presences in his life, and the boundaries you are setting and love you are giving him are so important, even if it feels like nothing good is coming of it. I am thinking of you all.
Those towels (and the cure t-shirt - omg!) are so funny. I love a good funny towel.
Suzanne - Thank you. I appreciate that. I haven't even touched on the fact that Reg's coach is a true lunkhead. I envsion a post simply called COACHES . . . when I'll have the time to write it, no clue. It's growing longer in my mind by the week. *sigh*
There's no point in quitting the Lad situation right now, since we're making headway. Since he won't agree to a neruo psych eval, we have no idea if the therapist we have him with is the right one. She specializies in what we THINK is going on, but do we really know?
Those towels are so funny. I'm finding myself procrastinating from actual shopping, which is not very prodcutive.
Ernie, you really have had a rough year. Keep up the tough love with Lad, he is worth it. That is the hardest part of parenting I think. I'm glad you were able to have a bit of a cry and release some of the pressure. I totally get the feeling of being trapped in your own home -- our home should be the place where we feel safest. I'm so happy you were able to get a laugh at the t-shirt & towels.
I love the one that says: Don't leave the dishes NSYNC! They're all too cute. But you should get them the one that says they have the best sister, because they do. (You, not the other one!)
You've had some tough speedbumps this year. I pray that Reg's medication issue isn't an issue any longer.
Lad is great at deflecting, isn't he? The frog thing...I suppose he's very invested in them and it's a big deal in his life, but you've got SO much more going on than frogs. He's young and very much lives in his world; he'll grow up eventually. Praying that he therapist helps him see the 'light'.
XOXO
Those are awesome towels and shirts!
I have an epileptic dog and we went through the "medicine A level is too high, so lets reduce that and add medicine B". I can't imagine how much more stressful and scary it is when it's your kid, probably at least a trillion! I hope the docs can get it figured out soon!
I don't have any advice to offer regarding Lad or the frogs (I think the frogs would be a cool hobby at a different time and place), so I will say a prayer for you all.
Pat - Thank you. It is hard. I'm here with him more and Coach is gone more often. Coach is also a bit more patient with waiting for him to get into therapy a bit more before adding expectations. I'm over waiting and I want to add the expectations in now. Sigh.
I made a dessert to freeze for my Christmas party and it is labor intensive. Afterwards, I sat and shopped for more of these funny towels. A great distraction.
Suz - I saw the NYSYNC one too. Good stuff.
It has been a rough few months. Lad made sure to tell me that the therapist was very sympathetic about the frogs. Really? Was she waiting to get in your smelly room, full of contraband frogs, in order to set up a pack and play beause a baby was overdo for a nap? Yeah, that's what I thought. AFTER I put the baby down, I did come downstairs and ask him if he knew what happened? Had he recently changed the aquarium? That was me being interested.
Thanks for your good thoughts.
Jenny - Yes, those towels and t-shirts are so clever and funny.
That is exactly where I'm afraid we are headed, adding a second med and trying to find the right balance. It's exhausting. I only recently learned that dogs can be epileptic when Finn ate a bunch of Reg's meds after knocking his pill ogranizer to the ground when no one was home. It's sort of a funny story and I'm just now realizing that I never blogged about it.
So many stories, such little time.
Frogs might be a cool hobby, if only they were living in his own place and if only he was able to own them in a smaller scale. We are talking over 20 aquariums jammed into every open spot in his tiny room. A room that I use for my daycare. Hmpf.
I don't know how old Lad is, but, sadly, it is time to just say no. Your life is too full for Lad to be the tail that wags the dog. Sorry. The longer he is enabled, the harder it will be for him to change. And 20 cages of frogs in a room that is part of your day care program, when you take a deep breath and look at it realistically, a clear indicator of who is currently running the show. Sorry.
Continuing to pray for Reg, Lad, and your whole family.
Katie- I don't disagree that we have allowed too many issues to go to the wayside. When he disappeared for 5 months and we had no regular contact with him, well- that shook us to our core. I am getting impatient with waiting to put our foot down but since he FINALLY started therapy, we are holding our breath a little longer until things that need to be addressed can be brought to light- preferably in a session attended by the 3 of us under the guidance of the therapist.
Beth- Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Ernie, from your lips to God's ear.
I bought two of those Cure shirts last year! One for our steal-a-gift thing at the Christmas party - the first guy who won it put it on and tried not to let it be stolen, but it was - and one for my niece, who loved it.
I bought my sister a tea towel for Christmas that says "It's not SLURRING YOUR WORDS, it's called SPEAKING IN CURSIVE and it's FUCKING CLASSY". We are rich in people who can laugh at themselves, though.
Ali - I haven't ordered myself that t-shirt but I really want to. That towel is hilarious and it's weird because we were nothing if not a group raised with the expectation to laugh at ourselves, but then some of us got all weird and oversensitive and annoyingly un-fun. I did give them towels but they were things like ALEXA, DO THE DISHES. Funny, but safe.
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