(this is part 2, starting off with my response to Mini's tearful conversation - when she shared her feelings about being away at school)
Me: It's going to take time. Don't worry about academics - you'll do great. You did NOT peak in high school. Anyone will be thrilled and lucky to have you as a friend. Ann sounds great
, have you told her how hard you're finding this? (YES). That's good - better to get things off your chest.
*Then Mini explained that she struggled to keep things bottled up, was sort of disgusted with herself for always spilling the beans and calling me crying.
Me: (eyes bugging out of my head) Well, um, that's because you're an open book JUST like me. It just means we're good at sharing (this is where you all mention in the comments that open book people are the best kind of people.) Hey, I'm going to see you Saturday.
6:45 pm: While I was talking to Mini, Reg called. I'd texted him to say that I'd arrived.
Reg: I'll be at the car in a minute.
Me: I'm talking to Mini. Don't talk in the car, OK? *I didn't want her to shut down.
He hopped in, ate his dinner, and changed his clothes, all while I drove and chatted with Mini and tried not to become a puddle myself. I dropped him off at basketball and told him Dad might be back to get him at 9:30.
I figured I could just drive all the way home (26 minutes on the expressway, because b-ball is my new Irish dancing) and keep talking to Mini. By the time I got home, maybe Curly would be ready to be picked up.
7:45 pm: Mini said good-bye, she needed to go get some stuff done. I tried Ed again while I drove. No answer. I was worried.
Remember in Sound of Music when Maria is praying next to her bed and can't remember the one kid's name. "Oh, that's right, Curt. God bless Curt."
Who am I missing? Oh, yeah Tank. He'd texted me something about fall break that was clear as mud. I called him.
7:45 pm: While chatting with Tank, I ran into the grocery store. I was driving to Notre Dame that Saturday morning and I needed ingredients for my tailgate appetizers. I opened my wristlet, and the fact that I even know what a wristlet is surprises the heck out of me. You know me, I'm not fancy. Inside the wristlet was the little capsule with Reg's epilepsy pill in it.
Me: NO! *sobbing*
Tank: What? What's wrong with you?
Me: I forgot to have Reg take his pill. Because I was talking to Mini. She was crying. And. Now. He's far away. At b-ball. If he has another seizure . . .
Tank: Geez, he'll be fine. He can take it later. *Tank doesn't get it.
Tank said good-bye to his mother, the basket case. I ran around the grocery store, wiping my tears, waiting for Curly to text me: 'come get me.'
Coach called. I told him about the pill. He offered to bring Reg the pill if I brought it to him at work (he works nearby). He'd have to leave work, write up his notes another time. I preferred he just finish what he was doing and not have to stay at work longer another time.
8:00 pm: Curly was ready to be picked up, I left my grocery cart at the service desk. "I'll be right back." When Curly hopped in the car, I explained my tears. "EVERYTHING."
We returned to the store. She grabbed a few things, I get a few things. We unloaded the stuff at home, and I hauled butt back to Reg's practice.
8:25 pm: Ed finally called. Feeling better, not 100%. Told me he played in a b-ball game. I pointed out that this was a mistake, and he agreed. Realizing that he shouldn't have exerted himself. *He continued to feel sick for better part of a week.
|I bought these on |
Amazon. I think there
were 4 or 5 in the
package. Reg filled a
few, and then left them on the
counter. Now he has them
8:45 pm: Back at b-ball, I tried to get Reg's attention, so he would take his pill. Practice was a fast paced, full court drill, and there was no way he was going to come off of the court. *Parents are allowed to watch, so I didn't raise any eyebrows. I appeared to be observing vs frantic mother with a medication delivery.
9:45 pm: Practice ends after going 15 minutes longer than scheduled. Reg takes his pill in the car and I tell him that the little pill holders that I bought as backup options in case he forgets at home cannot sit on the kitchen counter. He needs to attach them to his golf bag, school bag, b-ball bag, etc.
Not sure when I last had an evening when EVERYTHING felt SO urgent and stressful.
Oh, Ernie, that is A LOT! Of course it was upsetting. Hate it when everything hits the fan at the same time.
ccr- It sure was an everything-hits-the-fan kind of evening. Blah.
Oh my goodness. What a crazy evening. My stomach got tense just reading about it. Glad the missed med didn’t result in a seizure. You have a lot of people relying on you.
Oh Ernie! What a night! I'm stressed out on your behalf. I really hope things have settled down since then.
This is why a birth control pill for men is pointless. They will never, ever be as mindful or as strict about taking it as women are. We'd still have to remind them, supply them, and watch them take it.
What a crazy, stressful day. Yikes.
Holy crap. How do you keep it together? How are you not on heroin?
Kidding. That's not an option! I can't wait for the day when you don't have 100 stressors happening every day.
I hope Ed is feeling better and that things are settling for Mini.
Big hugs my friend.
Oh, OPEN BOOK PEOPLE ARE THE BEST!
Pat - It was such a nutty night. Most of it spent while driving. At the end of the night, I barely remember how I got from point A to points B, C, D, and E again. It was a relief that he didn't have a seizure. Two things - if he has another seizure the clock starts to zero on the 6 months of no driving thing. Also, we now know that once the body has a seizure it tries to repeat that. I'm trying to stay one step ahead of that.
Nicole - It was the pits - at every turn, something else. Coach and I went out of town last weekend, and that feels different now too. What if he has a seizure while we are away? Before we left I emailed the b-ball coach/office staff. I gave them a copy of the medical plan that is on file at the school. After that practice when I was afraid he'd have a seizure because he didn't take his pill, I decided that they should be informed. *really wasn't on my radar because basketball was on a bit of a break in August and it has just started up again.
Nance - You raise a good point (although very briefly I thought your point was that I had too many kids, 'birth control' words - did a little Jedi mind-trick on me). Typically he is so good at taking his meds. I felt like such a screwball, because I told him not to talk and it wasn't like we were in our kitchen where he would normally take his meds. We see the doc tomorrow on a zoom call, and we need to ask about how important it is to take the meds at the same time every day.
Suz - I laughed my butt off at the heroin remark. Doesn't that require needles? You do know that I can't do needles, or eyebrow stuff. Eek.
I hold it together by sometimes swearing like a sailor, although I've been trying to be better about that - with surprisingly decent success, and running. Running wears me out and then I sleep well. Booze has the same effect, but I'm trying not to focus on that truth. Tempting as it might be.
Ed is feeling MUCH better, but goodness did that last longer than any of us wanted. I'm happy not to hear about the color of his stool any more. Ah, motherhood.
Mini seems to be better. She wigged out a touch last night because she is re-thinking being a business major. I was like PLENTY OF TIME to figure that out. Some girl (or most of them?) who is a year older has a double major and 3 minors. I was like, good for her. And you will enjoy your much more balanced life.
There it is, the affirmation that I was craving CHEERS TO OPEN BOOK PEOPLE. *raising a fake glass but I barely slept last night which has been a non-issue lately, so tempting to chug a couple Mike's. ;)
EVERYONE - And no one wanted to alert me that I had an extra copy of that pill capsule photo floating around up towards the beginning. Would you tell me if I had salad in my teeth? Curious.
It is my experience that having high school and college age kids is so much more stressful than having littles. It just seems like their problems are so much bigger and also that there is less and less we can do to help them.
What a crazy day for you with everything hitting at once! Hopefully you are fully recovered from all the craziness and stress! (Although, I'm sure there will be more right around the corner...but hopefully one child at a time instead of all at once!)
Oh geez, that does sound like a stressful evening. We take on so much of our kids' emotions/stresses. You are doing such a good job.
And I 100% agree that open book people are fabulous. I like knowing where I stand.
Beth - TM (aka twin mom) who I sit for and who is wonderful, told me when we were going through everything with Lad, that her mom used to always say 'bigger kids, bigger problems'. I never thought about it, but I've found that to be true. I do envy my parents. They had zero issues with us when we were teens/college age, not until my sister divorced.
One at a time stress would be better, otherwise I feel like I need to say TAKE A NUMBER.
Suzanne- Well thank you. I think if I didn't workout every day, my stress would impact me so much more. I hope I am doing a great job. I admit - I haven't always done a great job with each one of them. You win some you lose some, or in this case, you knock it out of the park sometimes, or you suck.
See, I totally agree. Open book is the way to go.
Gosh Ernie that is a stressful evening! But well handled by the champ. I feel so sad for Mini and am praying she finds her feet really quickly. For her and for you! My daughter is going to college next year and I’m dreading something like this happening.
Charlie - It sure was stressful. Thank goodness all Tank needed was to chat about who he is bringing here to go to a Notre Dame football game with us over his break in October. Not sure I could've handled one more thing.
Mini has sounded better lately and seems to be accepting that it is not the norm to lock in with your besties on day 2 at college. She has met nice girls and she is enjoying them. It feels strange to her to have a larger group where people aren't completely 100% familiar with one another, but she is coming to terms with it. I'm sure it will continue to get better.
My advice would be to make sure your daughter understands that it might take a bit to meet her group. Tank met a group freshman year and then completely switched to another group by second semester. Things tend to evolve, I guess. There was a FB page with the parents and I didn't know about it. I almost wonder if it would have helped her to reach out to a few kids in advance so she knew some people before she got there. She knew no one, except for an older cousin who has been a good support for her.
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