 |
| Taken the next morning. Someone brought me that poinsettia. You can kind of see my village set up on the buffet. |
Coach took Wednesday off. He told me Tues evening. This stemmed from having days that he couldn't carry over, but I'll take it. (refresher: I was having a party Wed. evening) I'd contemplated taking the two tots I had (an unusually light Wednesday) to the mall. I wanted to buy each guest an ornament from Von Maur. They'd wrap them all fancy-like.
Now I could escape at naptime.
The snack bar with fridge drawers.
I keep my laptop here to
be used while babysitting. Ignore
the stationary bike, rolled
in for my workout.
Only hitch: I had a zoom with my gastroenterologist. A checkup scheduled months ago. The office called me in the am: Any new meds or falls? etc.
I'd sort of hoped they were calling to cancel.
The staff: Please sign into the zoom at 12:45 - the doc will hop on at 1:10.
I laughed. Out loud. This doctor must think she's pretty busy.
I signed into the zoom on my phone at 12:45 and drove to the mall. I arrived and walked around with my phone out, so I could see when the doc popped onto my screen. I selected a dozen different ornaments and hurried to the checkout. 
Party ready.
The salesman put each in a cute tiny box with a gift receipt. He was about halfway done . . .
DING signaling I've been released from the zoom waiting room - no time, my doctor's voice: HI! HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU AT WORK?
 |
| A rare clear island. Miracles do happen. |
Me: Hi. No, I'm uh, checking out of the store.
Doc: Oh, OK. How've you been feeling? How are your
BOWEL MOVEMENTS.
Well, there it was. Let's dive right in. I'd not gotten the volume down low enough where only I could hear her, so now the entire gift department was aware that someone in their midst needed to chat with a doc about her bathroom habits.
I successfully turned the volume down most of the way and smiled at the screen and nodded. "I'm good. Nothing new. Everything's fine. I take my meds and sleep fine. All good."
.jpg) |
| Taken the next morning - if you look closely . . . there's a tot playing in the middle of the room. |
Doc: ABOUT HOW MANY BOWEL MOVEMENTS ARE YOU HAVING A DAY?
I tried to signal her the answer by rapidly blinking, but she wasn't catching onto my attempt at Morse Code.
Picture me nodding profusely as she took a stab: LIKE TWICE A DAY?
Me: U-HUH, MORE.
We played footsie with this answer for awhile until I whispered into the phone: you do remember that you guys have me taking Miralax twice a day, right? So whatever your best guess is multiply that by four. I'm fine. I wish you could figure out what's wrong with me and not just manage my symptoms, but I'm fine.
I acted the story out at my party, and it was a hit - or maybe that was the charcuterie board and wine talking. (In December when Kyria asks what I learned, I've got my answer: I can never, no matter what, learn to pronounce charcuterie).
If you'll excuse me, my phone dinged. It's 8:45 pm (Thursday night) and I need to drink my Miralax . . . in my clean kitchen. Wonders never cease.
*****
Do you rely on hosting to force your house into order? Can you pronounce charcuterie? What's your favorite charcuterie item? Have you ever unwittingly overheard a doctor appointment while out shopping?
If I don't post before Christmas/whatever you celebrate, I hope you and yours have a joyous time full of laughter and relaxation.
Your kitchen is gorgeous and this story is hilarious AND horrifying. I would be mortified.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the time I was at a wedding and I was sitting beside someone who turned to me and mentioned the weight gain of a guest (who had been sitting right in front of us, but had left). I tried to very discretely whisper in this person's ear THAT HER HUSBAND WAS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. It was so dreadful, Ernie :(
Elisabeth - Thank you. It rarely looks this organized, so I decided it was a good time for a photo shoot. The phone call thing . . . well, timing is everything.
DeleteEek, I can just imagine how uncomfortable that was. Dreadful for sure. Oh my goodness.
Your kitchen looks great- I love the snack bar area and French doors. . I definitely need guests coming to kick me into cleaning mode.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
mbmom11 - Thank you. It was a small snippet in time. the snack bar is a popular spot. It took a year or two before I claimed it as my own. It's lovely to sit at my computer and see the tots and be able to send an email, etc. Our original kitchen had a similar spot, so when we did the addition I made sure we upgraded it to include a bench and the fridge drawers.
DeleteI'm hoping that we can maintain this level of decluttering so that Curly's grad party in June doesn't sneak up on me.
That kitchen is a thing of beauty! I miracle indeed. I hope your gathering was fun and you were really able to enjoy yourself. You are too sweet gifting all your friends ornaments.
ReplyDeleteI can pronounce charcuterie. I can't always spell it, but I can say it.
The Zoom call in the department store. I died. You can't make this sh*t up.
Girl, you know my house is clean all the time. HA. I don't have a bajillion kiddos in and out, so it's really the frenchies that make the biggest mess....although, last Friday little LJ peed all over me, and my kitchen floor! 🤣
Suz - Thank you - It is so nice when it's cleaned up and organized. Aside from the paper stacks (there are always paper stacks) that I moved to the study, everything found a home. It was a nice get together. I had my bestie who didn't attend my college come too, so that made it more fun.
DeleteI struggle to spell it too, but I think now I can remember that the word 'cute' is in there. I've got a mental block - Coach insisted I pronounce it proper before anyone showed up. That did not happen.
No, I really cannot make this sh*t up - nice choice of words. I only survived because I convinced myself that no one was really paying attention. Sure, keep telling yourself that.
Whenever someone suggested we get a dog, well - heck no. The added mess, I couldn't do it (I mean, I sort of did when we had Finnegan living here for 2 years against my will). Oh man, those little boys peeing when they're getting changed. So funny and unexpected.
Were the daycare kids in shock the next day bc of how clean it was? Haha kids are the funniest truthtellers. That phonecall in public would have me blushing and sweating for sure. She could have at least called them BM's amiright?
ReplyDeleteColleen - My daycare crowd is really really young this year, so no they didn't notice. But they did notice my Christmas stockings that I hung at midnight one night in preparation of hosting. You are right - she couldn't called them ANYTHING but bowel movements. Ah well, it makes for a good story.
DeleteOh for sure. Pre-Party Panic Cleaning is about as clean as my house gets. My work Christmas party is tonight, and I need to get my folks at the airport at 9 PM, meaning Pre-Party Panic Cleaning will all shift to tomorrow and will send my husband into a tailspin.
ReplyDeleteKara - I wish I had that gene where I cared about always having the house ordered - but also, I am kinda glad I don't. I know where everything is and unlike when I lived at home, my kids are able to invite friends here whenever. I just shrug and hope they feel more welcome.
DeleteI loved seeing your kitchen! It's so unique with that snack bar area and that island is HUGE! Our layout is similar to yours, but our island is an octagon and half of it is taken up by the range top. I do know how to say charcuterie because I learned it in French class over 40 years ago! Cheese and olives are my faves.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but having to wait on a doctor for a zoom call for nearly an hour is ridiculous. It's just rude. The majority of the phone calls I overhear in public are women complaining about what an a**hole some man is. Also, rude!
Bijoux - I'm glad you liked the peek into the kitchen. It is a really cool little spot. The island is huge - the first time I brought groceries in and I could not reach them from the other side . . . well, I needed to remind myself not to complain. Ha. I took French forever ago and I was terrible. I remember the word Merde.
DeleteI knew she'd be late and I found it silly that they made me hop on so so early. Of course the timing was right when I was at the counter (which took forever because I had so many tiny boxes to assemble). Well, if you can't laugh, what are you gonna do?
OMG YOUR KITCHEN! It could fit at least three of mine. I would kill for all that space, or at least that counter space. Even now, when it's just Rick and I. Well done with all the cleaning and decluttering for your party. Tell the truth now: did you just open the basement door and shovel it all down there? LOL
ReplyDeleteThe public discussion of your BMs is hilarious. I mean, like Bijoux said above, I have heard so many other intimate one-sided conversations in public, but this one would have definitely been the most fun and memorable. You have a great story forever now.
I do know how to pronounce charcuterie, and I can say it with a passable French accent if necessary (but why would that be?). I took 7 years of French about a hundred years ago. I love when there is good brie, olives, and excellent fresh fruit or a really good fruit spread/jam.
Nance - We added onto the kitchen in '17 and OMG, game changer. The house had three different depths along the back of the house - family room was all the way 'out' so we took the dinette area and the work area walls and bumped them out to make them all the same. Looks like the house should've been built that way. I do treasure my kitchen. I really worked hard to put things back where they belonged. There were quite a few stacks of papers and binders and my laptop that all got bumped into the study and all the laundry for the week and maybe the week before landed in my bedroom, but otherwise I even cleared the dining room (my catch all space).
DeleteI do have a great story forever. I was a sitting duck, waiting for the guy to assemble 12 boxes with tissue paper and gift receipts, etc. Not a quick transaction and there I was, sharing and airing news of my messed up pipes for all the people shopping in the fine gift section to hear. Aw well.
I took French and still, can't pronounce it. I was a terrible French student. I believe firmly that you either have the brain for foreign language (and if you do you can also probably read music), or you don't. I'm camp: no foreign language and no reading music. (although Dad only selected the two brightest kids for music lessons . . . of course he did. I begged to be able to take music along with them - a sister a few years older and the Walks on Water brother. Not like I was too young. Ugh. still rubs me the wrong way).
You really do have a beautiful kitchen. And great job on the clean up! That phone call with your doc- hilarious. You can’t make this stuff up. I cannot believe they asked you t9 get on the cal 25 minutes before the doctor!!?? That is the height of arrogance. Like our time is worth nothing.
ReplyDeletePat - the kitchen can be beautiful and this was one of those times when the clutter was dispersed. the phone call was so funny. It felt very arrogant and that's why I laughed when the lady called me that morning to review any updates. "Sure, I'll get on super early." I told her sarcastically, but then I did follow orders and for what? So silly.
DeleteYour kitchen is gorgeous!! What a beautiful and welcoming place to hang out and cook. Your Zoom story is hilarious! You always know how to crack me up, Ernie!
ReplyDeleteI love your kitchen- especially your island! So beautiful. I had a friend over on Monday and was cleaning before she came (even though she said not to), but I love having something to motivate me. 💜
ReplyDeleteLOL, that call is the exact reason I stay at home if my doctor is going to call. Your kitchen is amazing, and it looks totally spotless - great job! Oh, and your charcuterie board looks delicious. :)
ReplyDeleteEchoing all the compliments for your kitchen -- I am jealous!! That island is amazing. And I also totally relate to the urge to take photos to document when all the normal detritus of daily life is gone. I have multiple small boxes of things that were swept off the counter to prepare for a party and then stuck in a closet to languish *facepalm*
ReplyDeleteThe video call!!! Oh my goodness, the timing could not have been worse/funnier. I am peeved on your part that they wanted you to log on TWENTY-FIVE minutes before the appointment time, especially if there is a good chance the doctor will be running late. In our practice we ask people to log on five minutes beforehand! Telehealth can get wild sometimes. One of my colleagues did a video visit with a patient who was riding a golf cart around on the course. I did one with a patient who was lying in bed with her boyfriend, both under the covers but with no visible clothing on. It is a new frontier in medicine for sure!!!
Ernie, this is SO FUNNY. yes, of course the doctor was suddenly available as you were checking out and needed to know details about your bowel movements. This story really brightened my day. I'll be chuckling over it for a while!
ReplyDeleteOh that is too funny. But if you were around other moms, they would be so non-plussed by this. We have lost any sort of sense of embarrassment or privacy after having kids. But still, no one wants to talk about bowel movements in public!! I don't blame you for multi-tasking, though! Those waits for telehealth appts can be so long. You need to invest in some airpods or something, though. I use mine all the time and then you can be discretely asked about bowel movements without batting an eye. LOL.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. That made me laugh... and I am thinking you got a good chuckle out of it too, retrospectively ;)
ReplyDeleteLove your big a** kitchen (and island!).
That was me :)
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