LET'S BOUNCE THIS GUY: the issue & the letter to the principal, *plus pics for fun

This has been going on for awhile, (links to the start of the saga) but on April 17th when Mr. Ego, Reg's varsity b-ball coach/history teacher, made fun of my son to his face for being a bench warmer on his AAU team, I considered loading the 6 littles into the GW van and cutting our zoo visit short, so I could drag this creep into the hallway of the high school and pummel him. Many mind blowing things have happened. I think this email, that I wrote and which was reviewed by Curly's assistant b-ball coach who is a lawyer, sums it up. I sent this to the principal on Sunday night. I apologize for the length. 

***********

Mr. Principal,

A random Thursday: 
7 littles about to run races.

My husband, Coach, and I have 6 children. We've had kids at Our High School for 11 consecutive years. With this written communication, we are bringing directly to your attention a situation of a teacher who is, and has been for some time, bullying our son, Reg, and want to provide you with background as to why we’ve now escalated this to your attention. Please let us know immediately if you are able to address this situation or if we need to speak with someone else in the school system. We’ve tried to follow the system as we were instructed, and this has been brought to the attention first of the athletic director and also the history department as the teacher we believe is bullying our son is both a teacher and coach at the school.

Reg only wore his new
 sweats a few times.
 Mystery how he got a perfectly
square tear in them. Finnegan?

We first discussed with Mr. Athletic Director via Zoom on March 20th, again over the phone on April 20th, and most recently on April 29th the unacceptable behavior of Mr. Ego in his role as varsity coach and his repeated comments about our son’s basketball skills in the classroom. We shared 3 pages of notes and examples during that first meeting hoping Mr. Athletic Director would use the information to appropriately address the situation. Since then, Mr. Ego took it upon himself to call our son out in front of other students saying he believes they lost most of their varsity basketball games because Reg was a selfish player. (SIDE NOTE: REG IS NOT REMOTELY SELFISH, HE HAS A HIGH STAT FOR ASSISTS, WHICH MEANS HE PASSES THE BALL OFTEN) 

On April 17th, Mr. Ego ridiculed our son. He called him over after class and told him that he'd heard that he was only a benchwarmer on his AAU team. This intentionally hurtful and damaging comment was unbelievable and unacceptable for a teacher to make to a student in class. I immediately called Mr. Athletic Director. Additionally, I called Ms. Counselor, Reg's counselor. She suggested that I reach out to the history dept. chair. I contacted Ms. Hist Dept Chair in order to alert her that a history teacher was bullying our son. Despite the fact that we've given a valid complaint, we don't feel that it is being addressed in an appropriate manner. 

I brought my supplies to a Milwaukee
 hotel and started to patch them.

For one, Mr. Athletic Director required that before he actually do anything meaningful to address this situation we first had to find other players and parents willing to speak to him to share their experiences with Mr. Ego as a coach. Investigating this issue should not fall to our son, or to us, as parents. When we Zoomed with Mr. Athletic Director we told him that we hoped that he would remove Mr. Ego as coach if he couldn’t act appropriately, because he lashed out at our son on a regular basis - an issue that was noticed by other players on the team. 

Mr. Athletic Director seemed receptive of our concerns and apologized since he was the one who hired Mr. Ego. He stated that in order to make the coaching change that we were hoping for, he would need to hear from other players/parents. Other players did come forward, one family is moving to Texas partly because they didn't want their son to have to play varsity basketball for Mr. Ego, having already experienced his coaching shortcomings when their son was a freshman. Despite the other accounts of Mr. Ego's issues, he has not been dismissed as coach or taken responsibility for his actions. 

Mr. Athletic Director assured us that our identity would remain anonymous when addressing this with Mr. Ego. During our conversation on April 20th, Mr. Athletic Director shared with me that something was about to happen, something that would lead to noticeable improvements. I believed this to mean that he was going to remove Mr. Ego from the coaching position, but that didn't happen. 

Ta-da. I couldn't find a fabric
close to the sweatpants' color -
 thus the shamrock. I suggested
 that we brand all of his clothes
 that way. 

Instead, Mr. Athletic Director indicated he had a conversation with Mr. Ego, reminding him to keep basketball related topics out of the classroom. Mr. Ego deduced that Reg complained to Mr. Athletic Director. When I asked athletic director if he told Mr. Ego who complained, he said that he hadn't. He said other students had similar complaints, so when he spoke to Mr. Ego it wasn't obvious that Reg was the student who came forward. Mr. Ego figured out that it was Reg because while there may be other students who deal with Mr. Ego's poor judgment, Reg is most likely his biggest target. After athletic director spoke to him, Mr. Ego approached Reg and said YOU KNOW ALL THAT STUFF I SAY TO YOU, YOU KNOW I'M ONLY JOKING AROUND, RIGHT? Nothing he said could be taken as a joke, not one word. For example, when he showed a Vietnam video just before spring break, he told the class that most of the vets interviewed had lost limbs in the war. Then he turned to Reg, in front of the class - so plenty of witnesses, and told him, SO Reg, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR KNEE WHEN YOU PLAY BASKETBALL. Now that he knows Reg has mentioned his torment, we anticipate another unbearable season with him as varsity coach and with the uncertainty that the situation might potentially develop into something worse. 

If it's true that other students expressed similar concerns, as Mr. Athletic Director stated, then why is Mr. Ego allowed to continue to coach?

Ms. Hist Dept Chair offered to have Reg switch to another history class, but why should our son be the one to have to make a change when he has done nothing wrong?  Shouldn’t it be the teacher who is bullying our son who should be required to change his behavior?  The switch so close to the AP exam/end of the school year would have put even more undo stress on our son. Ms. Hist Dept Chair initially suggested that Coach, Reg, and I sit down with Mr. Ego to discuss his comments. She stated that 90% of the time teachers don't realize how their comments are landing. There is no chance that Mr. Ego didn't know that his comments were mean. Ms. Hist Dept Chair then informed me that in the four years since she has been the department head, she has never received a call about Mr. Ego. "He's a well liked teacher." I pointed out to her in an email that children who are bullied are not expected to confront their bullies. Furthermore, if a student is bullied, is it ever acceptable to shrug and say, Sorry, your bully is really popular? Another student agreed to come forward to discuss the ridicule she witnessed Mr. Ego dish out towards, Reg - but she wanted to wait until after her grade was final, fearing that Mr. Ego would 'tank' her grade. Mr. Ego has made her uncomfortable in class with unacceptable comments as well.

When we told Hist Dept Chair that Reg wouldn't be switching classes or sitting down with Mr. Ego, we suggested that we sit down with him at the end of the school year. She said her offer was only to make Reg comfortable in class, and since that was no longer necessary a meeting wouldn't serve any purpose. She stated that she would handle the situation internally. 

Unfortunately, handling this situation internally in the history department with a conversation does nothing to protect Reg or any other student from dealing with Mr. Ego's verbal abuse. There is no guarantee that he won't behave this way in the future. Seeing as it is difficult for a student to come forward, it might be challenging to know whether or not other students become victims to his nonsense. 

Mr. Ego has clearly bullied our son. He's failed to separate his involvement as a coach with his role as an educator. His bullying behavior AS AN EDUCATOR is difficult to comprehend. During the varsity season, he often taunted Reg or threatened to kick him off the team for no apparent reason. Reg is epileptic and came home shaking at times, leaving us fearful that he might have a seizure. We ended up hiring a sports psychologist to help Reg cope with the mental challenges he faced at the hands of a coach at Our High School. Mr. Ego has crossed the line with Reg, and other students, multiple times. 

Our son's health should be a priority, as should the health of any other student who comes in contact with a teacher who is known to make cruel or demeaning remarks, call students names, comment on their ethnicity, and abuse his position in order to belittle, bully, or taunt students. By allowing Mr. Ego to continue to teach and coach in the school, his behavior is condoned. There are a number of students who are not comfortable coming forward. Not taking appropriate action sends a message to students that speaking up isn't going to matter. The school has an anti-bullying policy in place and we’d like clarity from you on how this policy is applied towards teachers and coaches.

Mr. Ego announced to the sophomore basketball team during the '22-'23 season, YOU AND YOUR PARENTS CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT ME ALL THEY WANT, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. While it is our hope that this confidence in his job security isn't legitimate, the fact that Mr. Ego hasn't been replaced in his varsity basketball role or removed as a teacher is highly concerning and we could not be more disappointed with how little the athletic director and the history chair have done to meaningfully address this situation.  We are hoping you will conduct a full investigation into this matter and we’d like to request a meeting with you at your earliest convenience.  While we hope this can be addressed and resolved in short order, we are also prepared to seek resolution through the legal process should that become necessary.   

Coach and I, together with other concerned parents, expect that Mr. Ego will be released from all coaching duties and teaching obligations by the end of this month. If you need to speak to other students impacted by Mr. Ego's behavior, then we encourage you to investigate appropriately.

                                                                        ***********

After Coach and I met with the AD in mid March, we felt heard. We were confident that the issue would be addressed and that the coach would be replaced. That didn't happen.

Is it me, or does downtown
Bloomington, Indiana
 appear to have inspired the
Back to the Future town square?

Earlier this week, the principal responded to our email, stating that the issue at hand violates code #blah-blah (bullying/harassment), so he forwarded it to the district complaint HR woman at the superintendent's office, who we are zooming with today, Thursday, at 1:30.

It SEEMS like they're taking it seriously.

I've asked other parents to speak up. One mom said she'd urge her daughter, who is in Reg's class and who has been impacted by Ego's remarks, to write up what she's witnessed/been subjected to. Apparently Ego tells Asian students, I KNOW YOU GUYS WOULD RATHER BE IN MATH CLASS, BUT YOU'RE IN HISROTY RIGHT NOW.

Coach thinks it'll be hard to get rid of him because of the union, unless he sexually or physically abused a student. I say, what if he is a bully? I hope they bounce this guy.