turns out I like being bored

This might make you laugh, but for a few days last week I felt almost bored.  ALMOST. The week prior was gut wrenching. I count that Tuesday as one of the top 10 most difficult days I've faced as a mom. 

Tank's program is not what we expected. Another mom said it best: We had Creighton expectations. 

Tank had to petition Creighton for each classes. His program is supported by his college, so why? Try:  HERE'S A LIST OF CLASSES OFFERED THAT WE'LL GIVE CREDIT FOR. 

We love his college, but this program has disappointed us. I've already shared with the woman who runs the program (she started there in Aug. so she's inherited much of it) that I'd like to offer some feedback for ways to improve things for future groups. 

Tank has ADD. ADD is often buddied up with some other issue - for Tank that's anxiety, typically mild and manageable. The end of January, a week after the twins' mom died, he called me crying. 

**********

*when he was 9 his Focalin meds for ADD killed his appetite. He suffered from SEVERE low blood sugar issues, like trying to jump out of a moving car. The doc switched him to Vyvanse. Tank developed OCD overnight. I called the doc. They told me Vyvanse wouldn't cause that. 

Me:  YOU WANNA BET?

I took him off of it and he became his old self. 

** Senior year in high school, Tank struggled once again with OCD. Out of nowhere. The recurring thought: torture. Tank got through the painful ordeal with therapy. He wasn't taking ADD meds at the time, because school wasn't challenging. 

In the fall, the doc prescribed Adderall. He needed something to help him attend. 

**********

When he called me in January from Ireland, he told me that the thoughts had returned (after being gone for 2 years). He'd reached out to the therapist. *He hadn't started taking Adderall yet that semester, but he started shortly after his issues began.

Me:  You're brave for seeking help and for reaching out to me. 

Before we hung up, I broke down:  I MIGHT BE FAR AWAY, BUT I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. 

He was managing. Weekends were easier - busy traveling. Weekdays he found it hard to focus on academics. 

Then he called me while I was in Texas. I hid in a bedroom - not wanting Uncle to know that Tank was suffering from the same issue that his deceased son had. Tank's new thought loop:  was Adderall the issue? I put him in touch with Aunt Leprechaun. She had a great deal of compassion for my situation, being in the house of sadness while all of this was ramping up. She felt it was time to start an SSRI. 

Remember:  my cousin started Prozac, an SSRI, and then killed himself the next day. The irony of standing in that house shortly after my other cousin took her life while trying to reassure Tank and urge him to take a medication that he didn't want to take and that I wasn't sure I wanted him to take - and then walk back into the kitchen and chit chat lightly with Uncle was nearly impossible. 

Tank had college friends visiting him in Ireland. He spiraled downward. He barely had energy to text me. His visiting friends were confused:  Where's our fun friend? Why are you staring into space?

Moms arrived to pick up their tots on the 7th and I was on the phone with Tank, he was at his lowest. 

Tank gave me permission to reach out to Creighton. I learned that when Tank asked teachers to meet during office hours/assignment clarification, etc. they responded SORRY, THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE OTHER STUDENTS. Two different teachers. WHAT THE HELL? One sent him an excerpt from the student handbook. Not giving help is a RULE. 

In summary, because this was NOT what I was going to blog about today, Tank and I zoomed with Creighton/Univ. of Limerick. I insisted on a leave of absence. I wanted him traveling with his siblings while he started the SSRI that his brother was bringing. I shared how upset we were that a school wouldn't help a student who was advocating for himself.

Before things got really bad - I spent hours looking online, emailing various doctors, researching how the university health services works. Family practice doctors cannot subscribe SSRIs in Ireland. I was hoping to get him a prescription there. 

Tank finally shared his situation with Ed, a huge step. His therapist wanted him to externalize. He took the SSRI for 3 days, then stopped. It made him sleepy while out at the pub, God forbid, and now he felt great. I was like YOU FEEL GREAT BECAUSE OF THE MEDS. 

Ed, Mini, their two friends, and Tank had an amazing time together. Ed's friend  suffers from anxiety. He openly chatted with Tank about his ordeal/medication. 

Coach and I fly there Wednesday for a week. 

Text from Tank of Ed. 

The medication decisions have to be Tank's - per his therapist, so we're trying to be supportive. I'm hoping things will improve with the help of the available services, plus - the professors have switched gears - offering to help, providing him notes, etc. 

**********

Leave it to a brother to
capture her downfall. Literally.

I'm wired weird, not great at telling PART of a story, my open book thing, but here we are:  why last week was 'ALMOST boring'. I wasn't franticly contacting doctors, responding to texts from Tank, staring at my phone waiting for him to respond at times, and counting the hours till Ed and Mini would be with him. He feels good, and we hope that continues. Prayers or good thoughts sent his way would be very much appreciated. 

So . . . the thing I came here to tell you . . . Ed's text:  "Highlight of the trip - Mini falling down in the mud multiple times as we hiked to the Cliffs of Moher. And her having to tell the bus driver that she'd puked from motion sickness in the back of the (very packed) bus from Galway to Doolin." 

Later Tank called me and described the bus incident. I cry-laughed. At dinner last night Mini and Ed re-enacted it. At one point, Ed's friend texted him saying:  I'M IN THE CLASSIC DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I WILL PUKE OR POOP FIRST WHEN WE GET OFF THIS BUS. Apparently another girl got up, talked to the bus driver, who then pulled over while she lost her lunch in the bushes, rinsed her mouth with a water bottle, and re-boarded the bus as if nothing had happened. Ed marveled at her poise. 

Guess who is super happy that we're renting a car and won't be taking many buses in Ireland? 

I'll have a few posts scheduled to launch while I'm away. My replies might be delayed. I just created a really amazing arts and craft project that I'll share photos of too. Something I started while I was 'bored.'