If you've missed the last few posts, I'm bringing everyone up to speed on my daycare drama. Once I get this off my chest, I'll move onto other topics like Europe and Florida and a new favorite I've been working on called 'WHAT WE'RE SAYING.' Thanks for bearing with me.
When both Johnny and Lila started getting dropped off, Nelly texted me maybe 6 times a day. Mind blown. HOW ARE THEY? . . . . DOING OK? . . . DID THEY GO DOWN FOR NAPS. I responded the first few days, and then I ignored it. If there is an issue, you will know. I mean, seriously? I have my hands full here and if I texted every mom updates all day, who would feed and change the babies? THINK.
Lila cried unless she was held. I asked Nelly if she liked the bouncy seat, the play mat, the exersaucer, WHAT IS HER HAPPY PLACE?
Nelly: OH, SORRY. SHE'S JUST SPOILED. I REALLY DON'T PUT HER DOWN AT HOME. I JUST HOLD HER.
Hmm. She was over 5 months old. What on earth? And how exactly did you think that was gonna work out at my house where I can't literally carry her all day long?
Fast forward about a month: In February, Delilah and I took the kids to this cute little forest preserve like 12 minutes away. It has a great, new indoor learning center. Sometimes they take out a snake for us to pet, or we get to watch them feed the snapping turtle. We love it there. IT.IS.A.TREAT.
As usual, I posted pics and videos of our adventures on FB to our tiny parent group. The parents love seeing what their kids are up to. I asked the twins' mom once if she thought I posted too much. She was like, UM, I'M A BIG FAN. THEY'RE MY KIDS. SO NO. NOT TOO MUCH.
Nelly texted me afterwards: I LOVE THAT YOU TAKE THE KIDS TO FUN PLACES. IN THE FUTURE , CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN ADVANCE. ICE.
I called Becky. Begged her to talk me down. WHAT THE EF IS ICE? It was 50 degrees out, no ice. Becky did some research: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. Who's emergency? Mine? I have my phone with me, if I get a flat tire or run out of diapers or lose my sense of humor, I will reach out to my support system. Like, what? FYI, I described my regular outings when we met. This wasn't new info. I even brought a friend along.
Johnny hadn't been on an outing with us in the fall, because he was only with me one day a week. I didn't bring them anywhere on 'his' day, because he was still transitioning. Also, while he was once a week, she started him on half days. She asked me if he could stay long enough to watch the other kids go down for naps, so he grasped the concept.
Well, we got busy having fun outside. When Nelly showed up, we hadn't done naps yet. Things were running late.
Nelly: OH THAT'S FINE. ICAN CARRY HIM UP WHEN YOU BRING THEM UP FOR NAPS SO HE CAN SEE WHAT NAP TIME LOOKS LIKE.
Me (eyes bugging out of my head): OH, NOPE. THAT WON'T WORK. I HAVE TEENAGERS.
**the version that staying sealed in my panicking brain: HELL TO THE NO, ARE YOU GOING UP INTO THOSE BEDROOMS** It's not like there were dead bodies that I feared she'd discover, but - well, there was THIS:
BTW Delilah noticed in 20 minutes that day that something was off with Johnny. For instance, he wouldn't touch the tanks that the turtles swim in. All the other kids had their face pressed up to the glass to watch the turtles.
Also, Johnny had been having horrible, awful diarrhea, sometimes requiring a change of clothes. When Nelly arrived to pick up, I took a deep breath then responded to her text, and other 'stuff'. Note: I'm remembering the bullet points here, but I wasn't as abrupt as this sounds, trust me. I'm not a monster.
Me: I TOLD YOU WE GO ON OUTINGS. NO I DON'T ALWAYS LET PARENTS KNOW IF WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE. A LOT DEPENDS ON MORNING NAPS, WEATHER, ETC. I LIKE TO 'READ THE ROOM' TO SEE IF THE KIDS ARE UP FOR AN OUTING. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TEXT EACH PARENT AND ASK THEIR PERMISSION.
ALSO, HOW DID JOHNNY'S ASSESSMENT GO?
Nelly : He didn't have one, he just needs socialization.
Me: HE NEEDS TO BE ASSESSED SO THAT I KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR HIM. YOU ARE LOSING GROUND. HE GETS SERVICES TILL AGE 3. HE'S NOW 2.5.
AND, JOHNNY CAN'T COME HERE WITH HORRIBLE DIARREHA. I DON'T CARE FOR KIDS WITH THE RUNS, SAME AS VOMIT. YOU CAN'T DROP HIM OFF WITH A 12 OUNCE CUP OF JUICE.
*my kids knew this. they were like why is he drinking juice?
Nelly: Well, that's what I give him to take his medicine - (*medicine that she's put him on, for allergies that she thinks he has, no diagnosis - exactly what she told me). What's he supposed to drink then? (for real? did she just ask me this?)
Me: ASK YOUR DOCTOR.
Nelly: My pediatrician says it's OK for him to have loose stools until he's ready to be potty trained.
At this point my head exploded. The end.
Kidding, sort of.
I want 5 minutes alone with this pediatrician. Please, universe - make this happen. Nelly admitted that she'd just changed docs when Lila was born. My suspicion is that her original pediatrician was suggesting that Johnny might have some things that needed to be addressed, and she switched because she didn't want to face it.
Honestly, this breaks my heart. Truly. I feel for her. I gathered that she was in denial. However, it wasn't fair to ask me to babysit for him if she wasn't willing to seek answers for legitimate concerns that I had. Getting him help might very well improve his situation. Not to mention the constant runs? Her doctor? The worst.
Prior to this, Nelly was so excited to see Johnny participate with the other kids in the videos that I took. We did Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear touch the ground. Ring around the Rosie. I hid teddy bears and had the kids find them after we read, Going On a Bear Hunt book, one of our favorites. I'd told her a million times that he'd do well with a routine and he was starting to get a feel for our day.
She texted the next day after I was frank with her. 'Johnny won't be coming today.' I knew then, she'd not be bringing her kids back. I was right. She texted me that weekend to say that her husband lost his job. Untrue. He's a union construction worker for the city. I know he isn't out of work. If it was true, she still would've brought Johnny here one day a week for the socialization factor that she was so adamant that he needed.
I reached back out to the family with the newborn and asked if they found someone. They had. Super annoying. A week later, I wrote Nelly a letter and mailed it. Mini read it. OH, THIS IS A NICE LETTER, I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE AN ANGRY LETTER.
Me: I'M TICKED OFF, BUT I FEEL LIKE SHE DOESN'T GET IT. I WANTED HER TO KNOW THAT KIDS HAVE ISSUES, MINE DID/DO. IT'S PART OF THE DEAL. IT DOESN'T DO THE KID ANY GOOD TO AVOID SEEKING HELP AND SERVICES.
It was a nice letter. What she did was crappy. After she left, I tried AGAIN to fill that spot. Along came Bubble Boy and his WAKE-UP-MY-BABY parents.
I told you. Ridiculous school year, overflowing with nutty people. Super frustrating.
Which was worse in your estimation? Bubble Boy, or Johnny with his 'diarrhea is fine, just ask my pediatrician' and here's my baby who I guarantee will cry ALL DAY except when she sleeps. Or Wilhelm with his parents whose need for control over the other families who use my daycare made them asshats. Hard to choose, isn't it?