Ed texted me last week. It said I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME TO WRITE IN COMPLETE SENTENCES. He was in the middle of a huge group project and he was editing the pages one of the group members contributed. At first I thought maybe he was being sarcastic, which is the default mode for all Shenanigans, so I called him to verify what the message meant. No, he was being genuine. He said this kid could not write a sentence and he was having to fix all of his work. I puffed my chest, and then slumped as I considered that one day this will be Tank in his group work. I've tried, but good grief, Tank resists basic sentence structure. I don't know about you, but when I was a student they still insisted that we write in sentences.
Speaking of sentences, Mini reads most of my chapters before I share them with my writing group. She is a decent critic and an energetic fan. Most of what I've written was drafted a while ago. I edit HEAVILY to get each chapter up to par before I read for the group. Well, several of my chapters have ended with a similar question, because I believe at one point I learned that a chapter should end with a question, something to compel the reader to keep on reading. It just so happens that a few, OK maybe more than a few, of my chapters have ended with a similar question: WILL I EVER FIT IN? . . . um, I now realize that this would NOT encourage readers to see what happens next. They might instead toss my book into the nearest garbage bin.
Friends, it is HARD for me to admit to you, who I hope will someday be excited to read my memoir and have the opportunity to read it, that I have written that sentence MORE.THAN.ONCE. I attribute it to rushing to wrap up the chapter, and getting lazy at the end of the chapter. Well, when Mini proofed the chapter I read this past week, she read those words and she will NOT let me forget it. Perhaps laboring as a professional critic is not in her future as she hurled feedback at me in the form of: CHEESEY. And NO YOU DIDN'T. And ARE YOU SERIOUS? You are at a loss though, because you are not able to hear her mock me in a seriously whiney voice "WILL I EV-ERRRR FIT IN? " Her pathetic facial expressions compliment the words perfectly. Needless to say, I have removed that sentence and vow to never print it again.
Speaking of removing, I had my mammogram last week . . . removing my clothes is the segue here in case you are confused. I usually squeeze this appointment in at the end of the year. Squeeze, get it? Anyway, the woman asked me when I had my last mammogram. Last December. She asked me where. I didn't know. I waited too long last year to schedule and I had to drive to where Jesus lost his sandals, because all appointments near where people actually live were gone.
She paused. Acted as if I might have to re-robe. What? She was adamant that I remember where I was last time. Well, my exam happened at another office within the SAME group. So just look it up, was my suggestion - said nicely, of course. I'd be dumb to be rude to a woman wielding a boob-squishing machine who could inflict additional pain if she so chose. (I'm kidding, I wouldn't be rude anyway). Um, apparently if I went out of this region, even though it was still through Amita Heath, she couldn't see it in her computer.
I leaned in to examine the calendar on the wall. IS THIS 2021? OR HAVE I TIME TRAVELED? Don't computers track stuff like this? Even or especially for big medical groups? It was weird. She wanted to compare the two photo shoots. Fair enough/good plan, but I'm here, topless, and the clock is ticking and I left Tank home with sleeping toddlers/babies. Can we just get 'er done? I told her I'd call my doc office the moment I left and ask them to look up last year's photo shoot. She agreed. *I did call my doc and 3 minutes later I called Ms. Mammogram and told her where I'd posed last year.* Despite not knowing where I'd been flashing my boobs last year, I proceeded to scrape all skin surrounding my very flat chest in order to plop something on the machine. I checked that off my list.
Speaking of list (is this getting annoying?), I have to make a list of gifts to buy because Coach has decided that we aren't going to take the kids to Budapest. Sigh, sort of. Part of me is relieved or I would've fought to stick to the original/tentative plan. Making that trip happen was a lot to wrap my brain around. Part of me is bummed. The global pandemic sort of killed the pipe dream.
I suggested we incorporate another dream into Christmas . . . "Let's gift the three youngest with travel plans to Florida over spring break." Coach, relieved that I wasn't begging to do the Budapest thing, was like SURE. They kids will be excited. They still talk about the time we took the 3 of them to Florida for spring break a few years ago (Tank was traveling with his buddy's family, also to Florida). It was a chill, no agenda to sight-see kind of trip, and great weather and we laughed so much. Great memories.
Speaking of Florida (wait for it), I had my physical yesterday. All bloodwork was normal, except I have VERY high cholesterol. My number was 186, I think, and medication is recommended if it's 190. Hello, look at me, twinning with Suz in Florida. The doctor and I: shocked. I eat healthy. I do put cheese on my salad and my Mexican food, and hello sour cream. The doc was confused. I workout daily. She wonders if it was a fluke. We're re-testing in 3 months. She also wonders if it's in my genes. DO YOUR SIBLINGS HAVE THIS? Well, as of Tuesday Pat didn't know what I do for work. Cholesterol hasn't come up.
|Tank even took photos|
while he was at the park.
During lunch Tank said things like EAT YOUR FOOD, OR I'LL EAT YOU. and his old standby that makes no sense, but the kids love it RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE AN ARMADILLO.
I think some people can get away with not being all that great at sentence structure.
Oh, the basement fridge - officially needs to be replaced. Repair isn't an option. And to keep things interesting, the dishwasher isn't working. Fortunately I have two - glad I put my foot down on installing 2 when we did the addition, but they've been out to fix this one twice. It was new in 2017. A Bosch. *Eye roll.*
|3 tots eating with Tank, never boring.|
The baby is behind him in the high
chair. That's right - we've
got him surrounded.
Any recent times when you wondered what year it was? Any family members who struggle with sentences, but have plenty of positive attributes? Surprised by bloodwork? Anyone else squeezing in year end doc visits? Do tell, and if you're like me and finding it hard to find time to get everything done, I hope you have a Tank-like substitute to step in and 'be you' for a bit. My tots are sure to be bored with me from here on out. I have a post set for Wednesday, but in case you aren't back, have a very wonderful Christmas or whatever you celebrate.
*THIS JUST IN: MINI TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID EARLY SATURDAY MORNING. SHE STARTED WITH CHILLS AND A FEVER FRIDAY NIGHT. SO, OUR CHRISTMAS JUST SHIFTED A BIT. NO BABYSITTING FOR ME NEXT WEEK, WHICH MEANS - NO MAKING ANY MONEY NEXT WEEK. I WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK THRU WEDNESDAY. *SIGH*