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October 13, 2021

signs you've outgrown a bunk bed and a sneak visit

Well, finally a funny bit. Not gut splitting, just comical:

I reached out to the boys worker, Jo ( I may have named her something else, but I'm being lazy and I'm not looking back). It was early May. We hadn't been able to visit for several weeks, maybe over a month. We did a zoom visit with them in there, but Debbie let them take her phone and they bounced around with it like they were in a bounce house. I said I wouldn't do that again. Is zoom sickness a thing?

I asked Jo if the boys could visit? I can't remember the details, but I suggested I pick them up/meet half way on a Wednesday and return them on a Friday or Saturday. Coach was heading out of town for the weekend to teach, so we thought they could come midweek and tour the school. 

Jo said no, they couldn't afford to miss school. They could come for the weekend, but I reminded her without Coach there it wouldn't work. 

NOTE:  SHE SAID THEY COULD COME, JUST NOT MID WEEK.

I reached out to Debbie, the foster mom, and said, no go. Debbie thought it was dumb. They could miss school. It was the end of their school year (they finish like mid May - what?), so there wasn't much teaching going on. She and I decided we'd work something out the following weekend. 

Tank was graduating, but we decided to make it work. Coach picked them up and for the 2nd time ever they stayed at our home. 

The night before they arrived, Reg went to bed. Ten minutes later he peeked around the corner, apparently in  his underwear. UM, MOMMY, I NEED YOUR HELP. 

Working off a little energy in
 the yard after the long drive.
How nice that this photo 
was naturally blurry. 
He'd climbed into the top bunk as usual, and the bed collapsed - into the lower bed. This was the bed that we were going to have the little boys sleep in THE NEXT NIGHT. 

Me:  HUH?   *&^%#@!**^#@#

One boy would have to sleep on a mattress on the floor and the other in the lower bunk until Coach could secure it for their second night. 

The visit went fairly well. I asked them if they wanted a haircut so they could look like Reg. They were all about it. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have cut it SO short. I motioned for my kids to be approving and they gushed about the boys' new look, then they pulled me aside and said WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? In a word, it was extreme. 

Visit to the zoo.
Pre-scalping haircut.

We left them home with Reg, who was studying for finals, when we went to Tank's grad ceremony. We didn't have tickets for everyone anyway. They weren't well behaved for Reg - claimed the movie we'd put on didn't work and begged him to play Nerf guns. We weren't pleased with them. 

During this visit they asked us if they could start to call us mom and dad. We said yes. We soon regretted it - kidding, sort of. Holy HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY MOMMY OR DADDY Batman? They were excited and we took that as a good sign, even as we took turns leaving the room in order to faux bang our heads on the wall. *note:  They called Debbie Mom or Mimi, so this throwing the mom word around was more like calling a female at their school 'teacher' - there wasn't a lot connected to it. Yet, but we had hope. 

The next weekend was Memorial Weekend. We invited them back. They were super excited. An hour before I was planning to leave to pick them up, Coach and I had a zoom meeting with the team. 

Jo:  OH, BY THE WAY. I SAW THE BOYS AND THEY SAID THAT YOU CUT THEIR HAIR IN CHICAGO, ERNIE. 

Me:  YEP, I DID. WHEN THEY VISITED LAST WEEKEND.

Jo:  I DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT VISIT AND YOU CAN'T PLAN VISITS WITHOUT ME. 

Me:  OH, SORRY. I THOUGHT SINCE YOU SAID THEY COULD VISIT THE WEEKEND BEFORE THAT WE WERE ALL GOOD. I THOUGHT THE ICPC WAS ALL DONE.

Mini and the boys, that 3rd
 kid isn't one of ours,
although the numbers are
 getting mighty high
over here and sometimes
it's hard to tell.
 

Debbie:  YEAH, SORRY. MY FAULT. I THOUGHT THEY COULD JUST VISIT THERE NOW.

Jo:  EVEN THOUGH THE ICPC IS FILLED OUT, THEY CAN'T COME FOR VISITS WITHOUT A COURT ORDER *here's where we pause and notice that the weekend before she was going to let them visit without a court order, confused much?*

Me:  Well, I'm leaving in less than an hour to come and pick them up for another visit this weekend. Do you have time for a court order?

Jo:  Oh, let me find out. (pause for a moment) No, they can't visit even with a court order. They can't come this weekend. *So the time when she was going to let them visit but Coach was going out of town would've been a no-no, so she clearly didn't understand the rules either.

Jo agreed to go see the boys and explain the mix up herself because we all knew they'd be disappointed. 

We continued to pester for info on when we could move them here. We wanted time to get them adjusted over the summer when I wasn't babysitting and before school started. Sometimes things make too much sense. 

Debbie called me one day and told me that she was instructed to find childcare for the summer. I was like WHAT?! Why couldn't they just come here? Debbie is great but she was working and was solo and wasn't having them practice reading or writing. They did more screen time then they would've done here. Meanwhile I had a tutor lined up for them. Two times a week. Basketball camp. A local pool membership- the real deal, not even the racoon spa. This was so frustrating. 

More tomorrow, unless someone says - STOP, I CAN'T READ THIS ANYMORE. IT'S TOO MIND BLOWING. 

14 comments:

Nicole MacPherson said...

Wow, what a crazy thing. I can't believe all the hoops you have to jump through!

Beth Cotell said...

Each post just makes me a little more sad for these sweet boys....

Ernie said...

Nicole - I mean, I'm confused. This was a first for us, but their worker is also confused and that just isn't helping.

Ernie said...

Beth - We do have fun with them but the process is most unpleasant.

Pat Birnie said...

It is mind-blowing but I want to keep reading! Funny bunk bed story - my two nephews, many years ago: the youngest at the bottom 6-7 years old, the older one 8 or 9 in the top bunk. The youngest would use his feet to kick the underside of the top bunk to bug his brother. Once he kicked it so hard he knocked it out of the frame and it came crashing down on him. Fortunately no one was hurt but I think it scared him enough that he had to find others ways to annoy big brother.

Anonymous said...

The raccoon spa line was a gut-buster!
How funny that Jo was making the rules, or enforcing them, and she isn’t even clear on what’s ok, what a mess. Is there an after photo of these haircuts? Haha
And yes please, more tomorrow!
-AM

Ernie said...

Pat - That is a funny bunk bed story. Reg asked me if there was a weight limit on the bunk beds. I was like WELL, WE BOUGHT THEM IN NOVEMBER 2006 SO MAYBE MORE OF A TIME LIMIT/LIFE EXPECTANCY. GUESSISNG NO ONE ANTICIPATED US STILL USING THEM WHEN YOU WERE 15 YEARS OLD AND 165 POUNDS.

I love: find other ways to annoy big brother. *so true.

Ernie said...

AM - I enjoyed plugging the retired racoon spa. We showed boys the video of those coons in the pool and they thought it was a hoot.

I kept hearing how they'd never done an out of state adoption and I was like ISN'T THERE A GUIDE BOOK OR SOMETHING? DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK?

I can show the haircut aftermath, but I'd end up covering up their faces so it would be hard to look at - creepy no faces with incredibly little hair.

Charlie said...

And the bureaucracy continues with its madness :)

Jenny in WV said...

I thought I had left a comment earlier but I probably hit cancel instead of publish (hadn't finished my coffee at the time).

I feel frustrated just reading about the process, I can't imagine how beyond frustration it is for you guys to have to live it!

My guess is that the boys would finally be allowed to move in about 3 weeks into the new school year.

At camp I always picked a top bunk because I was afraid of getting squished!

Ernie said...

Charlie - Hold on to your hat . . . afraid to say.

Ernie said...

Jenny - Hate when comments misbehave. I've been there.

This has definitely checked all of the frustration boxes. You will soon know how long before they could move in. I should've invited people to place a friendly wager.

Laughing at your reasoning behind a top bunk.

Busy Bee Suz said...

The bunk bed story makes me shiver. Can you imagine?? NO!

The system is effing broken. I just can't even fathom what transpires that we don't know about.

Funny about the extra kid at the zoo. What's one more?

Ernie said...

Suz - Yes, can you imagine if we had the boys here for a visit and the bunkbed collapsed one of them?

The boys' workers changed very early on in our process. It feels a lot like the blind leading the blind.

That kid at the zoo hadn't heard about the pandemic, apparently. Hey kid, that's not social distancing.