October 6, 2021

caddy shack's got nothing on us

I always enjoy the funny stories that the caddies tell after a day on the golf course. I hope you will too. I'd love to video one of our dinners after a busy caddy event, but my caddies frown on that. Think gut busting laughs.

This is NOT a photo of caddies. It's Reg (well, his bottom half on the left) on the golf team with Tank's best friend's younger brother on the golf team. I know I have caddy photos somewhere, but google photos is color blind. My 'green shirt' search came up with lots of other colored shirts, but not the green caddy shirt uniform shirts photos.

Over the summer, Eddie greeted his golfer. Reggie was in the same group. The golfer looked confused. 




*last summer we had 5 caddies. Imagine how that info would've blown his mind. 


One day, Mini busted a gut laughing as she told us that she was on a hole with a caddy who just announced that he needed to leave.

Mini (eyes bugging out of her head):  HUH? 

* She thought what on earth? This goes against caddy code. It isn't done. It reminds me of a scene in Caddy Shack when Jim Belushi puts down the bag in the storm (caddying for the priest?) and runs away.

The kid had a boy scout event. He should've skipped caddying or been sure to get a loop by a certain time in order to make his event. No one, and I mean NO ONE, leaves a golfer/bag behind . . . (sounds a little like a military operation, right?). You can't walk away from your golfer on the course unless there is some sort of emergency. So funny.


The kids' cousin, Alan, who's Reggie's age caddied last summer and the year before. He hasn't shown up this summer. Last summer, Tim, the caddy master and the most sarcastic man alive, asked Alan if he could go back out for a second loop.

Alan:  Um, well. My mom doesn't like me to do that. 

Tim:  staring blankly at him, raised his eyebrow to my kids standing nearby, as if to say:  WHO'S THIS CLOWN? ARE YOU SURE HE'S RELATED TO YOU?

My kids came home, collectively shaking their heads. They were so embarrassed. ALAN'S SOFT, one of them said, as if they'd just discovered their cousin had a debilitating disease.


One weekend the 4 caddies carried bags in the big event known as the member/guest. It's the weekend when they make bank. And, they bring home stories.

They describe one guy as the most prolific swearing man alive. The club has had to speak to him about this.

Then there's a guy who is apparently jacked. He has a speck of hair on the very top of his head that is like a ball of fluff. Ed says he looks like a baby chick. (I died at this description) He also appears shiny - the kids think he rubs oil all over himself. I might be getting him confused with another guy, but I think he's also the one with a very strange voice.


Ed told a story about another caddy whose face was visibly distraught when a golfer said something very strange (I can't remember what that was, SEE - I need to tape these dinners). I thought the name sounded familiar, and I asked Ed if Lad had a beef with this caddy back in the day. 



One golfer walked up to 'Fred', the guy Mini was caddying for and told Fred:  DON'T DIS TRUMP. HE'S A FRIEND.

Fred is pretty sure that he was being confused with another golfer because this comment made no sense. 


Mini died that this guy approached Fred and said this AND on top of it, Fred was like WRONG BROWN PERSON all nonchalant. She described the guy as very chill. 

Caddy season is wrapping up as the cold weather moves in, but there's always more laughs to be had next season. *I rub my hands together in anticipation. 

Anyone else out there who knows a caddy with good stories? Or another summer employment that offers much entertainment? A show of hands of who would be interested in a Shenanigan rewrite of caddy shack? OK, that's just blasphemy, and my caddies would disown me if they knew I even considered this. Seriously though - I often think of what a funny documentary it would be to interview caddies. The stories, people - they're endless. 


Nicole MacPherson said...

Five caddies in one summer! That would be a lot of stories!

Jenny in WV said...

These stories are great! I don't know anyone who has been a caddy. The golf course near where I grew up wasn't fancy enough to have caddies.

I love getting to experience vicariously through you and your family the amenities of living in a suburb of a big city. The caddying, water polo, tennis and badminton teams are not something I have experience with growing up in fly-over country and attending Country Bumpkin Consolidated High School. It probably goes without saying, but I don't know any Irish dancers either.

Ernie said...

Nicole - I found the stories super entertaining back when my brothers talked about caddying when I was in high school and college. I was always a little jealous because it sounded so fun. Not sure if girls caddies back then, but it wasn't made an option for me. Pat and Mike made more money than I did as a babysitter. Now Mini caddies and I love that she is right in there with her brothers and they share this experience. They're all trying to convince Curly, but Curly would prefer to teach private dancing lessons. Ed keeps telling her that her hair alone would score her some serious tips.

Ernie said...

Jenny - My parents' house backs up to a public golf course, so no caddies there. Too bad, because we could walk there. There are SO many courses to caddy at in Chicago burbs. This has been a great experience for our kids. It'd be even better if ONE OF THEM could get the full ride Evans scholarship for caddies with a financial need. We've been told we aren't financially needy enough. If only they'd request my grocery bills.

Happy you can live vicariously through us. Water polo was new to us, and we enjoyed it so much. Still bummed that so far none of the other boys have done it as long as Lad. I was just scolded by Mini for not knowing how to keep score at her final home tennis match of high school. I was getting the hang of it but wasn't allowed to attend matches last year because of the pandemic (not my loud cheering). Why can't they just say YOU HAVE 4 POINTS AND I HAVE 6 POINTS? Laughing that you don't know any Irish dancers. Once that book is complete, you'll know more than you ever cared to know. Memoir first though. (fingers crossed)

Anonymous said...

These stories are so funny, definitely sounds like their stories could be written into a sketch comedy TV show if not a full blown movie! I’ve never seen CaddyShack but your caddy stories make me want to watch it.

Ernie said...

AM - I know I'm partial because I grew up watching it - but highly recommend Caddy Shack. Not the sequel. You'll never get that time back and you will deeply regret it. I'd love to see a Shenanigan version - more of a docu-drama, minus the drama but full of laughs, hit the big screen some day.

joymariecooks said...

For awhile I was a hospice volunteer visiting a man we'll call Joe. Joe caddied as a boy way way back. He had many stories, but arguably the most interesting was that the family who got him caddying were his good friends, one of whom changed his name last name to Sheen and became a famous actor... Joe claimed Caddy Shack was based in large part on the things that happened on the golf course in Dayton Ohio.

Ernie said...

Joy Marie - So interesting. Hmm, a connection to a Sheen actor. Crazy. My father in law caddied in Cleveland, Ohio and we watched a video about caddying that I found at the library. The head caddy master interviewed was the same guy who was the caddy master when my FIL caddied. Coach called his dad and was like, HEY DIDN'T YOU WORK FOR SO AND SO. My FIL, in typical fashion, still expressed disgust about some slight by this guy that happened when he was a caddy. Forever ago. Not at all surprising. I think he was also disgruntled that he hadn't been mentioned in the documentary that we watched. He's a piece of work.

Pat Birnie said...

Some great stories. I’m sure your clan are also legend among the caddies. I’’m not surprised about the language as I took up golf this past year and it is a very frustrating game. You hear a LOT of F-bombs. One of the ladies I play with said the other name for golf is “whack-F..k” But for the club to have spoken to that guy about his language, it must have been over the top,

Jenny in WV said...

Six kids isn't enough to be considered financially needy for college tuition?? Maybe if you won a really big lottery jackpot!

I actually took an eight week tennis class in college to fulfill a P.E. requirement. So I should know how to keep score, but somewhere in the interceding 20 years I have forgotten. I think "Love" is 0 points? I was pretty bad at it, so that was often my score.

Pat - that alternative name for golf made em laugh! I haven't been golfing in many years, but would like to go again. My dad and I recently went looking for my clubs in their basement and only found three of them. Since I got the clubs for my 7th birthday, they are also a little on the short side! Maybe I'll just use my Dad's clubs if we go play, then I won't have a bag to carry!

Busy Bee Suz said...

They do have some great, funny stories. I'm giggling about the "brown person" comment.
Soft. Yes, the cousin is soft. We also use the phrase 'weak' for people (or meals) that lack substance.

You accidentally didn't use 'MINI' in one of your lines. :( I'm sure it was a mistake.

I've never been on a golf course, nor have my kiddos. it's a different world here I suppose. Wait, I think I live in the Golf Capital of the world? I suppose we aren't golf people. Linds worked as a hostess at Carrabba's in HS. She had some great stories of impatient asshat people.

Ernie said...

Pat - So, so many stories. They each have their favorite golfer, the best tippers (not necessarily the same as the favorite). Ed had the best day when a jerk at the club who drives him nuts tried to holler at his all time favorite golfer, something like YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FAST ENOUGH. Ed's fav guy was like, HUH? I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHO I AM. It almost went to blows and Ed was tickled that he got to stand there and watch it play out. Caddying has been such a great job for them.

Ernie said...

Jenny - The year Ed applied to the scholarship, and didn't get it - a kid he went to grade school with did get it. He was an only child. We were blown away. There was no evident financial hardship in his family. Both parents worked, neither suffer from any handicaps, etc. We think that because the dad was older, the committee considered having to pay for college when he was retirement age might prove difficult. Meanwhile, Coach will be working until he's 80 to help our kids afford college. Unfortunately an application and interview process can easily overlook the fact that this only child happened to be a follower, not a leader. Leadership qualities was another trait requirement of the scholarship. Mini is applying now. They need to award some scholarships to girls and there are fewer girl caddies. Fingers crossed.

I feel like knowing how to score tennis is something you can lose a grip on once you move away from it for awhile. You might be right, but then I can't remember what it means when both sides have the same score.

Good luck with giving golf another try. I have no interest. If it's warm out, I'd rather lay next to a pool with a book, in hopes of napping. I'd assume that golf clubs from when you were 7 would not be a great fit.

Ernie said...

Suz - Oh, how I love sitting around the table listening to the golfer stories and the rundown of the day. I never remember who is who and the kids would roll their eyes and be like, he's the one that threw his club and it hit a caddy in the head and he was suspended. Or, he's the guy that got drunk at the Christmas party and drove a golf cart home to his house. Or, he's the guy that called the club president's wife a bad name to his face and the guy tried to punch him - but really, the club president's wife deserves to be called that, so hey good for him. The 'brown person' guy sleighs me. Each kid has his own perspective and funny details get filled in by different kids. They double over sometimes with things like: WAIT, I DIDN'T KNOW HE SAIT THAT TO HIS CADDY. Get me some popcorn.

I fully support living in the golf capital and NOT golfing. I just don't get the fascination with it. I enjoy sports, but I prefer some good old fashion defense and some action.

Our kids have encountered EVERY.KIND.OF.PEOPLE. Asshats with money might be the worst.

Thanks for catching my oops. I'll try to find it less Mary Ann tracks us down and grills us WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? I'M ALWAYS POLITE AND FRIENDLY. GOD BLESS.