September 15, 2021

Curly's instant attachment and Max's honesty

(Please see previous post if you haven't read it, this is part of our adoption story)

Max was high functioning, but we have very little experience with autism. I reached out to a teacher at our high school who runs the special ed department. He suggested I call a parent he knew with an autistic son. She was happy to talk to me. I also read a bunch of stuff online. The teacher also explained that Max would most likely function best if he knew what to expect. He said most kids function well with a chart that gives them an idea of 'THIS' then 'THAT'. He based this on my description of how things had gone over the weekend. For example:  we were 1 minute late to leave for the zoo, Max let me know. 2 minutes late, he became more anxious about why we were running late. MOM, WE'RE 2 MINUTES LATE NOW. (yes, he called me mom after being in my house for a few days - I liken it to a generic term, like any teacher at a school is 'teacher.') 

Hard to see Charlie. See his little feet behind Reg? 2nd from left.

Charlie was a doll. He was so cute and instantly had Curly wrapped around his little finger. She loved tucking him into bed each night. After 3 days with him, I was worried about how the good-bye would go. I was backing out of the driveway to bring them back to their worker when the garage door went back up and Curly came running out. 



Charlie melted our hearts even though his lack of speech skills made it almost impossible to understand him. Max translated and we played lots of charades. Reg and Curly stepped up to the plate big time with both boys. We hadn't expected them to be so devoted to playing and entertaining. It was a weekend full of activity and laughs. 

After Charlie went to bed one night, the older kids, Coach and I played Memory with Max. He rocked back and forth and laughed hysterically THE ENTIRE GAME. Everything the older kids did cracked him up. The kids found him a bit annoying at times. I told them I understood and that if he was with us long term we'd adjust and we'd also have the tools we needed to make him comfortable so he wouldn't get anxious, full of questions about what's next, etc. 

The night before I had to drive them back, I was in my room saying my rosary. Tank came in.

Tank:  For what it's worth, I'm starting to get used to Max. Maybe I'd be able to tune him out. I don't know. I think I can adjust though. 

I was touched that Tank was being open minded and honest. It was so much to consider and the fact that the parental rights hadn't been terminated was frightening. The boys' parents could end up getting them back - even if they'd been living with us for months and thriving. Not a perfect system. 


Because things are never simple, Ed had a college buddy, Al, from California stay with us that weekend, too. He was supposed to room with Ed's friend Ryland (who skipped that semester while undergoing treatment for a brain tumor. In case you are unfamiliar or missed the update:  Ry is cancer free). Al stayed with us so he could visit Ry in our town before heading to California for the lengthy covid break from Thanksgiving till Feb 1

Al is incredibly short. Like maybe 5' 2". Ed gave him the 411 on us having a couple of kids visiting. 

Me to Al:  If we adopt these two, it might be confusing. They might assume you're  another brother. 

Ry, Ed, and Al hung out in our kitchen one day while the boys were visiting. Max sat on a stool and just absorbed it all. He was mesmerized by the college crew. Then he asked the question that was on all of our minds.


We all froze. Fortunately, Al has a sense of humor. 

Coming up:  the next step.  *wave your hand, or comment and let me know if you'd be interested in me posting the next bit tomorrow (Thursday) instead of waiting for Monday. It's written, but don't want to bombard people who need to pace themselves. 


Pat Birnie said...

I am on the edge of my seat, waiting to hear what’s coming. Please don’t make us wait until Monday! Ps you and your entire family are absolutely incredible, kind and giving people.

Nicole MacPherson said...

I can imagine with your tall crew, Al would really stand out!

Anonymous said...

Post tomorrow would be great!

Amy said...

Tomorrow, pretty please!

me said...

Please please please tomorrow!

Jenny in WV said...

Tomorrow please! Like many I had assumed that you were no longer pursuing adoption and I was surprised by Monday's post. I discovered your blog last winter and it has become one of my favorites. I always look forward to what you have to say, but now I'm even more on the edge of my seat! If you posted every day I'd be delighted!

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

Tomorrow please!

KP said...


ccr in MA said...

I vote tomorrow!

Cheryl K said...

How about later today?

Kara said...

You can't leave us on a cliffhanger like this for THE ENTIRE WEEKEND!!! Please post the next part!

Anonymous said...

Yes please!

Beth Cotell said...

Tomorrow please!

Gigi said...

I'm with everyone else - I'm dying to know.

Charlie said...

Tomorrow please!

Ernie said...

ALL - I'm super tired and need to get some shut eye, so let me just thank all of you for your interest in this saga. I'm touched and honestly wouldn't have blamed you if you were like I DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ ANOTHER POST THIS WEEK. I didn't even remember where the next one ends till I just peeked. Hope it's enough to satisfy. I'll switch the post date right now, before I fall asleep standing up. Been waking up at like 4:30 the last few days and I'm not exactly going to bed early to make up for it.

And in no particular order:

Special shout out to Jenny from WV - can't say your full title without breaking into John Denver, "West Virginia, Mountain Mama, take me home . . ." welcome and your comment was very flattering - you made my day, but something big happened later on today that I'll have to share later that sort of kinda trumped you, still all credit for getting the day off on the right foot. You're out in the open now, so no more hiding. Looking forward to your upcoming comments. ;)

Cheryl - you made me laugh out loud in my kitchen while babysitting, with your 'later today' remark. You're silly.

Pat - I appreciate that very much. We have our moments, but this has been an experience.

Nicole - We ARE a tall crowd so that poor guy stood out so much that Max had to ask that burning question.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Your kids, I know they make you batty at times, but THEY ARE SUCH GOOD SOULS.
I'm so happy that Rhy is doing well.

Ernie said...

Suz - I believe them making me batty is part of their official title. And, yes - I do agree that they are really good kids. Reminds me of something that's happened at college with Tank. Note to self: tell that story later. Who are we kidding, I'll forget. Feel free to remind me.

And yes, Rhy back at school and with the other guys in the fraternity house is fabulous. Coach and Ed just golfed with Rhy and his dad at Dad's weekend at college last weekend. They had a blast.