After Tank and Ed arrived at their respective colleges, I took the 'less-shoe-wearers-in-the-house' opportunity to clean out the mudroom. I hadn't ordered the high school kids' books yet. What I'm saying is, I devoted limited time to the mudroom project. Rather than empty every locker, I opted to simply remove EVERY. SINGLE. SHOE. Trust me, that was enough.
|Each locker can hold about 4 pairs of shoes. |
Um, I don't need a fancy math equation
to say THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
As far as Tank only owning the one pair of shoes, . . . I call BS. I unearthed some of his older shoes. Perhaps he doesn't WANT them anymore, but let's not claim to be a deprived boy with limited access to shoe ware (Is it shoe wear or shoe ware?).
Then there's Reggie with his Fred Flintstone tendencies. The way he shreds his shoes in less than 2 months is MIND BLOWING. Is he really a baby pterodactyl with pointy claws in place of toes? Most importantly, once the shredded variety have been replaced, why does he NOT dispose of the 'holy' pair?
In other exciting news: I've broken my butt. *There will be no photos.*
Butt-sore has taken on a whole new meaning.
Oddly, I don't recall how I did it - the initial injury being forever ago. I used to run (like 2012ish). IOne butt cheek felt engaged and ALWAYS sore. I thought the other 'unengaged' cheek was somehow slacking off. Coach, my physical therapist who poses as my husband, never really had much to say about it. I stopped running about 5 years later when my sciatica kept complaining. I switched to walking and high intensity strength classes.
I started running again last summer. Everything's been fine. One cheek tighter than the other as usual, but nothing that hobbled me. A few weeks ago, I moved weird. As in, I rotated but my leg didn't exactly move with my body. I wasn't on a run, I was doing something . . . in the yard. (I almost wrote: I WAS DOING SOMETHING ELSE, BUT THEN I FEARED YOU'D GET THE WRONG IDEA. It was less racy than what your imagination might run wild with. Promise).
I limped around for a few days. The disengaged side has recently been let off the hook since it's now clear that the SUPER TIGHT side has just been messed up and I shouldn't have been holding the it up as normal. I apologized to the 'slack' side for referring to it as lazy and untoned.
Coach diagnosed me with tendinopathy of the hamstring, or maybe even a partial tear in the glute. I thought for sure it was the glute because it's halfway up my butt.
Coach looked at me puzzled: IF THIS IS A PARTIAL TEAR, IT'S THE KIND OF INJURY THAT USUALLY ONLY HAPPENS TO PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES.
I thought he was teasing me, like implying I was being a wimp. Then he said NO SERIOUSLY, LIKE THIS HAPPENS TO PRO FOOTBALL PLAYERS, ETC. He's shocked that I don't remember how it happened. It should've been MEMORABLE. It started hurting SO long ago. I have no idea. It's been 'fine' for years, just feeling extra tight. Tweaking it -a major bummer.
The bad news: Coach told me that there really isn't a cure if it's a partial tear. I want surgery. Apparently that's not a thing. How is that possible? Aren't there lasers and shit that do all kinds of miracle work? What year is this? I'd settle for a butt cheek transplant. I'm still alternating: running one day, walking the next. Every step hurts. Being inactive doesn't improve the situation, so activity it is.
Coach gave me some exercises to do, assuming it is tendinopathy. *Full disclosure: he gave me the exercises a week ago and it wasn't until about 5 days later that I tried them. My busy status of yesteryear has been outdone by my current busy status, so I throw my hands up and beg for some simplified fix that involves no exercises to remember.
The night Coach examined my butt-ee-simo region Reggie had a group of friends over, a new group, no less. Coach worried they'd come inside from the deck and file past the family room on their way to the basement as he was, um, inspecting my injured area. Fortunately, they stayed outside and his exam failed to raise any eyebrows.
Most fortunately of all, Reg's new group seemed to enjoy themselves. Mary Ann didn't complain about their noise. Reg has been in need of a new group. Fingers crossed (while butt cheeks refuse to unclench) that he's found his high school people.
Ever met anyone who wore out shoes in record time, AND continued to wear them? Anyone else ever have a butt injury? Ever been to PT? Done the exercises assigned to you?
ANNOUNCEMENT: MY NEXT POST ON MONDAY WILL BE THE START OF THE SOMEWHAT LONG-ISH STORY THAT I'VE BEEN ALLUDING TO FOR A WHILE . . BROKEN INTO PARTS. THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.