The end of April when I picked Curly up from basketball practice she told me about a story they were reading in school about a girl whose mother goes in the hospital and she's so sad, partly because her dad has to do her hair. He's terrible at it and her hair always looks terrible.
Curly: I know how this girl feels, because I hate my hair. Every.single.day.
Like HATES.
I was taken aback. WHAT? EVERYONE LOVES YOUR HAIR.
I felt so incredibly bad, recognizing that if she hated her hair it really didn't matter what anyone else thought. She's 13. Hating your hair sucks. I've been there.
In case you haven't heard me whine about my childhood hair . . . we were on a budget. Mom took me to a real, live beautician. I was in kindergarten. Got me the popular Dorothy Hamel. I loved it.
For the next 10 years or so, Mom cut my hair herself. She was an untrained stylist, but a disciple of how-to-save-a-buck. Using a flat edged razor blade she 'feathered' my hair, leaving me looking exactly like my brothers. My mom refused to let me grow my hair out - even in high school. Talk about controlling. I feel pretty strongly that this was a mistake. My self esteem took a big hit.
I was not gonna have Curly feel icky about her hair.
Shortly after the horrible haircut mistake that I performed on my own child's very forgiving curly mop over 2 years ago, I heard women at a graduation party talking about haircuts. I'd promised Mini that I'd never cut Curly's hair again. I leaned in close during this conversation. One woman gave me the number of a beautician she uses who is trained in the Curly Girl Method.
I hadn't contacted the stylist because Curly wasn't ready for a cut. Now as I scrambled for a solution to the hair hatred issue, I thought maybe this woman could give advice. I texted her and explained our predicament. I sent a photo of Curly and described how as the day goes on her hair just
GETS BIGGER AND WIDER.
I'd tried a number of products and we weren't looking for a cut, but hoping for suggestions.
Stylist: I can do a consultation.
I was worried it was going to be: HERE'S HOW TO BLOW YOUR HAIR OUT AND STRAIGHTEN IT, because what could she suggest that we hadn't already tried? (insert laughter at my silly self). I scheduled us for a consultation and we began counting the days.
*The stylist texted me back BTW after I sent the picture: NOT TRYING TO BE WEIRD BUT DO YOU GO TO OUR LADY FOR CHURCH? (me: yes) YOUR DAUGHTER SERVES MASS THERE AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO STYLE HER HAIR.
Funny. I didn't feel stalked, but was thrilled to find this woman who's so passionate and informed on curly hair. To think, I had her number for 2 years, not realizing that I needed her to look at me and tell me:
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
Mid-May we had the appointment. Life changing. Curly now has more products and instructions sent in an email than I ever could've imagined. She is loving her hair and she looks amazing. One of her products has to be stored in the fridge. I will keep you posted on whether or not her brothers ever try to eat it. It's called Banana Cream something. I wouldn't put it past them.
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| This is not everything. We still have a few things to hunt down. Biggest difference in Curly's hair since we met with the Curly Girl stylist is that it doesn't look dry. It hangs better - less frizz, more curls that cling together in a bouncy formed fashion. Since this woman transformed Curly's hair, I started wondering if she could work magic on my lost-cause hair. I used to have curly hair (not to the degree that Curly does), now I just have a touch of body - plus my hair is now crazy thin. Thanks, celiac. |
27 comments:
I’m so glad you took action and texted that stylist. Those professionals know what they are doing! I have massive “hair issues” as my whole youth was punctuated by my mom telling me I had “terrible hair” and the only way to deal with it was to keep it short. Ugh. It did not suit me. Anyway, I’ve kept it long ever since I was able to have agency over my own hair! Good for you for keeping Curly’s self esteem intact! Hope the boys don’t eat her products.
I can sooooo relate! Not with the curly part, but rather with untamed cowlicks. I hacked at it myself through the first year (!) of the pandemic. My go-to person retired, but suggested someone who would take walk-ins, so I walked in. First time in my life that I got a good cut. Now I need to get back there so I look reasonable for my driver's license photo. And it's supposed to be 100° every day for the foreseeable future. I don't like to get out in this kind of weather, but . . .
All this to say yay Curly! And also I started taking Biotin because of a comment from the Swistle community, and it does seem to be working on my also very thin hair. Have a great day Ernie!
From Tank's community service leader - the saplings are still growing!
Good job it wasn’t you needing all these products when you were younger, because they cost a lot! I too have a daughter with very curly hair and she has to use many many products too and they are expensive. But she wouldn’t leave the house without her shea butter, smoothing creme and gel on her hair. Tik Tok has taught her alot about curly hair care. And I sympathise with your thin hair issues too. Mine is thanks to the menopause and the cancer drug I have to take which mimics the menopause symptoms. So yay - double menopause side effects.
Oh, so well done mama.
I'm so glad you were able to find someone who could help you and provide step-by-step instructions! I can't wait to see pictures of her hair. Was she the same stylist who did your hair?
I can imagine how you felt as a teenager getting your hair cut by your mother. :(
You are such a good mother to listen to Curly and take action; going as far as buying all those products! She is at a tough age and anything that can make her feel good about herself is important.
My own mother (who was wonderful) was strict about short hair - she had 4 girls and a boy and we were never allowed to have long hair. I'm sure it's because it was a lot of work. She made us get what she called "pixie cuts" - the shortest bangs ever. The last time she forced this on me I was 12 and in 7th grade. I almost started crying in the salon chair. The next day at school a boy in my class announced loudly "hey my hair is longer than yours". It was 1967 and I still remember it like it was yesterday. My mom finally realized that I was old enough to take care of my own hair. (funny - we 4 girls used to put pajama bottoms on our head and pretend it was long hair haha). We are all in out 60's + and still laugh about it.
This is awesome! So glad you guys found a good stylist for Curly. As a curly girl myself, I'm curious which products she likes the best? I'm always up to try new stuff for my hair! (My current favorite is Curly Magic gel from Uncle Funky's Daughter - I get it from Target.)
Also, I grew up in the 70s and Farrah Fawcett hair was my dream style ... curly hair and feathered hair are not compatible, let's just say. My hair looked ridiculous when I tried to do that, lol.
I was JUST thinking about doing a hair post (maybe, someday soon)! Great minds, my friend.
I'm so glad you jumped on Curly's comment - particularly since my hair was insane back in the day when "product" (and straighteners, etc. and I wasn't aware that there were curls lurking under that bird's nest) weren't really available and it showed. The fact that you did that, and bought the products, probably just boosted her confidence by MILES!
I don't follow the Curly Girl method (reasons) but I have found a few products to be VERY helpful (and they include parabans and whatever else is not on the Curly Girl "good" list). The whole gist of it is this...everyone's hair is different. What works for one head of curly hair may not work for the next. You just have to figure that out.
Nicole - We are kindred spirits, or we survived similar experiences with the 'you've got bad hair' and the bad skin comments by family members at a pivotal age. We realized by accident that a second product ALSO needed to be refrigerated, so that was an unpleasant realization. Oops. And of course those products aren't cheap.
Anonymous - So glad you found someone to give you great hair cuts. I cut my hair in college - even the back. My hair was not as thin then, and my hair was so forgiving. Good luck with the heat - yikes. I've tried Biotin. I'm beyond help. Celiac disease messed me up and apparently there is no coming back. A creative hair cut helps though.
Charlie - Yes - SHEA BUTTER, a must . . . as we've learned. And, yes they're expensive. Sorry about your thin hair issues - how awful that you are getting double whammy with the meds and menopause. Someone give this woman a break already.
KP - Thanks. I feel like I miss some things and look back and kick myself. I'm grateful that I was tuned in to what she was throwing down.
Kari - I will have to take a photo and do a comparison of the two hairdos. It's honestly SO different. We look back at photos and we can't help but laugh at the days when her hair was SO WIDE. She is the same stylist who I just went to, because I thought HEY, SHE KNOWS STUFF.
Yes, getting my hair cut by my mom was not a good thing. And for awhile a neighbor cut my hair and if I didn't want it cut my mom threatened to drag me through the yards. I loved the neighbor lady, she was great. Still. It was torture to have boy hair against my wishes.
Pat - Thanks. I do feel like I was tuned in at the right moment. I had no idea she hated her hair that much. So many people compliment her on her hair ALL THE TIME. Yes- PIXIE . . . same lingo my mom used. Lord, she still loves short hair. As an adult if I told her that I got a haircut, she'd make a remark if it wasn't short enough, like: OH I DIDN'T NOTICE. Both my sisters have always had short hair - most likely because that's what our mom liked. I say BREAK FREE. I punched a kid from another school in 8th grade during a basketball game because he asked me WHAT GENDER ARE YOU? Yeah, the punch kinda sent the wrong message.
Wendy - I will have to do a follow up post and quiz Curly about what products she likes best. Good products make such a difference. When I went to Target to buy a few of the suggestions, I was SHOCKED at the various options. I felt like I'd just crawled out from under a rock. I love the Farrah story. So funny.
Gigi - Yes, great minds indeed. I agree, the new products and the new leadership taking charge of her hair has been HUGE. Silly me for not reaching out to this woman earlier. I'd been wrongly thinking she would only CUT the hair, not suggest stuff. You're right - some hair needs different products, even if it's a known curly product. One of the products she suggested for me is one that Curly uses. I'm glad I can hand it over to Curly because I didn't like it. It made my hair look too heavy and greasy. More on products coming up.
I think we all go through a phase of HATING our hair. (for me it was a God-forsaken Cowlick that effed up my bangs)
I AM so happy that you found a specialist though that can help Curly; feeling confident about yourself IS huge, especially as a teen. She does have some amazing hair, but I can see how it would be a lot of work too; hopefully, she's feeling better about it now.
I CAN not believe your mom controlled your hair in high school. WTF?
I don't know if I told you that I (and Lolo) started using the Rogaine foam and it does work. We both have baby hairs coming in. Nothing dramatic, but there is an improvement.
I'd love to find a curly girl stylist, although my hair is getting straighter as I've gotten older. Curly hair can be the bane of your existence, or the best thing ever. It seems to be a day to day thing, though. It has taught me there's no such thing as perfection.
Just catching up after vacation. I'm so glad you've found a method that works for her. The teenage years are so hard and anything that can be done to help them go more smoothly is worth the price!
Suz- Yes, who doesn't hate their hair at some point? I want to go back in time and slap myself around a little and scream ENJOY IT NOW.
Yes my mom cut my hair for a bit in hifh school. I might have to write a post of the hair-wrongs done to me. It'll make you shudder.
It sure is work. I printed the email the hair dresser sent and made notes on it just so we could remember where we bought stuff and what we liked and when to use what.
I've had my fair share of mom-mess-ups but I do feel like this situation ended well. She is SO happy with her new style.
Ally- Well said. A good hair day might be an isolated incident all week long. I took it for granted. Between the thinning from celiac and the change with hormones and age, it is different than it once was. I was hesitant to ask this woman to cut my hair . . . as if my strands didn't qualify. She was so helpful though.
Beth- Yes the teen years . . . ugh. Curly is pretty confident and has had no girl drama. Like zero. I was surprised to realize that strangers fawning over her hair wasn't enough. She gets CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAIR? A lot. But alas, she needed to feel good about it. And she was right . . . we were doing it ALL WRONG.
Aw, what wonderful news! I’m so happy for Curly and you too! You are such a good Mom for listening. And how lucky to find someone good! I have friends with curly hair and *wow* it is not easy to find stylists. To think that this lovely stylist was in your church the whole time. Too awesome. It was meant to be!
Maddie - I do feel lucky to have found her, and to think I had her contacts in my phone for two years before I realized that she might be able to help us even before Curly needed a haircut. So crazy that she was at church itching to get her hands on Curly's mop. Too bad she didn't just walk up and give us her card.
I'm so mad at your mother right now, and so happy for Curly that she has you instead of that. Have you read Eleanor and Park? It describes a girl who has similar hair, and when it's done properly "every curl looks shiny and on purpose". That's so cool that she goes to your church and wanted to style that hair.
Ali - Oh, I could tell you even worse tails of my hair woes - with my mother in the lead role. Unhealthy and horrifying. She is a good person but I think she just got carried away. Also, hello - controlling tendencies. I have not read Eleanor and Park. Sounds like I should. Curly's hair just turned green from the pool. Oops. I now need to google how to get rid of the unintentional green look that she's not thrilled about. Yes, the church crossover was so cool.
Oh it's no fun when you aren't happy with your hair and worse when you're a teen. I'm glad you found a stylist to help calm the curls. My hair is a mix of curly underneath and straight on the top - wish it were all one or the other!
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