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July 12, 2021

not my favorite Sunday

 FAST-FORWARD  TO SUNDAY:  (click 'Fast-forward' for link to 1st part of story and 'Sunday' for link to 2nd part of story) . . .

Aunt Leprechaun sent out an evite weeks ago via text msg inviting my side to the lake house for an 8th grade grad party. I prefer to get evites in my email, because I have a hard time finding them buried in texts. 

Anyway, Coach was out of town. 4 kids were caddying in a tournament. Curly was going to maybe have travel b-ball. I responded as maybe for 2. My response never registered, so Pat texted me to ask if we were coming. I texted him and responded again on the texted evite. This time I stared at it to be sure it showed up. 

Mid-week before the party, Aunt Leprechaun texted through evite to say party might be postponed because of weather. I SO WISHED FOR A RAIN DATE. I really didn't want to go as I was getting ready to go out of town, but under the 'she must be jealous' umbrella, I felt I had to show up and admire their house. Plus my godson was being honored. 

At midnight, after my text-rant to my kids, I looked at the evite. No updates or announcements. I looked at the weather:  sunny and 80. Dang, great forecast so they didn't change the date.   

I woke up that morning and decided I needed a new-lake-house gift. I hate trying to squeeze things in that weren't on my list. We ran to Marshalls and bought a very nice Tommy Bahama basket. I packed my food since I can never be sure. We got a later start than I wanted. I hoped to only stay a few hours. The drive was only a little over an hour- a bit more in traffic. 

Of course by now you've guessed, . . . no one was there. 

First we stood on the deck facing the water. If we were at the wrong house, we hoped the people would come out and tell us to scram.

Curly:  They can't be having a party. It isn't party ready. I don't even think they should invite people up here, it needs work. 

*We are spoiled because our friends have a pristine lake house. 

I called Pat. Nothing. I told Curly maybe they were all out on a pontoon boat. It'd be a crowded pontoon, but OK. I texted Leprechaun:  checking that we're at the right lake house. I called Marie. 

Marie:  OH HI. 

Me:  ARE YOU AT THE LAKE HOUSE?

Marie:  HUH? NO - IT'S . . . OMG ARE YOU THERE? OH NO. DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE? 

Instant pit in my gut. So much needed to be done at home. Trying to 'play' nice was backfiring. Curly was starving - of course, in true Shenanigan fashion she admitted she'd been looking forward to the food. As Mini later said:  OH, AND NO ONE HATES WASTING TIME MORE THAN MOM.

Aunt L called me back:  I JUST SAW YOUR TEXT. OMG. I FEEL AWFUL. YOUR KIDS SHOULD'VE ALL GOTTEN THE MESSAGE TOO. THEIR NUMBERS WERE ALL ON THE EVITE. WE JUST LEFT TO GO HOME THE KIDS WERE KIND OF SICK OF BEING THERE ALL WEEKEND, BUT WE'LL COME BACK.

*sick of being there? It was 2 on a Sunday. It's a beautiful day, huh?

Curly and I sitting on the deck while we waited
 for Aunt Leprechaun to come back. 

I begged her not to come back, saying we'd sit on the deck for a few minutes and enjoy the sun and the view and then we'd head home. She wouldn't hear of it. She was on her way. I felt so bad for ruining Curly's day. Since the tornado, we've had nothing but cool, rainy weather. We finally had pool weather and we were going to spend just under 3 hours total in the car. 

Aunt Leprechaun showed us around. Me:  "Great space. This is perfect." Curly walked out on the pier with her cousins. We chatted for 25 minutes. 

Curly later to Mini: It's a no wake lake - they can't have a boat fast enough to pull a tube.

Mini literally froze, blinking excessively. WH- WHAT? I DON'T GET IT? WHY A LAKE HOUSE IF NO TUBING? (like I said, spoiled by friends' lake houses. My kids like their tubing. I'm fine without, but Mini was hilarious in her NO, THIS ISN'T A THING response. 

BTW - none of my kids got a 'we're postponing the party' text from evite. I did let Leprechaun know that in a carefully, intentionally-friendly way. Lad and Ed have iPhones now, so no one can point fingers and blame Androids. 

When Curly and I drove home, I shared my food with her. I managed a strained giggle. CURLY, ANOTHER BLOGGER, ALLY, JUST WROTE A POST THAT SHE CALLED SOME POSTS JUST WRITE THEMSELVES. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT THIS IS. 

Curly half laughed. I couldn't blame her. 

Part of my frustration:  I try to create distance with my family of origin, but this seems to be a simple case of Damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Even simple stuff like:  TELL DAD TO CALL MY KIDS NEXT TIME TO GO IN THE CRAWL SPACE turns into a WE STILL PREFER PAT OVER YOU moment. If I didn't have distance, would I have heard about the cancelled party through family conversation? This, the family that loves group texts? Why not check to be sure everyone got the flipping message. Like I said, layers.

Have you ever showed up to a party on the wrong day? Wrong time? Wrong house? Wished for a different family? (kidding!)

 

16 comments:

Nicole MacPherson said...

Wow, that is SO rude. You would have thought, if they "sent a text" that they would have called or something when you "didn't respond." Your family of origin never ceases to amaze me with their bad behaviour. I'm sorry this happened.

Beth Cotell said...

I can't even with this!!!!!! What in the world???? I'm catching up on all your posts and as usual, I am left shaking my head at your ridiculous family of origin.

Ernie said...

Nicole - Exactly - even if you are relying on evite to send the text and communicate, why not follow up with a group text? Or make a few phone calls to make sure the 5 families/parents know the party is not happening? This from group-text addicts. When I finally talked to my mom and the 'non-party' came up, she was like SO WHAT'D YA THINK OF THE LAKE HOUSE? Really? I wanted to say how funny my kids thought it was that it was a no-wake lake, but I bit my tongue. Clearly, she's super impressed.

Ernie said...

Beth - Yes, this is a head-shaking situation . . . or if you're me - it's a bang your head against the wall kind of situation.

Mini and I went to them mall yesterday. She asked me which of the in-laws I think is my folks' favorite. I'd have to assume Aunt Leprechaun. Plays Irish music, is a doctor, is from Ireland. Hello? She hits all the marks. I did share with her that when I got engaged, my grandma told me that my Coach was going to be the best looking husband . . . ranking higher than my sisters' spouses. Grandma was A) a piece of work and B) not wrong!

Pat Birnie said...

This would be unbelievable if I hadn’t read all your other posts about your origin family. I’m sorry that you have to endure their lack of consideration.

Yes I showed up a week early to a stag & Doe for my friend’s daughter. It took a few minutes of puzzling why we didn’t recognize anyone- then we found out the guest of honour couple had different names! That one was all on me though- I just read the date wrong. It was only a 10 min drive but I do recall as I was dressing & putting on makeup, thinking I’m so tired I don’t want to go out tonight!

Ernie said...

Pat - Yes, it does seem like showing up to the non-party falls in line with the other family hiccups I've run into.

So funny that you were at a party wondering why you didn't recognize anyone. Glad it was not far from home, but of course it was when you were so tired.

Martha said...

I give you credit. I think I would keep a lot more distance than you do! It's just all too much.

Ernie said...

Martha - It is hard to create distance when everyone lives SO close. Maybe this is why I had a dream last night that we were considering moving to another state. In the dream, I pulled the plug on the plan because I was like MY BABYSITTING FAMILIES DON'T LIVE HERE.

I also think it's hard to walk away, because they think they're so delightful to be with and they'd end up acting like there was something wrong with me for not wanting to be close with all of them.

Kari Wagner Hoban said...

I'm sorry that this happened to you. The good news is you got to spend alone time at a lake with your daughter, I guess. I'm also amazed that you know so many people with lake houses, LMAO.

I'm also sorry your family keeps disappointing you. I know that has to hurt you on many levels. I'm glad for you that you have a close-knit immediate family who loves you so much. You manifested that for yourself and you are showing them how not to treat each other so they won't experience that hurt when they grow older. :)

Ernie said...

Kari - We really do know a ton of people with lake houses. Our dear friends, whose twin sons are 3 years older than Lad, just bought a lake house in Wisconsin. Each of my kids has a very good friend with a lake house. Ed - more than one good friend. It's nuts. Too bad there are so many of us, or maybe we'd get invites more often.

I agree, this has all been a lesson for Coach and I. We understand that our kids might not be the closest ever, but we do think that they understand how to treat one another and how it's OK to be different, but excluding one another or playing favorites (as parents) is gross.

Charlie said...

Wow! I agree with all the comments above - how did they a) not remember to tell you or b) check that you got the message if they thought they had told you. You really can’t make this stuff up! You just keep getting those knocks and it’s really so u fair. I do hope all the comments you get on here reinforce the fact that it really is them and not you?

Ernie said...

Charlie - Yeah, why not check that we got the message? She was so defensive right off the bat: YOU'RE KIDS SHOULD'VE GOTTEN THE MESSAGE BECAUSE THEY WERE ON THE EVITE. Like you think my kids wouldn't mention it if they saw a 'cancelled party' message and knew I was dreading the party because I was super busy? What on earth? I do believe that they are all drinking the same Kool Aid. I just got an email from my sister Ann asking all of us if we want to go to a resort next summer over July 4th weekend. Ugh. Hard no. Seriously though, that's ALWAYS right around Irish dancing national championships which are in Montreal next summer. At least half of my kids have no interest in hanging with that side of the family either.

Maddie said...

Oh Ernie I’m speechless at how you were treated. You’re so right when you say you feel like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I mean, you drove a long time, brought your own food and even tried to make the best of the wasted day (plus your kids and husband are *amazing* good sports!).... and it still seems not enough. Ugh. Feel for you. Echoing Kari when she says at least you know your immediate family loves you so very much.

Ernie said...

Maddie - I really am grateful that my people get it. It took a few years for Coach to see things clearly, but now he understands where I'm coming from. He was really good friends with Pat in high school, so it took a bit for him to see my perspective.

Busy Bee Suz said...

What the hell with these people? Really? Wouldnt you make sure everyone knew the party was canceled?
I kind of agree; a lake house for a family with young kids, there should be some WAKE-worthy activities.
I would have just thrown my hands up in the air (like I don't care) and said forget it. DONE.

We had someone show up the day before a party. SO funny. He had the dates mixed up. Me? I don't think I've ever done that. Yet.

Ernie said...

Suz - They sometimes do just take the cake, right? My SIL instantly clicked into: WELL YOUR KIDS WOULD'VE GOTTEN THE MESSAGE IF YOU DIDN'T mode. Huh? Like not her fault. Strange. And not one of my kids got a message from evite. Not feeling obligated to go to the make up date.

Oops. I distinctly remember family friends showing up to my house when I was in high school like 2-3 hours before the designated time for a simple get together. It sent my mom into a tizzy. The house wasn't quite perfect. We imitated her reaction when she saw them pull up for years afterwards.