I'm making an effort to write shorter posts. You wouldn't know it by this story, SO I'm gonna break this into parts. It's my family of origin nonsense, so I believe many of you already grasp the goofy dynamic.
In the fall, my dad fell and broke a bone in his ankle. On a Friday he was trying to crawl out of the crawl space after turning off the water to the sprinkler system.
We were visiting colleges that weekend. On Monday my mom asked if Coach could come look at Dad's ankle because he'd fallen DAYS ago. He wasn't able to weight bare all weekend.
Coach: SURE, I CAN LOOK AT IT. HE'LL STILL NEED AN XRAY.
Sure enough, broken. He landed in a boot.
Later, I said to Mom: WE LIVE AROUND THE CORNER. THE KIDS ARE HOME E-LEARNING. ONE OF US COULD'VE COME OVER.
Mom: I KNOW. YOUR BROTHER PAT IS SO UPSET. (sigh) HE SAID HE'D HAVE COME, BUT HE WAS JUST SO BUSY WITH EVERYTHING IN INDIANA. HE'S REALLY UPSET - HE WOULD'VE COME . . . (repeat phrase, at nauseum)
*she mentioned Pat's intention to come MORE THAN ONCE in the conversation, as if my saying THE.SAME.THING. DIDN'T REGISTER.
*I live about a half mile walk to my folk's house and I have strong teen boys. AVAILABLE. Pat lives about 17 minutes away.
Me (stupidly taking the bait): OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING IN INDIANA. DID HE HAVE A WORK CONFERENCE?
Mom: Oh, I guess . . . well, maybe you didn't know. (sputter, sputter) They just bought a lake house there. They've just been so busy closing on it, otherwise Pat would've stopped by . . . (me pounding head onto countertop, begging the repetition of Pat's #1 son position to cease).
Mini's reaction to Pat's lake house purchase was hilarious.
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| Imagine Mini's response when she learns the house is on a no wake lake, no tubing allowed. |
Mini: I mean of course I'm jealous, but what on earth are they going to do with a lake house? Those kids don't go outside. They have to be on a tablet or device. Always. If Pat gets a boat, they'd never tube or anything. Totally outside their comfort zone. Plus, they're so fair - they can't ever be in the sun.
Pat texts me (a few weeks later): Sorry I didn't let you know about us buying a lake house, we closed on it the day you found out Ed tested positive for covid. It didn't seem like the right time.
What.the.actual.ef? I don't even understand that sentiment. I couldn't handle the news that you bought a lake house because my symptom-free kid had to figure out where to quarantine? Or maybe the truth is, Mom let it out of the bag, not knowing I'd been kept out of the loop. Things are awkward between my family and Pat's, so apparently he hadn't planned to tell me.
*I've just decided: writing a SHORT extra post this week. Either that or this post gets crazy long. Too busy to read ANOTHER post? That's OK - but it'll detail a bit of background I think is essential for 'getting' this situation, AND it'll explain the AWKWARDNESS between Pat's fam and mine that I just alluded to. Peeked your curiosity? Tune in tomorrow.
Coach and I will never own a lake house.
A) We can't afford it. I don't wish for my brother's life. At times I try to imagine what it would be like if my folks thought that I, too, walked on water. Ashamed to admit that, but how can I not wonder how that would be? That is SO not my situation. I don't drink the Kool Aid as I once did - vying for a better position, or at least I TRY not to. Clearly my brother thought I couldn't handle the news - he assumed I'd be jealous of him, I guess.
B) When would we use a lake house? Our kids are active with sports and jobs. Mainly in the summer: JOBS. They earn a butt load of money working their tails off to save for college tuition. Obviously my brother's kids don't need to work. I think working builds character. I for one live for the caddy stories.
The scene is set. Part II will be the background, and then Monday will be the frustrating bit, because this wasn't frustrating - just odd.
16 comments:
Oh, Ernie, your family-of-origin is ... something else altogether. I'm so glad Coach and the kids are with you.
Kind of a passive aggressive mother you've got there. I've dealt with a few family members who pull that crap, too. Not all families are puppy dog tails and moonbeams, but try telling that to people who come from big happy families. 🙄
As for a lake house. Sounds good in theory, a lot of work in reality. Don't want one, just want to be good friends with someone who has one!
I just don't understand it, there was a very similar dynamic with my husband's family. *Sigh*
Ccr- You said it. I have a friend, another Irish dancing mom. Her family is the only one I've ever heard of that behaves like mine. I so enjoy exchanging stories with her. So therapeutic. She and I rarely see each other because our girls dance for different schools now. We are in AZ for big competition. But our girls are assigned to different stages so won't get to get caught up.
Yeah, none of this stuff impresses me. But I'm not a lake house kind of person, like you. But as Ally said, it's always good to KNOW someone who owns one. :)
I feel like they must've bought it on a no-wake lake as their retirement home and not as a fun home. So have lots of fun, Ernie!
Ally- the funny thing is my siblings don't get it . . . they think we ARE one of those big happy families. Bananas. My mom has no concept of the impact of her favoritism. She thinks we are all treated the same. Huh?
Funny you say that about a lake house. Our very good friends have one. They invite us once in awhile- hard with all the kids' schedules nowadays. Reg was there for July 4th weekend. Tank and Mini were at 2 different lake houses with friends too. Ed's friend's folks with the boat were telling us how the nice thing about docking a boat in the city is you don't have all the upkeep on a house. Who has time for that? Good point.
Martha- the dynamic is bazaar and it took me years to be able to see it clearly. My best friend from high school who was my closest friend as an adult ended our friendship because she couldn't stand my family. She wanted me to stop associating with them. She wasn't married. Had no children. She didn't really get how that would impact my kids. I admit I relied on her too much to 'talk me down'. Now I talk to a professional so maybe she wouldn't be as annoyed now because she wouldn't have to fill that role.
Kari- I love lake house. Such a great concept especially since I love the sun but that doesn't mean it's in tbe cards for us. Way too busy. Your comment about the NO WAKE makes me think you read ahead.
My sister married into a family with a lake house. And house is used generously. It's a 600 sq ft lake cottage. My sister has four kids. Her sister-in-law has four kids. Her mother-in-law expects "the kids" to all visit for a week at a time during the summer. That's now eight kids, five adults in a two bedroom, one bathroom cottage. My sister now manages to "have to work" on lake weeks, because she can't deal with it.
Kara- First of all HOW DO YOU LIVE IN AZ? I LOVE SUMMER BUT THIS IS INSANITY.
I can imagine an over crowded lake house is not an ideal experience. I think I'd opt to visit for the day if it was close enough.
I guess you just get used to the heat? I'm not an AZ native (Massachusetts South Shore is where I spent the first 22 years of my life). But you figure it out? Everyone starts work earlier than in most cities. Everything has air conditioning. You just don't do anything outside between 11 AM and 6 PM from June-August.
Kara- Coach was surprised when I called him. I was like WE CAN NEVER LIVE HERE. He was like BUT YOU LOVE THE SUN. I told him I assume people only go outside to get in and out of their pools. I suppose it's no different than dealing with the winter in Chicago. Stay inside as much as possible.
What the actual hell Mom?? I’m beginning to wonder if you and yours are lepers and everyone afraid of you.
I don’t get it. Of course I love minis lake house response.
Suz
No way you should feel ashamed for wondering what it would be like if the sun didn't shine out of Pat's ass - you're not the one in the wrong. And it's always the least admirable people who think everyone else is jealous of them, when people are usually all too happy not to be them.
Suz - Exactly - like this shit has gone on for way too long, why are we still at the favoritism thing? Can we try a different mode for awhile? We get it, he's your numero uno. Yes, Mini's reaction was hiarlious.
Ali - I couldn't agree more. Like, I really do think it reflects badly on Pat that he assumes I'm jealous of him. My kids are constantly pointing out that my kids are the cool ones. Of course, I'm partial.
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