Officer friendly appeared the other day at my front door AGAIN. I've lost track of how many visits this is. This officer seemed fresh (not like he made a pass at me, more like just got his badge). He brought a more senior dude along. I gave them my usual, DOING THE BEST WE CAN TO KEEP THE CARS FROM BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK. PEOPLE ARE IN AND OUT QUITE A BIT. FOUR CARS LIVE HERE.
|This is a photo of part of the chalk message I wrote a|
few weeks ago (um, need to buy Curly more chalk)
to whoever feels the need
to call about our car blocking the sidewalk.
I also launched into my rant about what I think of neighbors who would call and complain. I'm starting to think though that this isn't neighbors calling.
A friend is an alderman for the city and she said it's an ordinance (which the officers reminded me of) and they are cracking down. Do cops drive around and try to enforce this dumb rule? I guess I should be grateful that there is very little crime in our little city. Our po-po have so little else to do. If that's the case why does the city employ SO MANY uniforms? See, I'm familiar now with the whole force as I get a different guy visiting each time. I'm assuming no one comes back for a repeat visit because they don't want to deal with Lady Cray-Cray.
I told the fuzz that we'd move the flipping 'offending' car. As they walked away, Mini told me that she'd parked so that there was still plenty of space to walk around the car without leaving the sidewalk.
Well. Hold. The. Phone.
|This was from one of the initial complaint |
days, but there is still space to walk on the sidewalk. Right?
I raced outside and sure enough, a 700 lb person COULD walk past the car without stepping off the sidewalk. The boys in blue were still walking to their car. I pointed out to them (and demonstrated by walking freely with my arms held out to my sides) that Mini had parked the car in order to make the sidewalk accessible.
Now Mr. Tough Guy took the reins. "MAM, IT'S AN ORDINACE. THE CAR IS STILL BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK. MOVE THE CAR OR WE WRITE A $25 TICKET. YOU HAVE PLENTY OF CURB SPACE HERE TO CURB YOUR CAR."
That's when I thanked him for that newsflash and then I pointed (knowing full well that my mother taught me not to point, but blood boiling and all) to Mary Ann's house across from the curb of which he spoke.
Me: WELL THE WITCH THAT LIVES IN THAT HOUSE TELLS US NOT TO PARK ON THE STREET THERE BECAUSE IT'S BEHIND HER DRIVEWAY AND SHE DOESN'T WANT HER PEOPLE BACKING OFF THE DRIVEWAY INTO OUR CARS. LIKE I SAID: WORLD'S WORST NEIGHBORS.
Get the popcorn, because not a moment later Mary Ann walked out of her house, without her broom - too bad, because it would've been nice if she'd demonstrated her special powers.
Mini moved the car and said she saw Mary Ann speak to them, but Mini's x-ray hearing (is that a thing?) wasn't turned on and she had no idea what the conversation was about.
I assure you that Mary Ann doesn't call to complain about our cars blocking the sidewalk. She never walks on this side of the street. She's incredibly self-involved. If you need evidence of that, I can supply you with many links to many posts detailing her self-centeredness. There's no way our sidewalk would be worthy of a complaint from her. It just doesn't impact her.
Our city's motto is: (INSERT NAME OF CITY), a nice place to live.
Coach came home moments later. He's like Lenny and Squiggy with the well-timed entrances. He JUST missed the badge-carrying peeps. I told him that I'm going on the Next Door website and announcing that our town is NOT a nice place to live. Take that, city. Time to come up with a new catchy slogan.
Fire me up, will you?
Oh, and here's a thought. What if the po-po starts hanging out in the high school parking lot and directing traffic? That might be time well spent.