March 10, 2021

Mini braggadocios and other hairy stories

In the fall, I started packing a bag to shower at the club. Once they started requiring a mask while working out - not just when you moved from one area of the club to the other, I ended up working out at home. There's no way I could do cardio while masked. I suck way too much air and I'm unwilling to rely on a mask to let my oxygen flow. No secret death wish by asphyxiation here.  

Opting to shower at home, I often came home all sweaty and gross, BUT I'd often get distracted (telling kids to get their chores done, debating what chores need to be done), pulled in various directions (oh shoot, I need to start the crock-pot or whip up a protein shake), or I was asked to drive someone somewhere. Before I knew it I'd have to announce loudly and make a big stink (well this was easy, because have I mentioned how BADLY I smelled?) - "I'm getting in the shower!"  

While I feel like my people interfere with my showering agenda, I'm quite sure they all celebrate when I stop bossing everyone around and actually get in the shower.

The locker rooms were open at the club in the fall (they might be now, I don't know as I use my FB videos while refraining from waving at my instructor. Progress). For awhile I showered at the club so I could just move forward with the day when I walked in the door. 

At the club, I accidentally wore my mask into the shower. Another time I forgot my deodorant. The club used to have complimentary spray deodorant on the counters, but not during covid. 

Then one day I couldn't find my bottle of Botanical Boost. I feel like I've shared this in a 'my favorite things' type post, but in case I haven't . . . I love what this stuff does for my hair. It's the bomb.  

I didn't see it in my gym bag. I happened to be showering at home. I thought the girls maybe borrowed it. Dripping wet, I called out to them,

Me:  Girls, did one of you borrow my Botanical Boost?

Curly:  No. I looked in your bathroom but I couldn't find it.

Mini:  I don't put product in my hair.  

Well. Is it me, or did that seem like Mini was being braggadocios?  

Aside from the towel turban and her frequent messy buns, her hair is amazing. Naturally curly - not 'Curly- curly', but more manageable and flowing and CRAZY THICK. Yes, I'm jealous.

How totally uncalled for to taunt those of us who can't leave the bathroom without the help of product. Isn't there a saying, THOSE WITH PERFECT HAIR SHOULD NOT THROW BOBBY PINS OR SCISSORS OR FLIP THEIR PERFECT HAIR IN OTHER PEOPLE'S FACES - ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO SUFFER FROM THIN HAR? 

If there isn't, then there should be.

There it was - tucked in my gym bag after all.

Curly's hair is growing in quite nicely after the haircut disaster of May 2019, thanks for asking. I mean technically it still looks like it's growing out and not down. We're begging gravity to get involved here. In the meantime, she still often sports a bun or she tries various combinations of hair products to see what might make it less frizzy and 'free.'

Jumping on friends' trampolines or riding bikes has an interesting 'pump-it-up' impact on her locks. I swear her hair width can be wider than her actual body frame. She's learning to ignore me when I stand behind her and silently motion to Mini about how ding-dang wide this mop can actually become.  

A few weeks back was Ash Wednesday. The pandemic way to handle ashes was to sprinkle the ashes over people's heads to avoid touching parishioner's foreheads while marking it with a cross.

We are expected to make sacrifices during this season of lent. Well, sacrifice I did. I got to look cringy the rest of the night. Those ashes sprinkled on my balding head sat on my scalp, the place where other people have a mass of hair. My very visible ashes screamed LOOK THIS ONE STRUGGLES TO GROW HAIR. Appearing downright dirty is not my preferred personal statement. I've stopped washing my hair daily, and not anticipating this 'blessing' at mass, I washed my hair that morning. 

Thank you Jesus, in advance, for letting a priest make a very large cross on my head next year out of ashes. I'm assuming by then I won't even notice if someone breathes on me or sneezes within 6 feet of me. 

One more: 2nd to last:  Curly's friend's mom texted me after the girls hung out a few weeks ago and said the sister's friend was over the same day and ended up having lice. Wouldn't you think that in a pandemic the lice could all just up and die? Enough ARLEADY. 

Curly never got lice, praise the Lord. Can you even imagine having to comb through that mop? Raking that matted, fist-sized knot out of her hair over the summer is way too fresh. Resident germa-phob, Tank, sat at dinner with a plastic shopping bag on his head the night we got the text. I was like, boys rarely get lice. You don't have enough hair. Still, he decided he couldn't be too careful. 

Tank in lice fighting mode.

Finale:  I took one of the babies on a walk last week. We saw my folks through their patio door. My mom usually wears her hair in the shortest 'pixie' possible. Hair was growing a few inches down her neck. She'd been cutting it herself, not sure when she veered from that plan. 

I was in shock. Not as much shock as the baby who didn't know what to think of the elderly people trying to imitate Donald Duck and making weird faces at her. I informed my kids later that their grandparents have turned a corner. They've aged so dramatically, that they've lost their touch with babies. 

I thought of asking my folks:  GET OUT MUCH? 

Then, I remembered. So, I stood by and watched them frighten the be-Jesus out of this baby in my care. 

Any good lice stories? I realize 'lice' and 'good' should not be used in the same sentence. Or has anyone still not gotten a haircut? Or do you have a family member with flaunty-type great hair? Would someone like to make plans to have dinner with Tank, because you never know what to expect?

No promises, but I'm going to try my DARNDEST to post for tomorrow. Check back. There's so much afoot.


Ally Bean said...

No good or bad lice stories, but I have ye olde curly hair so I rather understand all the fuss and trouble it can cause. It's so easy to turn *poodle* with the wrong haircut. Just saying

Suz said...

Some people are just born with great hair and they don't even KNOW how lucky they are. My Linds has nice thick, semi-wavy hair. She's lucky. Lolo has nice hair too, but a bit thinner and I think it's thinning. She's going to try what I've been doing (Rogaine 5%) because it is doing wonders for my thinning hair. I keep meaning to share this in case it helps anyone else.

I have a hard time working out with a mask on as well. And here, it's NOT mandatory for gym guests, only mandatory for trainers.

Lice stories. Geeze. I do have plenty, but I'll just sum it up this way: I am the queen of getting rid of lice. I used to have friends and their kids lined up at my door. And I did it au Natural.
Really, you would think Lice WOULD up and DIE with all the cleaning/sanitizing/distancing we've been doing. I'm with Tank-protect your locks!

Beth Cotell said...

Thankfully I am no lice stories to share. I'm so glad no one in your family got it. That would be a nightmare with all that thick curly hair!

Kari said...

I can't believe lice is even around. That goes to show you people aren't quarantining enough, inserting side-eye.

So I never had lice in my childhood, I guess I was lucky. Do you remember even hearing about it? I don't. But my girls had lice notices coming home weekly when they were little. Anna got it twice. TWICE. It gave me the heebie-jeebies because I am a neat freak. The school nurse had the nerve to say it is most likely because her hair was too clean. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE SAYING THAT TO SOMEONE?

You should have just shaved Tank's head or told him to. Then he wouldn't have had to worry. Boys are so lucky. Men. Inserting side-eye again. LOL

Ernie said...

Ally - I am so grateful that my kids never had lice. A few 'exposures' but no lice. My sister has 4 girls and they all got it once. She about lost her mind.

My hair has some natural body - which in my better hair days of years gone by was actually curly hair and a good hair cut makes all the difference.

Ernie said...

Suz - Is 5% Rogaine taken orally? My dermatologist talked about that option with me, but it was a foam. She also pointed out that once I stopped doing the foam (EVERY NIGHT!), my hair loss would revert to where it would have been had I not started it. That scared me.

OMG - you are a lice master AND a butterfly mother? Impressive. So talented. I decided that if Curly got lice I'd have to take her to a professional. That hair - there's so much of it, all kinked up in tight little curls. I bought some over the counter stuff to be sure, and she took it up to her bathroom. Later she admitted that she couldn't comb it through her hair as the instructions told her so she just put it in her hair and rinsed it. I was like WELL THAT WAS $20 BUCKS WASTED. SISTA, YA HAVE TO FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS. Thankfully she didn't get it.

Ernie said...

Beth - My kids and I went to a Notre Dame football game years ago and afterward my sister's four girls realized they had lice. Nightmare. My girls didn't get it, but the panic that ensued. There's a picture of that day of Mini and her cousin hugging with their heads tilted towards each other/ touching. We were like 'OH MY GOSH!' when we looked at that pic.

Kara said...

My daughter's best friend was being raised by a single Dad. He had no idea how to deal with lice, beyond giving his daughter a buzz cut. I talked him out of that. Not only did I spend hours combing lice out of two of my three daughters heads (my husband and the non lice infected child stayed out of our way thankfully), I also combed them out of her head. I invested in some metal lice combs, and used a LOT of conditioner. Lice shampoo never seemed to do the job, and the nits were a lot easier to slip off heavily conditioned heads. Plus you can see them in the white conditioner. Thankfully, no lice has been in our house since 2012. It's the grossest thing and I'm itchy just thinking about it.

Ernie said...

Kari - I'm super grateful that things have opened up enough to allow us to do sports with masks and see friends in our bubble and attend school on certain days without full attendance, but I suppose that dang lice are also liking that we are not stuck in lockdown mode.

I DO remember hearing about lice as a kid. We had a family at our school that got it repeatedly. Back then it was framed as a 'dirty' thing that only dirty people were prone to getting. Of course I had boy hair, so no cases in my history. I have heard that lice like clean hair. I think someone telling you that was to dispel the nasty myth.

Lice don't like mint, so we keep a bottle of mint shampoo on hand to use when we hear of an outbreak.

Tank got his head shaved in a reverse mohawk once - not to fight off lice, but because Lad got his hands on a clippers and used it on him with no guard thing. Good times.

Ernie said...

Kara - You are a rock star to take on an additional head. During the scares we've had, I always looked around at my mostly boy heads and thought THANK GOODNESS ONLY 2 GIRLS. For a few days after Curly heard that she might have lice, she would suffer from periods of unexplained itchiness. Ewww!

Suzanne said...

For the first time in the five years my daughter has been in school, we haven't had a SINGLE lice outbreak in her class. (I have just jinxed it, haven't I.) I know they are just a normal pest, but they give me the heebie jeebies. My daughter had lice once and it was NOT FUN.

Ernie said...

Suzanne - I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that we've never had it - scares, yes - cases ZERO. Lord know I would've struggled to get it out of Curly's hair. Crossing my fingers that you have NOT jinxed it.

Gigi said...

I've never had to deal with lice, thank God! That would gross me out.

Regarding haircuts *raises hand* I haven't had a haircut since December 2019 - so well over a year. My hair is totally out of control right now.

angie said...

My oldest daughter had lice once and it was horrible. Not only getting rid of nits but cleaning everything. My daughters have beautiful hair mostly due to their Italian genes. One time we were coming back from the beach. Daughter 1 had beachy wave hair, daughter 2 had chic slicked back hair, and 3 had curly tendrils. I looked like someone had tried to drown me.

Ernie said...

Gigi - Lice, the worst. Glad you've also dodged it.

I cannot believe you've gone so long without a haircut. Wow. I'd be completely relying on a pony tail at this point. I had a haircut in July and December - maybe even September too. My hair would be so out of control if I hadn't done that.

Ernie said...

Angie - I was losing my mind just IMAGING trying to clean everything if they had it. I looked around at the stuffed animals and pillows and thought I might faint. If I had to deal with it, I think I'd take a vacation afterwards.

OMG - I love the description of your daughters' hair . . . followed by I looked like someone tried to drown me. Ha! Curly will tell me my hair looks so good, then I look in a mirror and I'm like WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME?

Bibliomama said...

Both my kids were bald for many years, but I've been jealous of Eve's hair ever since she grew some. She has perfect, bouncy, partable-in-the-middle hair - I have a weird-ass hairline, have to have bangs, it's not really straight OR curly (kind of lumpy) and yes, she would never have to steal my product.
The ashes thing seems really dumb. From everything we know about the virus at this point, just draw the stupid cross, you're probably more in danger from the extra time they have to stand in front of you shaking the ashes on you.
Both my kids got through elementary school without getting lice, praise be, knock wood, whatever. I am an extreme germaphobe and probably would have had to burn the house down (although I'm okay with someone drawing ashes on my forehead. Okay, whatever, I contain multitudes).

Bibliomama said...

Also, I assume "death by affixation" is an autocorrect - I'm imagining you pinned to a giant bulletin board or something.

Ernie said...

Ali - Why must our children's hair taunt us so? My hair was decent when I was younger. Between hormones of pregnancy (beautician's have told me this) and undiagnosed celiac disease - it went to hell.

My kids were like WHAT'S SO FUNNY - I was chuckling at your burning the house down comment. Also so grateful to have dodged lice, thus far.

I found the ashes in the hair a little odd. If the traditional way isn't going to cut it, then let's just do a blessing and call it a day. Had I known that was part of the program, I think I would've skipped.

And thank you, my library friend, yes I used the wrong word. When I was writing tomorrow's post I ended up also starting a post explain how today's post was born during a very busy night when I was way tired. I have fixed it to say asphyxiation.

Nicole MacPherson said...

I have some friends who have the MOST perfect hair, like it goes from wet to dry without needing product or heat styling, and it looks perfect. I am in awe of them. I wish that was my case but alas. It is far from the case. I definitely am a product kind of girl. No lice for us, thank god! Although it would be fine for the boys - short hair - I cannot imagine the nightmare for ME. Ugh.

Charlie said...

My very curly haired daughter cannot cope without hair products. I feel like we spend a fortune on them, so you are lucky curly doesn’t use product! Without the product her hair is just one giant frizz. She’s also had lice and it took me hours to get them out. Luckily just the one time really badly and after that I was washing her hair with the anti lice products regularly

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oops. I failed to get back on this.
The Rogaine is a foam that you apply to your scalp. Yes, it's supposed to be done daily. Me? I don't wash my hair everysingleday. So, I only do it after I shampoo, so, 5 days a week? And I only apply it to where i have major concerns; down my center part and then an inch or two on either side. You don't even know if it works until after 3 months and it did work for me. I have lots of baby hairs. I started in March of 2020. It's working for me.

Ernie said...

Nicole - Yes, that is Mini's hair. No product, no blow dryer required. Wet hair and she is just ready to roll. The thought of lice sends my mind into a tailspin.

Ernie said...

Charlie - You have it backwards - Curly TOTALLY requires product . . . Mini with her thick, loose curls does not. Curly would be a giant ball of frizz with no product. When we went to Yellowstone when Curly was 2.5, I forgot product for the girls. Nightmare. Curly looked like she belonged in the wild - like we found her there. Oh, your lice ordeal sounds draining.

Ernie said...

Suz - Oh, interesting. That is exactly what they suggested to me, but I think they told me I would do it at night and I wash my hair in the mornings, and it just sounded like it would be a huge hassle and then when I decided to stop all that new growth would fall out and I would revert back to wherever I would've been without having started it. Maybe I should try it though.