I'm outing myself as a total clueless idiot here. It's OK to laugh. I'm laughing at me with you.
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| This is the recipe - I typed it up at the end of this post. I mean I know this is a well-loved recipe, but is it me or does it look like a treasure map? A treasure map of AWESEOMENESS! |
When classes shut down the 2nd time, she texted me and told me she was doing classes on FB live. I Venmo her cash each month - well worth it . . . because I DID ingest a lot of Rocky Road Fudge Bars at Christmas.
CROWD CONTROL: If I don't get the class done BEFORE my kids are awake, then I get to sweat profusely AND listen to their input.
kids: WAIT, DID I JUST HEAR KIM SAY 'YOU GOT THIS, LADIES. LET'S GO. PUSH IT' - spoken in a mocking, high-pitched female voice. I live with comedians, so that's fun.
Really it's just the one issue, but it manifests itself in different irritating ways. It isn't always fabulous to have people ask you stuff while you're working out like DO WE HAVE ANY MORE BAGELS? WHAT TIME ARE THE BABIES GETTING HERE? CAN I TAKE A CAR TO E-LEARN AT JEANETTE'S TODAY? HOW COME YOU AREN'T DOING THE SAME EXERSIZE THAT THEY'RE DOING? DID KIM JUST SAY 'FUCK YEAH'? (no, Kim said 'FUN, YEAH?' but you are listening from another room while chomping loudly on your cereal. Go away.)
The first time I was going to attempt a live class and not just a prerecorded video, I spent a little too much time on my laptop. I raced into the family room at the last minute and put my laptop in front of the TV . . . I later learned that I could connect it to the TV and then watch my workout on the larger screen. Anyone else love the comforts of 2021?
Anyway, the class was supposed to start in like 1 minute. I wasn't sure if there was a trick to getting on Facebook Live, since I'd never done anything live on 'The' Facebook, being totally not interested in that sort of thing and embracing my old age and all.
I couldn't find the class. Like was there a special code? A different page? Did I need to click something?
In my panic, I started to cuss a blue streak. I texted Kim. I'M HERE. HOW DO I GET TO THE CLASS? I sent the same message on FB messenger, because I'm a persistent pest.
I was hollering at my kids to help me. They were like:
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
Then, Kim's face appeared and I clicked on the video live screen and I could see her. She read my text and she said to all the people viewing: ERNIE'S TRYING FB LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME, OK - ARE YOU HERE ERNIE? She waved.
Brace. Yourself.
I thought she could see me.
I was prepared for her to see me. Friends, I had straightened my family room EXPECTING her to be able to see into the room.
*I'm waiting for you to catch your breath from laughing so hard at with me.*
You know that sticker on side mirrors on cars: OBJECTS MIGHT APPEAR CLOSER THAN THEY ARE . . . or something. Well, I MIGHT APPEAR OLDER THAN I AM. Damn it.
I waved back at Kim and hollered loudly to her: YEAH, KIM. I GOT IT. I'M HERE.
I was lucky not to have to resuscitate my offspring as they all fell to the floor dying of their unending laughter. Each kid who didn't witness my snafu was TOLD by the other siblings who DID witness my snafu. The laughing pretty much went on for my entire class. Along with wiseass remarks like: HI KIM! WAVE MOMMY - I'M PRETTY SURE SHE WANTS YOU TO WAVE AT HER.
When exactly did I become my grandmother? She used to think my outgoing answering machine message WAS me and the messages she'd leave were filled with frustration. She heard me answer the phone and then I stopped talking and nothing made any sense.
She was over 80. I'm not.
Kim doesn't need to know I thought she could peer into my house through her computer, so if you stumble onto her videos on FB don't let it slip.
The funny (relatively funny, because what's funnier than me thinking she could see me) thing is that I thought the classes I was making up on my own as I recalled moves we did in classes in the past were bad-ass. WRONG.
What Kim does know (because I texted her, since I thought it was so funny) is that when Tank saw me devouring the Rocky Road Fudge Bars on Christmas, he threatened to text Kim. HEY, GUYS. WE GOTTA GET IN TOUCH WITH KIM HERE. THIS IS OUTTA CONTROL. CUT MOMMY OFF.
Anyone else with a FB or other new-age embarrassment to share?
Drumroll . . . as promised here is the recipe. The original is tough to read, so I typed it up. Enjoy and please invite me over if you are serving these (GF of course).
Rocky Road Fudge Bars
Bar ingredients:
½ cup butter or margarine
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
1 cup sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
½ to 1 cup chopped nuts
1 tsp. Baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
Filling:
8 oz cream cheese softened (save 2 oz for frosting)
½ cup sugar
2 Tablespoon flour
¼ cup butter or margarine softened
1 egg
½ tsp vanilla
¼ cup chopped nuts
6 oz (1 cup) chocolate chips
Frosting:
¼ cup better or margarine
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
Remaining 2 oz cream cheese
¼ cup milk
3 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups mini-marshmallows
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease (not oil) and flour bottom and sides of a 9 x 13 pan.
In a large saucepan over low-heat, melt ½ cut butter and 1 oz chocolate. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup (level off). Add remaining bar ingredients: mix well. Spread in prepared pan.
In small bowl, combine 6 oz cream cheese with the next 5 filling ingredients. Beat one minute at medium speed until smooth and fluffy: stir in nuts. Spread over chocolate mixture in pan. Sprinkle with chocolate pieces.
Bake 25-35 minutes till toothpick comes out clean. Remove from oven; sprinkle with marshmallows. Bake 2 or more minutes longer.
Meanwhile in a large pan over low heat, melt ¼ cup butter, 1 oz chocolate and remaining cream cheese and milk. Stir in powdered sugar and vanilla till smooth. Pour over marshmallows and swirl together (I use a fork to combine melted marshmallows and warm chocolate mixture).
Cool and cut.
Store in refrigerator, or freeze. Makes 3-4 dozen.
15 comments:
Hahaha, I've had people phone me who, like your grandma, don't seem to understand they are talking to a machine. Too funny. You are forgiven for thinking she could see you, after all, if it was zoom, she would! I know there are ways to stream things to the tv but I don't seem to be able to do it. I just get my kids to do those things!
Now that is funny. Kind of like when I was five and thought Mr. Rogers could see me on the television in my family room.
God bless you for exercising during a pandemic.
I have no idea how Facebook Live works. But I'm not on Facebook anymore, so I get a pass.
Those Rocky Road bars look amazing but I CANNOT write the recipe down because I don't take an exercise class. :)
HA! So relatable! I refuse to try any live classes because the word "Live" freaks me out. ;-) Perhaps my fear is misplaced!
I love so many things about this post! I totally relate to the kids making fun of us for...well everything. And totally not noticing that you are too busy to deal with bagel questions. It is kind of funny that you thought you’d be on camera - but you can never be too careful. I’m on zoom & FB live all day and I always check and double check of my camera is off when I don’t want to be seen!
In the old days when my kids were home my son recorded the incoming message on our answering machine. Without fail my 80+ mom would say ‘oh, hi Brandon- can you ask your mom to call me?’ Like he was sitting there taking down the message. The kids thought this was hilarious! Ps marshmallows in the icing ingredients of the recipe is missing. Good thing I can read your scrawl above! And...did you try with GF flour? Or did you just deal with the after effects?
This is hilarious! Thank you so much for giving me a big laugh on a Monday. I bet your kids will NEVER let you live this one down!
Thanks. I almost choked on my English muffin and there is NO ONE HERE To resuscitate me.
I really needed this laughter today so I'm so thankful you shared it with us. Your kids. OMG. You JUST KEEP GIVING THEM MATERIAL!!
I have a macbook laptop and sometimes I try to use my finger on the screen to swipe up.
But it's not an iPad Suzanne, it's a laptop.
We are all turning into our grandmothers, but it's ok, that's how it's supposed to happen.
Rocky road is my most favorite ice cream, so I'm sure I'd love this. But unlike you, I don't exercise 5 days (is it 7? Dear God, do you exercise SEVEN DAYS?) a week and have to limit my desserts.
Nicole - Funny to think that our grandchildren will probably not know what an answering machine even was. Yes, you are right - ZOOOM . . . that is the reason I was anticipating my teacher being able to act as a peeping Tom of sorts. That makes sense.
My kids set these things up for me, but they are usually not awake now when I get up to workout. I use a HT2MI cord or something - quite sure I have the ABCs wrong there. Anyway, if someone has used our DVD player, I pull it out of the DVD player and plug it into the side of my laptop and then set the TV to the HTMI2 setting or whatever and my workout appears.
Kari - Did you watch Romper Room? That woman pretended to see all of her viewers through her magic mirror. OMG I thought she could see me too. It drove me nuts that she never called my real name as it was pretty obscure back then. So, I told all of my friends in kindergarten to call me Mary or Julie. Trouble was I never responded to those names so the great name change didn't take.
Well, if you decided to workout then allowing yourself the luxury of eating these would be well worth the sweat and strained muscles. Pure heaven.
Suzanne - The only real trouble with live classes is that if you get interrupted by a phone call or a bathroom break or in my case bagel questions then you can't rewind. I like the videos Kim posts the day or two after - it videos of what she just taught live, but I can do it when the time works for me and I don't have anyone bugging me (hopefully).
Pat - I do not miss the added time of driving to the club and having to be early to get a spot on the floor. The classes are happening currently right now, but I don't think I could work out while wearing a mask. I LOVE the convenience of working out in my home and I'm often able to complete a class even after the tots and babies have arrived. The only issue is working out with the hecklers heckling. Usually I'm done before they start digging around in the kitchen acting like I don't have any food available for them.
Thanks for catching my missing marshmallows. You're right it is in the original. That is my mother's handwriting by the way . . . if it were my writing there is no way you'd be able to read it. Chances are neither would I.
Pat - Oops - I forgot to mention . . . I never cheat when it comes to GF. Not worth it as my side effects include vomiting and no sleep. There really isn't all that much flour in them, so a cup of so of GF flour works out just fine. I don't taste a difference because they are so rich anyway.
Shortly after learning I had celiac, I offered to bring Rocky Road to my folk's house for Christmas in the GF form. My mom said I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO TASTE FUNNY. She always offered it and I guess she feared bad reviews on Yelp or something. Ouch. Strange because on Coach's side of the family, they go out of their way to incorporate GF foods when I show up.
Beth - Glad you enjoyed it, really - that means a lot. I think it's funny, but always nice to think I'm sharing a laugh with someone across the country. I don't think my kids will mention this again since I am an expert at offering them new material each day. There is always something new to laugh at me for. Tank now walks into the kitchen while I'm working out and announcing that Kim's voice just makes him crazy. "Oh, Kim again. Come on." Um, I'm the one sweating my buns off.
Suz - So glad that I made you chuckle, but also relieved that it didn't lead to a choking incident. Yes, I'm a consistent goofball and my kids anticipate my doing something dumb and unexpected or swearing a blue streak over something they think is no big deal. At any rate, they are always falling down laughing at me. I can't remember what Mini was doing but I was obviously not in the mood for silliness and I flew off the handle saying something along the lines of "What the ef is wrong with you? Why would you do that? You think you're funny?" Whatever - it sent Tank and Mini rolling around on the floor. Obviously immune to my moods. They re-enact this little stupid rant of mine at least once a week and end up on the floor all over again. I guess that's better than them taking my seriously and landing in therapy.
If my kid asks me to help them with something like proofreading an essay on their school laptop, I am constantly touching the non-touch screen or fumbling with the mouse which is just a pad and who knows how to right click on that - especially if you are right/left challenged and there is no actual mouse. For the love of all things that are holy, I am not good an 'other' computers.
You WOULD love Rocky Road. The trick is to make it and then after the b-day celebration or whatever send the rest home with someone else. So then you can at least try it.
I DO work out 7 days a week. Happy to share Kim's FB page if you want to give it a try. I have this internal system that constantly thinks, hey if you sleep in tomorrow then you can just skip working out . . . but I always manage to find time to do a class. I didn't do this many classes when I was physically going to the club. It's awesome AND exhausting. I didn't work out on Christmas. Other than that, I can't remember the last time I skipped. Sometimes I do a class and then 20 or 30 min on the bike, but not very often.
I definitely laughed pretty hard imagining you yelling to the Facebook live! Luckily for you your kids will never let you forget that you did that, in case you do in your old age ;)
Cannot wait to try the Rocky Road bars, thanks for the recipe!!
-AM
AM- I'm sure I was a sight to be seen. As if my working out appearance isn't already something to behold.
Oh, the Rocky Road Fudge Bars are not easy to make but they are SO DELICIOUS.
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