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January 4, 2021

It's my party, I'll feel awkward eating in front of whoever I want to, & that'll do . . .

First and foremost, THANK YOU. I was very touched by the comments I received in response to my birthday post. No joke, your thoughts made my day. If you missed it, I accept late work.

Curly decorated my calendar white board for my b-day.

I woke up to an alarm on my birthday. Well, that sucked. 

I'd been sleeping like a rock, and then BOOM. I woke up when Coach's alarm went off around 4 am. NOT because I was ready to celebrate.

*And did the same thing the next day, darn it* 

I eventually went back to sleep around 6 am, but I had agreed to meet my therapist on Zoom at 8 am. Thus the pesky 7:55 am alarm. Nothing shows your age like a squishy face and poor lighting on Zoom, in case you too want to struggle with your self image on your next b-day. 

My therapist and I meet on Fridays. Celebrating a holiday 2 consecutive Fridays threw everything off. I planned NOT to meet that Wednesday when she offered, because HELLO - birthday! I didn't want to cry, or think of icky, troubling parts of life, etc. She sort of twisted my arm though. 

Unfortunately, there was much to be discussed so rather than figure out how to become a professional speed talker by this week's session to get through it ALL, I agreed. 

The rest of my day was pretty run of the mill, except for the times when I checked in with the blog. If I cackled at a comment, my kids were like:  WHAT? 

Me (smugly):  OH, JUST LAUGHING AT SOMETHING ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAID,  BITHCES. 

* I didn't really say 'bitches' to my kids. No idea why, but I really struggled NOT to add 'bitches' at the end of every sentence on my big day . . . Kari, with her 'IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH BITCHES' post might be to blame.

I like to get things off my list, so after I worked out and ate the cobb salad that Ed made me (I eat this everyday, but guess how much more enjoyable it is when someone else makes it?) and took a 15 minute nap, Mini and Ed and I visited the mall to return stuff. 

All the gifts we were returning were from my mom. My gift, that I retuned, was a size L. Um, I wear a small - foreshadowing, perhaps? My mom spends way too much and tries really hard, but she has 22 grandkids. She insists on shopping for each of them. Buys multiple gifts. She does enjoy shopping, but I think she should scale back. My kids would totally understand. 

We stopped at Vineyard Vines. I'd never been. She bought Mini a flowered, flowy, long dress that no 16 year old girl would ever wear. It's the thought though, and Mini felt bad returning it. Dang - it was pricey. She now has a huge gift card there - she doesn't really wear their stuff, but she might need to start.

We were directly next door to Wild Fire, my fav restaurant. Normally Coach takes me there for birthday /anniversary. I noticed that Wild Fire had a tent setup, but I was confused. It was completely enclosed. Chicago = chilly. How was this any safer than sitting inside the building?

Coach left the dinner plans a secret. We walked in the house from the mall and 2 minutes later, Coach showed up with dinner from Wild Fire. Ed looked at me and was like I TOLD HIM WE COULD JUST PICK UP DINNER BECAUSE WE WERE RIGHT THERE, BUT HE WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU.

The food was still warm, and it was amazing. 

The kids never come with us when we eat out for my birthday. We aren't the 'steak for everyone' kind of family. Shock. So . . . Coach only ordered dinner for the two of us. The kids KNEW this was the plan, but I felt a little awkward eating my filet in front of them. 

It seemed like we were the 'we-keep-our-kids-in-cages-in-the-basement' type that you read about in the paper. The kids had some amazing leftovers to choose from. No one complained, but Tank's eyeballs sort of did. That boy and his food. 

Not really into resolutions, but I started trying to finish up a 2017 album last night. This was a project started during the first shut-down. I noticed HOW THIN I looked. Well, that frustrated me. To no end. I work out so much harder now than I did then. I'm confident I also eat less ice cream now. What gives? 

Damn aging. 

I'm definitely going to try to cut back. On eating, not on photo albums. Well, that sucks. I love eating. This morning I made myself half a bowl of oatmeal. HALF! 

I made three amazing desserts GF for Christmas and the birthdays, etc. Well, that was ill-timed. I've been scarfing down on those abundant GF desserts, because I so rarely have anything truly dessert-y for me in the house. And then I noticed my '17 self being all skinny and shit. Not happy. DISCLAIMER:  I don't consider myself overweight, but if I'm killing myself in my workouts (Coach did a class with me this am and he struggled) then it damn well better be obvious.

Rocky Road Fudge Bars. Note the hole at the back edge . . . the size of, let's say, someone's digit. No one would fess up. Early Dec for Tank's b-day. I made the mistake of making TWO MORE TRAYS for Christmas despite it being pretty complicated. Hands down my favorite dessert. If interested, I will share the recipe in a future post. 

I tried cutting back in late October. I lost about a pound a week by: 

    1. not eating more than I needed to and 

     2. not eating between meals. 

(After 4 weeks, I became less focused). 

How did I find success? I reminded myself when I was done with my salad and yogurt for lunch (for example), that I'd had enough. 

With this verbage:  THAT'LL DO, PIG. 

No idea why, but I clearly hear the voice of the mom in the movie: 'Babe'. Um, is it a coincidence that the quote is being directed to an actual pig? 

Also, I might pretend it's my birthday about once every few weeks. Comments, my friends, are the bomb! (hint, hint, wink, wink, oink, oink . . . kidding)

16 comments:

Nicole MacPherson said...

I just wrote about body acceptance on my blog today. As we age our bodies change, and that is a beautiful thing, even if it isn't to conventional cultural standards. Personally I am putting effort into loving my strong and healthy body just the way it is, and not comparing it to past me. Present me is beautiful! And I bet present you is beautiful too. I think as women we need to give ourselves the love and acceptance that we would give one of our children. Food is a joy and exercise is a joy and we can take joy in both things. Be gentle to yourself, Ernie. Be gentle and kind. You are perfect the way you are.

Ernie said...

Nicole - Our bodies change as we age - so true. (sobs softly) You are right, I am perfect the way I am . . . isn't that what I'm constantly telling my children? I honestly feel good and trim and my clothes fit. Those photos from the past cause me to go 'WAIT A MINUTE HERE, WHAT'S HAPPENING?' This aging thing sneaks up on a person. I pledge to be more accepting. Thanks, Nicole.

Kari Wagner Hoban said...

I was laughing so hard at the BITCHES comment and then I saw my name and laughed even harder! I am such a bad influence. I hope that someday I get to meet your children if only so they can call me "Aunty Bitches". PLEASE LET THEM CALL ME THAT?

I love Wildfire too! Their mashed potatoes are SO GOOD. And I would feel the exact same way. The "kids in cages" made me snort. My kids would be eating Chef Boyardee staring at us and saying, "this will be going in the tell-all book, you know".

Today marks day one of my intermittent fasting, low carb-ish back in the saddle again. Not because of how I look but so I don't die. I am sure I am fine but I just feel squishy.

It sounds like your birthday turned out pretty good considering it was a pandemic-holiday birthday! Next year will be better. I just know it will. :)

Anonymous said...

Food definitely tastes better when someone else prepares it. And I have to agree with you ladies about overindulging and suddenly being more jiggly and fluffy than I have ever been, but food is joyful as stated above 😁
On an unrelated note.... yes please bless us with that fudge recipe!
-AM

Suz said...

I truly believe that EVERY statement should finish with, bitches. It makes me happy.
I used to do a lot of blah blah, yada yada, damnit. But I like bitches better.

YOU are fabulous in everyday. I even mean in your confused left/right way. Nicole is right, we need to be more gentle with ourselves as our bodies do change so much as we age. And food, man, food is a GOOD thing.

Your dessert looks amazing and I'm happy you had a nice day with the family even if NOT everyone gets to eat. (damn pigs! HA!)

Laughing at the dress for your daughter...well, mama/grandma tried? Right?
How did she like the kitchen mat?

Happy 2021!

Ernie said...

Kari - It makes sense that you would appreciate that. I must be careful when the babies I sit for celebrate a b-day that I don't shout: IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!

My kids have my permission to call you whatever whack-a-doodle name you come up with.

I literally had to post about my 'cage' feelings while eating steak in front of my poor suffering children. I think I inhaled my steak faster than normal - talk about eating your guilt. The kids are super sensitive to my meltdowns when I've been denied a decent meal at a restaurant because they have almost nothing I can safely eat, so they are happy to see me eat/inhale happily. I guess. Tank won't admit it, but he had a pout going.

I created a new catch phrase in my comments on my bday - BRING THE FUN, 51.
Banking on that.

Ernie said...

AM - 'Unrelated note' - ha. I'm onto you. I will work on posting that recipe. My version is in my mom's handwriting and it is ripped/worn - so I'll get to deciphering it eventually. Hang tight, chocolate dessert that will blow your sock off is forthcoming.

If I was rich, I'd hire myself someone to make my salads. The end. I couldn't pay someone to clean my house, too embarrassing. Oink.

I'm definitely feeling more jiggly and fluffy. But when I have my fitted workout leggings on, I DON'T feel like that. Can we all agree to wear workout pants that hold everything in place in 2021? Let's start a trend. Or, embrace who we are. Honestly, I do recognize that we all come in different shapes and sizes. I don't think I'm made to be petite. Not in my jeans.

Ernie said...

Suz - What's that saying, admitting the problem (even if it is a basic life skill like left/right) is the first step? Do I take that first step with a left or a right though?

I noticed your comment on my bday ended with 'bitches' later in the day when I scrolled down and I was like SEE, CONTAGIOUS. Maybe we can call my 51, bring the fun b-day celebration the 'bitches tour.'

Reg's b-day is on Saturday and I'm trying to convince myself that I don't have more Rocky Road prepared GF in the basement freezer, but I can hear it calling to me. Am I alone in this? "That'll do, that'll do" mantra needs to get louder.

Oh, that dress. My mom doesn't do gift stickers but the price was on it and I told Mini that we would have to ask for the receipt. I didn't want to offend anyone who has a daughter who WOULD dress like that, but I doubt any 16 year old would. Oh, Nana. I explained to my mom that when I cleaned out my closet I had a really cute Mini skirt I tried to give Mini and she was like I'M NOT IN MY 40'S. Ouch. It wasn't short/young enough, I guess. Still have to post about that closet cleaning. Hysterical. My mom was OK with it, although she repeatedly told me how cute she thought it was.

As anticipated my mom is afraid that she or my dad will trip over the mat. I get to haul it back to Williwams-Sonoma. At some point. Sigh.

Happy 2021 back to you. Southwest is selling cheap fairs . . . there is no dancing competition over Easter . . . Florida is calling me.

Beth Cotell said...

Sounds like you had a good birthday! I can not get over the fact that your mom buys multiple gifts for 22 grandkids! I enjoy shopping but the thought of that makes me want to throw up.

Ernie said...

Beth - I know -it's crazy. My dad is a spreadsheet guru, so I think that helps them track it all. She did less shopping this year, so Tank got some cash and some cool socks and a Patagonia. The Patagonia itself would've been sufficient. Honestly.

Over the years, she's bought my girls the FANCIEST dresses. She loves that, but they rarely have anywhere to wear them and often they can't be returned. Have I mentioned my cleaning out of closets over the pandemic? There was a time when I could've opened a resale shop of boys' polo shirts. Any color. Every size. There have also been some gifts where she just nailed it. The opening of gifts at their house is something to behold. She practically has whiplash trying to watch each kid's reaction. This was the first year we weren't all together.

Pat Birnie said...

It sounds like a great birthday & I’m happy your kids can let you enjoy the meal, in light of the fact there aren’t too many restaurant outings where you just order what you want. Well deserved!

I manage my weight by eating as much as I want of veggies etc and limiting the other items on the plate. I eat an entire family size bowl of salad every day for lunch. And I exercise a LOT, as you do. And I’m 15 years older than you (gulp) and my weight stays the same over the decades. You just can’t overeat healthy food.

By the way my favourite post lately is when you did the Irish accent of the hair/makeup lady at Irish dancing. I loved that! And finally, yes please on that recipe- I have a few celiacs in my circle & I hope to be able to socialize with them some day.

Ernie said...

Pat- Here's where I admit that my kids have witnessed my meltdowns after being disappointed at restaurants. So on the flipside they applaud my happy-meal moments.

I made a turkey breast tonight and mashed potatoes and veggies. I ate TONS of the veggies. Might live up to my 'gas appliance' sticker.

I will post that recipe but feel free to remind me if I forget. Warning- it is NOT gluten free, BUT there is only about 1 cup of flour in it and I used GF flour. There's enough other awesome flavors happening thst it doesn't 'taste funny'- my mom's words for when I offer to make something GF.

I've noted your enjoyment of my fake Irish accent and will share it again as circumstances warrant.

Charlie said...

I love the new phrase bring the fun 51! As that’ll be me next month. I’ve put on lots of weight recently with lock down and gyms closed, but also the cancer drug I have to take, let alone bloody aging! I do think the alcohol levels over the past year have also something to do with it though! We’ve gone back into full lockdown in the U.K., which is very like the restrictions last March, so that’s really not going to help me decrease my alcohol intake! But I do admire your discipline!

Ernie said...

Charlie - Sorry that the lockdown and your RX has caused you to gain weight. It is tough without gyms open. I was doing my own thing and I thought I was on fire with it till the gym opened again and my classes kicked my butt. Classes are cancelled indefinitely and my teacher posts videos of her workouts on FB and it has been amazing for me. She actually kicks my butt. With walking eliminated with the cold weather, I don't know what I'd do without that. Oh, how I love Mike's Hard Lemonade, part of the reason I don't drink more is it makes me sleepy (or sleepier) which I am not counting towards discipline.

I will raise a glass to you having more fun at 51!

Bibliomama said...

That's fairly impressive that your mom buys for 22 kids even if she kind of sucks at it. Also that Coach the frequently oblivious brought dinner from your favourite restaurant! I'd feel awkward about the kids too, but man, feeding six kids, I can't even imagine. I try not to weigh in (ha ha) on other people's weight, but given what you've said about your exercise regime, I'm with Nicole - I think maybe trying actively to lose weight might not be the healthiest maybe? But whatever, no one's taking dieting advice from my fat ass.

Ernie said...

Ail - yes, my mom's ability to shop is impressive - and she gets it right a lot of the time. She definitely has a hard time with my boys' sizes once they take off as teenagers. It must be hard as a Nana to admit that they are now the size of full grown men.

Coach does know where I like to eat and where I can expect not to be cross contaminated. I fall into the category of the way to a woman's heart is her stomach and that is not lost on him.

Feeding six kids is hard enough, but STEAK? Yikes. Tank always lets us know when he eats at his best friend's house and they serve steak. Dagger to my heart. Trust me, he is not malnourished, but to hear him tell it . . .

I came across a GF pancake mix and I made cakes for myself yesterday while I had the kitchen to myself and I was watching Stranger Things. Delicious and delightful. So, yes - I am definitely still eating. Pancakes - a rare treat for me.

I busted out laughing at your 'don't take diet advice from me' spiel. Hey you read more than me, so there is a good chance you know more on any given topic.