January 8, 2021

If your sister in law brings a cake, and you don't read the label . . .

This is embarrassing. Please don't judge. I do have a handle on my own kitchen, usually. It was an oversight. This is what happens when I don't pay attention. 

Let's throw my sister in law under the bus here. It's friendly fire, no need to skip this post fearing another installment of my middle child syndrome. This is Coach's side.  

I texted my sister in laws on Coach's side about our plans for December 26th. I figured 2:00. My sis in laws would want to know what to bring. I planned it out so everyone had time to make it to the grocery store. I shared with them that I was making sheet pan Cuban chicken rice bowl meal that is our latest favorite. So good! 

Is it bad manners to show a partially
eaten place of food as it would be if you
 showed a partially chewed moth of food? 

I suggested no one bring an appetizer with beans, etc. in consideration of our digestive systems. For example, I ALWAYS make 7 layer taco dip. ALWAYS. But, I told them I'd skip it in lieu of the fact that the dinner was chock full of beans and corn and onions and peppers. I ended with 'you're welcome.' I committed to making a cheese ball.

I invited them to bring an appetizer or kid drinks or maybe a mango salsa, since the Cuban thing suggested it. 

I also said: "I've got dessert covered." When we go to my folks' house for Christmas, my mom prepares an INSANE number of desserts. I decided to make a bunch of goodies knowing my kids would be excited to have something similar to what we usually do at Nana's. It wasn't insane, but close. I surprised them with a peppermint ice cream dessert and my mom hasn't made that in years. Big hit.

And I made all of these (or a smaller version) GF. Little bit of heaven.

Coach's sister Elle texted back: bringing mango salsa and a dessert. A few days later she texted: what time?

Someone is struggling with reading comprehension.

I told her 2:00. AGAIN, and I wasn't even a wiseass about it (small curtsey). I let the dessert thing slide because her high school daughter likes to bake. Maybe having daughter bake was easy for her. Her MIL has been in the hospital off and on since Thanksgiving. She isn't doing well. She was covid free but they put her on a covid floor and guess what? She got covid. Plus, Elle works full time. I figured she was running on fumes. 


If you send out a perfectly clear text, and your sis in law botches it, you're going to end up with a shit load of dessert. 

If you end up with a shit load of dessert, some of it is going to be uneaten. 

If you ask said sister in law if the store bought cakes (PLURARL) that she brought to your house need to be refrigerated, and she says NO, and you believe her, then the cakes will sit on your countertop.

If your college age son, Ed, decides to drive to a friend's MI lake house for New Year's Eve, and you tell him to go ahead and take the untouched cake (the one he's been suggesting all week that we give away, because no one is gonna eat it)- then he is going to pack it in his car. 

If you COULD eat gluten, then there would be nothing left of that cake to begin with because you have no self-control and there would be no issue. If you CANNOT have your cake and eat it too because of stupid celiac, and you are focused on other things, and no one is eating the cake then it will fall off of your radar. 

If you didn't like the WHEN YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE children's book, then this parody might drive you crazy.  

Somehow the cake in question did not make it in this photo. The oreo looking cake was one that she brought. Along with a cookies cake. And then the tres leches (just now googled the name of this cake and that has made the end result more clear) cake which I discuss here.

If your son, Ed, texts you from the lake house where he is staying for a few days to say that the cake was rancid because it was supposed to be refrigerated and it WAS NOT, then you will want to crawl in a hole. ESPEICALLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FREEZER FULL OF TOP NOTCH EFF-ING, WHAT-YOU'RE-KNOWN-FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES that he could've brought. 

Exhibit A. Check out that Santa cookie, one of Mini's art projects. 
If you laugh it off and hope it wasn't a huge ordeal, and your son comes home the next day and describes his horrified college friends WHO WILL EAT ANYHING, BECAUSE COLLEGE and how they decided to leave it out and watch people's faces as they tried a bite BECAUSE COLLEGE and he tells you that rather than throw Aunt Elle under the bus, he has outed you as a clueless mother with no actual business in the kitchen - THEN YOU WILL BEG HIM TO TELL YOU THAT HE IS LYING.

You might also insist that he invite all his friends to your home SOON in order to fix them amazing food out the ass (oh, wait - that was the impact of the first food they associated with you) - or rather, amazing food that will impress them and restore your reputation . . . then you better get a good grocery run planned and START DIVING INTO YOUR MEAL PREP.

So, what are you doing this weekend as I hope to be able recapture my dignity?

*BTW at our gathering, Elle apologized for later noticing that I HAD assigned a time for the party. She admitted that she thought our other sis in law was offering to bring ANOTHER cheese ball, when really other sis in law said: "OK, I'll bring an appetizer that has no beans and is not a cheese ball." After she apologized for daughter using all the sugar prompting her to buy store bought cakes, Mike's Hard Lemonade helped me be comfortable jabbing her with:  Um, the text that you barely read also said I GOT DESSERTS COVERED. So there was much laughing on the 26th - and apparently much disgusted face making at the spoiled cake on the 31st. The videos above are a few moments of Ed sharing how the cake drama unfolded.


Suzanne said...

Ugh - sorry about the rancid cake!

That Cuban sheet pan chicken sounds DELICIOUS and I think I will make it for dinner tonight!

Ally Bean said...

Oh my! That's a story and a half. I didn't know any cake could get rancid, stale yes, but not rancid. Bleech.

Suz said...

Oh my goodness.
In your defense, I can totally see how this could happen. We've had many discussions around our house about: Does this need to be in the fridge? Often my MIL does not refrigerate things that I would and it concerns me.
Your kids are funny and I know for sure Ed's friends will be happy with your kitchen capabilities again when they have some of your amazing treats. The cookies are lovely!
I'm totally saving the cuban, rice, bean's right up my alley!!

Kari said...

I have never heard of cake turning rancid but I can only imagine! ICK!
I am saving that Cuban recipe because that sounds really good.
The cake, I am not at ALL interested in. :)

Ernie said...

Suzanne - When we went to Omaha in the fall to look at a school, we took our niece out for dinner. Mini and I ordered a rice bowl. We really love rice bowl meals from Chipolte too, so that prompted me to find something similar we could eat at. It is so very tasty. Depending on how many peppers and onions you chop up to put in, it doesn't take all that long to make.

Ernie said...

Ally - Yes, rancid. I just looked up the definition, and yes. I think the issue is that it needed to be refrigerated because it had a cream part to it. It was spoiled and Ed served it in my formerly good name. Note to self: if a sister in law is not one to read texts closely, do NOT trust her to read the label of a cake.

Ernie said...

Suz - Yes, I've learned not to trust the sister in law who doesn't really read text messages to read the label of a cake that REQUIRES refrigeration. Duh. I just didn't bother to pay any attention to it. It became a fixture on the counter till Ed grabbed it. Ugh.

My MIL keeps syrup in the fridge. Huh?

Oh, this dinner is so delicious. I made 5 trays of this for the 26th. I think we (meaning Coach and Ed, thankfully- because I had to also handle cleaning the house and clearing the dining room) cut up like 7 or 8 red and green peppers and 6 onions. It was a lot of food. We lived off of the leftovers for a solid week - rotating between the ham from Christmas day. This prompted Tank to request me to wear my 'gas appliance' sticker again as fair warning.

Ernie said...

Kari - The cake had a layer of nuts on the outside of it. It just never looked appealing, but turns out if you don't keep a cake with lots of cream or milk product in it - it can turn. Imagine the grossness.

Yes, this dinner is a huge hit here. Not too hard to make either.

Pat Birnie said...

I’m definitely going to try that sheet pan recipe- sounds great! Your dessert table doesn’t hold a candle to my family’s. We are a group of sweet lovers raised by a mom that baked twice a week. We had dessert for lunch and dinner every single day - usually homemade pie, cake or cookies. I’d say most of us only indulge on special occasions when the approx 30-35 get together our dining room table expended with the leaf in it is FULL - it is somewhat appalling but we love it. No big family gatherings this year sadly��. Hoping for 2021. Your kids are hilarious- you know you will never live down the rancid cake episode.

Ernie said...

Pat- that sounds DIVINE! I grew up with dessert after lunch and dinner too. Usually my mom's homemade cookies. Christmas at my parents' house has evolved into enormous spreads for dessert. My spread was not nearly impressive but our gathering was fairly small.

Ed had a huge group of friends over last night (college kids have all already had covid). They feasted on my 7 layer taco dip and cherry dessert . . . so I think I'm back in good standing.

Charlie said...

Lol! That’s hilarious and I loved the videos, especially your son saying anything that went wrong over the weekend was blamed on the cake! Bloody funny!

Ernie said...

Charlie - So glad you found my mishap of almost poisoning people entertaining. :) I thought Ed was exaggerating for my sake, but when his friends were here last night they all knew about 'the cake'. One girl, who Ed calls the nicest girl in the world, simply said "Not for me." and then admitted to Ed that she was unfamiliar with the taste. Ed tasted it and said "Oh, mold - that's mold that you were unfamiliar with." Not like I regularly serve mold or anything. I swear.