This is embarrassing. Please don't judge. I do have a handle on my own kitchen, usually. It was an oversight. This is what happens when I don't pay attention.
Let's throw my sister in law under the bus here. It's friendly fire, no need to skip this post fearing another installment of my middle child syndrome. This is Coach's side.
I texted my sister in laws on Coach's side about our plans for December 26th. I figured 2:00. My sis in laws would want to know what to bring. I planned it out so everyone had time to make it to the grocery store. I shared with them that I was making sheet pan Cuban chicken rice bowl meal that is our latest favorite. So good!
|Is it bad manners to show a partially |
eaten place of food as it would be if you
showed a partially chewed moth of food?
I suggested no one bring an appetizer with beans, etc. in consideration of our digestive systems. For example, I ALWAYS make 7 layer taco dip. ALWAYS. But, I told them I'd skip it in lieu of the fact that the dinner was chock full of beans and corn and onions and peppers. I ended with 'you're welcome.' I committed to making a cheese ball.
I invited them to bring an appetizer or kid drinks or maybe a mango salsa, since the Cuban thing suggested it.
I also said: "I've got dessert covered." When we go to my folks' house for Christmas, my mom prepares an INSANE number of desserts. I decided to make a bunch of goodies knowing my kids would be excited to have something similar to what we usually do at Nana's. It wasn't insane, but close. I surprised them with a peppermint ice cream dessert and my mom hasn't made that in years. Big hit.
|And I made all of these (or a smaller version) GF. Little bit of heaven.|
Coach's sister Elle texted back: bringing mango salsa and a dessert. A few days later she texted: what time?
Someone is struggling with reading comprehension.
I told her 2:00. AGAIN, and I wasn't even a wiseass about it (small curtsey). I let the dessert thing slide because her high school daughter likes to bake. Maybe having daughter bake was easy for her. Her MIL has been in the hospital off and on since Thanksgiving. She isn't doing well. She was covid free but they put her on a covid floor and guess what? She got covid. Plus, Elle works full time. I figured she was running on fumes.
Insert the IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE REFERENCE here . . .
If you send out a perfectly clear text, and your sis in law botches it, you're going to end up with a shit load of dessert.
If you end up with a shit load of dessert, some of it is going to be uneaten.
If you ask said sister in law if the store bought cakes (PLURARL) that she brought to your house need to be refrigerated, and she says NO, and you believe her, then the cakes will sit on your countertop.
If your college age son, Ed, decides to drive to a friend's MI lake house for New Year's Eve, and you tell him to go ahead and take the untouched cake (the one he's been suggesting all week that we give away, because no one is gonna eat it)- then he is going to pack it in his car.
If you COULD eat gluten, then there would be nothing left of that cake to begin with because you have no self-control and there would be no issue. If you CANNOT have your cake and eat it too because of stupid celiac, and you are focused on other things, and no one is eating the cake then it will fall off of your radar.
If you didn't like the WHEN YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE children's book, then this parody might drive you crazy.
If your son, Ed, texts you from the lake house where he is staying for a few days to say that the cake was rancid because it was supposed to be refrigerated and it WAS NOT, then you will want to crawl in a hole. ESPEICALLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FREEZER FULL OF TOP NOTCH EFF-ING, WHAT-YOU'RE-KNOWN-FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES that he could've brought.
If you laugh it off and hope it wasn't a huge ordeal, and your son comes home the next day and describes his horrified college friends WHO WILL EAT ANYHING, BECAUSE COLLEGE and how they decided to leave it out and watch people's faces as they tried a bite BECAUSE COLLEGE and he tells you that rather than throw Aunt Elle under the bus, he has outed you as a clueless mother with no actual business in the kitchen - THEN YOU WILL BEG HIM TO TELL YOU THAT HE IS LYING.
Exhibit A. Check out that Santa cookie, one of Mini's art projects.
You might also insist that he invite all his friends to your home SOON in order to fix them amazing food out the ass (oh, wait - that was the impact of the first food they associated with you) - or rather, amazing food that will impress them and restore your reputation . . . then you better get a good grocery run planned and START DIVING INTO YOUR MEAL PREP.
So, what are you doing this weekend as I hope to be able recapture my dignity?
*BTW at our gathering, Elle apologized for later noticing that I HAD assigned a time for the party. She admitted that she thought our other sis in law was offering to bring ANOTHER cheese ball, when really other sis in law said: "OK, I'll bring an appetizer that has no beans and is not a cheese ball." After she apologized for daughter using all the sugar prompting her to buy store bought cakes, Mike's Hard Lemonade helped me be comfortable jabbing her with: Um, the text that you barely read also said I GOT DESSERTS COVERED. So there was much laughing on the 26th - and apparently much disgusted face making at the spoiled cake on the 31st. The videos above are a few moments of Ed sharing how the cake drama unfolded.