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December 14, 2020

twining with Kristy, country mouse, no wearable blanket, & dress me like a donkey (NOT)

Today I woke up looking like Kristy McNichol, so that's fun. Too young to remember Kristy? I've supplied a photo. 

Thank you biographypedia for this photo
I went to bed WITHOUT a blemish on my face - note I didn't say wrinkle free or anything crazy -and I woke up with a red circular scratch-like-thing. My mark shows up in the same place as Kristy's. Same size. No joke. 

Coach was like, "Did I do that?" - but not in an annoying Urkel voice (from Family Matters). I'm really dating myself. Rest assured, my facial blip is NOT the result of, well, anything that went on in our room last night (wink, wink). How did I scratch myself and not wakeup? Did something bite me? This morning I thought I'd fallen asleep with chocolate on my face. I tried to wipe it off. 

As the day unfolded, I decided waking up with a mysterious facial mark was a sign. I should've stayed in bed. Here's why:  

I'm noticing a trend this holiday season. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is taking me at least 20 times longer than it should. Killing me. 

Dad's list:  My dad gave us a list of books he wanted for Christmas. He didn't give links. I saw his list in my email and  I mistakenly allotted 10 min to order him a book or two. Over an hour later, I wanted to pull what little hair I have out of my head. 

My Christmas poem:  This was the earliest I've sent it to the printer. I emailed him a copy late Wednesday night. I checked my email a few times on Thursday morning for his response. 

He's been printing my poem for YEARS. The year I learned that they'd also fold it in a machine for next to nothing, I almost wept. He usually emails the minute he gets it and then lets me know  within hours that he has a proof for me to look at via email. I was walking out the door Thursday evening to Costco when I realized that he hadn't emailed me. Had his business closed? 

I called him. He answered. (Costco trip delayed). Told me he loved this year's poem. We chatted, as we do. His daughter Irish danced back in the day, so  he's a survivor he likes to hear how Curly's placed at Thanksgiving each year. I finally admitted that I hadn't seen an email from him. 

He HAD emailed me - it landed in SPAM. Darn it. Why? That's never happened. I was hoping to get the poems back ASAP so I could stuff them in my cards over the weekend. Foiled. 

Late Friday, I remembered to check SPAM. He'd emailed me AT 9 AM THAT MORNING to say they were already ready. Great turn-around, but now the warehouse where I pick them up was closed. Till Monday. Gosh. Darn. It.

But I was like, no worries. I'll focus on the envelope printing.

You know where this is headed don't you?

New-to-us-gifts:  Before I could tackle the envelopes, I drove all over kingdom come to collect the giant moon chair that I bought for Tank for Christmas. It's gently used - prefect for his future college dorm room. By the time I thought to get him one there was no inventory. Again:  added time, no easily clicking a few buttons at Amazon.  Remember how I had to redo my iPad shopping after that moron Kee decided not to 'reserve' for me. See? My timing trend is real.

From that moon-chair-place 30 minutes from home, I drove another 30 minutes downtown - as in walking distance to Navy Pier, like DOWN. TOWN. I met a guy there with Powerbeats3 by Dre. Wireless headphones. It's a teenage thing. These were new, never used. I waited in my minivan outside his hip building for kind of a long time. Maybe 10 minutes. I wasn't even sure which direction he was coming from because there were lots of buildings . . . 

 . . . someone I know is suddenly sounding like Country Mouse visiting the city for the first time. 

He approached my car. I handed him $55, only it turns out - we agreed to $65 and I messed up. I had 3 singles. He had no change for my larger bill. He finally accepted the whopping $3, shrugged and said no big deal. I FELT LIKE AN ASS. Really, I cringed for most of the 30 minute drive home.

I texted him when I got home and asked for his Venmo or Quickpay so I could send him another $10. He said not to worry and Merry Christmas. I told him it was my mistake and that I really hadn't intended to behave like an idiot. Still, he wouldn't take any digital moola. 

So he's the alter ego of Kee. Grateful that I came across a forgiving dude, since I was off my A game. EMBARRASSING. 

In other shopping/ family news:  I am refusing to purchase Mini her request for a wearable blanket. This girl. She can get way too comfortable in sloth-mode. These are not even cheap - like over $50. And what's wrong with the 8 hoodies she owns?
Photo of wearable blanket, compliments of Amazon.
I got an email from Williams-Sonoma that my mom's gel mat is going to be late. I ordered it on Dec. 3rd. What in the world?

I texted my sister, Marie, to ask if she was going to be in town from Milwaukee or if I should mail the gift I bought for my goddaughter. 

Marie:  I don't know yet. I'm trying to figure out something fun to do for mom and dad. So far the only thing I could think of was to do a living nativity in their backyard for them.

Well, dress me up and call me a donkey, I just didn't see that coming. Marie is a kiss ass, but seriously?

Thank goodness this was a text, because I wouldn't have been great at concealing my response . . . which was WHAT THE HELL? DO NOT INVITE US TO JOIN IN THAT FIASCO. I have to wonder, is it exhausting for her to work so hard to maintain her (perceived, but most likely accurate) number 1 position? Embracing my low rung on the family ladder over here. Gel mat gift late or not, acting out the nativity is not on my bucket list and I'm just not that generous a gift giver. 

Anyone else anticipating shipping delays? Plan to act out the nativity? Oh, the envelope story . . . tomorrow or Wednesday. It's hilarious, promise. Thanks to my friend, Hindsight. 


10 comments:

Nicole MacPherson said...

Huh, a living nativity. I didn't see that one coming.

I ordered t-shirts for my son in early November and just got them last week. EVERYTHING is taking longer now!

Kari Wagner Hoban said...

A LIVING NATIVITY? My God the Irish guilt IS a real thing. I just thought that was something they made up to sell books! Good for you telling her, nope. :)

Wow, you are busy, girl. I did all of my shopping online LMAO. Driving downtown to pick up a gift isn't in my vocabulary. I give you huge props for that.

Ella's birthday is the beginning of January and now I feel like I need to order stuff soon because shipping is taking longer because of people LIKE ME. :)

Ernie said...

Nicole - I did not see that coming either. She's nuts.

Aside from the shipping delays, my own efforts are hitting obstacles at every turn. Last night Coach pulled the boxes out of the crawl space. One box was missing. He went back in bother crawl spaces and every storage space before he realized it was sitting on the basement kitchen table where he left it when he pulled it out of the crawl space originally. Just hadn't carried it up. What on earth.

Ernie said...

Kari - You killed me with your 'Catholic guilt' comparison. So true. I have experienced enough personal growth apparently that I no longer drink the Kool Aid.

I almost sent Ed downtown to pick it up, but I was like well while I'm in River Grove I'll just head down there. Hello time suck.

Reg's bday is Jan 9th. I'm thinking that I'm done shopping but every year I panic and then I start adding things to one kid, and then I feel like the other kids have less. It's a slippery slope.

Suz said...

Marie. *sigh* Did SHE go into a cave and come back out three days later? What the heck kind of gift is that? SO.darn.weird.

I've had some shipping delays and it's terrible because I walked BY the item after I ordered it at Costco. I should have just bought it in person. *bangs head against wall*

So nice about the young man who wasn't an ass about the headphones. I'm sure he doesn't think you're an asshat.
Those blanket sweaters. What if there is an emergency? She won't be able to move freely to assist in helping anyone, much less herself.

I had to google MOON chair because I'm 98. I hope you will share with me your epic Christmas poem. ;)

Kristy McNicol. I think when I met the coach he told me he once had a crush on her. Maybe I should get a temporary 'blemish' too.

Ernie said...

Suz - Hard to explain Marie. She was once a cool chick. Morphed into 'I'm-almost-80' before her time. Dresses old, frets too much, and obsesses over my parents. Not sure she has many friends aside from our folks. Guessing she basks in the attention they shower on her. I admit, I once drank the Kook-aid, vying for their attention. I moved on from that phase years ago. Sadly, I think Marie's husband is 2nd fiddle to my folks. Coach is my focus, then our kids. Cut the cord. Quit stumbling around to please two elderly people who are pretty content.

So frustrating about your ordered stuff that you see in the store. I hope it comes on time. My mom's mat arrived today despite the warnings that it wouldn't be here till the 25th.

That guy was really nice. Maybe he saw my beat up minivan and took pity. Imagine the discount if I'd driven the Great White. He texted me back saying no big deal and that it seemed I was juggling too much.

If Tank doesn't like that chair, 'Here you go Mini, enjoy!'

Sending the poem. I don't think it is as good as the previous one. A few good lines.

What happened to Kristy, she was once in everything.

Kara said...

If you do give in on the huge sweatshirt, Costco had some. My kids may or may not be getting them for Christmas this year.

Living Nativity? I need details. Like full on animals? Rented camels and everything? I suppose a sheep and cow is easy to come by. It's the camels that I'm fixated on.

Ernie said...

Kara - Not giving the wearable blanket another thought. It's a hard no for my kid who is too easily converted into a sloth.

Holy imagination overload on the living nativity . . . that sister has no pets. So I'm thinking more along the lines of bathrobes for shepherds and towels tied to heads and a doll for baby Jesus. Speaking of baby Jesus, sweet Jesus what is wrong with my sister?

Beth Cotell said...

Lots of shipping delays here too. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed everything gets here by the 24th. If not, we will be doing an actual 12 days of Christmas!!!!

Ernie said...

Beth - I am enjoying living in my bubble of cluelessness - refusing to believe things will not be late. So far the stuff that was supposed to be late, arrived already.