My drivers license expires end of December on my, AHEM, 50th birthday. I'm starting to lose hope of celebrating my 50th in any sort of interesting, unique, possible-travel-inspired-warm-weather sort of way. Thanks, Pandemic. Apparently surviving countless birthdays with combo Christmas/birthday gifts wasn't enough.
Last week marks the last week this school year that I'll babysit 3 days a week. Today (Monday) I start my 5 day a week schedule. I'm not gonna lie: dreading it, but I also know I'm great at pivoting. My freshman year b-ball coach would probably agree, pivoting . . . ALL I was good at. I'll adjust to my new 5-days schedule in no time.
I thought I'd try to renew my license Friday, my last weekday off. I never made it to the bank Thursday to retrieve my birth certificate, etc. Instead I did the bank Friday morning. I figured I'd do the dreaded DMV on Saturday. Maybe Halloween would be less crowded. Fingers crossed.
I didn't want to miss my Saturday am workout class. I decided arriving before lunch would be fine. I brought my book, anticipating a long wait. I ate a bowl of cereal before I went because I feared starvation might end with me passing out if I got stuck there.
A dietary update: I've been avoiding eating between meals. Sticking to eating very specific things. I suppose you could call this dieting, but mostly I am just avoiding eating more than necessary. Um, GF cereal - not on my approved list.
So, now I was off to the DMV with cereal-eating guilt.
I parked and joined the mile long line. The weather was decent. Upper 50s. Sun was out.
Worker guy positioned at the end of the line: WHY ARE YOU HERE?
Me: MY LICENSE EXPIRES, GETTING A REAL ID.
Worker guy: OH, WE AREN'T DOING ANY MORE REAL IDs TODAY.
Me: WELL, I RECEIVED NOT ONE BUT TWO LETTERS ABOUT THIS WITH LOTS OF DETAILS AND NO WHERE DID IT STATE THAT YOU ONLY DO REAL IDs FOR SPECIFIC HOURS. THIS IS ASSININE.
He went on to explain: some locations are different, so can't be explained in a letter.
Me: I REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN. (channeling my inner Scarlet).
Why not print, SOME PLACES ONLY OFFER REAL IDs IN THE AM? Call me a word smith, but WHY IS COMMUNICATION HARD?
Why is it I can't have a single pleasant DMV experience? (so many questions)
Not wanting to waste another minute of my day, I stormed back to my car. As I drove away, I considered doing a U-turn and driving my fricking minivan THROUGH THE WINDOW OF THE DMV. (like, actually)
Yep. I was THAT mad. I pay taxes. How dare the government not value my time. I wasted 45-50 minutes in my round trip drive. I'M FEELING MORE AND MORE HOW EVERY MINUTE COUNTS AS MY 5-DAY-A-WEEK SITTING LOOMS.
I came home and told the kids that they almost saw me on the news with our minivan inside the DMV. Note: I'm able to let some things roll, like Tank skipping the ACT - other times, I HAVE NO PATIENCE. AT ALL.
I attribute the relaxed approach to: oh, dang pandemic, and the lack of patience to: HELLISH LADDIE SITUATION.
I decided to go for a walk to blow off some steam. I recently ordered a hat to wear if I walk in cold/windy weather. My ears get cold, so I needed an ear-covering hat.
Mini walked into the kitchen as I was tying my shoes: WHAT'S WRONG?
Tank: DON'T ASK HER THAT!
Too late, I shout-told the DMV incident all over again. Tank eye-rolled and Mini shrugged: WELL I DIDN'T KNOW . . . I ALREADY ASKED BEFORE YOU TOLD ME NOT TO.
All of this, as if I wasn't in the room.
Then I put on my new hat. The thing about being ticked off in our family is rage is never allowed to last long. There are always distractions.
Mini bust a gut laughing. She didn't even try to hide that she was laughing at me.
Mini: WHAT IS THAT?
Me: MY NEW HAT. I GOT IT TO KEEP MY EARS WARM.
Mini: UM , OK. HAVE A NICE SWIM.
I looked in the mirror and yes, I looked a notch beyond ridiculous. Now we were all laughing . . . at me. Tank, the wise-ass that he is, congratulated Mini for the swim cap comment as if he's the only one who can champion funny.
I walked with the sweatshirt hood up, hiding my rocking the swim-cap look. I stopped at my folk's patio on my way back and talked to my mom through her sliding glass door. I removed the hood during the walk-too toasty.
My mom chuckled at the 'enjoy your swim' story. She cringe-laughed at the DMV story and waved at me to stop shouting the 'F' word as I retold it - with her eyes darting around worried neighbors or golfers on the hole behind their house might hear me, as if that would deter me. By the time I told her how the Irish dancing world is threatening to mess with my Yellowstone trip this summer (story to follow), she was tearing up from laughing so hard.
Happy that my misery serves as a good laugh for my shut-in mother. Just doing my part.
|Mini sporting the Goldilocks apron I made |
her years ago. It's a tad small, but it's also super easy.
We put candy out on a stool on the front porch. I was in the study - steps from the front door. When I heard trick-or-treaters approach, I looked out the window. Little kids with parents, no issue. Punk-ass pre-teen boys: I hopped from my chair to observe.
One boy helped himself to fistfuls of candy.
I threw open the door and hollered: HEY, GET BACK HERE. YOU THINK THAT WAS RIGHT TO TAKE MOST OF THE CANDY? YOU THINK MAYBE I LEFT THAT OUT THERE FOR PEOPLE BESIDES JUST YOU?
Boy with no manners, pivoting to return candy: SORRY.
Me: ARE YOU? BEHAVE!
|You've seen signs 'BEWARE OF DOG' maybe we |
should've posted 'BEWARE OF ANGRY RESIDENT'
It happened another time, too. I yelled at the next group of boys while Coach cackled away from the family room. He should know better than that. I need no encouragement.
So, if our tires get slashed again we MIGHT have an idea why. Who knew that cereal-guilt combined with a DMV pisser could fire me up like this?
Anyone out there have a pleasant DMV experience? HOW? Best Halloween costume you wore or you saw?