September 3, 2020

abbr. made me giggle, Chinese food memories, and stress

I should be working ahead in my class.  Every assignment makes me panic.  I'm over-thinking things.  I know this.  So I decided to give my mind a rest and come here.  Does that make you feel special?  Loved?

I have several upcoming posts and I could set one up and let it fly and get back to my classwork (have I mentioned, I am in a class called 'Writing for Publication' - typing the course's title makes me sweat), and later check in with all of you to see if I made you laugh or made or prompted you to relate somehow.  

Not doing that. I mean I hope you comment about laughing or relating or whatever, what I am referring to as 'not doing' is using one of my ready-to-go posts even though they are shit-that-just-happened posts.  

To be honest, shit has been happening in rapid-fire succession over here and I am finding it hard to keep up, not just in the writing sense.  In order to get my classwork done, I am only posting twice a week and turns out I often have more to say than twice a week allows.  Stay tuned.

Plus, I think I need to ask the teacher a question about the assignment.  I asked how to approach the last assignment and I really don't want to be 'THAT STUDENT', so maybe if I sleep on it I will wake up confident and just go with it.  

Sure, I will.

Tonight I had to submit my project that was assigned on Friday the 28th.  I had to research a magazine that I would want to submit an article to.  I hope to write a memoir, so I stumbled upon a magazine called 'Memoir Magazine.'  Fitting.  Again, got sweaty when the project had to be in Google slides, or prezi (spelling?) or other foreign-to-me formats.

This is why God created teenagers.



Mini steered me towards Google slides, got excited about importing a specific 'look', and away I went.  I finished last night, and she helped me upload the link to my project and I submitted it.  Done a whole day early.

Today the teacher reminded everyone to check their links because there was at least one project she couldn't open.  Um.  After babies were picked up, I went to read other people's projects, not because I am nosy, but because this is part of the assignment.  We have to comment on our fellow classmates' work and ask a question.  


How great would it be if someone asked me as part of their 'assignment question' why I didn't upload mine properly the first time?  Cause really, how many questions can people who aren't interested in the memoir genre ask me about my presentation?  Anyway, Mini even clicked the link and it worked last night.  What the hell happened?  

She was at tennis when I realized, and I was all worked up- but I figured it out.  Just did it a different way.  Downloaded it first.  Who cares.  My point, I was reading someone else's project on Cosmopolitan (aim high, girlfriend), and the article in it that she studied was on voting.  NO I AM NOT ABOUT TO DISCUSS POLITICS.

Classmate shared part of the informative voting article, and there was a sentence that read:  "If you choose to vote absentee, send in your application and your completed ballot early, AF."

I have no idea what 'AF' stands for, but my mind insisted on translating it to 'as fuck.'  

Well, if you are hoping to learn what that stands for - your search might end here.  No idea.  I just want to point out that it's fun to add 'AF' to the end of sentences when things are running a muck in life and you need a laugh.  Go ahead try it.  I'll wait.  

See?  Refreshing, right?

When I worked at a baseball hat manufacturer just before I got married, my boss ate Chinese food for lunch every day.  At a restaurant.  One of us was clearly getting paid well.  The other of us brought PB&J in a paper bag every day.

Anyway, there was a Chinese food lunch group at work and they made reading their fortune cookies into sport and after they read their little slips of paper, they always added 'in bed.'  Lots of laughs.  This is what my 'as fuck' addition to a sentence reminded me of.  But turns out people who eat Chinese food every day have terrible garlic breath, and that makes my 'as fuck' addendum funnier, somehow.  Work with me here.

Once, boss man got a fortune cookie slip that read:  "You love Chinese food."  Nothing could have been truer.  I so wished his next one could've clued him in with:  "You have terrible garlic breath."  No such luck.

Well, now I have gone and done stream of consciousness stuff and there is not space to tell you what I really wanted to tell you.  But, I will anyway.  If you end reading at the garlic breath part, I won't blame you.

I have not had a glass of wine tonight, promise.  It does seem that way though, doesn't it?  

So, Coach and I went out for our anniversary last week.  I was looking at my FB mom's babysitting page on the way home.  Without my glasses on.  Red flag.  Oh, and I didn't have a glass of wine with dinner either.  Not much fun, but I'd be asleep AF on the way home if I drank.  

So, my sober but blind self could tell that this woman was a teacher and was looking for an in-home daycare.  I thought I was clicking a button that would lead me to her profile so I could see where she taught and if we had any friends in common.  

Not likely.  Sometimes these moms know moms I already sit for, which helps.  I do not friend people much.  Don't use FB much, but it's come in handy for sitting jobs, especially since I got kicked off of  I am not wanted by the feds, people, just insisted I get a different kind of membership since I don't go to people's houses - they come to mine.  It was screwed up, AF.  But look at me, still filling my spots, so there.

Anyway, I hit something.  Never saw her profile and moved on.  My phone made a weird noise when I got home, apparently to alert me that this woman had accepted my friend request.  

Well, shit.  I didn't mean to 'friend' her.  I don't even know her.  She must think I am nuts.  I had kind of figured I wouldn't apply to her job, because she had a baby born in July and I sit for 5 month old twins three days a week.  She needed 3 days, and they weren't flexible.

I sent her a message, but I thought I was on the main page not messenger, so I announced "Sending you a pm", when I was already in messenger.  Dear God.  Was my steak laced with brain-fart-toxins? 


I explained myself in my message, gave an overview of my care, how many I sit for, etc.  She and her husband wanted to meet me.  I was like, REALLY?  Because if you do the math that would mean at least one day a week I would have three babies on the same day, with a few toddlers mixed it.  (they also have an almost 2 year old).  Maybe she isn't a math teacher.  

She doesn't need care till November, so the twins would be 8 mos.  At least. 

In summary:  we met on Saturday and they were delightful.  Normal.  We clicked.  They reached out to one of my references, a mom I sit for, who is a huge fan.  (fortunately all the moms I have right now fall into huge fan category).  Messaged me yesterday to say they want to hire me.  Great.  

But the twins mom, who initially said she was flexible on her days is not as flexible as I thought and I am STRESSED AF.  Twin mom, who is very chill and wonderful, said she would check to see if her aunt would flop her days, but I am feeling like a horses ass, AF.  Too much?

I smell so badly of baby spit up, that I cannot believe I never changed out of my sundress.  The fumes might have impacted my mind and the length of this post.  

This was way more fun than my homework, esp because Mini came in midway through and she is smart AF and could not figure out what the abbreviation means.  Thought the same thing I thought.  We laughed till I cried.  

What have you done for fun lately?  Any good bosses-from-back-in-the-day stories, or current?  It's fine your boss does not read my blog.  What stresses you out?  What abbreviations have you messed up?  I apologize for the long post, but I could not divide this up even though it was all over the place.  


Kara said...

You are super hip and with the slang of the kids these days, because AF does, in fact, stand for "as fuck."

Hopefully the babysitting schedule figures itself out without drama!

Gigi said...

Yup, you guessed exactly what AF stands for!

Ernie said...

Kara - I know what 'af' stands for, but that is NOT what they were using it for in this article. Promise. It was a serious article about voting in Cosmo, not someone making jokes about the political climate of our nation and telling people to hurry up and vote so we can see if voting will fix our mess. Jury still out. The babysitting schedule is still unresolved and I won't see the twin mom till Tuesday. If I continue to sleep this lousy worrying about it . . . well, I don't even want to go there.

Gigi - (see above). It was almost like they were siting some source, like 'AP' is associated press. I can't make sense of it, but confident that it was not a slang thing.

Charlie said...

You really are funny af Ernie!

Ernie said...

Charlie - my friend Delilah doesn't comment. Her real name is not even Delila. Really there is probably no reason for me to be all 007 with her name. She is one of the few people in my real life who knows of my blog. Anyway, she texted me this morning to say that she found this post funny af. I texted her back: Thanks, Delilah. ;)

So, you just tied her for making my day.

Ally Bean said...

I know what AF means & I am overly proud of my old self for knowing this. Glad you are now part of us hip kids who use the coolest slang.

I cannot imagine how you stay sane with all the people running around and through and in your life. Of course I am assuming you are sane, aren't I/?

Best of luck in your writing course. I've never tried anything like that, other than majoring in English in college, which is similar to but not entirely like what you're doing so maybe this sentence makes little sense.

Happy Friday.

Beth Cotell said...

More babies??? How will you not be insane by the end of the day???

Ernie said...

Ally - Funny, but there was a time in my life where I could never have imagined myself gravitating towards pure chaos. I only did what was necessary (oh, those sweet college days). Now I am used to constant interruptions or regular upheaval and times of trying to figure out which way to go. I can no longer remember what it is like to not be surrounded by lots of people who are usually making a mess or asking me to drive them somewhere. Then there are my little charges . . . who make me feel young, until someone asks me how old my grandkids are. Grrr. Sanity is subjective, I guess - so no claims to be sane. Just saying. I was freaking out about the writing class, but I spoke to the teacher this morning and I feel much more relaxed. Enjoy your weekend.

Beth - I do not have the overlap worked out yet to figure out who can come on what day - waiting for the twin mom to get back to me, but my kids are home a lot and Ed will be here for months after Thanksgiving. I am earning college tuition, so my motto: you want tuition help - then burp a baby, don't be so loud that you wake a sleeping baby, and clean up after yourself. I may or may not be insane by the end of the day, but I have already proven that I will be exhausted and I will smell horrible of baby spit up. Like, AWFUL. You forget how gross that smell is.

Kari said...

Omg I could never take that class! Reading other people’s work is giving ME anxiety. AND I WRITE A BLOG. 😂😂
And I have no idea what Google Slides are.
I give you a lot of credit (see what I did there??) did taking writing classes in a pandemic, with six kids AND while babysitting.
That’s impressive. ❤️

Kari said...

I meant to say having other people read my paper but I think you knew what I meant. Apparently I can’t write after 10 pm 😂
Again, mad props. 😘

Ernie said...

Kari - I broke out in a cold sweat when I saw Google slides and the other presentation options. Can you say clueless? Thank heavens for teenagers. My last class was 8 weeks. This one is 15. I am sufficiently freaked out. And come November, I will no longer have Monday and Friday off. As usual, this could get interesting.

Nicole MacPherson said...

Good luck with the class - sounds like you'll be super busy with all the babies and the writing!

Busy Bee Suz said...!

You said broken link, but I heard missing link. Cavemen?

The dining room pic actually scared me a know how I am with order and such.

A/F only has one meaning to me, but then again, I'm 12 and I laughed at ALL your A/F addins.

Chinese food every day? Gross. GROSS. GROSS!!! I got a headache just reading that.

I can't believe you made such a faux pas on FB and still got another kid. ONLY YOU!!!

Ernie said...

Nicole - Yes, keeping with the theme - I will be busy AF. ;)

Suz - She's back!!! This post made me laugh as I wrote it - which was a great stress reliever because that assignment had me bugging. I guess I should be stressed out more often, oh wait . . . well my other posts should be way funny seeing as my stress levels have been at an all time high.

That is a pic of my dining room on a good day. No joke. But a hood is currently being built, so I guess we can stop using the dining room as hood storage.

I still do NOT believe the article was referring to our slang usage of AF, but if that is the case WTF is the reference?

Oh my gosh, considering how short my professional career was - I do have a lot of stories from those days. The Chinese-food-eating boss really took the cake, do Chinese restaurants serve cake? I'll stop.

I do love the FB-oops-job-story, too. I was like, these people won't hire me. I come across totally flakey, or nearing 80 years of age. And yet, they were on board. Maybe I just seemed very human.