Just a quick thank you for the kind words and supportive sentiments you shared last week. Since few people in our 'day-to-day life' even know that we are considering adoption, stumbling though the process these last few months with so many emotional moments has been challenging.
The current, occasional feeling of being in a dark tunnel is unfortunately reminiscent to me of having a miscarriage. The possibility of expanding our family (when we were much younger) was something we kept private, and when those hopes and dreams ended in miscarriage over the years six times it was heart breaking. It was a loss I avoided talking about openly because I wanted to avoid the "WHAT? DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH KIDS?" comments (not that people would have said this AFTER a miscarriage, but if they had known that we were even considering more kids after 2, or 3, or 4, etc. they would have weighed in. People are weird, in case you haven't noticed).
I also kept the miscarriages quiet because I wanted to avoid the long stares later: "Is she pregnant?" Best to keep people out of the loop. Have you ever known people who invited EVERYONE into the loop: We're gonna start trying, we've been trying, So-I'm ovulating, etc. Sheesh. Not our approach.
I had a few close friends that knew how sad I was back in the day, and I am grateful to have close personal friends who I can share this process with now. Still, there is a side to this that is just flat out lonely and painful and full of 'what ifs'.
I appreciate that I can share with all of you, it wasn't easy - and I was hesitant because it's A LOT. So, thank you!
Guess what else makes for a memorable summer . . . dental work. My dentist has been after me to replace two silver fillings that were old and tired, much like myself. He also wanted to bond a few teeth and build up my gum where my nerve was exposed. The nerve? OK, I'll stop.
Guess who brushes with too much energy? Aggressive brushing plus stress plus God knows what else, and my gums are receding.
I finally scheduled the good times for last Thursday and I couldn't wait for it to be over.
While I was laying there in the chair wondering how much longer, I pondered my dental visits as a kid. The goal was not to have a cavity, and each of us entered the waiting room after our cleaning to face the other siblings and their stares of: "So? Cavity?" Rarely a cavity between the 5 of us, which I find remarkable, but eventually I got one.
Mom had spoken vehemently about the horrors of Novocaine for as long as I could remember, so naturally I opted to have my tooth filled without it. I was maybe 10 or 11.
When we moved away minutes before I started high school, we ended up at a new dentist. Maybe a year later he had to fill my 2nd cavity. I bravely waved away Novocaine, and he looked at me like maybe I was touched in the head. He started the work and several reflex-induced punches and kicks later delivered by perm-wearing-self to himself and his assistant, he lowered his drill and asked me what my grudge was against Novocaine.
"Oh, it isn't my grudge, it's my mom's. She says it's bad. Real bad." or something to that extent. Not sure why in this made-up-dialogue I sound either uneducated or like I am from the hills and never been to a real dental exam before, but let's roll with it.
Dr. Sullivan shot his assistant a look that screamed, "So, just as we thought . . . her mom is a nut job," then he told me that he couldn't proceed until I agreed to be numbed with Novocaine. Too close to a nerve, etc.
I caved, and you know what - I can deal with a blubbery lip, because damn . . . so much easier. Can I get an amen?
As the dentist was finishing up my work on Thursday, he put that black film stuff in my mouth and told me to bite down. I believe he then sees where the black residue is left and then he files the new filling down to recreate a normal bite.
Well, I call foul. People, how are you expected to bite down and be sure it is the real-deal bite if your mouth is all whacky-doodle? I bit down, Doc filed away, and we repeated this little dance several times.
I like my dentist. I've been going to him since a year after college when I moved from my folks' house - back to where I lived as a young whipper snapper. I suppose this will not come as a surprise to you, but I used to babysit my dentist's kids when I was in 7th and 8th grade - before we moved to the northern suburbs of Chicago for my hilarious high school years (buy the book someday, and you will enjoy the hilarity of my HS experience).
I am hearing a collective 'Oh my gosh, is there anyone she DIDN'T babysit for?' from you, my devoted readers. You know me so well. Crazy, but one of his sons is now a dentist and has joined his practice. And yes, I did tell him when we were reacquainted: So, you don't remember me, but I used to change your diapers.
Anyway, I even blubbered at one point while numb last week: Not sure I am biting like I normally do when I am not numb. And Doc assured me my bite was perfect. Oh, and he put this little foam piece in my mouth to prop my mouth open during the procedure and I told him that Coach might want me to bring a few of those home because they make it difficult for me to speak.
Well, it is now Sunday night and the numbness has worn off and my bite is all-kinds-of-not-normal. It is off. And that is totally irritating. To top it off, a few hours ago after I flossed I started noticing that I had sensitivity to hot/cold and sweet in the place where he did the work. Come on now.
I have been grouchy all evening. Goes without saying.
I mean, I remain committed to my love for Novocaine, but not like I am jumping up and down to be a repeat customer or anything and I am not all that available to sit in a dental chair having just done my 2 hours last week - I am usually needed to chauffeur my offspring places. Life might not be back to normal exactly but there is a definite busy contingent happening here.
For the record - this happened to me years ago and Doc fixed it, and Coach says he is in the same boat right now having gone back a few times to have it adjusted and now he has just given up. Silly me, I just thought he was at work all day.
So, what hang-ups did your folks have that influenced you? Did you eventually figure out that your parent was perhaps a bit loopy? Or have you ever ended up with a screwed-up bite after dental work was done? Don't be shy.