July 8, 2020

permit-less even with a purse, what are the chances?

We looked high and low for Mini's misplaced permit (this is a flash back to August 2019 - you might want to read the last few posts to be brought up to speed, or not).  In the new hoodless kitchen, each kid has their own drawer.  This seemed to make sense since the adjacent mudroom could not hold all of their crap. Leave something laying around, look for it in your drawer, because that is where I stick the stuff I think they need to keep track of.  Mini claimed she had always put her permit back in her drawer.  

By always, I refer to the less than 2 weeks that she owned a permit.  
This is the photo I snapped of the blue purse that
 I ended up buying for Mini n Greenville.  I am sorry,
 not sorry, that I didn't capture the pile of shit
 I collected in the buy-it-back laundry basket deal.
You would have been appalled.

The girl will not carry a purse.  She owns a few different purses, but they are too big or the wrong color, or something.  While in Greenville (also in August '19), I bought her a purse.  I sent her pictures - do you like this one?  Blue - favorite color.  Small size - just what she likes.  Initially she could not find her phone to view the photos.  THIS. is. the. issue. - she needed a purse to track her phone.  Right?

These kids will not keep their ringers on, so when she misplaces her phone, calling it accomplishes nothing.  Ed was home the day I called the landline while in the Greenville store trying to buy her a purse, ‘I am trying to get an answer from Mini about this purse.  Ask her if she likes it?’  

In the background I heard Mini, ‘I cannot find my phone.’  Exhibit A.  

Ed about died laughing, because he knows my frustration with that overly used sentence.   One day she was looking high and low for her phone.  It was in the front pocket of the hoodie sweatshirt THAT SHE WAS WEARING.  People, why must they torture me so?  

She found her phone, liked the pics of the purse I sent, and I bought the purse.  Done.  So now she owns a purse, but it was a tad too late- she had lost the damn permit after 2 weeks.  Save me.  (edited to add:  she NEVER uses that blue, Greenville purse after a year of owning it.  People, no words.  We were once in Von Maur browsing purses and the friendly saleslady started chatting with us.  I explained my predicament with purse-less girl.  The woman was like "How do you manage when you NEED  a purse every, ya know, month?"  I liked this friendly saleslady.  Not pushy, and got right to the point.  She and I should do lunch).

Coach came home in the midst of the permit search (he knew at this point that Tank had screwed up big time by not having his paperwork into the driver's teacher, so he and I were at the end of the same, thread-barren rope, just so you follow).  He threw his arms up in the air, ‘What the hell?’  

I told him I was torn.  Should one of us drive back to the DMV in traffic and try to get her a permit, or should we roll the dice and wait for Tank to get the all clear on the website to get his license, which we were hoping might happen by the next morning.  Then we could take both Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum back to the DMV at the same time.  

The hesitation was that Mini had a scheduled drivers lesson set up for the next  afternoon.  She needed to have a permit for the lesson, and if we cancelled at the last minute we would need to pay a fine.  Even if I made her pay for it - still such a waste. 

As I am sure you have figured out by now, we are not exactly an on-the-ball-family when it comes to DMV requirements.  Mini should have gotten her permit in the spring.  That would have allowed her to schedule all of her official drivers lessons over the summer months.  By the time we got around to getting her permit, there was only one slot left to have a driving lesson in the summer.  We had to set up the rest on school nights when she juggles lots of homework and high school tennis.  

I did not want to cancel the lesson.  I did not want to pay a fine for canceling at the last minute.  I did not want to make TWO more trips to the DMV.  

Despite my insistence that we had already looked thru each one of the kids’ drawers, Coach looked again.  The problem with giving a kid their own drawer, is that they pack junk into it and don’t bother to clean it out.  In Mini’s case:  EVER.  

Coach worried that we could drive all the way to the DMV and end up getting turned away because the line might be too long to accommodate people showing up just before they closed.  We decided to hope that Tank’s permit number showed up 'good-to-go' when we punched it into the website the next morning.  

If it did, Mini’s best friend would come over to babysit World's-worst in Mini’s place. Then Tank and Mini and I would head to the DMV to hopefully grab a permit and a license.  Unfortunately the next day was jam packed (HELLO AUGUST) and hoping for a DMV window might be too lofty.  

Even though it is February  almost a year later, and I have had time to recover, as I re-read this my blood boils.  I hope you join me as I detail how the next day unfolded in what would have been a million dollar reality television day had we been followed by cameras.  Since you all seem to be busy on Fridays in the summer, and hey - that's not a bad thing . . . I am not going to post the conclusion to this on a Friday.  It's a hilarious tale, and if it gets read it will make my heart happy.  So, coming soon, when I think you are ready for it.


Kari said...

I love a good Von Maur. I think I commented about Von Maur before. And of course, that has NOTHING to do with the actual contents of the post but my brain fog is in FULL BLAST because the doc bumped up my meds yesterday. Being a woman is a miracle.
But for reals, we don't have a Von Maur up here in cow country.....sigh.

Charlie said...

Oooh I love a series.... looking forward to the next instalment!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my. I love a good reality show, and I would for sure tune in for yours. *Hello, reality show people?!*

We used to have the personal drawer thing in our mudroom and from what I remember, the girls didn't utilize them properly or ever clean them out; mine were slobs too. I love having my own drawer though; very handy.

What's with the NON using purse girl? I.can't.imagine. Especially the 'monthly' thing. I have actual small purses in my big purse. Maybe I have her permit in there somewhere?

Ally Bean said...

When I see "purse" and "Coach" in a post I immediately think that this is going to be about shopping for a Coach handbag. It's amazing how that company has come to own the word Coach in my mind. Whoever does their marketing certainly did a good job with me. That being said, looking forward to the next installment in this saga.

Kara said...

I bought the kids ID sleeve things that have key chains on them. Their License/Permit is attached to the keys for the kids car, and the keys to the kids car are on the hook in the pantry. If this is not the case when I go to bed, everyone looks for that until it is found. Has only happened twice. No one was happy those days.

Ernie said...

Kari - oh how I love Von Maur. Thought I might get there tonight after doing groceries and carting people around here and there all day and then making lots of food, but now there is no car here and I am exhausted. This post could potentially add to a migraine, so it is OK that you did not fully ingest it. Hope the new meds help!

Charlie - this was the wackiest couple of days on record (well, this and the days leading up to our Glacier trip when the garage door came off the hinges and separate incident: Coach got his teeth knocked out when Reg practiced pitching with him a few hours before Lad graduated from high school). Anyway, it was a hectic time punctuated by my kids' air-headed-ness. I will post the conclusion probably next week. Get excited: Mary Ann has a cameo in the ending. I am posting a short little piece tomorrow - out of order, so not like me, but alas these are the days . . .

Suz - like for real, reality series producers should just follow me. They know nothing until they see the kinda shit we are capable of. I am alerting folks that Mary Ann has a cameo in the conclusion, so there's that to look forward to. I am posting something quick and unrelated tomorrow. I mean, related in that it stars one of my children. The drawer in the mudroom (for us just outside mudroom in the kitchen) was like an epiphany for me. I assumed it would solve all of our problems. Why, oh why can my offspring not use their drawers properly? You scored an out-loud laugh from me for the 2nd time today when you admitted to having small purses in your larger purse. I would've thought you had her permit except after we jumped through a million hoops and exhausted ourselves in getting a replacement she FOUND it. I guess these kids put their IDs in their phone cases and shit but not EVERYTHING can fit in a phone case. Come on?!

Ally - You are a high end purse person then?, me not so much. I read "I feel bad about my neck" by Nora Ephron and the chapter on purses killed me. I could've written that. And why didn't I? Dang, I hate it when authors beat me to it. "Nanny Dairies" - that should've been me too. Although fortunately no middle aged men hit on me during my babysitting days, still - stories galore. Posting a short ditty tomorrow unrelated cause I need to share something, sort of, partially. But the conclusion to this ordeal is hardly believable. Next week, promise.

Kara - I am trying really hard to imagine anyone looking for something before I go to bed. My kids would be like, chill. Settle down, we can look in the morning. Add to that that no one puts anything away here EVER so hard to imagine anyone realizing that something (like a car key) was missing until life had begun to unravel and there was blood shed. Did you see the post about Lad recently leaving the keys to Coach's clinic in the door of said clinic? Good times. I am envious that you run a tight ship. I THINK I run a tight ship until I look around and realize that is not what this is, at all.

Beth Cotell said...

Just catching up on the DMV saga. I would have killed both of my kids!!! And Sarah is the same with a purse. She has several and refuses to carry one. It's very strange...

Ernie said...

Beth- the ending is fairly hilarious but getting to that part where we could enjoy part of the nonsense was a grumpy process. Yes- the no purse thing is bazaar. This must be a new phase for teen girls. Poor purse makers, but poor mothers of disorganized teen girls more.

Anonymous said...

I would totally watch a Shenanigans reality show 😂 what network do you think would pick it up?

Ernie said...

anonymous - ha! Probably tru TV? Comedy central? And I am thinking HGTV might want us to show how NOT to decorate a house, because I assume the backdrop of cluttered counter-tops, wet towels left on carpet in bedrooms, and dirty socks on every imaginable surface, etc might not be all that fabulous. I would have to write across my dry erase board: Chip and Joanne have never been here! signed Captain Obvious