June 19, 2020

Dad jokes, in excess

Last week is the first time I heard of Dad jokes.  I mean, I have experienced my share of corny jokes told by a dad that make everyone cringe, but I didn't know this was a named category.  

No sooner had I heard them classified as Dad jokes, then Coach delivered some whoopers out in the yard.  Directed across the street.  In a voice that was WAY louder than necessary.  The kids were poised and ready to play volleyball, but they stood shaking their heads.

Coach had 5 yards of dirt delivered on our driveway last week.  OMG - this is the Mini story I wanted to add to my Mini tale from Wednesday, but I was drawing a total blank.  OK, before Dad jokes, I must share . . . 

Coach reminded me like 100 times that the dirt was coming.  

Coach:  Make sure they dump it in front of the small garage door.  They are coming between 10 am and noon.  OK?

Me:  Yes.  I got it.  

The next day . . . me walking while talking to Delilah.  My phone got a text message, but I was TALKING so I didn't look at it.  After our call, I see the message from Coach reminding me of the dirt delivery, the importance of placement, etc.  

I arrive home from my walk and the dirt is there, fortunately dumped in the right place.  (Would a dirt delivery guy really dump it behind a big van so that the big van could not get out of the garage?  We may never know and for that I am grateful).  

I come inside, and Mini shares the details . . .  the doorbell rang:

Guy:  We have dirt.
Hey, what is that in the garage behind that amazing
 heap of dirt?  Oh, it is a pool waiting for
the dirt project to be done so that the deck
 can get stained and my spa can be re-installed.  

Mini:  OK?

Guy:  Dirt for Coach Shenanigan.  

Mini:  Oh.  So you are going to hand me a bag of dirt?

Guy:  No.  I am going to give you a truck full of dirt.

Mini:  Oh.

Guy:  Probably . . .  on the driveway.  

She may or may not have been wearing her twisty turban, but regardless she was super confused. 


OK, back to the yard . . . our family is playing volleyball.  A family Mini sits for walks by on their evening stroll.  The little 5 year old girl has just learned to ride a 2 wheeler.  

We all congratulate her, then Coach HOLLERS:  Hey, don't you know there is a speed limit in here?

The dad: (sees all the dirt on the driveway, and he calls across the street to Coach)  "Looks like you're going to have a fun weekend project."

Coach: Yeah, I can use some extra hands, are your kids available?  Then she'd be able to call that a dirt bike.

Who even is he? 

A few nights later Ed had his college buddies over for some drinking game in the yard.  One of the guys came in to use the bathroom.  

Coach:  Too bad you guys couldn't get a good night, huh?  

(it was a beautiful night and I was in the study so I couldn't see the kid's face, but I assume it was masked in confusion because the kid stumbled a bit:  Oh, because it's so nice out?  Ha.  Yeah.)  Insert image of me pounding my head against the desktop.

Am I right in assuming that these count as Dad jokes?  Can you honor all the dads out there for Father's Day and share an example you have encountered recently? 

I have a few more examples, compliments of Coach, from yesterday but it is tied into another story that I will share next time.  Since I am posting it separately it might count as my shortest post ever, in case that is important to you.  This gem involves Mary Ann, so get excited.  


Busy Bee Suz said...

Dad jokes are the best....I hear them all.the.time. but I rarely remember them.
Your Coach is on a roll; possibly looking for some standup comedy dates in town?

Laughing at the dirt delivery because that was ME weeks ago when I was waiting for my rock delivery...I was so worried about it being left out by the road or how far I could get the guy to bring them up the driveway so I didn't have to schlep them a mile.

So, you're pool is going back in UNDER the dirt? Save that precious grass. I know the racoons will BE SO excited. :)

Waiting patiently for our next Maryann story. I have NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

Busy Bee Suz said...

*your pool on top of the dirt*

Ernie said...

Suz - I could not forget Coach's latest jokes because our children are teenagers and everything the parents do is memorable and laughable and repeated frequently. They will not let him live it down. Somehow dad jokes are very embraced by my crew though, and also by the world apparently- but I make one false step (like serve pasta that I froze for a bit too long and because of gluten I could not taste test it) and BAM, I cannot live it down.

Still not sure how Mini missed the ever important dirt delivery instructions because Coach practically etched it on the walls. Total focus for days. She is sometimes blonder than she appears.

My pool appears in the background of the dirt photo tossed into the 3rd car garage. We moved it there while Coach power washed and stripped the deck. INSTEAD of finishing the deck with a re-staining, he moved on to the dirt project, filling in the foundation. I get sick of waiting for the deck to be stained in order to put the pool up and I tossed it on the deck yesterday. We will just have to dump the water out AGAIN when he gets around to staining the deck. The pool was slightly dented this morning so I wonder if the raccoon was in there but I didn't see any footprints. Hmm. It will be 92 today so I am going to just embrace the fact that I might be sharing it with my forests friends and take a dip during baby Billy's nap time.

It killed me to not add the Mary Ann story to this post. I did not want to make it too long though, so I will anxiously await sharing it on Monday.

I wonder if you will be my only Friday visitor again this week?

Kara said...

I live for Dad jokes. Some I've heard recently-

Q-What happens when you spill grapes on the highway?
A- Traffic jam!

Q- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go the bathroom?
A- Because the P is silent!

I changed my password to Kenny.
Now I have all Kenny Loggins.

You can't run through a camp site.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.

I can go on for hours. The kids sometimes hate me.

Anonymous said...

Coach’s jokes are definitely dad jokes, reminds me of things my dad would say. I often tell my husband that the only reason I hang out with him is because he’s hilarious, (not completely true but definitely one of my favorite things about him) he can throw in a wing-dinger dad joke once in a while but most of his are just quick wit and luckily we laugh more than we roll our eyes. Like Suz, no good examples come to mind but maybe I’ll start taking notes so I can add to your next dad joke post 😁
Looking forward to the Mary Ann story!

Ally Bean said...

I like Dad jokes, laugh at them in spite of myself. Sadly I can think of none to share.

Different topic but kind of on point. We once had a huge pile of mulch delivered to the driveway. It was almost put in the proper spot, so I could drive over a corner of it to get into the garage. Next morning we arose to a freak snow storm that had covered the mulch pile, making it so icy + slippery that I couldn't back out over it. And the mulch was frozen solid thereby trapping me and my car at home for the day.

Ernie said...

Kara - Wow, you have quite a stockpile. These are hilarious. Coach's stuff oozes out based on what we are doing and usually has to involve witnesses like neighbors and the kids' friends, because it apparently isn't enough to only embarrass our kids.

Anonymous - Coach does have a good sense of humor - the dad jokes tend to pop up when we least expect it though. The Mary Ann thing leads off with dad jokes. To me it is just HILARIOUS but I was over tired at the time. Coach did not get the humor. I will let you all be the judge.

Gigi said...

The Husband is full of dad jokes. But one of the best ones that I've heard recently actually came from the bottom of paper grocery bag.

Q. What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato on the family walk?
A. Ketchup!

Ernie said...

Ally - Oh no, if I was stuck in the house due to something like that it would be such a bummer. Snow while mulching? No!!!

Gigi - I am learning that most dads ARE full of dad jokes. That one is super cute and I will have to share it at dinner with my family tonight.

Kari said...

I cannot believe you hadn't heard of the term dad joke before!! That is pretty funny. (Not dad joke funny, but funny) My dad is the king of dad jokes, by the way. :)

I hate mulching. In fact, I told my husband that I refuse to buy mulch ever again. We have lilies all around our trees and gardens and you can't even see the mulch at this point. It's like the lilies are doing the mulch's work for them. :)

Ernie said...

Kari- Without using the dad joke terminology, I did conduct my share of eye rolls and groans when hit with cornball jokes.

I would rather look at likies than mulch anyday. My poor neighbors probably look at my yard and beg for mulch, lilies, or SOMETHING. We did just have our trees trimmed and people must assume the house is under new ownership- that drastic.

Nicole MacPherson said...

I love dad jokes, they are my favourite. What are you doing with all the dirt?

Ernie said...

Nicole - Coach keeps 'em coming lately. The dirt is being used to build up the foundation line. We have one window well that fills with water in heavy rain like a fishbowl. leaking into the basement over the top of the window at times, and Coach has been messing with it for years, wondering what direction to take. The deck was stripped, and before he could get back to the staining of the deck he started with the dirt/foundation thing. Two ongoing projects. Good times.

Bibliomama said...

You didn't know about dad jokes? Like I'm hungry, Hi Hungry, I'm Dad? I don't know whether I'm sympathetic or envious.

Also, Ed had friends over to play a drinking game? In the front yard? Are these pandemic rules? Tell us more!