May 20, 2020

guilty as charged

Let's start with a positive, shall we:  the good thing about having everyone home is that there are MANY sets of hands to put away the groceries.

Also, I can always find a person with time on his/her hands to jog down to the basement to retrieve something from the fridge, or look for something in the fridge.  I JUST praised the shit out of Reg for always hopping up to do my fridge search and/or grab duty.  

Parenting tip:  did you know kids will do more things faster and more frequently when they get the shit praised out of them?  Please do not ask me how many years it took me to figure that little nugget out.  

Weeks, as in maybe a month ago, I froze one morning in my kitchen.  "Wait, did I buy pork chops at Costco, or did I decide not to?"  

I used to make this awesome sweet and sour pork recipe in my crockpot, but the pork always came out tough.  Upon doing a little research, I learned that  it is sometimes best to tenderize the pork (now see, I am tossing around lingo and I am not even sure I am using it right . . . that is how long ago I looked into this recipe-fix that I needed).  I think I ended up just cooking the pork a bit on each side BEFORE dicing it up to put in the crockpot.  

Anywho, I could not recall if my masked-self felt adventurous enough to buy the chops or to pass on them.  Did I pass on them because I remembered that Kraft no longer makes the sweet and sour sauce I used in the recipe, and who wants to complicate life right now and go to 3 stores to find a sauce that would work?

So, I did what I normally do, "Reg, go look in the basement fridge and see if I bought pork chops?"  Meanwhile I hollered to all available awake people:  Does anyone remember putting pork chops down in the basement fridge or somewhere else?

Reg returned from the depths:  NOPE.  NO RANDOM PACK OF MEAT.  

No one else chimed in with the "Oh, I saw pork chops" response, so I decided that I had NOT in fact bought them.  I was secretly breathing a sigh of relief because it had been over a week since my Costco trip and I was worried that if I had bought them they would be too old to cook, so maybe I just liked Reg's response.  I was off the hook.  

The other day someone complained about a smell in the basement fridge that they couldn't identify.  Coach was down there and he smelled something 'off', but he didn't find it.  (Please don't ask me if I know whether or not he even bothered to look, because I don't want to think about this).

I thought nothing of it.  

Is there a correlation between low brain function and quarantine?  Asking for a friend.

Then when I was down in this-here backup fridge that I rarely have to poke around in anymore because I am surrounded by bodies, I found the smell.  

I grabbed a casserole dish that looked black on the inside, mumbled "Dumbasses" and hauled it upstairs.  

I thought the black food was a delicious Pyrex of cheesy chicken that we forgot was down there.  I opened it and found it was fish.  The dark color fooled me.  It was not orange colored cheesy chicken covered in black mold, and it was not expired.  

Did I venture back down to the basement at that point?  No.  I stuck the fish Pyrex container in the kitchen fridge and went about my day.   

Go ahead, point out the fact that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and a real adult would have gone back down there and searched for the issue.   Guilty as charged.
This is the part of my kitchen nearest the mudroom.  Note the entrance to the mudroom mere steps away?  These are shoes, a sweatshirt - or two, slippers, a duffel bag, athletic slides, and workout bands dropped in the corner of my kitchen.  These people can live with a rotting meat smell and not decide to investigate. 

AND, I must confess: 
I kicked my slippers out of the way before I snapped the photo. 
Dear God, I am ONE OF THEM.  

This morning my minions were still sleeping when I needed skim milk.  I ventured down the stairs all by myself and there in the middle of the fridge in plain sight was an orange Costco bag full of rotting pork chops.  As in:  SERIOUSLY ROTTING.  I didn't get close enough to look at the date, so I don't know how old it was but I did notice that it cost $17.  


How.  Could.  I.  Have.  Been.  So.  Stupid?  

The smell combined with the current cluttered status of the house (read current as:  constant) almost had me texting Coach:  TIME TO MOVE.


Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh.
I think quarantine and a full house has gotten the best of you.
I LOL'd at I AM ONE OF THEM! Well, because YOU made them so, therefore....

Ughhh at the smell and wasted $$.

But how great is it that at least one loves to do things for praise; parenting WIN!
I almost wrote parenting WINE.

Ernie said...

Suz - I do love that Reg hops up to help when I call him, but I also know that this is because he is afraid I will lose my mind discovering that he is not e-learning or doing something requiring brain cells . . . ie: video games. I admit to slacking off over here in trying to keep the house in shape - really I wave my white flag because THESE PEOPLE DO NOT CARE. Oh, and the small fridge drawers in the kitchen started beeping today, so the drawers have ONCE AGAIN failed and I had to shove all that food into the over-flowing fridge. Honestly! The beeping might push me over the edge. No way to shut it off till they come out to service it.

Bibliomama said...

Ugh, I hate that sick feeling of wasted food and money. I bought two racks of ribs shopping last week and when I went to cook them I discovered that one was discounted because it was a 'cook tonight' deal. I mean, at least it was discounted, but why did I not read the sticker? Reading is kind of supposed to be my thing. Crap, I just remembered there's sausage that has to be cooked tonight. Thanks for the reminder.

Kara said...

Last grocery trip I threw a bag full of bags of chips into the bottom of the pantry. A few days later, there was a horrible smell. Turned out one of the packages of deli turkey was in the bottom of that bag for some reason. It was dreadful.

Cheryl said...

At least the pork chops were in the fridge.

My niece Paige, a few years back, while in college, was working at Disney World for a semester, in the summer no less. Disney World as in Florida, as in hot and steamy. Anyway, One day, after grocery shopping, Paige unloaded some groceries from her trunk, but forgot one item. HAMBURGER...juicy meaty hamburger.

Weeks went by, Paige could not figure out what the hell smelled so bad in her car. It took her Mom, visiting from N.Y. to figure out where it was coming from. Yuck.

Airing out the trunk, scrubbing, spraying, etc. nothing worked. She ended up trading that car in...good thing Paige's Mom worked at a car

Kari said...

OMG, the smell. I can only imagine. Wait, is your refrigerator broken? Or is it because you didn't freeze it? I am confused. THE QUARANTINE IS GETTING TO MY COGNITIVE SKILLS.

Also, I would cry over losing $17 worth of meat. CRY. So I feel your pain. Or smell your pain. That would appropriate in this story.

Beth Cotell said...

UGH!!!!!! Quarantine brain is definitely a thing. So is quarantine bad mood, quarantine lack of motivation, quarantine bitchy mood. Sadly, I'm suffering from ALL of these quarantine related ailments.

Ally Bean said...

Life can make you crazy or make you laugh. I like how you laugh as you go along. As for your friend's question: Is there a correlation between low brain function and quarantine? Yes there is. I know this for a fact.

Ernie said...

Ali - Oh no - I would not do well if my groceries mandated something be 'cooked tonight' - I would totally mess that up. Ha, reading is definitely YOUR thing, I read your book reviews at the end of the year.

Kara- I hate when the store bags weird things together. We have had a few things go missing recently - the seats are still down in the back of the minivan so stuff has a tendency to roll out of the bags. That smell is the worst!

Cheryl - That story is UNBELIEVABLE! So gross. Trading the car in, OMG. When I was pregnant with Lad, I came in from the gorcery store and felt like I was going to puke. I ended up going to bed and didn't remember that I bought a gallon of milk and I left it out all night. Coach was a full time student and we were major penny pinchers - that about killed me.

Kari - The chops went bad because they were in the fridge for probably 5 weeks and were never cooked. My little fridge drawers just started beeping the other day. A sign they are losing power. They are back up and running again and a new part has been ordered by the manufacturer AGAIN. Like, no joke - maybe the 10th time they have been out to repair them. The $17 totally sucked. I think the smell was so off-putting that I focused on disposing of it and I actually did not cry. Definitely tear worthy though.

Beth - Oh, Beth. I am also suffering from many similar quarantine issues. Your comment literally made me bust out laughing though.

Ally - People used to ask me when my kids were little, 'How do you do it?' I would usually say 'I swear a lot,' but really laughing is the only way.