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April 29, 2020

too embarrassing to go back to school anyway

On a walk last week, I passed our friends' home.  They had one of those huge storage units on the driveway and the husband explained from across the yard that they had just 'done' their garage.  The door was open to the garage and I swooned slightly at the sight of a garage that resembled a room that could easily be an inside-the-house room.  

The floor was done with that speckled finished look and the walls were dry walled without a mark on them.  I asked him if it would be OK if I moved into his garage.  Or better yet is a certain college kid moved into his garage.  He laughed.  

I was a little disappointed that he didn't take me seriously. 


SOPHIA LOREN LOOKALIKE AND THE MIRROR ADJUSTMENT:  Mini and I went driving yesterday as we do most days.  She is relaxing a bit.  Well, she is certainly relaxed about her driving-Miss-Daisy appearance.  I don't even think Driving Miss Daisy sported a turban, but it seems like she would've/should've.  I managed to snap a photo of her this time as she hopped in to drive shortly after her shower.  $8 twisty turban towel continues to be the best Christmas gift  Santa ever gave her.
I known I have shared this
already, but it just doesn't get old.

When I pulled the  minivan into the garage earlier that morning after I rode the stationary bike at Coach's clinic before patients arrived, the far mirror bumped the garage door frame ever so slightly.  Well, I feared that the mirror would ram into the door frame on the way out of the garage.  

When Mini hopped in the minivan to reverse it out of the garage, I told her to reach over and flip the mirror in.  Understand:  I cannot get into the passenger side of the car until she pulls it onto the driveway because it is a tight fit.  The 12 seater gets the double car space and the minivan barely fits in the single space.  (three car garage, but most of the garage is bikes and lawnmowers and balls and junk - not even close to having that 'done' look).

Mini nodded like she understood.  The windows were up on the car.  She crawled over the center console thing to sit in the passenger seat but she had yet to turn the car on.  She could not access the mirror she needed to fold in because the window was up.  I was trying to holler to her that she had to turn the car on first, but I was laughing so hard that I am not sure she could understand me.

Mini is 5'11" so watching her maneuver around in the car with her spindly limbs while sporting the turban on her head and looking at me blankly almost tied in the hysterical department with the funniest slow-motion fall that she took a few weeks ago.  

Reg came out to the garage to see what was up because of my laugh-yelling:  "Turn on the car so you can put the window down first."

Finally she understood and then half crawled back to get the key in the ignition.  She looked like a chuckling gazelle in a clown car with the all-important turban.  I don't know, maybe you had to be there.

CAN'T RETURN TO SCHOOL, TOO EMBARRASSING:  Curly tooted last night after dinner and then she laughed and admitted that she has NO IDEA how to hold in gas.  "The worst is when you are in class and it comes out.  It's so embarrassing."

Mini was not in the room during this emission (get it?), but Coach and Ed were chuckling - I was overhearing from the study.  When Mini asked Coach what was so funny, because privacy is not part of our pandemic - Coach shared Curly's woes.

See how we made fake letters out of paper?
 Then we decided that sucked so we tried
to use the travel Boggle.  Not sure if we are a
 bunch of cone-heads or something but we struggled
 to be able to see the letters in the orange Boggle. 
Our heads kept bumping into one another.
 We could not get a good angle to see the words.
We are a competitive tribe but the last
thing we need is Boggle with defense.
Of course neither timer would work.  I would
almost rather play Chinese Checkers with
Tank refusing to move his pawns.
Mini ALMOST died.  "What?  (storming into the study and staring at me) You need to address this.  She cannot be tooting in class.  Hey, Tank did you know that Mrs. Trent our old social studies teacher actually said to Curly 'It's Ok honey, it happens.'  OMG - this is not happening.  How embarrassing!"  Because nothing is sacred and no one can have secrets here.

During game night, which was Boggle with two missing letter cubes and no functioning timer so paramount to torture, Curly got mad at me for telling Mini about her public tooting.  I was like:  "I didn't say anything.  I was busy in the study writing about Uncle Pat's monkeyshines."  

We all have skeletons in our closets, or gas in our tanks, or twitchy faces in our retro selves.  People, what have you got?

9 comments:

Kari Wagner Hoban said...

It is time for your family to get a felt board. Order one on Amazon, it will get there in a couple of days. YOU HAVE TIME NOW. You can create funny sayings, it will give you blog content for YEARS.
DO. IT.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I can totally picture you laughing hysterically in the garage. Everything at this point makes me laugh. *sigh* also, to be 5'11?

Please follow Kari's advice and order a new game. Please.

I believe the oversized couch is leaving my garage this week. (I've been promised!) and I will again have that almost perfect, clean garage. Sorry, I had to share that.

Toots? Gas? I come from a long line of farters. (it was in my ancestry DNA test) But I've been one who could hold it, or slowly release when not in the confines of a group. I told my girls and husband for many years that I JUST DON'T DO IT. But I don't think they believed me. Is she possibly lactose intolerant?

Skeletons in my closet? Oh, I wish. Right now that could be exciting.

Nicole MacPherson said...

That's a great picture!

Beth Cotell said...

I would DIE if I had passed gas in class. I am quite certain Sarah would be the same. Peter and Dan would probably just laugh and go on with it.

Just yesterday as we were in car getting ready to go for a drive (with Sarah behind the wheel)with the car still in park. I could here a strange noise and said, "Do you have your foot pressed down on the gas???"

"Yes, why? What's the problem?"

It's all the little things that they don't know but you think they SHOULD know about a car that kind of drive me crazy. Drive me! HAHAHAHA

I think it's official - I am insane!

Ernie said...

Kari - I fear my felt board would not come with enough letter f's and that letter is in every other word I speak at the moment. Ha.

Suz - I feel like big laughs like that need to be embraced - too much other stress to focus on the rest of the time. Yes 5'11" - but if this girl does not work on her core strength she is going to topple over on the b-ball court next season, or just on a windy day. I had her working out with me for a while but I chuckled a little too hard when she opted for 5 lb weights as her 'heavy' set (back when we were going to the gym). Now she thinks I am a workout snob and won't join me - except for walks. Her hunching and leaning makes Coach nuts. Me: You ARE a PT. Fix her.

I figured I would just order a new Boggle game - $65, what?! I now think a few kids need to just go re-order the game closet in the basement and unearth those missing pieces and we can certainly find a Philips screw driver and insert a new battery. We've got this, right?

So funny, but my mom HATES the word fart, so we grew up saying 'pass gas.' I cringe a little at 'fart' as a learned response from my mom, but my kids die laughing at pass gas. We used it as a when I was little: Who did a pass gas?

Ernie said...

Beth- Coach farted *out of my comfort zone to use that word- see above* on an elevator when Lad was a newborn. He tried to blame the baby when someone else suddenly joined us in the elevator- I was like babies do not smell like THAT!

Oh the driving cluelessness thst should be common knowledge at this point . . .oye.

Ernie said...

Nicole- I have an even better pic coming tomorrow. Similar but more 'interesting'

Bibliomama said...

I love that "You need to address this!" - like, what does she want you to do? Engage a gas-holding-in tutor? My son once found a card for father's day that said "Happy Father's Day, Dad. You get to do what you love all day - drink beer and fart", and insisted on buying it for Matt.

Bibliomama said...

Oh, and Angus asked for twenty-five pound dumbbells. I found someone in my community group who was selling some at a good price. He went and picked them up and brought them in - I couldn't even fucking lift one off the table.