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March 30, 2020

odd things your spouse is afraid of, a sharing is caring post


When Lad refused to start the movie thru his laptop the other night because he was mad at Tank, I told him to move on and not punish everyone.  He had agreed to set up the movie JUST DO IT.  I wanted to ask him how he expected to be fed now that he was dependent on us, but I refrained.  Barely.  

Then our internet connection was so lousy that the movie kept buffering, so we watched Raising Arizona that I had taped from Direct TV because it was PG.  If this is a movie you enjoy, then I apologize in advance for hating on it.  We did NOT like it.  Maybe we just weren't in the right frame of mind.  There were funny bits, but trying to find a movie that is acceptable to the entire fam is a struggle.  Most movies are too racy and we don't let the younger kids watch that stuff.  Hell, Coach hates when the college kids watch that stuff.  Curly laughed more than anyone, but even she was like 'this is dumb.' 

I tend to be a little more lenient, or at the very least a little forgetful about the few 'need-to-fast forward' scenes.  Coach tends to be more like his folks.  People have I told you that while we were dating AFTER COLLEGE we told his folks that we saw the Lion King like 18 times.  No exaggeration.  

The movie was not quiet over, but the kids were begging us to put us out of their misery and turn it off.  Coach was asleep on the floor.  I fumbled around with the dishwasher and stumbled up to bed.  I had texted the kids from my prison sentence in the car on my way home from New York where my knees were in lock-down and asked them to all work together to just vacuum the upstairs.   

In addition, Ed had to clean up his and Lad's room and pack up stuff he someday wants to take with him but isn't interested in taking to college.  This is in case we change kids' bedrooms around at some point.

He misunderstood the point of the exercise and tossed stuff he didn't want on my bed.  So that was a fun reality to deal with.  His high school graduation mortar board and tassel and cords were on my bed.  There was also a random pillow.  It did not have a pillowcase on it. 

Initially I thought it was one of my pillows, that the case had just come off.  Wait for it:  COACH HAS A FEAR OF PILLOWCASE-LESS PILLOWS.  True. 

Eddie's high school cords and ribbons and
 stuff.  And on the left, you guessed
 it that horrifying pillow.
I sleep with 3 pillows.  Two under my head and one under my arm.  If, God forbid, one of my pillowcases or shams wiggles part way down on my pillow and my naked pillow threatens Coach's personal space, then he has a moment.  "Get this out of here!  Don't let it touch my pillow!" 

I do not wipe my ass with my pillow.  I just don't get it.  I assume that anything living on a pillow like bacteria, can find its way to the actual pillowcase eventually.  I wash pillowcases and sheets regularly.  Pillows less regularly, but guess what - the pillows are getting washed today.  I would prefer that Coach head up this initiative since he has the pillow phobia, but I think that is unlikely.  

So, this pillow (that it turns out was extra in Ed and Lad's room) was tossed HAPHAZARDLY on our bed.  Coach wigged out.  I shook the pillow at him along with some accompanying 'scary' sounds, thinking it was one of my pillows AND thinking he would laugh.  I do not have cooties and my pillows do not double as substitute toiletries items even during this time of toilet paper shortages.  

I was like WHAT THE HELL, IT IS JUST A PILLOW?! 

My aggressive action infuriated Coach.  He still isn't speaking to me right now -  the next morning.  I must apologize and I guess be more sensitive to his fear of pillows.  

I guess if things get really boring during this our close, unwelcome, family time, we can always revert to pillow fights.  I have a feeling I know who would lose. 

What have you got people?  Anything that sets your spouse off that you cannot wrap your brain around?  

12 comments:

Suzanne said...

Oh my gosh - a fear of caseless pillows! I love it! I am sure my husband and I have similar weird phobias but of course they are not popping to mind just now.

Kara said...

Raising Arizona has been on HBO a lot recently. It's a Coen Brothers movie, so it's weird from the get-go. We watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood this weekend. The kids got bored an hour into it and left- and it was a 2 hour and 40 minute long movie- and I didn't like it much at all. We also watched Girl, Interrupted which I loved in my early 20's, and my kids hated it because nothing happened.

I don't like old pillows and replace all of the pillows in the house yearly. So I sympathize with Coach on this one.

My husband is phobic about bees and wasps. He's not allergic, just doesn't like them. The wood bees are in season now, and they float around all slow and dopey and my husband loses his mind. I think they're cute.

Kari Wagner Hoban said...

"I guess if things get really boring during this our close, unwelcome, family time, we can always revert to pillow fights. I have a feeling I know who would lose. " That is the funniest thing you've written so far. Or maybe so far in quarantine. Forgive me father, for I don't know what day it is.

Raising Arizona is VERY odd and quirky but it is a classic. I think you're right and have to be in the right mood for it, for sure.

Nicole MacPherson said...

I actually really relate to your husband - I cannot BEAR anything touching my pillow without a pillowcase. Actually I cannot bear anything touching my pillow WITH a pillowcase, other than my own head. So I totally get it!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I'm praying for you daily to keep your wits about you with ALL the people home.
I don't get the pillow thing, and I'm sure my husband has at least one weird phobia; me? I'm perfectly normal. You can put my pillow on the floor and I won't lose my mind.
I will put a new pillowcase on it though. :)
I don't remember anything about Raising Arizona except Nicolas cage being in it. But he always does weird movies, so there you go...

Ernie said...

Suzanne - Exactly - a fear of caseless pillows - and he is a 6 foot 4 inch grown man who tends to not be a germ-a-phob. Hell, he will eat anything even if it has a little mold on it or a completely black banana. So, this just floors me. I cannot think of anything that gets me so worked up, if it counts I am very particular about my spot on the couch. I want the same spot and I want my feet up on the couch, so those who choose to sit next to me need to be prepared to have my legs drape over them.

Kara - Mini and I watched the beginning of Once Upon a Time and found it boring as shit. My girlfriend said it finally got going at the end. Don't know if I have that kind of time to commit to a movie. I have never seen Girl, Interrupted. Bees and wasps I get, pillows? ha.

Kara - Ha - I wrote that post late at night and that is when I sometimes get my silliest thoughts but all of a sudden I thought of about a group family pillow fight. Bah ha ha! We have encountered worse fights over here. After a 32 hour trip to New York is NOT the time to try to enjoy that silly movie.

Nicole - I don't think Coach cares much if anyone touches HIS pillow, it was the prospect of him touching a stray caseless pillow that sent him over the edge. I kinda get the 'don't touch my pillow' thought process. I can sleep anywhere though and I would probably never let anything get in my way of sleeping, even a questionable pillow.

Suz- the prayers are appreciated. Coach got Lad to sign a contract last night concerning living here and getting along with people, so fingers crossed that this helps. I do not like spiders, but I have learned to get over it or risk watching them scurry away and possibly pop up somewhere else - like God forbid someone's pillow! Parts of the movie were entertaining, but I don't think we are the far fetched, oer-the-top, kidnapping types. We have been re-watching lots of movies and I might have to write a post about some of them. I'm looking at you: "Backdraft". Please pass the cheese whiz.

Beth Cotell said...

My daughter has a fear of food from the microwave. She thinks it's full of germs. I keep my microwave very clean and have to remind her that any germs would be killed. She also thinks the dishwasher is dirty and that handwashing is cleaner. I'm already praying for her future husband.

Ernie said...

Beth - I agree, her poor future husband. Tank would ask her is she was perhaps Amish. That is his favorite line for people who do not take advantage of technology. When he was a beginner caddy and he didn't yet own a phone because we wouldn't get him one till high school, he told the caddy master that he didn't own a phone because we were Amish. BTW - Reggie made Mozzarella Pesto chicken last night - the recipe you shared. It was a big hit!

Pat Birnie said...

I think my husband was "ahead of the curve' with his phobia. He thinks blowing out candles on a birthday cake is the grossest thing ever. My four kids were 11-18 when we got together and for birthdays we had to switch to cupcakes or some other isolation measure. Or...we wouldn't have to share any of the cake with him! Once we got used to this idea it really didn't seem all that strange. Have someone blow out candles in front of a sunny window and you will see a gross amount of spray flying towards the cake!

Ernie said...

Pat - this is a very good point when you think about it! Three of my kids were born near Christmas - winter, hello germs. I might have to start making cupcakes and a cake - then the birthday person can blow out a candle in a cupcake and preserve the cake. Additional cupcakes will never go to waste in this house.

Bibliomama said...

Okay, I try really hard to acknowledge that phobias are by their nature irrational and everyone's fears are valid, but I BARKED with laughter at the thought of you menacing him with the naked pillow. Although, full disclosure, I also relate to Nicole and I like to have pillow covers on my pillows so if the pillow pokes out it's still covered. Because I didn't really think pillows were washable - do they hold their shape? This could be a game-changer. I haven't seen Raising Arizona for years and I know I liked it, but I'm not surprised that it didn't succeed as a family movie.

Ernie said...

Ali - Why did I know that you would enjoy our pillow-moment? Seriously, I have been waiting for you to comment and I am cry-laughing at you bark laughing. This is a fun full-circle game, right? Pillows are washable - well, I don't own feather pillows so not sure about that. Full disclosure I intended to wash pillows that day and I DID NOT. Instead I hid out in the study writing cuz Coach was THAT mad at me. When my kids trickled in to 'visit' me in the study I told them why Daddy was mad and we silent laughed together. Eventually I acted like an adult and apologized for taunting him with an unknown, caseless pillow. I look forward to hanging out with my sister in law again because we often compare notes on our husband's similarities.like losing their shit in the pharmacy drive thru. Ah, sweet family times to look forward to: 'So how weird is the brother you married?' Hee hee.