February 11, 2020

Tranquil plus rude, and then home to slobs

I wanted to stand on a chair to get a better
 photo of the many volleyball courts,
 but I think you get the idea.
Oh, and our team won its
first set and then lost every other game.
All weekend.
I was in St. Louis over the weekend.  Tank played in a volleyball tournament.

I found it crazy that they scheduled this 3 day event the weekend BEFORE a three day weekend.  This caused kids to be pulled out of school and worker bee parents to take Monday off.  I cancelled two sitting jobs for Monday and paid almost $700 for 3 nights in a hotel.  We are new to volleyball (still missing high school water polo) and I had no idea that there could be so many nets, like 60, in one giant building.  Tank said there were more at McCormick place in Chicago the weekend Coach and I were in Dallas and he went with friends.  

All I can say:  bullet dodged.  

Tank wanted nothing to do with me.  He hung with his friends in the room across the hall.  One of the boys brought an xbox.  They didn't play until 3:30 Sat. and Sun.  Translation:  I enjoyed LOADS of quiet time to write.  So different from an Irish dancing weekend where we are up before 5 am and losing bags in cabs and chasing cabs through Orlando, etc.  

The workout facility at this Marriott was top notch, so I put myself through the paces of rigorous workouts.  

On the drive home, I subjected Tank to a tongue lashing that spanned several hundred miles.  Ouch.  

I just want to know what happened to the kid who was incredibly sweet, kind, appreciative, and considerate?  I told him through tears that I felt invisible all weekend.  (To you I will admit that I relished the tranquil time -for real, but my son acted rudely towards the person funding this entire weekend and I found that unacceptable).  

Tank drove down Friday after school with another mom and two other teammates.  Coach and I attended Mini's basketball game that went into overtime.  We lost by a point.  It was tough especially for my kid who played GREAT, but who missed two free throws towards the end of the game.  From there he and I bolted - took a 30 minute drive to Coach's sister's 50th birthday party. 

This event was organized by her husband.  He communicated with Coach.  (anyone see a red flag here?)  We both initially thought it was a surprise party and worried we would mess up the surprise by walking in with her if we arrived late after Mini's game.   Found out the day before that it was NOT a surprise.  I anticipated a room in the back of a bar with tables of heavy appetizers.  Not the case.  It was just Coach's siblings and spouses.  They were waiting for us to order dinner.  Oops.  I told Coach earlier to text bro in law and say, Hey we're already eaten, but he too thought that wouldn't matter because he figured it was a group thing.  

We knew we would be super late, so we ate some leftovers before we left.  I eat an early dinner to avoid sleep issues, especially when I have a big drive the next day.  They had ordered appetizers and told us not to worry.  When the girls were chatting at one end of the table, I apologized profusely but we all agreed this is the kind of mishap that takes place when men do the communicating.  

The next day sister-in-law texted me:  "Tell Tank thanks for sharing you.  Thanks for rearranging your weekend to celebrate with me. "  

I was driving to St. Louis Sat. morning when I got her text.  I laughed.  Tank was living his best life at that point.  They did not give the other mom and I adjoining rooms, but her room was across the hall from my room where Tank stayed that first night.  I put her name on my reservation so she could check Tank into my room.  My room was the party room that first night . . . when I was not in it.  Party as in:  xbox, snacks, scary movie, etc.  

I pointed out to sis-in-law no need to apologize.  Tank was going to be grumpy when I arrived since I was bringing food (the hotel did not have a free breakfast, and I do not have an unlimited budget).  No more eating out every meal.  No more xbox till 1 am. 

On Saturday and Sunday nights, he still met his friends out for dinner, but he ate the dinner that I packed first.  I told him to go ahead and eat out for the team lunch on Sunday.  After one of his games, I headed back to the hotel that was across the street.  He had to ref a game and then he was done for the  night.  He asked me if I would heat up his dinner when he was on his way back to the hotel so that he could hurry and eat it and then go to the restaurant with his buddies.  I told him that I would.  The microwave was on the 3rd floor and we were on the 9th floor.  

He texted an hour later:  "Heat up my dinner right now."  

Um, come again?  How about please?  I swear I don't even know who this kid is.  Please do not comment and say this is typical teenagers.  I do not care how teenagers behave.  I have teenagers.  (For the record Ed NEVER behaved this way.  Lad had his issues and might have been unappreciative or embarrassed if I brought all kids on a college visit, etc.)  I do not tolerate being treated this way.  I admit this kind of crap slips through the cracks when we are busy.  Tank thinks he has the keys to the teen car (only because older brothers aren't home) and he leaves a mess cannot be bothered to help around the house and just flies under the radar.  Well, in the calm of this weekend I had time to reflect. 

I think he got the message.  Game over for the world-revolves-around-me-and-what-I-want-to-do attitude.  I instructed him to go to Curly's school volleyball game with me and cheer for her when we got home from our road trip.  No idea how many of his games she has attended over the years. 

Oh, and he tried to tell me that he was going to drive home in the other car from St. Louis because it would be more fun.  Bully for fun.  I pulled the plug on that idea in a heartbeat.   I expect to see changes really fast.  Or else. 

I ordered 5 boxes and they polished two boxes
off since they were delivered Sunday.  And no
 one can throw away the box and the wrappers? 
Am I raising animals?  Maybe we
should send them to animal
 trainers in lieu of college.
In the meantime, I noticed last night between 5:00 volleyball, 7:00 my writers group, driving to and from Irish dancing 6:45-9:00 that two boxes of empty girl scout cookies were sitting on the island.  No one bothered to throw them away.  

Coach worked late.  Neither of us had a cookie (only because I can't).  We are refusing to toss the boxes in the trash.  We invited each kid to admit to eating the last cookie in either box and to apologize for leaving it out.  All we got was:  "Not me."   Times 4.  It is hard for me to clean up the kitchen and leave the boxes and wrappers sitting there, but I am holding out.  Damn it.

Curly aka my-own-personal Velcro was very happy to see me when I showed up to the school for her 5:00 game.  All hugs and kisses.  

I admitted to her later that night when I looked around the kitchen (that was not in horrible going-to-buy-ping-pong-table condition, mind you.  Just regular clean up stuff) that I wanted to go back to my hotel.  


Bibliomama said...

I will absolutely NOT say 'this is typical teenagers'. Angus would come upstairs, make himself something to eat while I sit at the table on the computer and do nothing and STILL thank me before leaving. I will say that I was miserably depressed for a while as a teenager, and while I was never this out-and-out rude, I was less than pleasant to live with for a while - I have no idea if this is relevant to you, just something to think about. I guess when you have six kids you get a very wide range of teen behaviour. I don't know how you manage all the sports stuff time-wise and financially - we struggled with just one kid in competitive stuff, and my husband has a very flexible work schedule. At least your Irish dancer is grateful for your sacrifices.

Ernie said...

Ali - I really think it is a case of having friends whose parents are more relaxed and finding us tough to deal with - um, rules. He is very busy - his choice. Working after school (slipped b-ball season) but will play volleyball next season. Used to be so good to his sister, but he is too cool for her and we are all ridiculous and embarrassing. Snarls at every food offered and prepared, unless it is deep fried and served in a bag thru a window. Calling after him as he heads out the door that he has to clean stuff up or else is not all that effective as it turns out. I have very few ways to punish him. I have suggested that he cannot work and sweep the floors at that warehouse (our friend's company) if he cannot pitch in here, but Coach folds every time saying that it is hard to schedule teenagers for work and then have them not show up. Ughhh!!!

Yes the sports juggling is literally a juggling act. I definitely drew the short straw having to go away this weekend but Mondays are too hard for Coach to take off. It was amazing to be alone for so much of the day in a hotel room but lots needs to be done at home ie laundry and that did not get done. Coach was very busy as Curly danced both Sat and Sun and Reg played in games and he taught religious ed and fed people. And apparently allowed them to open girl scout cookies!

Beth Cotell said...

So are the cookie boxes still out???

Kara said...

One terrible year, I was the Girl Scout Cookie Mom. My kids managed to eat a CASE of cookies. Yet no one ever had a single cookie that they told me about. This was a case above and beyond what was actually purchased for household consumption and I had to then buy the case from the existing stock. Never again. Oh, and we quit Girl Scouts too.

Busy Bee Suz said...

The birthday dinner sounds nice, but yeah it's nice to know what to expect. (dinner? Apps?)

I'm happy you had some nice alone time in the hotel to write, chill etc...

I'm totally blown away at Tanks' behavior. I'm wondering if something else is going on with him? That is just so unacceptable to speak to you like that; I can't even imagine. So, no, I won't say it's typical whatsoever.

I can't believe the GS cookie debacle. NOT one person will fess up? Crazy!

Ernie said...

Beth- the kids finished off the cookies Monday evening. This is now Wednesday after school and the boxes are STILL there. I am trting to embrace my new center piece.

Ernie said...

Kara - You could not pay me to be a Girl Scout mom leader, cookie mom, etc. I have signed on for some cray cray things in my day but that I kept my distance from. When Mini sold gs cookies, I organized them by family on the dining room table. When a family came to pick up, I noticed that we were shy a box. That’s when I realized my kids had gotten into the supply of cookies. So embarrassing to have to pay people back for the inventory they ate.

Ernie said...

Suz - I feel like the Tank issue started at some point and then became the new norm and as busy as we are we have just sidestepped it unintentionally. I think I might post about my suspicions on this, because I have a few theories. I am now ‘on it’ like white on rice.

The ‘who ate the last cookie’ nonsense could be never ending. I guess they probably don’t pay attention to whether or not they ate the last cookie during their feeding frenzies. This is a real thing here. Stuff it in and leave a mess and walk away. Another norm that we stumble upon after the fact and end up being dumbfounded by. The kids are all like ‘huh? Wasn’t me.’ Maybe I should load those boxes in a Waterford bowl from the dining room and place it on the kitchen table. Who am I kidding . . . They would NOT care!

Kari said...

Teenagers can be assholes. Sorry. I feel like with your ratio of kids (ie- you have a ton of them), one asshole teenager is a pretty good average, wouldn't you say?

I can't keep GS cookies in our home or I would eat through three boxes at a time.

Ernie said...

Kari- I get that it seems to be a self involved time. I just hate to see a kid who used to be so appreciative slip into this kind of nonsense.

Trust me- I am kinda relieved I cannot eat gs cookies. No self- control here. I mean considering that I don't think avoiding stuff that makes you vomit as self control.

Nicole MacPherson said...

Oh, ugh. No words of advice, just sympathy from me. I also cannot abide rude behaviour, so I can imagine how frustrated and disappointed you are - especially after everything you do for your family. I'm sorry :(

Ernie said...

Nicole - Thanks, Nicole. I appreciate it. I feel part to blame, like bad parenting seems to step in when life gets busy and things slip thru the cracks. Tank is currently feeling our focus big time. Last night both Coach and I were home vs racing off to drive kids places and we had a chat, made a plan, and had a pow wow with our 17 yr old offender so I hope to see things turn around soon.

BTW - I have been trying to read you last post for a few days. There was something up with your blog not loading. I assume you know that it happened, because before I responded it was up and running so I can check it out momentarily. Glad to see it got fixed!