February 3, 2020

chatty + epi = diarrhea of the mouth

In case you can't read this t-shirt that I
should have bought:  'I live in a madhouse
 run by a tiny army I made myself.'
 Of course my tiny army is far
 from tiny anymore.
Friends, I am a chatty, long-winded story-teller by nature.  In case you have not gathered that.  Add epinephrine to my makeup and guess what?  I TALK MORE. 

Not sure if that is normal, or a documented 'thing' but my chattiness explosion was not lost on Ann (my sister who is a nurse and insisted on stopping at the doc office to see me after my allergic reaction - in case you needed catching up).

I was explaining to Elle (lady I sit for who arrived at doc office to her Babykins that I was sitting for) that I think this was the 2nd scariest thing to ever happen to me.  It ranked it 2nd behind the time I lost 9 year old Reggie on the DC Metra.  That was horrifying.  

Then I jumped to a story about mistaken identity (I KNOW there was a segway, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was).  A friend I once worked with told me years ago that her sister in law joined the same pool we belong to.  The pool is where I lived in the summer when the kids were tiny.  Talk about a happy place!  Sister in law claimed to know me.  I was like 'REALLY?'  

Sister in law to my friend:  'I know who your old coworker is.  You told me she is pregnant, and I see her at the pool all the time.  She has a very attractive husband and she looks amazing.' 

My head was not in oven-mode back then (even though I had a bun in the oven, ha!), but holy cow this compliment started to go right to my head.  

Someone at the pool thinks I look amazing?  What?  Coach is really good looking?  I mean, I think so, but???
Another wall of hilarious sayings.  Maybe we should meet up in Grapevine, Texas for my 50th?   I night need to bring the one that says, 'Did I say that out loud?' to my next family get together.

Then came the next tidbit, but it happened later than the initial information.  Like my friend kept gathering other bread crumb clues to see if her sister in law ACTUALLY knew me . . . 

Sister in law to my friend THE NEXT WEEK:  'Yeah, for sure I know here.  Even though she is pregnant she still wears a bikini!'

Talk about instant deflation.  I. NEVER. WORE. A. BIKINI. WHILE. PREGNANT.  

Light-bulb moment.  I knew in an instant who Sister in law was talking about.  Another mom, with a handsome husband, was preggers and had no problem sporting a bikini.  Coach laughed his butt off, but I pointed out to him that he HAD BEEN fairly pumped to be fake-considered 'very handsome' by Sister in law.  I welcomed him to the lower rung of the ladder where we were both now hanging out.  Me in non-bikini pregnant shape and him in maybe-just-average looks condition.

Elle chuckled at this little over-share-in-the-doc-office anecdote that I am blaming on epinephrine, but really - I tend to gush with stories at just about any time.

Ann:  (she was still there, too)  "I am the quiet sister, Ernie on the other hand is ALWAYS talking!  She has a story for everything." 

Me:  "You can go now, Ann.  I am feeling fine.  Thanks for stopping by!"  (I said it tongue-in-cheek with a chuckle, but let's not pretend that I was not attempting to raise my middle finger that was sporting that pulse-ox thingy that the nurse stuck on me).   

When I got home, Mini shook her head.  "Your sister, Ann, called here.  She wanted us to know that you were going to be fine and that you COULDN'T stop talking.  She's so rude." 

I guess diarrhea of the mouth is

a) a good litmus test to be sure I am going to live, and

b) another reason to ponder whether or not I was indeed switched at birth


Kari said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard. Thank you for that. :)

Bibliomama said...

HA HA HA HA HA. When I went in for my entrance interview for my Master's degree, the Department chair spent a few moments talking about how impressed he was with my application. The first few things he mentioned were solid, but then he said "and the Latin and Greek!" and I was like, um.... yeah, it wasn't me. Good thing I don't tend to take myself terribly seriously.

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is hilarious. And you are hilarious. I've had a few scenarios in life where the story I was told about me, wasn't actually about me at all. It was funny and weird at the time. Also, I could not wear a bikini while pregnant either, so lets just all hate those women.

I'm not a big talker unless I'm with certain people, then I can go on and on like a chatty introvert. :)

Ernie said...

Kari - It was a hilarious, yet deflating moment. Cannot for the life of me think of why I felt compelled to share it during my allergy scare.

Ali - mistaken identity situations - funny, AND awkward. I once blogged about how a woman at Costco who I hadn't seen in years started calling up to me from the back of the line while I was checking out "you look so good!" My checker sorta snagged the compliment from the air thinking this woman from the back of the line was talking to her. Then she realized. Holy awkward.

Suz - Glad you enjoyed it. It was a cackle fest when we realized the truth about not being the supermodel couple this woman was describing. Being gorgeous was fun for me albeit brief. I ended up becoming good friends with the 'real' pregnant, bikini wearing beauty years later. Always knew her to say hi, but once our kids got a bit older they started hanging out together (they did not go to the same school). Anyway, she and I would save seats for one another at the pool and we would sit on loungers and talk for HOURS at the pool and laugh our butts off while her two boys played with my boys and her daughter hung with my 2 girls. It was a blast. She told me once that I was either the most organized person she ever met, or I was the most high functioning alcoholic ever. (Clearly unannounced visits to my home were off limits, thus the organized compliment). I assured her I rarely drank, because it made me fall asleep.

Now her daughter is a soph with Mini at the same high school. Her daughter thinks she is all-that and is a state tennis champ, so I guess she is all-that. All-that does not play on the school tennis team (Mini had never played before but she DOES play on the school tennis team) because it is beneath her. Sorta ticks Mini off because she could help her team. Anyway, All-that and Mini exchange pleasantries, but Mini does not have time for that kind of girl. The kid's metamorphosis was inevitable. They don't belong to our pool anymore, but I could bump into the mom and we could easily pick up right where we left off.

I did share the mistaken identity story with her one day and she about rolled off of her lounger laughing.

Nicole MacPherson said...

Hahahaha! Once a woman came up to me and said "How ARE you it's so good to SEE you" and I was like, um, yes? Nice to see you too? And then she started saying we should have lunch and have I seen Tara lately and I realized that she thought I was someone totally different but I CARRIED ON THE CONVERSATION LIKE WE KNEW EACH OTHER. I can only hope to never lay eyes on her again...

Ernie said...

Nicole - That is hilarious! Apparently I had a twin near where I grew up. Whenever I would attend my brothers' baseball games in the neighboring town someone would inevitably call me Mary. 'How's your mom, Mary?' It was nuts.