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November 18, 2019

age of innocence slipping away, 2 generations worth

Cannot bring myself to cover up this
 precious INNOCENT face to hide her
 true identity.  Face of an angel, or what?
Curly around age 3 or 4. 
Her hair is now 7 billion
times more curly.
I went into my drafts this afternoon, because I know I have a DMV story filed away that I am ready to share.  The DMV nightmare blew up in my face when I was still sharing my Vancouver triology (OK, so what's longer than a trilogy?).  I discovered this gem.  It is two parts.  You MUST tune in for the 2nd part because  it is downright hilarious.  This nugget hails from my youthful memories.  Oh, how I miss the days before I knew so much.  

I hemmed and hawed about it long enough.  I decided to buckle down and get it done.  Curly is in 5th grade, and it was time for me to outline ‘where babies come from’ for her.  Not my favorite parental duty, but with more boys in the mix than girls Coach ended up with more uncomfortable conversations than me.  I could hardly complain.

If memory serves, when I delivered ‘the talk’ to Mini I had notes.  A brochure.  Guidelines, if you will- to make sure I was covering the important points.  This time I had nothing.  Just a goal to get it done. 

I called Curly into my room where I could not stop fiddling with laundry piles on my bed.  Finally, I sat down and spilled the beans. 

Back when I was in 5th grade, a friend of mine came over to play.  She told me that her brother had informed her how a woman got pregnant.  We both assumed he was JOKING.  How could THAT be true?  

Later that night I told my older sister, Marie, who I shared a room with that my friend Michelle had told me something hilarious.  Marie was like, ‘What?  Tell me.  What’s so funny?’  I could not stop laughing long enough to spit it out.  Finally I told her what Michelle had told me.  Marie’s face went from laughing in anticipation of my funny story, to totally serious - in the fraction of a second.  Then she literally spun on her heel and marched out of our room to go tell Mom what I now knew. 

In that moment, I sat alone in my room - no longer laughing.  I pretended to be asleep when Marie returned.  Two things were troubling me.  First, Michelle’s info must have been true.  Damn, that sucked.  I already knew I wanted a big family, but not if you had to go about it THAT way!  Second, Marie telling Mom what I was laughing about was probably going to land me in a bit of trouble.

Fast forward to present day:  Curly took the news as well as can be expected.  I must admit that I felt like my delivery was better the second time around despite the fact that I had no references to glance over while I stumbled thru it.  I believe I sweated a lot less this time. 

Afterwards Coach asked how it went.  I told him that I assured her that if she was ever not interested in partaking in marital relations she could just feign itchiness.  Of course I didn’t really tell her that, but I decided for Coach's benefit to reference my  whole nasty fungal/yeast infection nonsense that I put up with recently.  

How were you told about the birds and the bees?  Or did you figure it out with helpful 'friends'?


13 comments:

  1. I got "the talk" at 10. Because my Mom was pregnant, and it was an opportune time to ask questions.

    With my kids, I've tried to have an open and honest dialog about bodies and sex since they were very young. Using age appropriate, but correct words. I really liked The Care and Keeping of You books, they were useful. They've known the biology of sex since they were 5 or 6 years old.

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  2. So many things to talk about.
    First, it's a fourlogy. I just made it up. But it works.

    Second, OMG SHE IS JUST SO PRECIOUS. I also want that hair .

    Third, I talked to Anna about "it" around this time and Ella had "the talk" in 4th grade because their generation is scarily advanced. It was less mortifying the second time around, so I imagine you are a pro by now. You should start a workshop or something.

    Headed to the other posts.....you had me at yeast infection.

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    1. Ha! As usual you crack me up. Read the 'pass the monistat' comment. Love. It.

      I will avoid a workshop on that topic, but thanks for the invite.

      Imagine what it is like to be a person with seriously thinning hair who constantly has fluff head under my nose - I often turn to the mirror and go, 'Why bother?' The kid raises the bar super high. I still have to blog about the haircut I have her in May. I am slightly behind in my blogging topics. I blame Vancouver and that airbnb - the story needed to be told, damn it!

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  3. My mother could barely talk to me about my period.
    also I let my kids find out about sex from the streets like A NORMAL PARENT, THANK YOU. :D

    Actually my daughter and I talked about everything many times because I was determined to be the opposite of my mother who left it up to health class to furnish that info, who of course NOWADAYS makes me cringe because every time a cooking show is on and they use miso she HAS to say MISO HORNY and OMG ALL THE NOOOOOO.

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    1. Too funny! My mom liked to try to get my sisters and I to debunk the shame of the period - or to be not so embarrassed by it, so while in the drug store and the teenage boy my age was working as a stock boy she purposefully walked up to him and asked him if he could see if they had anymore stayfree pads in the inventory in the back. I think that kind of behavior should be considered child abuse. I just wasn't ready. And - she referred to our period like so: 'Has your little red headed friend come for a visit?' How can you not feel negative after statements like that?

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  4. Ooooooh THE TALK. My mother did not talk to me about anything like that. I think I found out through sex ed at school and friends, but it's pretty fuzzy.

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    1. Oh wow - off the hooK! I wanted my chair to swallow me whole when my mom gave me the talk.

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  5. OEMGEEEE. I read about your itchy issues. I feel so bad for you and your parts. I can't believe it took you so long to get over it and I also can't believe that you showed your girls. YOU are so funny and a little crazy, but you knew that. :0
    I'm 52 and still waiting for the 'talk'.
    Considering both of my parents are gone, I think I'm on my own here.
    I'll just google it. LOL!!
    I never had the talk, but had an older brother who found my Dad's dirty magazines around my 12th year and showed me ALL the DISGUSTING pictures. (not just women, it was women and men in action)
    *ughhhhh*
    How about that for ruining ones innocence?
    I've been very open and forthcoming with my girls since they were about 13. Nothing was off topic. At 23 and 26, they come to me with stuff and are not embarassed to talk about any issues, sex, etc....having an open dialogue is the way to go.

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    1. Oh, and yes, that is ONE gorgeous little girl face right there!!

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    2. Oh NOOOO - you must have seen horrible images! That breaks my heart.

      I am glad your girls feel comfortable coming to you to chat about 'stuff'.

      Yes, the itching episode that was NOT a yeast infection was my own living Hell, and while on vacation. It crept a good four inches down my legs and looked like a sunburn while we were in Scotland - that sunburn upper thigh thing is what I showed my girls. Because WHO WOULD BELIEVE IT! Wearing skinny jeans every day while wanting to itch my skin off - not advisable.

      ah, yes sweet baby Curly. She looks at photos of her baby days and squeals 'I was so cute!' I keep telling her - you still are! She was a good girl, but when she misbehaved it was super hard to get mad at that face!

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  6. OMG, CUTIE. I can't really remember how I learned about sex - my mother was a nurse, but I remember cutting my finger badly once and her yelling "GO SHOW YOUR FATHER" so she was kind of useless with practical matters. We seem to have talked about sex stuff from day one around here - we are an open and kind of twisted family and there are virtually no taboo topics. And I am doubled over convulsively with sympathy pains for your skinny jeans fungal misery.

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    1. I am surprised at how many readers just learned without an official TALK! When Tank learned the facts of life, he asked Coach 'Wait how do you do that with your clothes on?' And then told Coach that it sounded like what preying mantis do, but afterward the female eats the male. I definitely dodged a bullet NOT trying to 'splain this to Tank.

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