October 23, 2019

cursed by a good sniffer, patience spent, public transportation HELL

I last left you as I stood helpless on bus with no air trapped with some SERIOUSLY AWFUL SMELLS.  I tried to figure out what or who it was, so I could strangle the perpetrator.  

I saw it.  A woman directly in front of me in the row of seats facing the center, took a crayon-like stick from her bag.  She colored clear, but SCENTED perfume-y stuff across her chest - into her cleavage, and then inhaled it.  Little did she know that the HORRID shit she was dousing herself in was only adding to the stench.  I actually corrected her.  

How do you share photos of dirty people and
bad smells?  You don't.  But here is another
 pic of my girls walking around
 on Granville Island.
‘Please don’t do that.  I am allergic to perfume.  You should not put that on in such a small space!’  Curly tensed up, and I turned to escape the awfulness and saw Mini’s eyes as big as they’ve ever been.  I don’t even think my kids minded that I was speaking up this time.  I attribute the shock on their faces to the putridness around us and how horrible this woman was for making it 50 times worse.  Oh, and Curly just reminded me that in the midst of all of this someone broke wind.  Farted.  Cut the cheese.  SERIOUSLY!

Someone on that bus was trying to kill us, and the memory of it has been burned into our minds (and nasal passages) forever.  When at last we arrived in the city, we hopped on an elevated train to get closer to our home-sweet-closet where we could sleep.  I sat in a seat near the door in one section and the rest of the family sat in a section on the other side of the doorway.  A woman about 10 inches away from me, who was standing, took out a bottle of hand sanitizer.  She poured a healthy amount in the palm of her hand and then clapped her hands together.  

I forgot to share this photo earlier.  Check
out this cute little guy - this is what Curly
 won in her dancing competition.  Not sure
 the photo does it justice.  Glass whale
with some colorful strips inside.
The hand sanitizer was scented.  As in OVERLY scented.  Of course.  It splattered.  EVERYWHERE.  Like a light spray actually landed on me.  I gasped loudly and blinked uncontrollably fearing that I might hurl my cafeteria style salad from hours ago onto this subway train.  My family rescued me.  Mini saw the whole thing go down, and she motioned for me to get over by them.  I stumbled across the moving train.  Mini switched from laughing her ass off to consoling me.  

The combination of motion sickness (boat, buses, train), lack of oxygen on the bus, perfume-y cleavage, gas, exhaustion, and now stink-a-rama hand sanitizer was TOO MUCH.  

In case you are wondering, I will not live down the imitation of me that my children gained that night.  It was not pretty. 


Busy Bee Suz said...

Ohhhh..the glass whale is adorable. *me trying to forget your horrendous, smelling travel day*
Did the purfume/cleavage woman respond to you?

Ernie said...

No she did not. Now sure if there was a language barrier or if she just decided to stay in her own little world. I do love the whale. My walk in closet houses many of the kids' awards from the big competitions. They have received cut glass vases and candlesticks, etc. Eddie was all about his vase, NOT. I stick them on shelves between sweaters and under hanging clothes. They all have little sticky notes so we know what competition they were from. If I left them on display in the house they would be broken in record time.