(to say I am excited that this post has a working video is an UNDERSTATEMENT, so I hope you check it out. It is Mini practicing fiddle for Ireland and it is 20 seconds long - stop it sooner if y ou want, but I am betting that you will want more)
The all-in family White Sox game that Marie apparently agreed to gift Dad for Dad's day would have been a no-brainer back in the day. Back in the day, as in: when I still cared. When I still jumped thru hoops. When I still thought spending time with my family was a first rate experience. Or when I thought it was an opportunity to try to fit in, to try to be accepted, to try to NOT be overlooked.
Yeah. The glory of getting old - I no longer anticipate any of those things happening in my lifetime.
Example 1: My sisters went to an Ed Sheern concert together - just the two of them - in the fall to celebrate Marie’s 50th birthday. I only became aware of their attendance at the concert when they posted it on Facebook. I guess my invite was lost in the mail. Or, they just failed to ask me. To clarify, I have zero interest in seeing Ed Sheehan in concert. Not the point.
Example 2: Marie lives in Milwaukee and Coach was taking a class up there in June, so Mini tagged along to hang with a favorite cousin. (Favorite cousin aka ‘Cool’ is sisters with a cousin who drops the name of her prestigious college multiple times in every sentence spoken. Literally. It nauseates Mini.) Mini is, on the other hand, crazy about Cool. When Mini returned from Milwaukee she told me that she witnessed Aunt Marie spend close to a thousand dollars on Aunt Ann’s birthday gift when they visited an art fair. That puts the little lazy $50 gift-card birthday exchange that my sisters and I gift one another in perspective, don’t ya think?
Example 3: Mom has call waiting. She absolutely cannot continue a conversation with me no matter how important, if a preferred sibling calls while we are on the phone. There is no ‘let me click over and tell them I will call right back.’ Ouch.
Example 4: Pat asked Mini to meet him at my folks house, which is near our house. He wanted to visit Mom and Dad before leaving town and he wanted to review tunes that Mini needs to be proficient in for the upcoming championship competition in Ireland. I drove Mini there and grabbed my camera so that I could share a few of our vacation photos. Mini went off to play tunes with her cousin. Pat and I sat on the couch and I showed Mom some pictures on my camera. I got the gnawing feeling that Pat was annoyed that I was infringing on his scheduled audience with my folks.
I realized a few years ago that Pat had a regular Sunday afternoon meetup at my parents' house, which has probably subsided as his kids schedules became busier. His leprechaun wife stayed home when he drove to see the parental unit. She got some alone time (as they say in Ireland, 'Fine for some!), and he brought his four kids over to visit with their grandparents. Mom made everyone lunch and the kids played for a few hours. Sound cozy? My family was never offered this kind of deal. Ever. Not even once. Nevermind weekly.
Knowing this setup, I felt uncomfortable last week when I dropped in - like I was taking up what I am sure they all assumed would be uninterrupted time with son-who-walks-on-water. After a bit, I left Mini there to practice and I went home. Pat dropped Mini at home later and then began badgering her to record her tunes and text them to him.
So, I think that sufficiently sums up why I could care less about the Sox game. On top of weird sibling relationships and enough parental ass-kissing to make me puke, it will be hot and I no longer care about baseball. Aug 10th happens to be our 23rd anniversary, but Coach will be out of town. I could do something fun, like meet up with a friend and enjoy a girl's night. (Kari - are you paying attention here?) ANYTHING BUT A SOX GAME WITH THESE PEOPLE.
I polled the children. The two youngest expressed an interest. Reg: 'only if certain cousin is going.' I can probably get them a ride with my folks or Uncle Mike (father of the certain cousin). I don't even think I will fudge an excuse about why I am not attending. 'I don't want to.' The end.
That's the best part of aging....no longer worrying about what other people think! I hope you can find something fun to do that night!
Amen. Even if it is time alone, I will embrace the Hell out of it!
I think you know what you need to do on August 10th. IT MEANS YOU NEED TO COME UP AND DO A GIRLS NIGHT.
When my parents were alive, there were times I felt like odd man out. I guess that's how it goes with big families, being one of seven. Mom died in 1990, suddenly. Several years later, my Dad said to me "Your Mom always said you would be fine...because you are the most independent of them all and never needed her as much as the others did." I like to think that she viewed me as strong and capable.
I see that in you. As you get older, it's even more evident in the things that you write.
Although I feel that I needed my Mom than as well as today, the fact that she thought that I was independent and had it goin' on if you will, gives me great comfort. Independent, strong and capable are good traits to have.
It's on!!! Email me details. Um, are you getting the date- my anniversary? 23 years later. Did you watch the video of Mini playing fiddle? Sweet, right?
Oops! forgot to say...your daughter plays beautifully and I wish the clip was longer! Such a talented young lady!
You definitely nailed it, Cheryl! My sisters are definitely more dependent on my folks. Part of me is flattered, because I do think they recognize that I do not need them as much. Unfortunately it is hard to not feel overlooked when I see how they are more involved with my sisters and one brother (who is only dependent on them as far as they worship him and who would turn away from that?). Chip, the therapist I see here and there, believes that my independence contributes to their 'oh, she's fine' approach. I feel similarly as you- I still feel the need for my mom and at times my dad to be more engaged with me. I love big families, but sometimes their structure leaves much to be desired.
Hey, thanks, Cheryl. Mini thought I was weird for videoing her for my blog so I agreed to keep it short. I have tried to attach videos before and they have not worked. I am glad this one worked. I love listening to her play and I wish my brother would lay off a bit.
Yes, that is my plan. I used to operate very differently and would find myself frustrated.
LOVE the video! She's so talented!!
The family issues are so foreign to me. I was one of two kids and he passed away in 1990, then my Dad in 1993. It was just my Mom and I (a few aunts/uncles) until a few years ago and now I'm an orphan. :( I've always heard that larger families do a issues. My MIL (the young one, not Coach's mom) comes from a large catholic/irish family. I love my MIL, but they have the most messed up family dynamics that I've ever witnessed. It's bizarre to me!! I agree though, you're at an age where you do whats good for you and your husband/kids.
I'm sorry that your family ... is the way it is, I guess is how to say it. But I think you're absolutely right to not do the game, and not worry about what they might think of why not. Just say no! Do more of what makes you feel good, less of what makes you feel bad, whenever you can. And happy anniversary-to-come!
Thanks - I thought I would show a video of her (so flipping happy I figured out how to get it to show on here!) so you can grasp how nutty my bro is being. Settle down already!
I am so sorry that you lost your brother at such a young age, and your mom. And now your dad. That breaks my heart. I love my family, but I think I do better with distance. Feeling like I am intruding when Pat is at my folks' house is a lousy ass feeling. My former self would have stayed just to be stubborn (I have mentioned I am Irish, right?), but letting them all fall over each other while I go about the things that bring me joy is a smarter choice. I have a friend who is the only other person I have ever met that has a similar family dynamic as mine. Big. Irish. When her dad died, her sister texted the other siblings to say that dad loved her the most. I do not think Marie would do that, but it she behaves in a way that is implied. I hope and pray that my kids don't feel like left out over looked someday. As the middle child survivor of my own weird childhood, I try REALLY hard to make them all feel important.
Thanks for the anniversary wishes. I am heading to Greenville, SC with him this weekend so I guess we will celebrate then. Greenville seemed like a more enjoyable destination than the 10th. I have not heard back from any of them about whether or not they have decided to go to that game or not. I honestly do not feel a bit bad about turning it down. Been there, done that!
OMG, that's right! We really should meet on that date....
Yes, she is adorable! She will fit right in at MJ Hoban's. :)
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