July 18, 2019

PASS the popcorn, I will NOT sit next to _____, & oh, Mommy made a funny

At gate.  Tank trying to force Reg
 to hand over more of the coveted kernels.

The day we were leaving Vancouver I saw a text pop up, but I didn’t read it.  It might have been just as I was switching to airplane mode. In all honesty, it might have been when I was trying to keep my (almost grown) children from killing one another over the food that we were passing around at the gate.  We had been ‘enjoying’ food that I packed on the trip and some items we generously picked up at the pricey downtown grocery stores to fill in the gaps. Before getting on the plane we were feasting (OK - fighting) over what was left.  

The white cheddar popcorn bag from the local rip-off grocery was a very popular selection.  My people can inhale a costly bag of snack food, such as white cheddar popcorn, in under an hour.  Rationing is mandatory.  Unbeknownst to us, we might be raising future competitive eaters.  Feeling proud.

Anyway, this was my second bag bought on the trip.  We cannot rely on the honor system or manners when it comes to food.  That system might work for well-bred children, but for us it is almost always going to lead to bloodshed. 

Other passengers at our gate tried to sit and read or eat their purchased fast-food in a civilized way.  They were in awe of the animals that we were permitted to bring thru customs without cages.  Most of these people tried to avert their eyes or pretend to be unaware.  I saw the looks.  I felt the judgement.  To be clear, I was offering more than popcorn.  There were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- enough that I could not give the extras away.  We also had apples and peanut butter, and a pile of various protein or granola bars.  It was the desperation for popcorn that almost went to blows.  

 Wonders never cease -
one isle of just us
(with 2 seats behind this
row too).
 without any disputes.  

Maybe we should
just keep them 

in seat-belts more often.
So, that was a long way of saying I wasn’t overly tuned into text messages while traveling.  Don’t get me started on the discussion about who was going to get the two coveted isle seats allotted to us and who would get to sit next to so and so, and who would be stuck sitting next to so and so.  Let’s make this fun:  any guesses on who the so and so peeps were?  Who in my fam would you NOT want to sit next to?  

An elderly couple became wedged between some of our family members - our clan was divided by those of us who found our boarding passes and those that took some time to located theirs.  So while we were in the gangplank tunnel thingy people walk thru to enter the plane, seat selection conversation became louder and more argumentative with every step.  The tunnel was backed up, so progress was slow.  Fortunately, Gram and Gramps found the abrasive dialogue entertaining.  Eventually I turned to them and informed them that they shouldn’t worry.  Next year we plan to drive to Yellowstone, so all of this plane boarding would be avoided.  

Behind them my monkey-ass comedian sons (Tank, Ed, and Lad) quietly feigned laughter and displayed doubled-over posture at my little ‘ha ha’ moment with the old folks.  They turned to one another and swatted at each other and cupped their hand in front of their mouths like older ladies do when they are dismayed.  They acted as if they just could not stand the funny I had made.  They are a regular kick in the pants.  

My mind processed the following thought:  Mockery of this sort will be remembered.  Good luck getting me to spring for white cheddar popcorn again.

OK, so I never described the annoying text message that I initially ignored- but this tale clearly needed to be told. 


Kari said...

My kids fight over food at the gate too. I wonder if it's a "thing"; food-induced gate fighting. I feel like I need to research this.

Also, my mom just lent me the book that is on your lap; the Crawdad book. She said it was SO good. I need to start reading it but I never get motivated because of social media.

Ernie said...

You would think my children had never been offered actual food before - like we had kept them all in cages. I have the grocery bills to prove that is not true.

That is Mini's lap. She read that book on the trip. My sister lent it to her. The first book she read on the trip she was totally obsessed with and finished it in under 2 days. I think it is called 'The Girl in the Blue Coat.' I only read in the summer, but my first book of the summer is not grabbing my attention, so I am off to a slow start. It will be featured in an upcoming post because of a strange wardrobe connection between boring book and my travel attire.

Marie Smith said...

Sometimes ignoring a text is the best thing to do!

Saimi said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog! You know, I too am the middle of five kids. Older brother and sister, younger brothers that are more like twins. You are a busy mama raising 6 kids, wow! We stopped at three, all boys. Feeding them was like feeding an army. Costco was my main store. It's become quite a thing to travel with 'service dogs' meaning they don't need to be in crates. I'm not against anyone who is in actual need of a service animal, but I also think some people take advantage of the system. I've seen lots of dogs in airports. I hope you make it to Yellowstone, it's quite the place and worth the trip.

Ernie said...

Hate it when I do that - but I responded to your comment with a new comment not a reply. Sorry. Summer is distracting. I have my reasons. 6 of them.

Ernie said...

So true!

Ernie said...

Middle of 5 - you must be tough as nails. (wink, wink). Eddie just had his wisdom teeth pulled, so I ran to the store and bought him mushy food. I bought a Stouffers frozen lasagna. He cooked it tonight and he laughed (despite the pain it caused him) when he noted that they called this tiny thing a 'family size.' Yes, we hope to make Yellowstone next year. We had great reservations this year but they ended up interfering with too many other things the kids had going on. I made my reservations for earlier - mid to late June. We went 10 years ago - our favorite national park to date and we have been to a handful. Thanks for reading!

Ernie said...

Ugh. I did it again- replied to your oost with a comment. See below.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I'm laughing at the eating/fighting/discussing.
You should start charging onlookers for this type of entertainment.

Ernie said...

Coach's office manager (who left a year ago to get a better job, but who was like family) used to say that she wanted a live feed of our vacations. This is the stuff she was looking for. I told her we cannot get a reality series, despite having the perfect last name for it - because they would have to beep out every other word (out of my mouth - that was implied).