PASS the popcorn, I will NOT sit next to _____, & oh, Mommy made a funny

At gate.  Tank trying to force Reg
 to hand over more of the coveted kernels.

The day we were leaving Vancouver I saw a text pop up, but I didn’t read it.  It might have been just as I was switching to airplane mode. In all honesty, it might have been when I was trying to keep my (almost grown) children from killing one another over the food that we were passing around at the gate.  We had been ‘enjoying’ food that I packed on the trip and some items we generously picked up at the pricey downtown grocery stores to fill in the gaps. Before getting on the plane we were feasting (OK - fighting) over what was left.  

The white cheddar popcorn bag from the local rip-off grocery was a very popular selection.  My people can inhale a costly bag of snack food, such as white cheddar popcorn, in under an hour.  Rationing is mandatory.  Unbeknownst to us, we might be raising future competitive eaters.  Feeling proud.

Anyway, this was my second bag bought on the trip.  We cannot rely on the honor system or manners when it comes to food.  That system might work for well-bred children, but for us it is almost always going to lead to bloodshed. 

Other passengers at our gate tried to sit and read or eat their purchased fast-food in a civilized way.  They were in awe of the animals that we were permitted to bring thru customs without cages.  Most of these people tried to avert their eyes or pretend to be unaware.  I saw the looks.  I felt the judgement.  To be clear, I was offering more than popcorn.  There were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- enough that I could not give the extras away.  We also had apples and peanut butter, and a pile of various protein or granola bars.  It was the desperation for popcorn that almost went to blows.  

 Wonders never cease -
one isle of just us
(with 2 seats behind this
row too).
 Shenanigans
 without any disputes.  
Maybe we should
just keep them 
in seat-belts more often.

So, that was a long way of saying I wasn’t overly tuned into text messages while traveling.  Don’t get me started on the discussion about who was going to get the two coveted isle seats allotted to us and who would get to sit next to so and so, and who would be stuck sitting next to so and so.  Let’s make this fun:  any guesses on who the so and so peeps were?  Who in my fam would you NOT want to sit next to?  

An elderly couple became wedged between some of our family members - our clan was divided by those of us who found our boarding passes and those that took some time to located theirs.  So while we were in the gangplank tunnel thingy people walk thru to enter the plane, seat selection conversation became louder and more argumentative with every step.  The tunnel was backed up, so progress was slow.  Fortunately, Gram and Gramps found the abrasive dialogue entertaining.  Eventually I turned to them and informed them that they shouldn’t worry.  Next year we plan to drive to Yellowstone, so all of this plane boarding would be avoided.  

Behind them my monkey-ass comedian sons (Tank, Ed, and Lad) quietly feigned laughter and displayed doubled-over posture at my little ‘ha ha’ moment with the old folks.  They turned to one another and swatted at each other and cupped their hand in front of their mouths like older ladies do when they are dismayed.  They acted as if they just could not stand the funny I had made.  They are a regular kick in the pants.  

My mind processed the following thought:  Mockery of this sort will be remembered.  Good luck getting me to spring for white cheddar popcorn again.

OK, so I never described the annoying text message that I initially ignored- but this tale clearly needed to be told.