A few
hours before Ed’s grad party the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone
- yet. I answered the door to a
heavyset, sweating, bald man. He looked at me like I should have been
anticipated his arrival. I just raised
my eyebrows, like: ‘Yes?’
‘Hello
Kitty?’ He asked me. In all
seriousness. He spoke those two words in a questioning tone.
Nothing
could have been more unpredictable to me unless maybe if he said, ‘Go ahead and
rub my head for good luck.’ I needed some luck at that point because we
were expecting just shy of 100 peeps and the weather was promising to punish me
for something, even though I cannot ever recall pissing off the weather and
deserving a forecast that was like 50%, 60%, 70% chance of rain -increasing
every hour as the party time drew closer.
I did NOT
rub his head, or supply him with any Hello Kitty products. I did point
out to him that the house right across the street from us has the same house
number as ours. (The ultimate in stupid when planning a neighborhood, if.
you ask me - place a house on the corner of a culdesac with the driveway facing
the perpendicular street and then assign it the same number as the house
directly across the street).
So I should have made the writing on the mailbox larger. My
address: 1614 Positively Awesome Ave. - on the culdesac. Across
the street: Mary Ann's house 1614 Poop Street. See how our houses
are situated. Nuts, right?
|
So, maybe
he was looking for my buddy Mary Ann’s house? Yep, she’s the sweetheart
who is anti-carpool, who asked me to sew her kid’s sweatshirt, and who once
pumped a then 4 yr old Mini for reasons why Lad might not like her family.
She’s the
one I am delighted to share a house number with. Don’t get me started on
her college kid’s Wall Street Journal landing on our driveway each day
one summer and how well Ms. Pleasant Pants tolerated that one.
I never
found out if he got the Hello Kitty stuff he was trying to buy from some
hee-haw who gave him the wrong address. I was too focused on getting
ready for the party. In fact, I was so
busy that I suppressed the Hello Kitty memory until much later.
I promise
you that I did not rub his head, but the rain during the party was
minimal- kids of all ages played outside
- volleyball, bags, basketball. Phew.
In case
you were wondering, we did not invite Mary Ann.
8 comments:
I’ve never heard of two houses across from each other with the same number. Poor planning indeed!
I really REALLY want to live on Poop Street even if Mary Ann is my neighbor.
I am also concerned that there is a sweaty man looking for Hello Kitty goods in your neck of the woods.
Shiver.
No kidding! My house technically faces the culdesac, but my garage and my mailbox are across the freaking street from her house and mailbox. Just last week she texted me to ask if perhaps we had a book delived from Amazon. I DID have a book delivered from Amazon. I opened it and put it on my island with a note: 'who ordered this?' Lad has his own Amazon account. Wasn't sure if a kid needed it for school. Then Ed got his wisdom teeth out and shit hit the fan with Lad and the place was more up for grabs than usual. So, embarrassed me texted back 'um, yeah we have your book.' Sigh. At least I never asked her to sew my kid's hoodie sweatshirt.
Ha! Seriously - how BAZAAR? One of those things that I cannot make up. Initially I was worried that it was a guest arriving early. 'Hi! We're here . . . (trailing off with astonished looks on faces) . . . oh, what the, why are you dressed like that? Why does your house look like this? Good lord! Do you really live like pigs and just clean up when expecting company?! Wow! We had no idea things were this GROSS over here . . .' Picture me sitting in a fetal position unshowered rocking back and forth while nodding and whispering thru tears, 'yes, yes we do! Our secret it out.' So maybe Poop Street for more than one reason. Ha. Come on down and I will show you around, just not unannounced - PLEASE!
I would prefer the sweaty Hello Kitty seeker is my point!
An older guy looking for Hello Kitty? I'm thinking that Mary Ann on Poop street has a side gig playing Hello Kitty in some sort of old man/japanese/Ms. Pleasant Pants scenario.
And that ain't pretty.
I love the way you think! Hilarious!!! This guy ringing my bell was so random, I was like 'Huh?!'
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