A few hours before Ed’s grad party the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone - yet. I answered the door to a heavyset, sweating, bald man. He looked at me like I should have been anticipated his arrival. I just raised my eyebrows, like: ‘Yes?’
‘Hello Kitty?’ He asked me. In all seriousness. He spoke those two words in a questioning tone.
Nothing could have been more unpredictable to me unless maybe if he said, ‘Go ahead and rub my head for good luck.’ I needed some luck at that point because we were expecting just shy of 100 peeps and the weather was promising to punish me for something, even though I cannot ever recall pissing off the weather and deserving a forecast that was like 50%, 60%, 70% chance of rain -increasing every hour as the party time drew closer.
I did NOT rub his head, or supply him with any Hello Kitty products. I did point out to him that the house right across the street from us has the same house number as ours. (The ultimate in stupid when planning a neighborhood, if. you ask me - place a house on the corner of a culdesac with the driveway facing the perpendicular street and then assign it the same number as the house directly across the street).
So I should have made the writing on the mailbox larger. My address: 1614 Positively Awesome Ave. - on the culdesac. Across the street: Mary Ann's house 1614 Poop Street. See how our houses are situated. Nuts, right?
So, maybe he was looking for my buddy Mary Ann’s house? Yep, she’s the sweetheart who is anti-carpool, who asked me to sew her kid’s sweatshirt, and who once pumped a then 4 yr old Mini for reasons why Lad might not like her family.
She’s the one I am delighted to share a house number with. Don’t get me started on her college kid’s Wall Street Journal landing on our driveway each day one summer and how well Ms. Pleasant Pants tolerated that one.
I never found out if he got the Hello Kitty stuff he was trying to buy from some hee-haw who gave him the wrong address. I was too focused on getting ready for the party. In fact, I was so busy that I suppressed the Hello Kitty memory until much later.
I promise you that I did not rub his head, but the rain during the party was minimal- kids of all ages played outside - volleyball, bags, basketball. Phew.
In case you were wondering, we did not invite Mary Ann.
I’ve never heard of two houses across from each other with the same number. Poor planning indeed!
I really REALLY want to live on Poop Street even if Mary Ann is my neighbor.
I am also concerned that there is a sweaty man looking for Hello Kitty goods in your neck of the woods.
No kidding! My house technically faces the culdesac, but my garage and my mailbox are across the freaking street from her house and mailbox. Just last week she texted me to ask if perhaps we had a book delived from Amazon. I DID have a book delivered from Amazon. I opened it and put it on my island with a note: 'who ordered this?' Lad has his own Amazon account. Wasn't sure if a kid needed it for school. Then Ed got his wisdom teeth out and shit hit the fan with Lad and the place was more up for grabs than usual. So, embarrassed me texted back 'um, yeah we have your book.' Sigh. At least I never asked her to sew my kid's hoodie sweatshirt.
Ha! Seriously - how BAZAAR? One of those things that I cannot make up. Initially I was worried that it was a guest arriving early. 'Hi! We're here . . . (trailing off with astonished looks on faces) . . . oh, what the, why are you dressed like that? Why does your house look like this? Good lord! Do you really live like pigs and just clean up when expecting company?! Wow! We had no idea things were this GROSS over here . . .' Picture me sitting in a fetal position unshowered rocking back and forth while nodding and whispering thru tears, 'yes, yes we do! Our secret it out.' So maybe Poop Street for more than one reason. Ha. Come on down and I will show you around, just not unannounced - PLEASE!
I would prefer the sweaty Hello Kitty seeker is my point!
An older guy looking for Hello Kitty? I'm thinking that Mary Ann on Poop street has a side gig playing Hello Kitty in some sort of old man/japanese/Ms. Pleasant Pants scenario.
And that ain't pretty.
I love the way you think! Hilarious!!! This guy ringing my bell was so random, I was like 'Huh?!'
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