July 24, 2019

gift gone wrong: Did you read it, or remember it, or MENTION it? Sigh

Coach and Eddie convinced me that Dad WOULD really like the stories regardless of what he said about only wanting them if I emailed him a copy.  The man is not a monster, but just short on thoughtful usage of the English language. And an inability to consider people’s feelings. I guess.

So, a few weeks later: 'Merry Christmas.  Here’s the stories you said you didn’t want.  Enjoy!' Dad reads constantly.  These 39 pages were an afternoon project.  No biggie.

Cover of the book Dad gifted each
 family member Christmas 2017.
I waited.  Months flew by and he made no mention of ‘the gift’, which sure as shit beat the book he produced the year before that ruined Christmas, remember?  Simultaneous groan from readers.  

So, just before Father’s Day I finally casually brought it up.

Me:  Dad, did you ever read what I gave you for Christmas?  

Dad:  Oh, I don't know.  Maybe. I read so much.  What book was it? Remind me.  

Me:  Dad, it wasn’t a published book.  It was stories that I wrote. Remember?

Dad:  Oh. Yeah.  I think I read that.

This is the note that I included in the bound copy
I have him for Christmas.  I taped little photos to
 go along with the stories about Joey's family and
ours, because I know how to freeze frame pictures
 from video footage, etc.  This is not much of a picture
because it is just more copy.  Don't worry if you don't
 read it, it just basically says:  Hey, you said you didn't
 want to read something that I wrote but
I think you will enjoy this.
To clarify, Dad is not suffering from dementia. He has not lost his memory. I unerstand he might not remember what book I have him for Christmas, because each Christmas he puts together a book-wish-list and requests that people shop off of that. My gift was not on that list.

So, here is my question for you, what’s worse:  

the fact that he read it and didn’t remember reading it,

the fact that he read it and didn’t call me or mention it in person (my folks live within walking distance to us and we see them almost weekly at Church), 

or the fact that he did not even remember that I gave him something that I personally wrote and was a bit fuzzy on whether or not he read it? Remember these were light-hearted, sweet, funny memories. I was not asking him to read some complicated novel with multiple characters.

Or am I just a fool for giving him something that he said he didn't want because it couldn't be attached to an email? Maybe this means he wanted to read two pages or less attached to an email. He has loads of time on his hands, and reading is his favorite past time, so mind-blown over here.

Now about that flipping White Sox game that Marie promised to gift Dad for Father's Day . . .


Kari said...

I went on a raving lunatic commenting spree on your blog today. I apologize for all of the reading you will have to do. :)

Ernie said...

Bring it! I am looking forward to what you had to say, and I am worried about how far back you went, like is is cringe worthy - the old, super long text, no pictures stuff? Or did you decide to become acquainted with when I lost my drivers license for excess of speeding tickets?

Busy Bee Suz said...

I don't know what's worse. From an're both making me feel slightly uncomfortable with all the 'read this, no, read this'. LOL.
His book (I went back and looked) was kind of bizarre to me. I have a feeling he just doesn't know how to communicate very well? Maybe?

Ernie said...

I would agree that his communication skills lack. He does not always THINK about how what he says will be received. He once took Lad to a ND alumni dinner downtown. It was supposed to be special time. Lad was in about 7th or 8th grade. Totally backfired when my dad assured him he could not get into Notre Dame. Even if he was right, telling him that RIGHT THEN hurt like Hell. Coach and I were anxious to see Lad come home excited about this big kid thing he got to do with his grandpa. Instead: totally deflated. My dad's book was supposed to be his life story for posterity, but he favors certain offspring and that was evident.

Beth Cotell said...

Maybe the stories and the gift really touched your dad but he doesn't have the communication skills to tell you without getting emotional and maybe he doesn't want you to see him that way?

Or maybe he is just an a$$?

Ernie said...

He definitely did not feel so touched that he couldn't speak about it. that made me laugh though. I am trying to track it up to old age, but so many previous oversights it is hard to do that. It is hard because he won't be here forever. I wish I could just ignore it, but that just doesn't seem to be in my makeup.